Boy--I Just Don't Know

Today's high temperature was:  27 degrees

Sideways snow--sun--sideways snow--sun--sideways snow--sun (repeat all day)

Record lows tonight

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What a strange day.  I had night terrors three times last night.

I had a hard time getting to sleep in the first place.  It was almost like I was afraid to fall asleep.  I could feel myself drifting off and I'd shake my head to wake up.  Then, I fell asleep for an hour and woke back up, rolled over and went back to sleep.

One time I woke up terrified, sweating and kicking.  

I woke up another time and I could not move--I was rolling back and forth and had the covers wrapped around my arms.

Another time--just at dawn--I woke up yelling.

It's probably because I was so upset at only getting to see Elise for 2 hours in the last 4 months and this whole unresolved issue with Jennifer.  The longer she goes without speaking or seeing me, the easier it will become for her to stay that way.  The thing of it is--I don't really care if she wants to be that way, but, I would like to be "allowed" to go to the kids plays at church and school and be able to visit with them and play games with them or take them out more often.  I would like to be able to watch when Andrew has his Karate tournaments or when Elise takes part in Jump Rope contests.  

I'm going to take an Ativan before I got to bed tonight and see if that keeps me calm during the night.  My subconscious mind sure gets wild when my conscious mind goes to sleep.  There is no rest in that kind of sleep and I am amazed I haven't had a middle of the night panic attack as yet.

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First thing when I woke up, I came in here and looked out and there was Jackie, across the street, trying to pull her little red wagon over a bank of snow and ice--headed to her shed in back.  She had those damn Crocs on her feet that she wears year round and was slipping and sliding.  My first thought was, "Oh my gosh--she is going to fall down and I'm can't go running over to help because I'm still in my nightie."

So--I hurried back into the bedroom and pulled on my clothes and came back to watch her.  She was coming back with her wagon filled with Easter decorations!!  Good Grief!!!  She was trying to walk over the ice and snow pile, then reached back to grab the handle on her wagon and try and tug it over the pile.  Finally, she got close enough to her porch so she could hold onto the side slats and yanked her wagon over the pile.  Then she picked up a big storage box and set it on the steps--went up one step at a time, lifting the box in front of her onto each step and was finally---safely up on her porch.

She went inside and I called her and reamed her out good!!  She laughed and said she was glad her neighbors were watching to make sure she didn't fall.

8:15 a.m. and I was already dressed--UNHEARD OF!!

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That was it for the day.  I kid you not--I did not do a thing all day!  I got a call from the lady at Social Services and she said she had not received two pages of the forms I was supposed to send in.  I quick checked my folder and I didn't have them.  She scolded me--they can get mean up there--and said that she could go no farther in helping me without those forms, BUT, "I will give you a second chance if you come get them tomorrow, fill them out and leave them with the receptionist."

I assured her I would be there first thing tomorrow morning.

The phone rang two minutes later, it was her.  She was all smiley now and kidding AND using her first name instead of Ms. Clingingsmith.   "Hi, this is Karen.  Guess what?  I found them.  They were behind your checking account statement and I was looking for them behind your rent proof.  I've got everything now and will let you know.  Thank you.  Buh Bye."

I thanked her, hung up and laughed.  When SHE thought I had made the mistake, she was all grouchy and mean sounding, but when SHE found out it was HER mistake--quite a difference.  Too bad I am scared of the government or I would have liked to say, "I told you they were there in that pile of forms!"

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In between side-ways snow squalls, I went out and got the mail.  Guess what?  More good news!!  My rent is going up $10.00 a month!!!  I don't know why--maybe because we have a new management team for this park?  I just hope I see some results of that increase--like--oh I don't know--REPAVING MY STREET?  Making my neighbor Tami clean up the furniture and crap she has stored up against her trailer?  Trimming some of the trees around here?  After all, I rent this tiny piece of land, but for some reason, when trees need trimming, the LANDLORD doesn't seem to think it is his responsibility.

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Yes=--I definitely need an Ativan...........

See ya tomorrow--maybe it will be a fun day?