title explained

Onward and upward! something that you say in order to encourage someone to forget an unpleasant experience or failure and to think about the future instead and move forward.

My e-mail: jjmiller6213@comcast.net

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Ups and Downs

One thing about life.  It is in a continual flux of change.  

You are up one day and the next, you could be out on the street.  Feeling great one day, die in your sleep that night.  Feeling healthy as a horse on a Friday, cancer diagnosis on the next Monday.  

The only thing that doesn't change in life, is change.  The only constant in life, is change.

I have two "friends" that died in their sleep on Christmas Eve morning.  Hard on the family, easy for the deceased.  Apparently, neither one had been or was sick.  Pam had seen one of them the day before in the store.

Another friend, worried about her brother, with the cancer diagnosis.  Surgery and the doctor's "think" they got it all.  Which no doubt they did, but they never give you a 100% guarantee, because one teeny, tiny little cell could have gotten loose and...........................but we rejoice and Praise God because, right now--at this particular time--all is well.

A neighbor up the street, Sheila's mother is dying from what my own mother died from.  I have never known anyone that had the same (non) diagnosis, the same treatment (none), the same--whatever.  

Years ago, my doctor told me that if we had CT scans and MRI's back in 1970, they could have pinpointed my mother's disease and helped her.  Now, that is weird because Sheila's mother has the same thing, even with all the tests, they can't do a thing to help her.  They have NO idea why her bone marrow won't make red blood cells.  It isn't Leukemia, cancer--nothing.  They don't know what it is or why.

My own son, is feeling well.  The infusion he gets every six weeks has not made him sick or weak.  He has lost none of his hair.  His PSA numbers are nearly what normal would be.  But--next week, it could all change.

We just never know and I think that knowledge comes to us the older we get.  It could be us--any day.  How do we get philosophical about that?  How do we come to terms?  I guess we just keep ourselves from thinking about it.
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So--a week ago today, I was trying not to pass out in the Wal-Mart store.  For months and months, I have had no motivation to do one dang thing!!  A quick vacuum. Once every couple of months, run the dust cloth.

Things get set out on the kitchen counter tops.  Stains occur.  Whatever.  It matters not to this once, organized, tidy person.

Today, I was sitting in my recliner, minding my own business, my Soap just over and all of a sudden, this weird sensation hit me.  I HAD to get up and clean the kitchen.  So, I did.  For two hours, I cleaned and scrubbed and bleached out the stains and then noticed that my big mirror was all streaky so I Windexed it and then my two glass lamps, and vacuumed the whole house.  Moved the heavy cat's table for looking out the window, from my bedroom to my living room.

I was filled with such energy and such a light heart.  It reminded me of how I felt last spring.  I was alive and life was wonderful!!  I have been in depression since September and I "think" today, it might be lifting!!

Now, we won't know until we see how we feel tomorrow and the next day and the next, but.....wouldn't THIS change be nice?

16 comments:

  1. Isn't it wonderful when that weight lifts? Depression's not a problem for me now, but many decades ago I experienced just enough of it to realize that its going is very much like recovering from the flu. You feel awful for days on end, and then one day, you suddenly realize you feel good. You can't pinpoint the minute it happened, but the change is real. Here's to another good day, tomorrow!

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    1. I can never pinpoint the day is arrives, why it arrives or the day and why it leaves. I've had it most of my life and now realize, even as a child.

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    2. Me too, Judy; as a child and beyond. A battle without even knowing why it happens to some and not others. I'm thankful for the one or two in my family who aren't affected. Truly glad.

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    3. It runs in my ancestors, Sally. My great grandfather on my Dad's side and also on my mother's side, even though my parents, kids and sister don't have it. Maybe we fell off the bed when we were little and it jarred loose one of the nerves in our brain. LOL

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  2. Leave it to you to start being UNdepressed in the winter! When most people GET depressed. So glad you got a whiff of NORMAL! Thanks for sharing your ups and downs with us. We are right here supporting you!

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    1. Yeah and the sun wasn't even shining! It doesn't matter--it could be the nicest day in June and I might be depressed. Something about chemical imbalance in my brain and nerves not firing correctly and the Seratonin and Dopamine get depleted. It can last for months and months and be gone in an instant. It can be gone for months and hit in an instant. Weird.

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  3. I'm glad you're feeling better, Judy. xoxo

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  4. I don't remember ever having un-explainable depression. I know what triggers it and what it takes for me to get it to lift. Lately it happens mostly when I can't do something that I was once able to do on my own.

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    1. I have Clinical Depression--it can come and go for no reason. Much different than the "blues" or mild depression that lasts for a short period of time.

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    2. I was past 50 before I actually heard an explanation; manic depressive. I'd been in and out of hospital over the years with no idea. I often wonder why the doctor I was seeing for a long time never told me.

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    3. I was diagnosed with that in my late 30's. Either I was extremely happy and high and out spending money, or I was Agoraphobic and didn't leave the house for six months. I'm passed that now, thank goodness, with mental therapy and a new drug.

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  5. I love when that happens! I used to feel like I walked out of a fog into a sunny day! I guess that's how depression works. Yes, one of those nice changes. I hope it lasts and lasts for you!

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  6. Like Jeanette, I hope you'll continue to be feeling really good and able to do the things you love. :)
    xoxo

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  7. Wow, Judy, I am so happy for you! May it last! I think there are so many ingredients shifting round in our heads, hearts, nervous systems, beliefs, bodies, and circumstances. They're always trying to restore 'order and comfort'. Maybe your cleaning and reorganizing spree has to do with some ideal alignment created inside you?

    I've read that we all have a happiness set point; that even if we were to win the lottery we would return after a while to our familiar moods, be it depression or sunshine. I disagree. I believe that our soul, or 'essence', draws us toward higher set points. You've heard of the 'hound of heaven'? That's one hound I want to attach to :-)

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    1. I've met the "hound of Hell" now I'm attached to the King of Heaven and it's a lot better sense of being. :-)

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  8. Fingers crossed, Judy. I hope it has lifted for good. Depression is a tough thing.

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