title explained

Onward and upward! something that you say in order to encourage someone to forget an unpleasant experience or failure and to think about the future instead and move forward.

My e-mail: jjmiller6213@comcast.net

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Wednesday, December 30, 2014--the 6th Day of Christmas

It’s the 6th day of Christmas,
I see six Geese making nests.
I hate those dang things,
They make such a mess!

Tuesday--5th day of Christmas

It’s the 5th day of Christmas,
Ah ha, five golden rings!
I'll take them up to the jeweler,
See how much cash they’ll bring.

Monday, December 29, 2014


It’s the 4th day of Christmas,
I hear four Blackbirds loudly calling.
I wished they'd fly away,
Their noise is galling.

Saturday, December 27, 2014

On The Second & Third Day of Christmas.................

It’s the 2nd day of Christmas,
I see two Turtle Doves.
Who shat on my car,
As they flew high above.

It’s the 3rd day of Christmas,
Three French Hens being proper.
By dusk they’ll be two,
I’m having one for supper.

to be continued for the next 10 days...

Friday, December 26, 2014

Christmas Decoratiosn--BEGONE!

A poem to be continued for the next 12 days:

It’s the first day of Christmas,
And what do I see?
A dang Partridge sitting up high,
In my leafless Maple tree.


You all know how excited I was that Jennifer and the kids were coming to our family Christmas Eve.  I think I also mentioned that I was going in with no expectations.  I would greet her and the kids the same way I greet any of my other children/grandchildren.  But I gotta tell you, all the way up to The Farm, in the grey, rainy weather, I had a big smile on my face.

My brother-in-law hauled all my stuff in and my sister greeted me with, "Jen and the kids aren't coming.  Evan got Norovirus from his grandma on the cruise and now Elise has it."  My heart hit the slate floor and then she said, "Oh, and Pammie has been with them all week and she is afraid she might be carrying it, so...she isn't coming either."  I wanted to just fall on the slate entryway floor and scream and cry and throw one of those kinds of tantrums I used to throw when I was three!

Pam did come up with her gifts for us, but she had on a mask and dropped the gifts off and left.

Then Karen and Mark arrived with their kids and brought the gifts Jennifer had for us and her planned dish of Deviled Eggs.  (I did not eat any of the eggs from the Norovirus infested home!)

I really tried to be cheerful and I think I fooled everyone that was there.    We all sang carols, while Susan played the piano--like we always used to when our Mother was alive and then Chuck showed us a video he had made of Christmas 1999--when Karen's kids were young.  

My son Mark and his partner, Cindy

Karen & Mark  

Karen's Kids and my Plus One (grandson in-law)

My nephew Adam and his wife and Kate.
At 3:30, Karen & Mark and the kids had to leave to make it 4:30 Mass, it was getting dark and I wanted to start home too.  I was also so worn out and tired I felt like I was getting sick.

I was still so upset so, I stopped at Pammie's on the way home because I wanted to see her open one particular gift from me--the photo collage I had done of her farm--from 1922 on.   We got to talking and griping and I felt better when I left at 5:00.

Of course, it was already dark.  I do not see well enough to drive very well after dark and my parting words to Pammie were, "Well, I'll probably crash into a tree and die on the way home, but I don't care!  I'll never see you again, so I want you to know that I love you!"

She laughed as I ran through the downpour to my car.  She had no idea that, at that time, I really thought crashing into a tree and dying would be a perfect end to Christmas Eve 2014.

I was a very difficult drive!  Every car I met--their headlights, glaring off the wet dark pavement, the rain pouring down, blinding me.  I decided to drive the last 10 miles home the back way--knowing it would be better than having to look at oncoming traffic.

I no more than got in the door and the phone rang.  It was Pammie.  "I called fifteen minutes ago and you didn't answer and I got a bit worried that you might have crashed into a tree. "

"It was a bad drive, but I made it.  Took me about twenty minutes longer than normal.  No, I'm not dead--darn it."

"Love you, Momma.  Merry Christmas."

"Bah!  Humbug!"

I couldn't sleep and finally at 1:00 am, I got up and sat in my chair and just cried and cried.  When they move to NJ, I probably will never have another Christmas with Jen and her family!

Then, I cursed myself of being TOO excited and feeling such anticipation of such a wonderful time.  When will I learn that NOTHING turns out the way I'd like anymore!  
I woke up around 10:00 Christmas morning and felt like someone had beat me up.  Karen had invited me to come down to their house for dinner, at 3:30.  Her in-laws were going to be there for their Christmas.

I had promised her kids, the night before, that I would see them on Christmas day, so down I went.  We had a nice turkey, stuffing, potatoes kind of dinner--the Thanksgiving turkey dinner I had missed out on.

They were wanting to have their "tree", so we took some pictures and I was home by 5:00.  Perfect!


Woke up this morning, feeling a lot better, but not in the mood anymore for Christmas, so I have spent the day, packing it all away.  

I did get a nice "haul"--gift cards and some $$$ and this nice picture of Jennifer and her family.  She has lost 50# and looks like her gorgeous self again.

At least I know, she was VERY disappointed that she and the kids couldn't come.  That makes me feel a bit better.

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Christmas Eve

Today was a bust!

A big goose egg.

The suckiest Christmas Eve ever.

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

I'm Ready!

Fifties today and misty. I don't care.  I ran around outside without my coat on--much fun.

 24 quarts of spaghetti sauce, in their bags, with their gift tags, ready to go in the transport cooler tomorrow morning.    Pammie has her 4 quarts as does Eric.  At least I don't have to transport theirs :-)

My famous taco dip--have to take this every year.
It is delish!

 ...and the chips to "scoop" it up with

Jennifer and the kid's gifts 

How long has it been since you laid under your Christmas tree and looked up through the branches?  Did you do this as a kid?  

Have you ever made love, on the floor, next to the Christmas tree--not a single light on in the house, except those from the tree? :-)

...and last but certainly not least:

...and to all a Good Night.  Love-----

Monday, December 22, 2014

Christmas Miracles

What a glorious day!  Sunny and 48 degrees.


This e-mail, from my sister,  greeted me at 8:00 a.m.

"Jennifer and the kids will be joining us!  Eric has to work."

Thank you for praying for this--our prayers have been answered, I got my Christmas miracle!!!  Didn't you hear me yelling?  Didn't the sun shine just a bit brighter this morning?

Thank you, God.
The day was just getting started however.  I got the mail around 11:00 and there were more Christmas cards and letters from people I never get to see AND-surprises!  Christmas gifts!

The first little package I opened was from a kid in Karen's grade.  Vic Betterly.  He lives way up in the UP of Michigan, on Lake Superior.  On Face Book he talks about how he goes along the shore in summer and looks for Agates.  I wrote back once and told him that, when we went camping, if we got near Lake Superior, the kids and I looked and looked for hours along the shore or wading in that frigid water, looking for Agates and we never found any.  Well, in that little pack were Agates!  Raw Agates and beautifully polished ones.  Raw copper from his back yard! and Green Stones from Isle Royale.  I was so excited I just squealed!  After all this time, I finally have some Lake Superior Agates!  How sweet of him to remember me!

Then, I opened up my next Christmas card and inside--another wonderful surprise.  A Dear Friend, that I have never met, a fellow blogger, except she isn't a fellow, a Subway gift card from Sally at Whispering Hope.   

I had wondered what I was going to have for supper--well, that problem solved!  Thank you so much, Sally.  I'd say, "Well, Bless your heart," but I guess down south, that isn't a very nice thing to say?

On to the next card and a lovely letter from a friend who used to play in the community band with me.  She also played French Horn.  I haven't been able to see her since 1986, but at that time, she and I shared a whole lot of talks about being divorced and scared and where could we find a nice SINGLE guy.  She is a mere 4'11" to my 5'11"--we made quite a pair!

Another card & letter from a young woman who I used to work with.  Haven't seen her since 2001--she now has a son in college!  Unbelievable.  She and I and another lady used to hit ALL the Christmas bazaars when I lived in Saginaw.

Then my last Christmas card and inside, a book of postage stamps from my friend Chris!!  Just this morning I looked in my desk drawer and noticed I only had one stamp left and "first of the month" bills coming up that need to be mailed.  How was I ever going to afford a book of stamps?

Man I felt like I had blessings showering down on me from Heaven above!!

I have been giddy with happiness all day long!
After my Soap, I had to run up to Wal-Mart to get ALL my prescriptions.  Stock up, end of year, just in case my new Medicare Advantage Insurance requires me to pay a bit for them next year.  I am still kind of scared of the new plan.  Haven't received the big book to read through as yet.

I got them--cost to me -$0-YAY!!  Hugged the girls in the Pharmacy and called out, "Merry Christmas" to the rest of the staff.

I also had to get fixings to take up to The Farm for Christmas Eve.  I knew I only had $40.00 in my checking account, so as I walked around the store, I kept track of the amount of each thing.

I also wanted to get some things for my big pot of Chili, but realized, "I don't need to make Chili until next year!", so I didn't get those things.

Plus--my purry furry's were down to two cans of food.  So I had to get that too.

Up to the register.  I had $19.00 on my food card and $1.00 in cash assistance on that card. (I get $1.00 a year cash assistance from the State).   The bill came to $46.00.  Take away the food assistance and it was down to $26.00 and I took that off my Blue Bird card, which is where my Wal-Mart Savings Catcher rebates have been going.  

Badda Boom, Badda Bing!!

I realized that I was only about a mile from my doctor's and dentist, so I bopped down to each office and went in to wish them all a Merry Christmas and "I'll see ya next month!"  I wished a Merry Christmas to everyone in the waiting room too--I am sure they thought this old lady was eccentric and a bit daft, but--I didn't care.  I was feeling the love today.

Back in the car and homeward bound.  But wait.  I still had to get something for my grandson-in-law coming in from Portland.  He can't very well take frozen spaghetti back with him, so....a lottery ticket?  I don't know much about them, but I stopped at a little market half-way home and went in to get a $10.00 one.  Pulled out my debit card, "Sorry.  Lottery tickets are cash only."  Oh Egads!!

"I'm sorry," I said.  "I'll be back tomorrow."

I got home around 6:00, man it still gets dark awfully early--the phone rang, it was Pearl.

"Merle is coming down with a gift for you."

He helped me haul in the groceries and presented me with a, still warm loaf of bread Pearl had baked and a small jar of home made strawberry jam.  Delish, with lots of butter and that jam!

I am so grateful!

Think I am the most blessed woman in this world today.

This has been such a lovely day.  I think I will sleep real well tonight, without any nightmares.

Thank you all again--so much!!

Sunday, December 21, 2014

The Countdown Begins!

Are you all excited?

Me either--well, kind of, but it will all be over and then what?

A month of having my tree and decorations and shiny lights up and then--

Around December 26th, I get a real strong urge to get Christmas packed away so I can start the new year with a clean house.  My Mother left the tree up until Epiphany--January 6th--we loved it.  Of course we had a real tree and put it up on December 14th, so by January 6th, it was beginning to cover the floor with its needles.

I used to leave mine up too until Divorce changed my whole family celebration.  That first Christmas, I saw the kids on  Christmas Eve up at The Farm, but the next day, they were all going to spend it with their Dad.  Pam came and picked up Jennifer and off they went.  I sat home alone all Christmas Day and so, hurt and angry, I took down the tree and all the decorations.  When Jen got home at 8:00 that night----she walked in the door and said, "What happened to Christmas?"  and I replied, "It's over and done with."

Maybe that's why I still do it?  For a month I feel the anticipation and I have expectations, which of course, never come true and by the time Christmas Day rolls around, I want it out of my house.  I get very depressed after Christmas Day and I feel the need to start a new year, a new beginning, clean and uncluttered.
Saturday, I did laundry and vacuumed and dusted.  Everything looked and smelled nice and clean.  Jackie came over with a tin box filled with fudge and cookies that she makes.  I gave her a quart of spaghetti sauce and a nylon scrubbie.  Dar came over with some leftover stuff from her work Christmas party--a Christmas cookie, which I ate, and a slice of gingerbread roll filled with cream cheese, which I threw away.  I walked up to Merle and Pearl's and gave them their gifts and we had a nice hour long chat.
Sunday morning, when I got out of bed and walked into the living room, this is what greeted me.

I know who the culprit is.  The little girl kitty.  She loves to sleep under the tree and I think when she gets up to crawl out, her claws catch in the threads on the fabric of the tree skirt and she drags it along.  I am giving her the benefit of the doubt.  How the ornaments get pulled off and the crystal beaded rope, is probably from her brushing into them.  Don't you think?

The rest of Sunday, I did nothing!  

Jackie had asked me if one of her kids could park in my driveway as they were having their family Christmas.  I told her "sure".  I watched as 8 cars pulled into her drive to let people out and then parked somewhere else.  She had at least 23 people of assorted sizes walk into her house--which is about the same size as mine, but with a lot more "stuff".  I don't know she accommodated that many people in that small house, but they stayed quite a few hours, so I guess they were all having a good time.

I sat and watched TCM (Turner Classic Movies) all afternoon and cross stitched and gave each cat an hour long rock-a-bye, separately so they didn't have to share my lap, read a little bit and thought.

Tomorrow, starts the countdown!!  My food assistance came in today, so tomorrow I need to get up to Wal-Mart and buy what I need for my dish-to-pass for Wednesday up at The Farm.  I also have to remember to get my big ice cooler out of the shed to transport all 28 quarts of spaghetti sauce for my boy's gift.  

Doesn't look like we will have much, if any, snow for Christmas.  This year, it doesn't matter to me.  It seems like many people are sad this year--or "off" just a bit.  I think it is because of our world and our own society's situation.  These are sad and scary times we live in.

"God Bless us, everyone."

Thursday, December 18, 2014

Orbiting the Edges

It's sort of strange, not to be the "hub" of my family anymore.  So many years I was and now--just on the fringe.

My Daddy was the center of the family for a very long time.  The man never visited anyone.  If you wanted to see him, you drove out to his house for a visit.  Better not ever miss a Christmas Eve at his house (of course it HAD to be at his house) or he would not be too subtle about how you ruined Christmas Eve because your "absence was certainly noticed."

My parents were raised with quite a bit of guilt and so was I.  I would never disobey my Daddy--even when I was 70 years old!  I made sure, even when I lived 50+ miles away, that I got down to visit him every month.  The couple of days he was in hospital and then the four days he was in Hospice, we traveled up to sit all day in his room--80 mile round trip.  Even though the last three days, he was not aware of anything, we were still there because...well, because we were supposed to be there.

At his visitation and funeral, we were there all day, dressed in our best dresses, the men with shirt and tie, because...well that is just the way it is done.  It would have been a disgrace to him and all our ancestor's if we had not.

Now here I am.  The eldest one in the family.  The Grand Dame (yeah, right) the Matriarch (sure).  Not a single one of my children come to visit monthly--rarely call.  They have not made a trip (12 miles) to come see Mom's Christmas tree or decorations.  Pam came yesterday only because I told her that  while she was in this area, checking on Jen's house and feeding the pets, would she please stop over so I could give her the food.

How come my kids don't feel one teeny, tiny bit of guilt?  Because I raised them not to be.  Because I raised them to be independent and....apparently I did too good a job!!

So on Christmas Eve, there I will sit.  Will there be grandchildren gathered on the floor around my knee to hear my sage advice?  HAH!  The event will last four hours, if we are lucky, than some will run off to Mass and I will have to leave because I can't drive after dark.

I am no longer the hub--I usually feel more like a "nub" just sticking out a bit on the fringe of all the family activities.  Sort of quietly orbiting out there on the edges.
I posted this on Face Book this morning for, "Throw Back Thursday."

"Early December 1969, Daddy asked Mother what she wanted for Christmas.  She sang, “A partridge in a pear tree.”  A week later, as Daddy was harvesting the last of the corn, he found a dead, frozen partridge laying in a corn row.  He put it in a box and stored it out in the shed to keep it frozen.  He came down to my house, cut a branch off the pear tree and wired the partridge onto it.  On Christmas Eve, Daddy presented the nicely wrapped box to Mother.  When she opened it, she hooted and laughed and said, “Next year I’m asking for ‘five golden rings’ ”.  That’s the way our parents were.  Always kidding and fooling around.  Gag gifts every year.  Much laughter in our home, all the time."

My Daddy was bald at a very young age.  The result of a dandruff treatment he had used--killed all the hair follicles on the top of his head.  He hated being bald!  The year before this pix of Mother, she cut my hair for me in early December.  

"Gosh your hair grows fast. Look at all that hair on the floor!" she said.  Then, "Hm-mm, I have an idea."

She took an old nylon stocking.  Cut off the thigh part and sewed a seam across the top opening.  Then she took my cut-off hair and glued it onto the "skull cap" stocking.  On Christmas Eve, Daddy opened his present and there was his wig.  So funny--there he sat with a band of black hair around the back of his lower head and a blonde wig, covering his bald spot.

My parents were so goofy.  They were always joking and laughing.  They were so sappy in love--like they were in their own little kissy, huggie world and I was just sort of orbiting around the edge.

She looks so healthy in this photo, but she was dead within three months, at age 53.  The day she died, the laughter went out of our family.
Today I went to our Class Mates monthly luncheon--or as I like to think of it, the meeting of the Old Broads.  I drove up to Byron and parked my car in the church parking lot and met Bethie and she drove on up to Owosso--at least a 40 mile trip for both of us--and it sure was nice to ride along together and chat.

We ate at a new restaurant.  An Italian place, but they didn't have Antipasto salad.  A couple of the girls got pizza and it looked real good.  Everyone liked the food--mine was terrible.  I got Nachos and there may have been 1/4 cup of beef on them and perhaps as much melted cheese and tasteless.  I thought the lunch prices were pricey, but a friend picked up my tab, so............

Then we always try and figure out where we are going to meet next month and no one can decide, or rather, we all try and let someone make the decision for us.  Today, I mentioned going back to a place sort of the middle of where we all live and where I know, I can get a really great plate of Nachos or a huge tasty Antipasto salad and when I said that--one of the girls said, "Oh No!  They changed their menu and I hate it there."

Okay--except, this woman is NOT even one of our classmates!  She is our friend's sister and is 7 years younger than us and personally?  I don't see how she even gets a say in where we eat!!!  So there.

Well anyway, "they" are going to figure out where to go and let the rest of us know.  Maybe I'll go, or maybe I won't.  Like Beth said, "Maybe we will just figure, I'm bored with you women and we won't go until spring."

I feel the same way.  I would much rather get together every 3 months--even every other month would be okay.  That's why I don't go every month.  Nothing new because none of us have very exciting lives and if perchance, you had something interesting to say, the one who talks too much wouldn't shut up or would change the subject in the middle of your interesting news!

The more I go to these lunches, the more I realize why most of them weren't in the group of friends (6) that I ran around with in high school. 

Anyway, today was nice.  Some of the friends are getting bald.  Some are getting mentally weird.  Some are a tad deaf and some talk way too loud and too much.  Some are just as steady and quiet as they have always been.  All of us are old--those tell-tale signs of droopy eyelids and that deepening crease from nose around mouth to chin.

Most of us hate getting old, but we all seem to be pretty healthy so, we may be getting together until we are in our 90's.  Of course, you never know.  One day you are here and the next day...you aren't.

  The one in the back row, far right is the younger sister.  She isn't even 70 yet--looks as old as us, doesn't she?  

By the Way--I am NOT standing on a stool.  

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

More Nutcracker Photos

Dolls dancing at the Christmas party

No expression as she is still a doll                     

Mice trying to chew on the dolls

 THEN--the dolls come alive (in Clara's dream) and dance before Clara and the Prince!

My Maddie is a living doll for sure!

Tuesday, December 16, 2014


To tell the truth, I am getting real sick of 40+ degree temperatures, no sun and rain all day today.  Fog every morning.  I used to suffer from Seasonal Affected Disorder--February was by far the worst month of the year for me.  I don't anymore--I don't know how I got over it, but I still use that excuse to sit under my Ott floor lamp with the full spectrum light bulb and do my cross stitch.  HAH!  That lamp is the best thing I ever bought for myself.  I have had it 6 years and never replaced the bulb and use it everyday, several hours a day.  It is the best for close handwork and for reading.

I did not have that luxury today.  I had to set the alarm to get up at the crack-of-dawn (8:30), because today was my appointment at the Food Pantry.  Of course, I could not find a close-by parking space, so I had to walk in the chilly, 40 degree rain and of course, I didn't have on my winter coat, just my fleece jacket.

Oh my!  What a treat today.  They had all sorts of frozen meat. I got 2# ground SIRLOIN to make Chili and they had turkeys!!  Pammie couldn't afford didn't cook her usual Thanksgiving turkey, so I grabbed one for her--she will share the after product and stuffing with me :-)  We are only allowed 2 meats.  

Than I found more cans of diced tomatoes to replenish the ones I used for the boys spaghetti sauce, and got a couple of bundles of spaghetti, some cans of corn and green beans and kidney beans (for the Chili) and--even a bag of lettuce that wasn't too old and slimy and a large can of chicken to put in the not quite slimy lettuce--had that for supper.  

Then a jug of detergent and a 4-pack of extra thin bathroom tissue (that awful kind they use in public restrooms).  Also a jar of Peanut Butter and Grape Jelly--we are allowed one of each per month.  I do not eat much Peanut Butter and Jelly, but Pammie does.  The County Pammie lives in does not have a Food Pantry and so I share, sometimes, with her, and a dozen eggs which I will share half with Pam or Merle and Pearl.

Then I drove up and ran inside the Dollar Tree and got a string of 50 clear Christmas lights and a bag of pine scented potpourri.  It seems all the stores now want to sell only those LED Christmas lights and I don't like them--way too harsh for me.

I used to put a mirror on top of our spinet piano, run a string of lights kind of in a scalloped pattern down the center and some greenery and put my crystal ware on the mirror.  It was beautiful when it was lit at night.  Now I have no piano or mirror and no space, so I just put the lights and the potpourri in my big glass container, set it on my clear glass plate and added what I had for crystal. Tomorrow I will put a nice, white damask napkin under the glass, I think it will look better than the table top.

It lights up that area and the lights warm the pine potpourri to make the room smell nice.  Not too strong.

Had a small lunch and watched my Soap and then got busy the rest of the afternoon doing some computer work for my friend, Chris.  

I decided to make a batch of the Chex Mix snack.  I haven't made it in a couple of years.  One time, I made it in the microwave, but didn't like the way it turned out.  So back to the original way of making it in a low oven and stirring it every 15 minutes.  Boy--it is delish with the garlic and onion powder and seasoned salt.  

Got all my bills paid for the month and managed to get 3 ten dollar bills to put in with the little kids ornaments--I'll put a fiver in Evan's, he won't know the difference, just be thrilled with "WOW.. Money!"

Susan called, she and Chuck were down by Ann Arbor, stuck in traffic on the expressway and wanted to know if they could stop in.  


They arrived about 45 minutes later--should have only taken them 20, but...............my first company to see my decorations and tree.  Susan noticed the Chex Mix and grabbed a handful.  Chuck just sat in the rocker and tried to stay awake.

The had driven 12 hours from Binghamton, New York where they had spent a week with his family and friends and Christmas festivities.  Normally the trip takes about 10 hours, but rain/fog and traffic weren't too good today.  On the way out, they encountered the snow storm that NY had last week and the trip took them 11 hours.  The Binghamton area had 7 inches of snow when they got there.

When they arrived here, I stepped out on the porch and said, "Welcome to the Tropics."

Glad they are home safe and now we can concentrate on Christmas Eve up at The Farm.

So, it was a busy day.  Not hectic busy, just nice and steady busy.

Monday, December 15, 2014

It's A Wonderful Life.....most of the time

Yesterday, I was standing in the kitchen, waiting for the microwave to finish warming my lunch, looking out the kitchen window and tears started sliding down my face.  

For no reason.

I just had a momentary flicker of a memory of Fred making Christmas cut-out cookies and just started crying.

This is a real difficult time of year for widows.  For anyone who had a close family member die, parent, child, sibling.  The memories of happy past Christmas' just flick into our mind, without notice and bring on the tears.

...and we just keep on smiling because, we don't want to spoil Christmas for those around us.
Pammie called me last night.  We talked for about an hour.  Jen's family are off on a Disney Cruise.  They decided to go this week instead of next, as it was cheaper and they hoped to miss the Christmas break college kids on board.

We are hoping that Jennifer and the kids might come to our Christmas Eve day family get together.  I think Eric has to work that day anyway, so perhaps she might come.  I know my sister, her son's family and my son would love to see Jen and, if they move to New Jersey, it will probably be our last Christmas Eve with all of us together.

Pammie told me that now, it isn't really Jennifer.  It is more Eric.  Apparently he is the one holding the grudge and, it isn't just about me.  I guess he thinks or has assumed that other family members have said something bad about him.  This is pure nonsense as we ALL love Eric.

Pam said, "I don't understand it, Momma.  I'm not like that...none of us in the family are like that.  If we get our feelings hurt by someone, we tell them and then we forget about it.  Or...we don't tell them and still get over it in a couple of days and forget about it."

"I know, Honey.  I don't get it either.  We have probably been hurt by every single person in our family.  Things they have said to us or about us and it hurts for a few days and then...we just give it up.  We are family.  You don't hold grudges or anger against family members."

So Pammie is going to tell Jen when we meet and tell her that we'd all like to see her and the kids and it won't be any different than when she came to Maddie's open house.

Of course, Pam mentioned that if Eric forbid Jen from coming, she wouldn't be able too because that would cause strife between them.  I understand that and we don't want that to happen.

I'm STILL going to send him a birthday card on the 22nd and I am still going to sign it with love--just like I have always done!

Pammie also told me something that made me smile!  Years ago, I got large heavy papier mache boxes for the kids.  I decorated them and put a wooden initial of their first name on the top.  It is to store their Christmas ornaments in--I did the same for Karen's kids.  I get the kids some sort of personal and personalized ornament every year.  This year I got Andrew one about LaCrosse which he took up this year.  I got Elise an absolutely beautiful silver flute, because she is playing that in the band, Alex got one with a boy on a dirt bike, because he is into that and I got Evan one painted with Curious George on it.  They all have their names on them, except for Elise's flute.

Pammie said that when they put up their Christmas tree, the kids get their boxes and unwrap their ornaments from me and put them on the tree first.  Then they don't seem to want to decorate the tree anymore.

That means, they will always have those ornaments and when they open the storage boxes, they will remember this Mimi!!
I had a rough night last night.  Probably because of the unresolved Eric & Jen issue and thinking about Fred.  If he had still been alive, he would have had the mess straightened out in a couple of weeks.  Jen and Eric both admired him and took his counsel.  Of course, if Fred had still been alive, I probably wouldn't have been "out of it" or still in the "brain fog" that caused me to do something so stupid.

I was worn out when I finally woke up at 9:00.  The bed covers were all torn up and twisted and the cats were nowhere to be seen--apparently there was yelling and kicking and it scared them.

The weather has been nice and mild.  I should have gone out for a walk, but I did laundry, worked all morning on my friend, Chris' website and stuff and than, this afternoon, got involved in watching a couple of Turner Classic Movies, which also made me cry.  

I just pray I get my Christmas miracle and Jen and the kids show up at my sister's on Christmas Eve afternoon.
My precious boy does like to have a rock-a-bye
on Momma's lap. 

Friday, December 12, 2014

Two Weeks Until................

Even after all these years of blogging, I am still finding new (to me) and wonderful blogs to read.  I have to add them to my "list" so that when they post something new, it appears on top to let me know.  The "Blogs I Follow" list on the right side-bar of this page is becoming ridiculously long, LOL.

I noticed also that quite a few of my blogger friends now require us to put in the number when we comment.  Not a problem, if I can see the number to put it in the box, LOL.  If you don't put the correct number in, you have to put in a new one and.............it gets annoying.  If  you ever see that "type in number" thingie pop up under comments on my page, please let me know.  I will go in and kill it!

The days have been busy.  Satisfyingly busy--not hectic busy.  I have mailed my Christmas cards and a Christmas package.  I have only Jennifer and my youngest grandbabes cards to mail, which I will do tomorrow.  Reason being--I want the kids to get their cards while Pammie is there baby sitting on Monday, so she can read the Curious George one to Evan and to report to me what the kids thought of their personalized "made just for you" cards.

I am quite troubled about Pearl.  I had to run up town to get a prescription filled and decided, after three years of people telling me to, buy a jug of Red Tart Cherry Juice Concentrate and start drinking it daily.  Suppose to be good for arthritis, insomnia, gout.  Now, Pearl has gout just terrible and arthritis.  So I got her a jug too--this stuff is pricey!

I stopped in at their place on the way home, gave her the stuff, along with the research I had done on it and asked her to please try it.  To use the whole bottle, a bit each day--2tsp. in a glass of water, or soda water--and not judge it until she had finished the whole bottle--probably a month from now.

She takes massive doses of Aleve--which can tear up your tummy--and now informed me that she is having a bleeding problem!

She isn't quite sure what area it's coming from (?).  It could be her bowels or her urethra or her vagina.  How can you not know?  She has made an appointment with a gynecologist--thank goodness.

Merle came down, when I left, and helped me carry in some heavy groceries and...we talked a little bit.

"Thanks for giving her that juice.  I'll make sure she drinks some every day."

"I hope it helps.  She is in so much pain...I can't stand to see her like that."

"Ayup.  She can hardly walk and she won't even try.  She just sits in that chair all day and won't even go to the store.  I gotta go and get groceries now."

"I know.  She says it hurts to walk and I tell her she has to walk.  The less she walks the more it is going to hurt and she has to start out and then increase a couple of steps everyday."

"I worry that by next spring she won't be able to walk at all.  She is going to end up in a wheel chair like our friend Reba."

"Would she consider going to physical therapy this winter?"

"That's what the doctor told her, but she doesn't want to because it will hurt."

"I know Merle, but after a few sessions, she will be able to move better and it won't hurt as much."

"I know."

"Is that why she said she didn't like my doctor.  Is he getting tough with her?"

"Yeah.  Now she wants to find a new doctor, plus she's gaining weight again."
I got to thinking about Pearl last night when I was trying to fall asleep.  Bleeding?  It could be something very simple.

A kidney/bladder infection or  Bladder cancer.
An ulcer from all the Aleve and blood in her stool or  Bowel cancer.
Ovarian or uterine cancer.  At our age, you don't bleed from your vagina for no reason!

I don't have that many gifts to wrap.  Why is it taking so long for me to get in the mood to get the job done?

My winter time friends--



Wednesday, December 10, 2014

This & That

Another photo of Madeleine--I think her Dad may have taken this one while he was working backstage.  She had to stay on pointe, in that pose, until it was her turn to dance.

Putting Christmas Cards in envelopes today.  I want to mail them Saturday.  Here is the one I made for Evan--my youngest GrandBoy.

Sorry, it was a bit crooked when I scanned it.
The way Dar acted on our "adventure" Monday, had me upset the rest of Monday and all day yesterday.  I was trying to figure out why she is as she is.

Self-absorbed.  Yes
Distracted.  Yes
Doesn't listen.  Yes

I realized last night that relating with her is not a good thing for my mental health!!  Not when she affects me for an entire night and day, thinking about her.

I was doing pretty well today--getting my Christmas cards ready to mail, getting presents ready to wrap.

She came in the door around 5:00 and I could feel myself tense up and I felt a real snotty attitude come into my mind, but...I tried not to let it show.

I was putting together a casserole for supper and so I said, "Sit down and talk while I get this in the oven."

Trying to pay attention to the recipe I did hear her say, "Well, I went to the doctor today and to the surgeon and I got my release papers."

I turned..."You got your papers!?"

"Yup.  I go back to work tomorrow!"


"Yup.  I just wanted to come over and tell you because you've been here for me through this whole horrible ordeal and you have helped me so much.  Just your calm reasoning has helped my mental stability so much.  I won't be over very much from now on...you know how it is when I work.  I have no idea what my hours are going to be, but I am going to work everyday from now until the end of the year, as many hours as they will give me."
<Thank you, Lord.>

I popped the casserole in the oven and sat down in my chair.  Suddenly my heart felt lighter and I could smile and be nice.

She told me that "they"  have come to the conclusion that she DOES NOT have a hernia, that it is a cyst and she will have to go back and get it drained again. But she can go back to working full time.

Off she went at about quarter to six.

YAY--free.  I am free.  Praise God Almighty, I am Free at Last!