title explained

Onward and upward! something that you say in order to encourage someone to forget an unpleasant experience or failure and to think about the future instead and move forward.

My e-mail: jjmiller6213@comcast.net

Wednesday, February 17, 2016

Pain In The Neck!

Dar came over kind of late last night--well, after dark anyway.  I know I missed Jeopardy because she was here.

Her son has a job and she has found an alternative school for her grandson to finish up and get his GED and for the 14 year old girl to get placed.  The grand daughter as consented to go!!!  But she doesn't go to sleep until 3 or 4:00 am and doesn't get up until around 1:00 pm, so how she is going to manage school is beyond me.

Dar was griping that she was going to have to take the dog to get trimmed, washed and it's nails cut.  It sheds and she is having a hissy fit.  Also, her son, has his wife's ashes in a beautiful urn and he carries them into the living room when he is in there and the bathroom and his bedroom.  He even puts them on the supper table between him and the kids.

Dar told him he couldn't do that anymore.  He wants to get pendant necklaces for the kids and put some of their Mother's ashes in each one.  Dar is having a fit about that too.  "That will mean their Mother is still controlling them!" she said.

I think what really surprised me and made me snap at her, she told her son and both kids that it is time for them to "get over it and move on."

"Get over what?"  I asked.

"Their Mother's death!  It is ridiculous how my son and those kids still talk about her all the time.  It's like she is still in their lives!"

"How long has she been gone?"

"Six weeks!  And they still go on and on."



"Six weeks?  That's nothing!  They are just now starting to realize the truth.  They probably, at times, think she is coming back!  They are still in a fog.  They've moved twice in that time.  It's a wonder they can think clearly enough to do anything!"

"Well how long is it going to take them?  I can't stand to look at their blank faces much longer!"

"It is going to take them nine months to a year before they quit thinking about her every day.  Then, the second year is going to be even harder because that's when reality sets in."

"Oh...that's ridiculous!"

"Haven't you ever had someone close to you die?"

"My Mother.  But we weren't speaking at the time and she was way out in Arizona and I didn't go to her funeral."

"You just wait until your Father dies!  Then you'll see how it feels.  You'll grieve him for months and months and years!  You need to be more understanding to your son and those kids.  You are being cruel to them!"

"Well, I just want them to get on their feet and get out of my house!"

"I'm sure they do too."
I woke up this morning with the most terrific ache/pain in my left trapezius muscle.  I couldn't turn my neck to the left at all.  I couldn't lift anything with my left hand/arm.  The pain went from the base of my skull, into my neck where the bad disks are, across that muscle and down into my shoulder, shoulder blade and arm.

I have an appointment with my Chiropractor tomorrow at 2:30pm!!

I think it was a result of carrying 5 gallon jugs of water for the humidifier, out of my trunk, up the steps and into the house and a couple other bags of heavy stuff.  John scolded me and told me I should have called him to do it.

Or it could be Dar caused the pain in my neck.  I was upset when she left and had a hard time getting to sleep.  Probably slept all tensed up all night.

Good Grief!  She is a demanding, bossy, critical, nasty woman!!  

Not a compassionate bone in her body!  

I just want to slap her!!!


  1. Wow, I'm glad you set Dar straight about mourning a spouse and mother! By the way, I have a locket with ashes in it and it was a great comfort in the first year or two. Controlling???? What a weird thing to say about a remembrance! She truly doesn't have any compassion or understanding in her soul. Glad the guy found a job and the kids will be going to school. Maybe they aren't the losers she was painting them to be before.

  2. I've had the same problem with my trapezius muscle after sleeping the "wrong" way, but Dar is probably your pain in the neck. :) It's hard to believe she can't find a little sympathy for her son and grands. What a mess she is.

  3. Yep, wouldn't be surprised if it was Dar's visit that caused that pain in your neck. Every time I am under stress my neck hurts like crazy!

  4. Oh, I hope the chiropractor can help you, Judy.

    Six weeks is such a short time in the grieving process. You're right, and I think the relationship between those who have passed and the ones left makes a lot of difference also. I'm not too surprised about the ashes but Lord have mercy, at the dinner table? No. I wouldn't be able to eat.


  5. Good golly she is insensitive. Maybe you could talk about the widows you KNOW and how long it has been for us. Almost three years for me ... and I didn't have school age children. Kate has intense days of grieving still. Thank goodness she has a Mom who listens ... and I don't say "just give it time, it will be okay". Because it is GRIEF. Now I feel bad for her son and family ... I tend to agree with Jean ... maybe it's NOT them, it's Dar. As for the night owl, some people are just born that way. They have to make do to fit into society somewhat, but they manage. Kate is a night owl. Found a job where she doesn't start until 10am and that is often a struggle. Maybe she will grow up to be an ER doctor working nights!!!

  6. OMGOODNESS! I'd hate to know what she thought of me- our Mom has been gone 5 years, 4 months, and 4 days and sometimes I still can't breathe because I miss her so. Thank you for telling her how it really is!

    It's 60+ degrees here in Covington Tn. today! Wowzie!!

  7. Ouch....on the neck and shoulder pain. Sure hope the chiropractor can give you some relief.
    I would say that Dar greatly contributed to the neck issue. So sad that she has such an attitude. Sorry you have to be the sounding board.

  8. Girl, be careful! Neck pain is so all-consuming. I hope you get relief soon. xoxo