title explained

Onward and upward! something that you say in order to encourage someone to forget an unpleasant experience or failure and to think about the future instead and move forward.

My e-mail: jjmiller6213@comcast.net

Friday, August 28, 2015


Well, let's see.  How can I make this post a positive one?

I am positive that...things are going to get much worse before they get any better.

I am positive that...I'm losing my mind.

I am positive that...I would just as soon die in my sleep.

But then, I worry about that because:  who would take my cats and be nice to them?  Do I have enough life insurance to pay for my funeral?  
I am positive there are no solutions for any of this.  I am positive I have no action plan.  I am positive I am truly depressed.  I am positive I don't do a thing except sit in my house...because ya know, my car radiator has a leak in it and my two serpentine belts are about to break and...I am positive I don't want to be on the road when that all happens!

I have three estimates on getting a radiator and the 2 belts--a MUST before winter.  All come in at around $500.00.  My regular service garage has the cheapest labor at $82.50 an hour.  Most charge $85.00 and some near $100.00.  

One place I called cheerfully told me, "I can get ya a new radiator and the belts, replace the antifreeze AND wash your car, all for under five hundred.  In fact, for $485.00!"

I can't seem to find any auto mechanics that work from their residence, BECAUSE Michigan law frowns on that and they can't advertise or they will get into trouble.  

Plus John can't remember the mechanic he knows, name OR phone number.  

He did promise to drive up to the guy's place and find out what it would cost me--"if the guy is even in business anymore."
Yesterday I felt something strange in between two top teeth.  It felt kind of like a popcorn hull or something.  I went at it with my metal pick, my in between teeth brush, dental floss, fingernails--nothing would dislodge it.  Then last night I realized, it is a tiny wire off my 30 year old bridge!  So today I have an emergency visit to my dentist.  I wonder what that will cost!

I still owe her $200.00 (from the $800.00 crown) that I am paying off at $50.00 a month!
Yesterday, I got a blood draw for my cardiologist and a copy to my primary care doc.  I fasted like a crazy fool, not even water, only to find out when the results came in, there was no request to have my cholesterol checked!!!

The cardiologist nurse called to tell me the results were fine.  So, I went on-line to my "patient portal" to check myself and found my white blood count is up, which can mean an infection and my glucose was at 110!  Which I think is too high, so---------
I have an appointment with my primary care guy on Monday.  I wonder what that will cost!

I still owe him $80.00 that insurance didn't cover ($225.00) and am paying him at $30.00 a month.
Then in the mail this morning, I got a reminder from my  chiropractor that I owe him $210.00 that insurance didn't cover.  Maybe when I get my doc paid off, I can start paying him off?  In my opinion, I can't go back for any more adjustments if I am owing him money already.

I could cash in my life insurance policy, but at this time, the $10,000.00 policy is only worth $425.00 and that won't even pay for a radiator and belts.  LOL

I checked with my DHS case worker and the only time they pay for car repairs is if you need that car to get to work.  

 I need a Go Fund Me set-up, but if it's not for hospital or funeral bills, I think it's kind of tacky.  
I thought about putting a Red Light on my porch, but.......at a dollar a "throw", I'd probably have to give back change!!! I have nearly forgotten what all is involved in a sexual encounter, but I do know---I'm too tired!!!

I had a gift card at Wal-Mart--that I was going to use for my new glasses and some money on my Wal-Mart Savings Bucks car--also going to combine for my new glasses, that I took yesterday and got cat food.  If it didn't smell so bad, I'd eat it for lunch, but..........
I did get myself some food, and my blood thinner prescription, and a half gallon of milk and fresh fruit, so I'm set until September 3rd--when thankfully my Social Security hits my bank account, which I checked today and have a balance of 36 cents.

AHA, I knew if I thought about it long enough something positive would come to my mind--my new old insurance--Blue Cross Supplemental Insurance, goes into effect on September 15th.

My new Humana Prescription Drug Plan, the same day.

I am now paying $19.90 a month for the awful insurance I DO have and the new/old one will cost $40.42 and the new drug plan, $15.70, so it is more a month, BUT it used to cover everything at the chiropractor's office (if I didn't get a massage or ultra sound) and it covered doctor's office calls and dermatologist and all tests and.....everything, except $1,000 when I had hip surgery and I don't plan on needing that ever again.

SO--as soon as I pay the deductible of $300.00 on the new insurance, I should be good to go.  Having already paid the $500.00 deductible on the Advantage Plan I had from January until now.

I have already spent twice as much this year on medical/dental than I did last year.  That's why I had to ditch the Advantage Plan.
Doesn't it all become laughable after awhile?

Does anyone know where I can find a Sugar Daddy, who doesn't want any "sugar", but if I sweeten his life a tiny bit, would like to give me three grand?


  1. I'm sorry this is going on right now for you Judy. Maybe it's time to stop being so stubborn and be a blessing to your daughter if you know what I mean!

    1. I guess I don't know what you mean unless you are talking about Jennifer. I have tried to get back, closer with her, but she is still a bit stand offish. When she does stop in, we have a nice conversation. Then she says, "let's get together," and I agree and say, "You call me when you want to go out and I'll be ready,", but so far, she hasn't. I think she is just very worried about the move or not move and if she should accept the good job offered her or what she should do. Plus the worry we have all had about Mark--I think we are all a bit distracted and confused.

    2. No No...I was referring to your oldest daughter who has offered to help you out financially before. I only meant that it would be a blessing to her to help you! I hope you didn't think that I was implying that what is happening is because of what is going on with Jennifer. I don't believe in that anyway and I'm sorry if I misled you. I would never every imply that!

    3. None of my kids have offered to help me out before. You may be thinking of my friend Chris, who is LIKE a daughter to me. She does help me out by letting me test her knitting and crochet patterns designs, before she puts them up for sale on Ravelry. She supplies the yarn, I have the fun of making them and looking for errors in the patterns and SHE PAYS ME for sitting in my recliner and playing all day!! :-)

    4. OK Well I thought you had posted one time about Karen wanting to pay your dentist bill for you and you refusing to even tell her who the dentist was.! My mistake, I guess!

    5. OK Well I thought you had posted one time about Karen wanting to pay your dentist bill for you and you refusing to even tell her who the dentist was.! My mistake, I guess!

    6. Oh Nettie--I'm the one who is sorry. YOU ARE RIGHT! It was Karen--back in February, when I had to have the crown. The insurance I had then paid 50% of it and I could cover the rest. I forgot all about that! I apologize for doubting you! Truth be told, my mind is not functioning very well lately--too much "worry stuff" in it.

  2. Oh my goodness! So so sorry all this has come about at the same time. Honestly, in my pea brain I thought there was a way to fix a radiator leak without having to get a new one. Saying prayers for you, Judy, that somehow, some way things will get better.


    1. You can put Stop Leak in it and take the chance that it only stops the leak and doesn't mess up the whole cooling/heating system. It doesn't really work very well on our newer cars that have air conditioning.

  3. What a lot of stressful things going on in your life! Maybe it's time to swallow your pride and let your kids know what kind of trouble you're? I doubt any of them would want that for you, if they or one or two of them could do anything to help---though monitory support or moral support while you work out solutions.

    We had an elderly tenant once who couldn't keep up her bills and rent and husband got her permission to talk to her daughter. Long story short the daughter ended up taking over part of her monthly bills and was glad to do it. You need help! If you died, your kids would have to pay your bills out of your estate. Maybe they could "loan" you some money now that would get re-paid back out of your life insurance. No one needs a $10,000 funeral. Don't give up hope. You'll work your way through this. Even paying $10 a month on doctor bills will keep you out of collection.

    1. #1: My kids can't take me on. Pam has only enough to get by, Karen has two kids in school, Jennifer is supporting her husband and four kids. It would never occur to my son to offer help, plus he has a farm and house he needs to keep up. Can someone put me in collection if I am in bankruptcy? I have NO estate, so my kids will pay nothing. I have my house listed in an irrevocable trust so the government can't get it to pay back my food assistance. The life insurance is not all for my funeral! It is part of my inheritance to my kids and to help Pam with what money she might need as she cleans up this place so she can sell it..

  4. I'd like to donate a bit to help you out. You - your compassion - has been there for me when I have been in distress, and my family wasn't there for me. This meant the world to me. I'd like to repay you this way. In the past I have transferred funds via a PayPal account, simply by sending the funds to an e-mail address. I believe they had their own pay-pal account, linked to their bank, to accept the funds. In any case I didn't know her full name and address, just her e-mail address. She received the money! Would you consider this?

    1. It doesn't feel right Flo. I will e-mail you and explain.

    2. well, apparently not only are you NOT on my list of readers, but I don't see your e-mail on your blog! Mine is jjmiller6213@comcast.net--send me an e-mail and I will respond.

  5. omgoodness, what a difficult situation. my first instinct is always to help people but you need a lot of help. do you own your home?? perhaps a reverse mortgage would help. you can start a go fund me for any reason, people who have a few dollars seem happy to help.

    if you are not sure about your son, and he may be financially able, why don't you speak with him. perhaps he would help, you really need help!!!

  6. Debbie--I own a manufactured home on a rented lot. They don't do reverse mortgages for that--home and land go together. My son was recently diagnosed with cancer.

  7. You must be under so much stress. I'm so sorry, Judy.