spilt pop on keybor--no post this Sun,y

 I know it's Sunday and it's a sunny day and I shouldn't complain about anything, BUT--

for some reason this month has got me down. I feel over-whelmed and just trying to get through each day.

It all started with having to get that new toilet, which took a big chunk out of the money I had put aside to fix the muffler on The Car.

Last week, I had to get a blood draw, which involved trying to climb up the many steps to the Doc's office. I had PT on Tuesday and PT and a Doc appointment on Thursday--this time I used my walker and struggled up the inclined ramp at his office.

I didn't get to drive out to The Farm on Friday like I had planned. It was a day of continual torrential rain. It has been 19 months since I've "been home".

This week, I take my car in tomorrow late afternoon to have him work on it Tuesday. This involves working around my daughter's schedule so she can meet me there and bring me home.

I canceled my PT appointment for Tuesday.

Hopefully The Car will be ready for pick-up on Wednesday, which will involve finding out my daughter's schedule so she can take me over to get it. Lord only knows what it's going to cost.

Thursday I have an appointment at 11:45 for a renal artery CAT scan to make sure the new meds I am on aren't damaging my kidneys. This will involve wrestling my walker out of the back seat of The Car and using it to walk, quite a distance, into the little hospital, and then wrestling the walker back into the car. Thursday afternoon, I have a dental cleaning, which will again result in wrestling with the walker and going up the inclined ramp. I canceled my Thursday PT, but get to do that on Friday.

I cancelled my hair cut on Monday...it can wait.

On Wednesday of that week, I have a follow-up appointment at Michigan Heart, in the little hospital to make sure my new BP meds are working. I KNOW they are working as my BP is TOO low now, which makes me tired.

AND to top it all off? As I got up this morning, I noticed one of the cats had barfed on the living room carpet. Not by a piece of furniture, where I'd have something to hold onto as I bend over to clean it up and put stain remover on it, Oh No--right in the middle of the living room. I guess I can pull my rocking chair over and sit on it and bend over to get that mess cleaned up.

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I'm just so frustrated and tired and actually angry. My dead foot isn't getting any better. There may be no fix for it and there is NO fix for my back problems.

I don't pray for a cure...there are so many with worse physical problems than me, and I pray for them. I pray to be more grateful and positive and I am grateful. At least I can still stumble along and am not in a wheel chair. I just get so tired and depressed.

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Okay--pity party rant over. I won't post about any of this again--unless it is on a positive note.

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Remember the photo of my new toilet?

This is one I wish I had. LOL

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I order my non-food products from the grocery store and have them delivered. The other day my "shopper" called to tell me there was not wet cat food in the 28 can cartons and there was no cat litter.

Thursday my daughter took my food card to get my food groceries and call me half way through the store to tell me some of the items I wanted were not on the shelves.

"Mom", she said. "This is scary...so many shelves are just bare."

I guess it's getting like this all over the country. Not just items from foreign countries stuck on those cargo ships out at sea, but locally or USA made items and food that is manufactured right here in Michigan.

We are 19 months into this pandemic and I expected short supplies when people were hoarding, but that crazy stuff is now over. Most be a trucking issues?

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I'm not real fond of this world we are living in right now.

I am on some kind of roller coaster of emotions.

My drop-foot isn't getting any better.  I don't feel safe walking with a cane.  My balance is atrocious.  Even with the PT twice a week for 6 months now, I don't seem to be getting better.

I got the car.  Had a gift of money to fix the muffler on the car.  Then insanity broke loose.

We have terrible water here.  Rust and calcium to the max.  Things wear out quicker than normal.  I have had issues with the innards in my toilet tank for years.  The chain that pulled up the ring that pulled up the flapper to flush, kept rusting out.  I was capable enough to buy a new chain and fix it or use a wire and paper clip to fix it.

Three weeks ago, everything inside the tank just broke down.  Rusted pieces of this and that lay on the bottom of the tank.  I called a guy who does a lot of work in the park here and he gave me an estimate for repairs.  The innards alone and labor would run near $200.00.

Actually, I needed a whole new toilet as the one I had was a bit too low and made it very hard for me to get off.  So he found a 17' high toilet.  I wanted the 21" high, but it was $500.00, just for the toilet.

It took him 2 weeks to schedule me in. It didn't take him an hour to get the new toilet in.  I had purchased a sort of chair like frame--arms--to make it easier for me to push myself up.  They were under $40.00 and they work well.

His invoice?  $450.00.  He then gave me $25.00 off because I paid him cash--sorta under the table?

My bathroom now looks like it was built for an elderly, disabled person, which ticks me off, but I suppose is true.

Now, I'm wondering where the $$$ is going to come from to fix the car.  Probably $250.00 for new muffler and labor.

Ya know?  Somedays I just want to go to bed, refuse to eat and turn my back to the door and ease on outta this world!  I know a few people that have done that.

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Closure?

It's been 4 strange months emotionally for me. I sit in this computer room a lot and the windows face the street. Dar's house is kitty-corner, so every time I look out the windows, there it is.

I have had a hard time even imaging she is gone. I look up and expect to see her car pull into her drive or see her and her Dad walking out to go somewhere or look up; to see her headed over here.

Her house was put up for sale and sold quickly--as do most homes in this park. Her kids had a garage sale last week. I didn't go over. All this past week, her oldest daughter and her partner have been cleaning out the house. People came to buy furniture.

I'd watch as the women went in and out--all day long--carrying loads of stuff--filling up the back of their SUV and coming back with it empty. Donating to Salvation Army, I supposed.

Yesterday, a truck with a box trailer pulled up in front and two men started hauling out large items. Perhaps for a consignment sale? Perhaps to put in an auction?

I felt a great urge to go over. I just wanted to say good-bye to her daughter...that I will never see again in my life. I got my walker out of the back of my car and went over.

She invited me in and a kind of shock hit me. There on the living room carpet were left the imprints of where the couch had sat--her chair, the chair I always sat in, her Dad's chair. He died last week at the age of 100 and 4 months.

The empty house echoed with the sounds of our words.

It hit me.

We hugged, our good-bye words came from thickened throats and tear filled eyes.

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I saw the real estate woman go in the house this morning.

Now, everything will be in reverse--with trucks and vans bringing in furniture.

I hope nice people bought it.

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On a lighter note: My youngest great grand baby that was born prematurely in April. She is six months old now and has such a precious personality. Those big eyes remind me of my daughter, her grand mother Karen, when she was that age.