4weeks ago--Nov. 7th--11th

I’ve felt rotten for a few weeks.  I had seen the Cardiologist P.A. on Oct. 21, and they added a new BP med to lower my BP.  I told them that I thought it was already low enough, as I was having feelings of light headiness.

So last Saturday, I sat in my chair all day and watched football games.  Sunday morning I woke up and felt so weak and faint.  I took my BP and saw it was 92/45—and my heart rate was 140.  Usually I can feel a high heart rate in my neck, but I couldn’t feel this.

I decided I had better call 911.   I knew I had to let my sister  know, but at that moment, I couldn’t remember even how to use the phone to get her number.  Someone said, “Why would you post that on FB?”

Well, I knew my sister would see it that way.  Like I said I was, “out of it”.

When I got to the ER, my BP was 89/38—they wondered how I was still conscious…AND I was in active AFib.  High heart rate and it was tap dancing all over the place—140 to 100 to 150 to 108.

My daughter-in-law had thankfully seen the FB post and texted my sister and daughter’s.  My daughter Jennifer, way out in New Jersey, called two of the local hospital’s until she found me and called the ER department and insisted she talk to me.  I did not have my cell phone with me—never even thought about it.

The ER was full—all beds taken and people waiting in the waiting room to get in.  After 12 hours of laying there, they finally had a bed open up on the “heart” floor and I was admitted.

I had gone through this AFib nonsense 6 years ago and the med they gave me then had worked just fine, until the Cardiologist decided to stop it and put me on 3 different ones.  BTW—I have a  new cardiologist now.

So, back on the original med—Metoprolol—to get the BP stabilized and then a cardioversion yesterday morning. That’s where they shock the heart and it goes back into normal sinus rhythm—takes about 20 minutes from start to finish, no big deal—I had it 6 years ago. 

I did have fun in the hospital—with me, the more concerned I get, the more I joke around, so the nurses/techs/residents, thought I was their comic relief for the week.  Of course, I knew what to expect.  One MD told me, “You are the most knowledgeable patient I have ever treated.”  I wanted to reply, “Yeah Doc.  The better to know so you can’t kill me!”  But I didn’t say that.  Like I said, I actually had fun and if it weren’t for their insistence to poke needles in me to check blood levels, it would have been a lot more fun.

So—end result.  They took away 4 BP meds and kept me just on the Metoprolol, which had worked so well for 6 years and 2 months and sent me home.  I’m fine.  Worn out of course.  Back hurts from laying in that hospital bed, but no heart flutters, which is a good thing.

===========================

Last Sunday-yesterday

First of all, if someone tells you that COVID is still rampant—believe them.  I just got home from a hospital with over 500 beds—about 75 beds per floor—and they have 3 floors devoted to COVID patients only, plus over flow in their Emergency Department Trauma Center…about 250 COVID patients.

Adventure 2.0:  I had been feeling so dizzy and tired.  I thought it was because my BP was high, than low and all over the place…not so and not related to what I was in hospital for Nov. 8-11^th.

I was short of breath on Saturday, Nov. 27^th, but there was an important football game on TV, so I decided to get through the day and if I didn’t feel better, to call Sunday morning.  I woke up at 2:00am Sunday morning, fighting to breathe.  If I sat upright in my chair, it was easier, so I sat in my chair, trying to nap for the next few hours.  I wasn’t going to call anyone in the middle of the night nor early Sunday morning, so at 8:30, when I realized that I needed to get help, I just posted a quick FB post, knowing that my DIL or sister would see it and text the other kids, by then, I was shaking so hard that I couldn’t have made a phone call to anyone and have to explain—911 was the best I could do.

It took the ambulance guys about 8 minutes to get here and determine that I should go “in”, I fought hard once again to have them take me to the “small hospital” in Howell, rather than the Main hospital 35 minutes away—where they wanted to take me.  I won the battle and we arrived at a once again, over loaded ER—people in beds all along the wall, every ER room full.  They did a chest x-ray and came in to tell me they were transporting me down to the “mother ship” big hospital—as the hospital in Howell is a satellite hospital.  Never been in an ambulance before and now I got 3 rides in 3 weeks!

We arrived there an hour later, into a bigger ER department with an over-flow in their new Trauma Center—all the rooms there were full with 17 of us on beds along the wall.  The next few hours are kind of a blur—bright lights—noisy—so much activity.  They did take me for a chest scan and by midnight, I was in a room “upstairs”.  More people coming in to check me out—vitals and then at 2:00am, some doc prescribed that liquid LASIX be put in my IV line.  Lasix—a water pill, at 2:00 am?  I felt so bad for my nurses and tech, because I had to pee every half hour and they had to help me to the bathroom.  I told them I could manage with the walker, but “hospital policy” says…….and they had snuck an alarm pad into my bed, where if I got up, because of course, I tried it…loud alarms sounded and 2 quite large, male techs showed up, scolded me and told me they were required to help me to the bathroom.  GEEZ!

Monday was a day of tests—another Echo Cardiogram and the Doc told me my heart was very strong and healthy and “it won’t be your heart that takes you out!”—HAH.  Then another tech and wheelchair showed up at my door and the words I was scared to hear, “we are here to take you for a needle aspiration of your right lung, you have fluid build-up—no wonder I couldn’t breathe!  I had heard about needle aspiration—they stick a 6 foot needle in your back, through the ribs and into the lung to drain the fluid, so I was scared, but, it wasn’t bad at all.  I silently prayed, “Dear God, help me be brave” and He did.  NO—the needle isn’t really 6 feet long—it’s pretty long, but………..

600 ml fluid off that lung—helped with my breathing.  The fluid was clear and I asked if I had any lung problems like COPD or anything and the needle tech wondered why I would ask.  “No you don’t have COPD or chronic bronchitis…no stenosis…your lungs are in very good shape, why did you think otherwise?”  “Oh,,” I replied, “because I smoked for 60 years.”  “WELL, YOU’D NEVER KNOW IT BY LOOKING AT YOUR LUNG SCANS.”

 Tuesday noon, the head of PT came in to inform me I had a fractured right scapula (shoulder blade).  “I do not!” I said.  He went on to try and convince me that the fall I had taken on the day after I got home from my first adventure, had broken my scapula and caused the retention of fluid in my “bruised” right lung.  He said the fracture had showed up on the x-ray from the Howell ER.  Now I had fallen, but I didn’t tell anyone and  I (thought) I had recovered because I had no pain for the last couple of weeks, but I do remember someone asking me if I had fallen recently and I said, “Yes”, but didn’t explain further.  “You know,” I said, “the equipment at Howell is probably older than what you have here, maybe you should take another x-ray because……I do not have a broken shoulder blade!”

So he put me through some tests with my right arm and I did all of them really well.  He just stood and stared at me.  Then he wheeled me down to the PT clinic and had me walk around with a walker and up and down steps and checked my right shoulder and……..I had no pain.  Then he said, “I’m going to notify your Doctor, write you off and have you released this afternoon.”

What a dummy I am!  I know very well that a fall can cause internal bleeding or fluid build-up.  Heck—my Daddy, at age 92, died a few days after a fall when his kidney area filled up with blood and his kidneys couldn’t get rid of it and his kidneys failed.  Why did it never occur to me that I could have a similar problem?  A lot of “olders” die from falls every year and it’s usually from internal injuries.  Why did I not think of that?  Because I can’t get it through my head that I AM OLD and if there is no pain, I think everything is okay.

So—it took me 3 ambulance rides, a myriad of scans and procedures to find out—the earlier hospital stay and this one were entirely unrelated—this was caused by a fall that I didn’t pay attention to AND my heart, my lungs and all other innards are really in very good shape.

Once again, I found my hospital stay to be interesting and I actually had fun.  More social interaction than I’ve had in nearly two years. LOL.

 spilt pop on keybor--no post this Sun,y

 I know it's Sunday and it's a sunny day and I shouldn't complain about anything, BUT--

for some reason this month has got me down. I feel over-whelmed and just trying to get through each day.

It all started with having to get that new toilet, which took a big chunk out of the money I had put aside to fix the muffler on The Car.

Last week, I had to get a blood draw, which involved trying to climb up the many steps to the Doc's office. I had PT on Tuesday and PT and a Doc appointment on Thursday--this time I used my walker and struggled up the inclined ramp at his office.

I didn't get to drive out to The Farm on Friday like I had planned. It was a day of continual torrential rain. It has been 19 months since I've "been home".

This week, I take my car in tomorrow late afternoon to have him work on it Tuesday. This involves working around my daughter's schedule so she can meet me there and bring me home.

I canceled my PT appointment for Tuesday.

Hopefully The Car will be ready for pick-up on Wednesday, which will involve finding out my daughter's schedule so she can take me over to get it. Lord only knows what it's going to cost.

Thursday I have an appointment at 11:45 for a renal artery CAT scan to make sure the new meds I am on aren't damaging my kidneys. This will involve wrestling my walker out of the back seat of The Car and using it to walk, quite a distance, into the little hospital, and then wrestling the walker back into the car. Thursday afternoon, I have a dental cleaning, which will again result in wrestling with the walker and going up the inclined ramp. I canceled my Thursday PT, but get to do that on Friday.

I cancelled my hair cut on Monday...it can wait.

On Wednesday of that week, I have a follow-up appointment at Michigan Heart, in the little hospital to make sure my new BP meds are working. I KNOW they are working as my BP is TOO low now, which makes me tired.

AND to top it all off? As I got up this morning, I noticed one of the cats had barfed on the living room carpet. Not by a piece of furniture, where I'd have something to hold onto as I bend over to clean it up and put stain remover on it, Oh No--right in the middle of the living room. I guess I can pull my rocking chair over and sit on it and bend over to get that mess cleaned up.

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I'm just so frustrated and tired and actually angry. My dead foot isn't getting any better. There may be no fix for it and there is NO fix for my back problems.

I don't pray for a cure...there are so many with worse physical problems than me, and I pray for them. I pray to be more grateful and positive and I am grateful. At least I can still stumble along and am not in a wheel chair. I just get so tired and depressed.

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Okay--pity party rant over. I won't post about any of this again--unless it is on a positive note.

======================

Remember the photo of my new toilet?

This is one I wish I had. LOL

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I order my non-food products from the grocery store and have them delivered. The other day my "shopper" called to tell me there was not wet cat food in the 28 can cartons and there was no cat litter.

Thursday my daughter took my food card to get my food groceries and call me half way through the store to tell me some of the items I wanted were not on the shelves.

"Mom", she said. "This is scary...so many shelves are just bare."

I guess it's getting like this all over the country. Not just items from foreign countries stuck on those cargo ships out at sea, but locally or USA made items and food that is manufactured right here in Michigan.

We are 19 months into this pandemic and I expected short supplies when people were hoarding, but that crazy stuff is now over. Most be a trucking issues?

============

I'm not real fond of this world we are living in right now.

I am on some kind of roller coaster of emotions.

My drop-foot isn't getting any better.  I don't feel safe walking with a cane.  My balance is atrocious.  Even with the PT twice a week for 6 months now, I don't seem to be getting better.

I got the car.  Had a gift of money to fix the muffler on the car.  Then insanity broke loose.

We have terrible water here.  Rust and calcium to the max.  Things wear out quicker than normal.  I have had issues with the innards in my toilet tank for years.  The chain that pulled up the ring that pulled up the flapper to flush, kept rusting out.  I was capable enough to buy a new chain and fix it or use a wire and paper clip to fix it.

Three weeks ago, everything inside the tank just broke down.  Rusted pieces of this and that lay on the bottom of the tank.  I called a guy who does a lot of work in the park here and he gave me an estimate for repairs.  The innards alone and labor would run near $200.00.

Actually, I needed a whole new toilet as the one I had was a bit too low and made it very hard for me to get off.  So he found a 17' high toilet.  I wanted the 21" high, but it was $500.00, just for the toilet.

It took him 2 weeks to schedule me in. It didn't take him an hour to get the new toilet in.  I had purchased a sort of chair like frame--arms--to make it easier for me to push myself up.  They were under $40.00 and they work well.

His invoice?  $450.00.  He then gave me $25.00 off because I paid him cash--sorta under the table?

My bathroom now looks like it was built for an elderly, disabled person, which ticks me off, but I suppose is true.

Now, I'm wondering where the $$$ is going to come from to fix the car.  Probably $250.00 for new muffler and labor.

Ya know?  Somedays I just want to go to bed, refuse to eat and turn my back to the door and ease on outta this world!  I know a few people that have done that.

===========

Closure?

It's been 4 strange months emotionally for me. I sit in this computer room a lot and the windows face the street. Dar's house is kitty-corner, so every time I look out the windows, there it is.

I have had a hard time even imaging she is gone. I look up and expect to see her car pull into her drive or see her and her Dad walking out to go somewhere or look up; to see her headed over here.

Her house was put up for sale and sold quickly--as do most homes in this park. Her kids had a garage sale last week. I didn't go over. All this past week, her oldest daughter and her partner have been cleaning out the house. People came to buy furniture.

I'd watch as the women went in and out--all day long--carrying loads of stuff--filling up the back of their SUV and coming back with it empty. Donating to Salvation Army, I supposed.

Yesterday, a truck with a box trailer pulled up in front and two men started hauling out large items. Perhaps for a consignment sale? Perhaps to put in an auction?

I felt a great urge to go over. I just wanted to say good-bye to her daughter...that I will never see again in my life. I got my walker out of the back of my car and went over.

She invited me in and a kind of shock hit me. There on the living room carpet were left the imprints of where the couch had sat--her chair, the chair I always sat in, her Dad's chair. He died last week at the age of 100 and 4 months.

The empty house echoed with the sounds of our words.

It hit me.

We hugged, our good-bye words came from thickened throats and tear filled eyes.

========

I saw the real estate woman go in the house this morning.

Now, everything will be in reverse--with trucks and vans bringing in furniture.

I hope nice people bought it.

======================

On a lighter note: My youngest great grand baby that was born prematurely in April. She is six months old now and has such a precious personality. Those big eyes remind me of my daughter, her grand mother Karen, when she was that age.

Well, what can I say that is worth reading?

Ever since last fall, when the mechanic told me that my car was "near death" and I shouldn't really drive it because of the power steering fluid leak, I have only driven 4 mile round trips--to the store and now to PT twice a week, which...oh yes, continues.

I have a condition called Drop-Foot.  Who knows what caused it or when/if it will ever get better.  Then April 1st, my left foot started swelling.  "They" ruled out it was caused by the Drop-Foot as that is not one of the side effects.

My Doc thought I had dropped something on my foot...in July, he declared the swelling was caused by the hot weather.  That Idiot is wrong on both parts.

Coincidentally, this swelling started exactly two weeks after my Johnson& Johnson vaccine shot.

I have been researching and reading and think I have come up with my own self diagnosis--which I've always been pretty good at.

Lymphedema.  Not serious, but no cure.  Lymph nodes in the upper legs aren't draining away the fluids like they are supposed to.  I am now wearing compression socks--which take all my strength and prayers for help, to put on!

I will bring this up when next I see the Idiot Doc.

============

As for the car, since last fall I have had 3 deals on getting a different car fall through.  Finally, a friend of my my daughter Karen told her they were selling their daughter's car.  Then they changed their mind.  Then they changed their mind again.

My car is 23 years old.  This car is 12 years old, but looks like it survived a war.  Bumps and bruises on all sides.  Paint missing.  Every time their daughter bumped into something, they didn't fix it as their insurance would have gone up.  It needs a muffler, hubcaps and a driver's side headlight cover.    BUT..........

it runs great!  

They could get $800.00 from the dealer as a trade-in, but because it was Karen's friend and their daughter is a friend of Karen's daughter Maddie, she said, "If it's for Grandma Judy, I want her to have it."

So I had $500.00 to my name....and that's what they said they would sell the car for.  Great, but how to pay for the needed muffler, hubcaps and headlight?

I opened my mail yesterday and there was a greeting card and inside that card was 3, crisp, new smelling $100.00 bills!

I HAVE AN ANGEL!!!!  HER NAME IS JUDY ALSO.  SHE SAID SHE JUST WANTED TO HELP.

My Gosh!  How do you thank someone for a gift like that?

Now I can get the car fixed and hopefully, take a drive up to The Farm.  I haven't been there in 18 months and I am so homesick.

 

 Daughter Karen had a party August 1st for all the birthday's and anniversaries for that month.  We have a lot.

I got to meet my newest great grand girl.  Eliana Katherine.  She was born pre-maturely April 4 and only now weighs 8 pounds.  It was like I was holding a new born, but she was alert, smiling and cooing at me like a 4 month old.

She just kept looking at me all the time I held her.

Karen continues to get my groceries for me and I continue to go twice a week to PT.  It's been almost 4 total months.  

 Well, you'd think I could keep up with this blog more than a post every six weeks!

I'm still in physical therapy--nearly 3 months now.  My legs are getting much stronger, but I have what they call a "Drop Foot" on my left side.  I can't lift my toes off the floor, so I take a step with my right foot, heel-toe, and then my left foot just drops on the ground.  I look very similar to how Frankenstein walks.  

The pain in my lower back is better.  It will never go away, but at least it isn't constant anymore.  

My unreliable car, is still unreliable--I drive it 4 miles-round trip, on Tuesdays and Thursdays to the PT.  That makes me frustrated!  I just want to be able to get in my car and drive up to The Farm and visit my sister and my hometown.

The weeds in my garden are taller than my beautiful Lilies.  My front porch needs to be painted, but my balance isn't good enough yet to do any of those chores.

Mobility issues, they call it.  I know what I'd like to call it, but God told me not to swear anymore.

 If you have been reading this blog for the last few years, you have seen me write about my neighbor Dar.  The strong-willed, strong-minded, assertive Dar.

She visited me one evening about 7 weeks ago.  Her 100 year old Dad lives with her and every once in awhile she needs to escape.  So she waits until he falls asleep for his evening nap and scoots over here for 45 minutes.

She had walked her normal 3 miles that day.  Diagnosed with a very rare blood disease, Waldenstrom Syndrome--a form of Hodgkins cancer, but no symptoms, so they are "watching it".

Two nights later, as I sat here in my computer room, looking out at her house, I saw an ambulance pull up and attendants going into her house.  I naturally thought it was her Dad, but about a half hour later, the gurney came out and it was Dar, sitting on it.

The next day I called a couple of her friends here in the park--Jackie, who lives next door to Dar and right across the street from me--was in bed asleep and didn't know anything.

Dar's housekeeper who lives down at the end of the street didn't know either, but had Dar's daughter's phone number and would find out.

Dar's daughter, from North Carolina, had just come in that very morning.  They were getting together so that Dar could make out her Will.

Two days later, I heard that Dar had been having extreme stomach pains and vomiting, so the ambulance was called.  Tests had been done.  She was to have surgery.

Now, this rare form of blood cancer can remain dormant for years and then appear in an internal organ.  There is no known cure.

Dar had a tumor, the size of a large bake potato removed from her Pancreas and two smaller ones--lemon sized, removed from her kidney, liver and had her spleen removed.  

She was in hospital for 10 days and then came home on Friday, May 8th.  The next morning, her daughter, Dad and her sat down for breakfast and all of a sudden, Dar said, "Oh", and fell over onto her left side.  The day before Mother's Day--when her granddaughter was expected to arrive.

Back into hospital.  She had a stroke.

She was in hospital for 10 days and they wanted to move her to a care/rehab facility, but the facility said she wasn't well enough for them to take care of her.

Finally got her moved in the last of May.  Even though Dar could speak a bit and knew her daughter/Dad/granddaughter, within four days, she suddenly decided to turn her back to the door, refused to eat or drink and kept her eyes squeezed tightly shut and refused to speak.

Jackie went to visit her at the care center and said it was awful.  Dar looked awful and Jackie wished she hadn't gone.

I told Jackie and Dar's other friends, "Dar is just waiting for her Angel to come and escort her home.  Her faith is very steadfast and deep and she doesn't want to be here anymore."

Dar died Monday, June 7th.

Everyone was shocked, but I thought, if she did make it through the stroke with rehab, she'd still have some debilitating effects from it and then the cancer?  Would she want to deal with the treatments?  Would she want the pancreatic tumor to come back and kill her?

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It feels very strange to look out these front windows and see her house all closed up, her car removed from the driveway.  I keep expecting to see her pull in with her car.  I keep waiting for her to open my door and walk in.

She had such a dynamic, strong, vibrant personality, that it feels like something is missing from out neighborhood.

Today, her kids opened up her house so family, neighbors and friends could gather together and talk about memories.  It was a nice gathering.

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PLANT TREES

In Remembrance

Darlene C. Nadeau

May 13, 1942 - June 07, 2021

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Darlene C. Nadeau, age 79 of Brighton, passed away after an extended illness on Monday, June 7, 2021. She was born May 13, 1942 in Detroit, the daughter of Clovis and Betty (Holtz) Nadeau. She is survived by her children Lisa Nalepa, Jeffory Nalepa, Connie Hetu and Wayne Hetu. Grandmother of Jeffory, Ashley, Zoe, George, Eleni, Hopejoy, Corey and Shea. Great-grandmother of Cooper and Hunter. Also survived by her father Clovis and brothers Mike and Terry Nadeau. Darlene was a manager of several restaurants. She enjoyed taking her day trips to to many places especially Frankenmuth, liked attending church, was an avid walker, liked her coffee and enjoyed spending time with family and her father. A memorial gathering will take place at a later date. 

  Well last Friday was one of those kind of days, that left me emotional, but so happy. I had talked it over with my sister, last month when she took me up to her house. My mother built me a doll house for my 3rd Christmas. No young girls left to play with it and I wanted to say where it went before I die. Just one of those things you want done...just in case.

Today, my daughter Karen, her oldest daughter Helene, my great great granddaughter Della and her little brother Harrison drove on up to Susan's house to pick it up...to go to my gg daughter Della.

I wrote the history of the doll house and rolled it up like a scroll, tied with a little piece of leather and put it in one of the small closets to stay with the doll house.

"This doll house was made by Dorathy Della Walts in 1943.

She gave it to her daughter, Judith Jean Walts on Christmas Eve that year. Judy was 4 ½ years old.

When Judy’s little sister, Susan Ellen Walts, was born in 1952, she played with it.

When Judy had children, Mark, Pam, Karen & Jennifer, they played with it.

When Judy had granddaughter’s, Helene, Susanna, Madeleine (Rivard) & Elise (Oertel), they played with it.

Judy gave it back to Susan to have in her house and Susan’s granddaughter’s, Kate and Elizabeth played with it. 2015

Now that all those little girls have grown up, Judy is giving it to her great granddaughter, Della Helene, her oldest granddaughter Helene’s daughter, to have. 2021"

They loaded it into Helene's car, I took one last look at it, with my arm draped over my little sister's shoulders, and could remember the exact moment I saw it for the first time. That Christmas 78 years ago.

Sister Susan, daughter Karen, Granddaughter Helene, holding Harrison.,

Della and me.

 A month and a week since I've posted.

Is there an excuse?  Not a very viable one.

Just not in the mood, I guess

This past year plus has made me old.  

I started physical therapy mid May and it has helped.  It is going to take a long time even to learn how to walk again, without staggering from the back pain and the weak legs.  I am booked twice a week through July 15th, with an extension if I need it.

Last Thursday, I finally got up enough courage to allow Kiera (the PT) to stick a couple of acupuncture needles directly into the spot, where it feels hard as a marble.  On my left side--the same spot that has hurt for the last 9 years.  

I woke up the next morning to a bit of soreness, I suppose where the needles went in, but no pain in that area and the "marble" went from one of those big ones, down to a regular size.  I couldn't believe it.

Then yesterday, I bent over to put the cat dishes down on their feeding mat, like I do every morning and when I went to stand back up, my right leg gave out and down I went...banging my right elbow, shoulder and hip.

I had to scoot across the kitchen floor and the living room carpet to get to my recliner chair, where I got up on my knees, grabbed the cushion and pulled myself up enough so I could collapse into it.

When I woke up this morning, I could barely get out of bed, I was in such pain.  My elbow and shoulder are bruised a bit, but it is the right lower back and right thigh that are so painful.

Here I am getting my left back fixed up and now I've set us back by racking up my right back.

I did have an appointment with her this afternoon, but when she saw me, she said my back was so inflammed that we couldn't do any exercises and she just massaged it for about half an hour.

Expecting a prescription of steroids to be delivered tomorrow.

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That reminds me...I heard a knock at my door Saturday and when I opened it, there Kiera stood with her freckled face 10 year old boy.  She handed me a salad and said, "You sit and eat your salad while we weed your gardens."  My gardens are thick this year and the plants are taller and fuller than they have ever been, but I have long grasses that are taller than the flowers.  They cleaned them up good.  Does that qualify for going above and beyond?  She said she was afraid that I'd go out to weed and fall.  Which, I probably would have.

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You remember Dar?  My neighbor.  I certainly have filled this blog with stories about her over the years.

"They" found out in January that she has a very rare blood cancer.  Nothing to do but monitor it to see if it starts invading her organs.

First part of May she became very sick and went into hospital.  They waited a week than did surgery, to find she had a very large tumor in her pancreas and small tumors in her liver and kidneys.  They removed them, but didn't want to pursue chemo right now.

She came home the day before Mother's Day.  Her daughter had driven up from North Carolina to be with her.

Mother's Day breakfast, Dar was at the table with her 100 year old father, who lives with her, and all of a sudden, she said, "Oh!" and fell to the left.  She had had a stroke.

Back to the hospital.  Clot in her brain.  They couldn't operate because her other major surgery had been a short while ago.

The hospital wanted to put her in a care/rehab place, but the rehab place said she wasn't well enough.  So the hospital kept her another week.

She was placed in a place last Monday.  Her daughter and father got to visit her.  Then her daughter went back to NC for a month, her father had to go live with his son, that he can't stand.  They removed all the cable boxes from the house, put her car in storage, set up the house like you would if you were leaving for a long time and closed it all up.  When I look out my left front window over there, it looks very lonely.

Jackie, my neighbor directly across the street and next to Dar's house went up to visit Dar on Sunday.  She called me afterwards to tell me...she regrets going.

Dar lays raised in her bed.  She will not open her eyes.  She will not speak, even though she can.  She has a feeding tube because she can't swallow.  Jackie said she has lost a lot of weight and "looks just awful."

They expect her to be there 3 months...maybe longer.  I'm thinking the pancreatic cancer might take her before then.

Personally?  I think Dar is just waiting for her Angel to come and get her and take her to the Lord.

It's amazing how quickly things can happen.  Just the day before she first went into hospital, she walked around the block then stopped in to visit me.  She seemed just fine.  Spunky as usual.

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On a brighter note:

My granddaughter Madeleine--the ballet dancer, who now teaches ballet, was married just 2 years ago end of May, came to visit and brought my great grandson Benedikt.  It was wonderful to be able to hug and kiss and sit close to talk.  She also brought news that she is expecting in January.

  

I have been so down in the dumps lately.  Lonely and lonesome.

It's been over a year since I've been up to The Farm.  My car is not stable enough to make that 25 mile trip.

Yesterday, my sister came all the way down from The Farm to pick me up.  We stopped at Culver's to get a butter burger for lunch and then drove the back roads up to our home town.

I don't know why, but she has a key to the church--a church I attended from the age of 6 weeks of age on, so we went inside so I could look around in the sanctuary.   They have added those large video screens up behind the altar.  I don't like them.  I like to hold a hymnal, so I can see the notes so I can harmonize.  Nowadays, they post the words on the video screen and, I guess, people just sing the words in unison with no harmonizing.

I have been having a lot of trouble with my legs.  They are very weak.  I had walked around the church quite a bit and when we got ready to leave, I stepped down on first step of the stairs...my left leg went out and down I went...landing on the step on my behind.  I couldn't even pull myself up by the railing, so I just bumped along, down each step, until my feet were on the floor, then I grabbed the hand rail and my sister grabbed my other arm and I was able to stand.

Then we drove around town a little bit, remembering who used to live where and what stores used to be on main street.  We drove on out of town and stopped at the cemetery where all of our Daddy's ancestor's are...and where we both will be too.  I walked a bit, finding it difficult and painful in my back to walk on uneven ground.  My sister put the flowers in the urns and then we drove around the perimeter lane in the cemetery and stopped to "see" friends and family members who are buried there...my best friend and her husband are there.

Then we drove the 3 miles over to her house.  I enjoyed that drive.  Some of the farmers are already tilling their fields...it's a bit early, but we've had an early spring.  We drove by my oldest daughter's home--was my grandparents home and after my grandma died, we moved over there and raised the kids in that home.  Then up on the corner where my son lives on what was my parents farm and the place I was born.  Then 1/8th mile down to sister's place.  The farm our great great grandparents settled on in 1855.  5 generations of my family have lived in that house.  Of course sister and her hubs updated it a  bit when they moved in 9 years ago.

Then

Now

Instead of leaves, that entire front lawn is covered by tiny purple May flowers.

We talked.  Some serious talk about things I want to go to certain people after I die and she will take care of the distribution.

We laughed and then she got out some old home movies our Mother had taken and I had put on a DVD and we watched.  Once again, so many friends and family members.  It was great to see my sister when she was little and I was a teenager.  To see your Daddy and Mother and grandparents and great grandma walking around.  We wish there had been sound so we could hear their voices again.

Then, she brought me home.  I had been so lonesome to go back "home"...where I know every inch of those houses, the fields, the woods.

It was such a wonderful day..

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Of course today, my legs hurt so bad I can hardly walk.  I rubbed them down with some horse liniment I got from a Vet.  It helps horses that have gone lame and...I tell you the truth...this old nag has gone lame in the last few months...but at least I'm not homesick anymore.

 I finished a cross stitch project last week.  Of course, it is wrinkled and needs to be washed and pressed, but you get the idea.

It goes with this one I finished at Christmas time.  Although I won't frame either one.

My cross stitching is a "something to do" in my life now.  I can't just sit and watch TV--I fidget.  So I do the cross stitch, to keep my hands busy.

Now that one is off the hoop, I found another free pattern to download.  This should keep me busy until 2022.

I thought I would do it on grey cloth until I realized that the entire background is varying shades of gray stitches.

And so I begin.  Upper right corner.  I may go mad until I run into a section of pretty colors.

Oh well.  It's just "something to do".

==================

It's rather ironic...all the research I did on the Covid vaccines and then decided the Johnson & Johnson was the safest, with no after effects.

 For the last year plus, I haven't even known anyone who has had Covid.  In the last 3 weeks, 4 people I know have died from it.  Not elderly people.  Men, in their 50-60's.

Vaccinated or not, I think we will still be wearing masks next fall, while we wait in line for the booster shot.

This Pandemic is far, far from over.

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Granddaughter-in-law had Toxemia or whatever they call it nowadays.  Her blood pressure was so high, "they" feared she'd have a stroke, so they induced labor this past Monday.

Now, I would think a C-section would be quicker and safer on high blood pressure than having to labor for 26 hours, but....what do I know.

Eliana Katherine was born on Tuesday, weighing only four pounds.  She kept forgetting to breathe, so they put her on forced oxygen.

She is off oxygen, but still has a feeding tube.  Momma may go home tomorrow.

We have never had a preemie in our family.  I had Toxemia with Jennifer, but I went full term.  Our babies usually have a birth weight of 8 pounds or more.  My Jen weighed 9# 4oz.  They were big enough to hop off the delivery table and walk to the nursery.

I can't imagine Momma and Daddy going home and leaving baby at the hospital.  How do you deal with that?

 Yesterday my daughter Karen had a baby shower for her son and his wife.  These kids got married last June, in a small, intimate, close family members only service.

I met her grandma at the wedding and we spent all afternoon at the outdoor reception, talking with each other.  I just instantly adored her and I guess the feeling was mutual.

I was so excited about being able to see her again yesterday.

My sister Susan, whose birthday was also yesterday, picked me up on her way.  Daughter Pam, who I haven't seen in nearly a year, was riding along with us and Susan's daughter-in-law.

I was drugged up with Advil/Tylenol, a hemp pain patch on my back, a tiny Ativan for my nerves and an anti-acid for my tummy.  I took my cane because I knew I wouldn't be able to walk from their driveway to their front porch without it.

All of Karen's kids and their spouses were there and 2 of my great babies--who of course barely recognized GiGi as they hadn't seen me since last October.

Then my "bonus" granddaughter's Mother, Cathy, walked in.  I was so glad to see her, but...where was Grandma Carolyn?

Cathy explained that her Mother was not feeling well.  She had a slight cold and didn't want to infect anyone, so she stayed home.  She went on to explain, "Mom actually cried, when she told me she wasn't going to be able to come.  She so wanted to see you again."

I could feel tears gathering in my eyes.  I had been waiting to see her and so happy about it for these last few months.  Cathy could see I was upset and she hugged me.  "I know.  I know.  Mom feels the same way."

So the shower progressed.  A really nice shower, only about 25 people and no stupid shower games.  A perfect luncheon of Croissants filled with chicken salad, fruit cups, pink frosted cupcakes and pink frosted sugar cookies.

The happy couple sat at the head of the table and insisted I sit next to them while they opened their gifts.

I got to hug each and every grandchild--and tell them I love them--several times.  Gosh!  It felt wonderful.

Today, my body feels like I got hit by a Mack Truck--probably from all the walking and moving around yesterday, but...I can rest today.  Every pain I feel.  Every spasm in my back today is worth it all.  I got to see a lot of people I love... except Grandma Carolyn.

Carolyn and Stephen and the quilt I cross stitched for them.

These "kids" are both doctor's and in their 1st year of residency.  Can you imagine how busy they are going to be when baby girl arrives in late April?

 Yes, I am still here.  

I really have no desire to post and if I'm going to keep this blog going, I need to post more often that EVERY SIX WEEKS!

I'm sorry.

I started doing leg exercises to strengthen my legs, after having my left leg collapse on me and causing me to fall.  This long isolation time has weakened my muscles.  I've heard that from many another woman my age, so I know it isn't some rare disease like Rickets.  But that knowledge doesn't help my mood!

Now when I walk, I tend to walk "crooked", like my left foot wants to go left while I am trying to walk straight.  After a few steps, the pain hits my left back and spine, causing me to walk even slower.  My balance is off too and I feel like I have to hold onto something to be able to walk.

Lawsy!  It's awful.

The last time I went to the store to get a few groceries, thankfully I had the cart to hold onto because my left calf gave out...or is it my left hip?

I have plans on making an appointment at the orthopedic surgeon that did my hip replacements to make sure they are still situated the way they are supposed to be.

Daughter Karen has had to go get my groceries this month for me.  She can use my food card.  I have my non-food items delivered by the local big supermarket--Meijer.  

The company that does that is called "Shipt" and they are great, but...they won't or can't use my food card.  If they did, I'd have them get all my items from the store and have them delivered.

Of course, that doesn't help the exercise situation.

Before the Lost Year of Covid, I went shopping about every 10 days.  I figured it was good exercise to walk the length and breadth of the store.  With the forced isolation and then the stay home-stay safe orders, most of us elders followed instructions.  We just sat in our recliners, watched TV and crocheted or cross stitched, and our leg muscles atrophied.

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I got my shot.  I went with the Johnson & Johnson because the research I had done, just left me with more questions about Moderna and Pizer.  Although all of my kids got the Moderna vaccine, 3 of my friends, my age and older, had problems after the second injection.

One had blood clot issues the day after the 2nd injection and two had strokes.  This may just be a coincidence, but...........?

If they had all received the serum at the same place, I would wonder if the serum was "bad", but they got them at 3 different places, but...in the same County.  Makes ya wonder doesn't it.

There is a baby shower for my May expected great grand baby, it's a  girl!  Karen is having the shower this Sunday and I am going TO HUG everyone of those grand kids of mine.  

I'll try to do a better job of posting.  I'm glad to see you are all well.

 What in the world is there to post about?

The sameness of everyday is about to drive me nutz!

The Virus restrictions seem worse now than 11 months ago, simply because the Virus seems worse.  How many new variants will appear?

I haven't received my vaccination and I'm in no hurry.  I don't like how the Pifzer one works on the mRNA...heard too many stories of how a year or more from now, because it messes with the RNA it can cause Lupus, MS and a whole host of other neurological diseases.  I might wait and go with the Johnson & Johnson vaccination--one shot and no attachment to the RNA.

I wonder now, if we are going to have to get a COVID vaccination every fall, because it will change every year, like the flu, and "they" have to try and figure out which vaccine will work the best.   Oh--have you noticed that there hasn't been much flu this winter?  Because we are wearing masks and being more careful about washing our hands.

I haven't felt well since the first of the year.  My legs are very weak, so I have started doing leg exercises, trying to build up my strength.  I walk "funny"...sort of stagger.  I was out shopping one day last month, saw a penny on the pavement, bent over to pick it up and my calves gave out and down I went.  Thankfully, there was a lady nearby who works in a nursing home and knew how to lift me up.

Now, why did I topple over?  I bend over all the time.  To put down the cats feeding bowls.  To pick something up off the floor.  I guess it's because I had just come from grocery shopping and walking all over the store and my legs were weak?

Now, I am battling with Positional Vertigo.  It comes from sleeping flat--which I have done for the last two years.  The crystals inside my ear canals have decided to get all stupid, which results in extreme dizziness to a faint feeling.  I am doing the Epley Maneuver, trying to get them back where they line up correcting in the ear canals and specific instructions:  "Do not lay flat for 48 hours after the maneuver."  Sleeping on a big, puffy pillow, to raise my head, which makes my neck hurt and the reason I have been sleeping pillowless for 2 years.

I haven't seen anyone in the family end of December and no calls from the kids.  I have the grocery store home deliver my groceries, so I don't see Karen...who used to go shopping for me.  The store won't/can't take my food card, so I only order non-food stuff, which is okay.  I get the biggest heaviest quantity of cat litter and food there is---they carry it all into the house for me.  

Life isn't much fun right now and hasn't been in a long time.

So what else is new?

Nuttin' Honey.