title explained

Onward and upward! something that you say in order to encourage someone to forget an unpleasant experience or failure and to think about the future instead and move forward.

My e-mail: jjmiller6213@comcast.net

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Pamela Ann Miller or P.A.M. or Pammie

The temperature today was: only 72 degrees
The humidity today was: 98%  yuck
Sunny and Humid
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She was five years old and in Kindergarten before someone pointed out that her initials spelled her name! We had not realized that! 

Our second child.  I just knew she was going to be a girl, and I had the name Jill Elaine picked out.  Her Daddy didn't like that name.  "How silly is it going to sound when she is seventy with a name like Jill?"

"No sillier then when we are seventy with the names of Judy and Gary!"  I replied.

My aunt suggested the name Pam--said she had always liked that name.  Her Daddy and I agreed.

She was always a happy child--always smiling and laughing--no matter what.  I called her Sunshine.  She had blond curly hair--still does.   
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Pammie, I call her now and she calls me, Momma.  She is doing much better.  Her new teeth have given her a certain sense of confidence and now she, once again, smiles all the time.  

She called me Sunday and we talked.  The guy who has been living with her and putting all sorts of junk vehicles and crap in her yard for the last 12 years, is beginning the process of moving out--Praise God!! He's been approved for a loan to get a place--I don't know the amount--none of my business.  HOWEVER--there are plenty of low cost housing in the area--government subsidized apartments in Byron, many trailers or manufactured homes in the area, even small stick built homes.  He says he HAS to have a garage or shop to keep his junk in and work on vehicles!!!  He can't find a place like that on what his loan will pay.

Pammie told him, "What you want and what you can afford isn't going to be the same.  You need to have all your stuff out of here and be moved out by mid-August."

"But, it's not what I want!"

Pam said, "Hold both hands out in front of you.  Poop in one and put your "I wants" in the other and see which one fills up first!"   Pammie is honest and direct--to the point, if nothing else.  You always know where you stand with her!

I am really proud of her for her stance!  None of us ever liked him--even though I have known him all his life.  He isn't abusive to her--well, probably verbally and emotionally abusive, but not physically.  He has borrowed quantities of money from her and only recently, paid part of it back.  He was injured and it took him many years to get his workman's comp and social security disability.

His mother has a place up north that he could easily move into and probably not have to buy it or pay rent.  It is up by East Tawas, near Lake Huron, on a river, and would afford him the fishing and hunting capabilities he so enjoys.

At least now, on his quest to find a place to move, he is gone all weekend and that gives Pammie the freedom she so enjoys.  When she called me, it was to thank me for the afghan I made her years ago.  "I'm in  Fred's recliner you gave me, snuggled under my wonderful afghan and watching old John Wayne movies.  Momma---it's wonderful!"

Pammie watches Jen's children three days a week and Jen pays her quite well.  Pammie stays at Jen's on Monday nights and then goes home on Tuesday night and back to work on Thursday.  She has a lot of responsibility with the four kids and that keeps her mind occupied.  Pammie never had children of her own--she had five miscarriages in her first seven years of her first marriage.  She hasn't had the knowledge of taking care of babies and children, but she sure is good at it.  The kids love her, even though she is strict with what they can and cannot do--following their mother and dad's instructions.

Pammie is a lot like me--even looks like me.  She has always been a champion for the under dog.  You should have seen some of the kids she brought home to eat supper with us or spend a few days!  She wanted them to see what a "normal" home was like, she often said.  She'd see some kid being bullied at school and she'd wade into the fracas, tell the other kids off and then take on the bullied person as her personal project to help and build up.

She reminds me of me--as the feeling of wanting to help others--to give them a happier life, tends to get us in trouble.  Haven't I done the same thing so many times and ended up with misery?

Pammie is following in my foot-steps--about twenty years behind me.  That worries me.  I remember all too well how hard it is to be without enough money.  To help someone and have them take advantage of you.  BUT--it is no reason for me to give her all sorts of unwanted advice!

Pammie is almost fifty-four.  She knows her mistakes.  She is becoming stronger and more self-reliant.  She can take care of her house and yard--and herself.  

I would NEVER remind her of her "stupid" mistakes or denigrate her in any way.  Unlike the treatment I got from my father and step-mother--with their shaking of heads--rolling of eyes, their comments of being a fool, their statements of "Well, we just hope you don't make any more stupid decisions!"

No--I would never do that to Pammie.  I support her in any way I can--I wish I could do more.  I wish I could give her ten grand to put in a savings account--just in case.  If she asks, I tell her things that I did wrong and things I did right and things she is doing that are much better then what I did--but only if she asks.  Pammie is like her mother--she rarely asks for help or advice.  We are strong, we are independent, we are stubborn.

I just hope that SOB that lives in her house has enough decency to move out with grace and not make a whole lot of trouble for her!!!

My Sunshine---








May 2013






5 comments:

  1. It sounds like you have a lovely relationship with Pam. I hope the next few weeks run smoothly for her. Jx

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  2. I hope all goes well for Pam and the guy doesn't cause her trouble.

    It's so nice that you have such a great relationship with her :)

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  3. Thank you for sharing about Pam. It's nice to put a face with her. She was an adorable little girl. I agree with T-Shirt- hope the guy just gets out sooner rather than later and with no drama.

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  4. it's me, Bella. For some reason I can't ever fill in my info when I'm using H's iPad. Who knows? I'll just start signing in as anonymous when I'm borrowing it.

    Anyway, I'm so glad you have a good relationship with Pam. She will be happier when he's gone. I hope he takes all his mess with him... literally and figuratively. Her baby pics are adorable.

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