title explained

Onward and upward! something that you say in order to encourage someone to forget an unpleasant experience or failure and to think about the future instead and move forward.

My e-mail: jjmiller6213@comcast.net

Thursday, January 17, 2019

I'm glad you found me again, Jody!

I rode up to the funeral with Karen and Mark.  So glad I didn't have to drive!  It was so good to see my ex siblings and nephew, niece and cousins.  They all were very warm in their greetings and hugs.  Especially my nephew.  He and I were close when he was little.  I saved his life when he was 3 months old. He saw me when I first came in the church and came right over.  He's 6'4" now and 53 years old.  

On the way home from the funeral, Karen read me a text she had received from Jennifer. Apparently Jennifer had been checking assisted living places here in my county.  She had found a government housing apartment that would "only" cost 1/3 my income.  She wondered if, "Judy would be interested."  So now...she calls me her Mother, Judy?  That sorta knifed my heart.

I told Karen that I didn't like living in an apartment because I like living in a single unit that has windows on all four sides, and no neighbor's noise on my outer walls and that the rent at 1/3 of my income, would be more than I pay here!

Then I said, "You could let Jennifer know that when she gets the mother-in-law suite finished in her new mansion, JUDY would love to move in with her."
Monday I had taken everything out of the bottom kitchen cupboards and had the things I had put aside for Karen and Mark to take home.  A big electric griddle, 4-slice toaster, bread machine for Karen and the mixer for Maddie.  It has all the attachments and should last her the rest of her life.

It must have been more of an emotional time for me than I realized, because after Karen and Mark left, I kicked back in my recliner and woke up 3 hours later.

My house is still a wreck.  It looks like I am either moving in or moving out.

Slowly, and I do mean slowly, I will get it all back together.

Friday, January 11, 2019

I made my "cleaning out" list.  I pictured each room and what needed doing, and visualized what I needed to get rid of.  Then, while I was at Walmart on Tuesday, I accumulated a bunch of large boxes they were going to throw out.  I figure the boxes will hold my mixer and toaster and the other appliances I am going to give to Karen and Maddie.

I was in Walmart because, after a month since my eye examination, I finally took my prescription in for new glasses.  Over the holiday season, friends had sent me some extra money and I had enough saved to get my glasses.  Plastic frames are back in style and I am glad, but it seemed all the styles were dark.  Browns, blues, red.  When I put them on, all I could see was glasses.  My skin is fair and with my gray hair...the frames stuck out like glaring headlights.

Then the clerk suggested that I look at the men's frames.  Well--why not?  My head is as big as most men--I have a wide face and big ears.  The first ones I picked up and put on were perfect.  They are a nearly clear plastic frames and almost invisible against my pale complexion and gray hair.  

Then we sat down for the measurements and when all was done, she gave me the price: $295.00.  Well I know, comparatively, that isn't a bad price for progressive lenses, but all I had was $200.00. So I will have to go back when I get the 95.00 scrounged up.  I finished the big genealogy I was working on and my client owes me $84.00, so that will get my glasses ordered.
Went to the Old School Gal Pals lunch.  Our Senile Sister was not there, but the Professor was.  She rapped on the table with the handle of her knife for our attention.  Then she regaled us with a story of her and the new Roomba she bought herself for Christmas.  The first 15 minutes of her dissertation were funny....the next 30 minutes got to be a bit much.  Some turned to the person sitting next to them to engage in conversation and when the Professor saw this, rapped the table again with her knife to bring all attention back to her.

We were all finished eating.  She was still taking bites as she had talked so much, her plate was still full.

I left kind of early...my eyes glazed over...and napped on my drive home.
There was an e-mail message from daughter Karen.  My youngest sister-in-law (ex) had died.  Apparently she had laid on her apartment room floor for 2 days before her landlady noticed she hadn't seen her and her mail had not been picked up.  Her twin sister, her older sister and her brother, my ex, are all in their Florida homes for the winter, so they will have to fly home to make the arrangements.

By far, she was the sweetest sister-in-law.  Married at 19, her husband left her, after two years, when she was 8 months pregnant.  She had a beautiful baby girl that I used to baby sit.  When the little one was 13 months old, she died suddenly from an enlarged heart.

She has had a hard life for sure.  She took care of their mother, who had a stroke, for seven years.

I don't know the details, but I am thinking my sister-in-law probably had a stroke too.

The big fear we women who live alone have.  Dying and not being found for days.
Dar has quit work.  We all wondered why she ever went back to work.  She sure didn't need the money, after a big settlement from her car accident.  We suspicioned that she wanted a few hours away from her Dad.  

She always checked on him before she left for work.  He usually got up an hour after she was gone.  One day, two weeks ago, after she got to work, she realized that she had left her purse at home.

She came home and noticed her Dad wasn't up.  She checked his bedroom and he was laying on the floor, struggling to breathe.  She called the ambulance and got him to the ER.  He had an AFib attack and a severe case of bronchitis.

He stayed in hospital for a week.  The day after she got him home, she fell and thankfully Dad was there to call the ambulance for her.  She bruise three ribs and her aorta.  Dad is 97 and Dar is 75.  

For the last week there has been a steady stream of delivery trucks and repairmen coming and going.  Pearl can see Dar's front door better than I can and reports that Dar has new carpeting, a new couch and two new chairs, 2 new beds and mattresses, a new refrigerator and yesterday, a new washer and dryer appeared.
Tomorrow, if we don't get a snow storm--we have had only 3.5" of snow as yet--weird...I am driving up to The Farm.  A cousin from our mother's side is driving down to The Farm and we are going to go over questions she has on genealogy.  Her mother and our were sisters.

I'm not in the mood, but.............................
I gave Bethie her BIG genealogy yesterday before lunch.  The information she gave me was extensive, but I still managed to find some ancestor's she didn't know about.  We only had a few minutes to go over it before the other Gals arrived, but I think, when Bethie has the time to get into that 160 page book, she is going to be real happy.

Saturday, January 5, 2019

I'm finally coming out of my discombobulation.

Since Christmas, I'd wake up each day and wonder what day it was.  So many days felt like Sunday, or Monday because we had a celebration the day before.  The new year affected me almost as much as the time change does.

The 7th sadiversary for Fred was New Year's Day, so that set me to being in my "head" most of the day, finding it difficult to concentrate.  

I had so much to do and didn't know which to do first.  The fact that I had finished the genealogy and wanted to get the pedigrees printed and the book bound...but the print shop was closed, threw me off schedule.  My two oldest grand girls have birthdays on January 3rd and 4th and I completely forgot to make them cards to mail out.

My house was such a mess and I walked around in circles, not knowing which job to tackle first and ended up not doing any of my chores, until this morning.  Perhaps my organized self is returning?  
I talked to Helene, my oldest grand girl, on her birthday and she said she was going in that afternoon for an ultra sound to see how the twins were doing.  One baby was much smaller than the other and I have worried about that since Dec. 27th when she told me she was pregnant.  She said she would call back later and let me know.

By 11:00 Thursday, when I had received no phone call or e-mail, I knew something was wrong.  Yesterday, Karen told me.  The smallest fetus had died.  Helene is only 7 weeks pregnant and that fetus was the size of a thumb nail.  We are hoping the other baby will be all right and grow as it should with no complications.

I was thinking, back in the day, before all these tests and ultra sounds and the like, you had no idea how many babies you might be having until the doctor listened to the heart beat with his stethoscope.  I had heard of women, when they deliver their baby, the doctor found a small "sac" of cells and informed them that they had been pregnant with twins early on in their pregnancy.

How much easier that would be to bear than to get all excited about twins and have tragedy happen and have to go through that grief.  It is easy to say, everything will be all right and you will have a baby, but that doesn't really help a grieving mother.  Sobbing at the loss of her "other" child--even though it was only the size of a thumb nail.

I can remember when my sister had two miscarriages and my Pammie had five miscarriages, they grieved for those babies as if they had carried them full term and then lost them.

Helene's babies were fraternal twins, each having their own placenta.  To me, that means the viable fetus should not be affected by the other one.  I worry and I know, it is not my place to worry.  It is my place to pray and if it is God's will, I will have a new great grand baby in July.
50 years ago, I took Pam and Karen to the theatre to see Mary Poppins.  Yesterday, they took me to see the new one.  At first, I didn't like it and then I convinced myself that this movie isn't a "remake" of the original, this is an entirely new one.

I still missed not hearing the original songs, but every now and then, a few bars of that music would be played in the background.

My sister Susan also met us there and my Precious Girl, Madeleine.

Afterwards, Pammie and Karen came to the house.  Pammie to pick up my old TV and DVD player, while Karen installed a new Blue Ray for me.  Boy, they are smart when it comes to figuring out electronics.

When I clean out my closets and cupboards, Karen wants my large electric griddle and bread maker and I am giving my fancy mixer and 4-slice toaster to Maddie for her Hope Chest.  Pam doesn't want anything because she lives alone and doesn't bake or cook a lot either.

Susan wants to come down and go through the 2 storage boxes of cross stitch and knitting/crochet patterns.  

I need to write up a schedule so I can get this chore and my house cleaned.  Like...Monday: clean bedroom and go through closet and drawers.
Tuesday: clean bathroom and clean out cupboards.  Clean out cupboards in laundry area.
Wednesday: clean kitchen and clean out cupboards.

This is the only way I'll get it done and I want to get it done.  

There is something that has been niggling at my mind since December 21st.  I realized that 6 months from that day, I will have my 80th birthday.  It's been on my mind a lot since then--like every day.  I need to get my house in order!  I also need to go through my funeral storage box and make sure my insurance papers have notes on how to collect my life insurance and freshen up my funeral plans.  

These things need to be done and I will feel a lot better when they are.

Sunday, December 30, 2018

Dwindling down........

.....and I think, this was the quickest year I lived!!!!

BB please send me an e-mail telling me how I can access your blog again.
December 27th, 2018--at Karen & Mark's.

On my drive down to their place, I wondered if my oldest granddaughter Helene might be pregnant again.  For some reason, I have had that feeling for about a month.  Thinking it would be gauche to ask, I made myself promise not to even think about it.

Karen & Mark's addition they put on that year.  Most people in their mid-50's, with all their kids gone, might consider downsizing.  Not the Rivards.  They do everything together as a family and with marriages and grand children going to be arriving in the next couple of years, they decided they need more room, not less.  So they added on, like half a house, for their dining and family room.

I was the first to arrive and captured my seat at the far end of that big sectional--the section that has a foot rest.

I wanted to wear my comfy jeans and a turtle neck, but  decided I should dress up a bit and put on dress slacks that were a bit too uncomfortable in the waist and a dress top.

Everyone else showed up in jeans and comfy tops!!!

Karen & my son's wife Cindy seated--my Pammie in the elf shirt and Marcus' new bride Morgan, standing behind him.  My BIL Chuck, SIL Mark, sister's two grand girls, my sister, my empty seat and granddaughter Susanna on the hassock. 

We played a Charades-like game.  You can see my green, red and white slippers and Della watching, as Karen set up the game.

Gosh--it was fun, even I got 2 whole points.  My granddaughter Helene was the last one to play.  On her last word, she pointed to her tummy.  My sister, seated next to me yelled, "Hungry".  I yelled "pregnant"...then Helene held up two fingers.   Wait.  What?

Then Helene said, "Gramma.  I'm pregnant.  With twins!"

I almost fell getting out of that recliner to run and hug her!  Twins?  Due in early July and, if they come early, Helene said she was going to have them on June 21st, my 80th birthday. 
Setfan & Maddie, Della, Helene& Mike, Me, Marcus,(Morgan had to leave), Susanna, ( her fiance couldn't make the trip), Carolyn & Stephen.

In chronological order--Helene 33, Susanna 31, Marcus 29, Stephen 25, Madeleine 22.
My son Mark taking a nap.  He is not feeling well at all.  So bloated from all the cancer drugs/steroids he is on and in a lot of pain from his back.    

Then--this was brought out.  All the Rivard's went in together to get me a TV that I can actually see.  Mark and Karen came up the next day to set it up for me.  See the smaller one above it? I went from 32" to 43".  YOWZA.

Tuesday, December 25, 2018

Hey!  Not everyone is lucky enough to be able to have the time to post on their blog on busy Christmas Day.  I am one of them.
No White Christmas for us and...I don't care.  It makes traveling around a whole lot easier...and travel I did, yesterday.  It was Christmas Eve and I needed to be Home.

Well you see, for the last 100+ years and all of my life, our family--that is the Walts family, always celebrated Christmas on Christmas Eve. Christmas Day we ran around to other Grand Parents or Aunts houses. Since our families have grown and grand children are grown, we can't always get together on the Eve. We will have our big family gathering on the 27th this year. 

You know how I am about tradition!! My middle name is Tevya! I just couldn't stand the thought of not being at The Farm on Christmas Eve, so my sister invited me up--her husband, her son and his two daughters were there too. She has her house decorated beautifully, as usual, 5 decorated trees, wreaths in every window, along with candles in every window, upstairs and down. The minute I walked in, I knew I had found Christmas. How fortunate I am to still have family members living in the homes I grew up in. Ah-hh. 

It was perfect.  A nice small group, we could each talk to each other and hear each other.
Last night, after I got home, I was remembering a Christmas Eve, some 30+ years ago.  Recently divorced, I was feeling particularly sad.  I felt uncomfortable in my home church, where I had attended since I was born--for 45 years.  Being divorced, when I walked in on Sunday mornings, I could see the gossips, sitting on the far side of the sanctuary, look at me then put their heads together and whisper. I had also been told, by one of those well-meaning women, that because of my circumstances, I should no longer sing in the choir.  Bad example you know.

I transferred my church membership to a small church in the neighboring town.  From my first Sunday, in that little church, I had felt so welcomed and cared for, even though they were aware of my “circumstances” they just loved me and the choir director insisted I join the choir. I can remember her words.

"Judy, I want you in my choir. Rehearsals are Thursday night at seven-thirty."

"Oh...no...I can't...well, I'm divorced and...well  you know...a sinner, I guess."

"Well in this church, we put all the sinners up front in the choir so the congregation can keep an eye on them!"

I replied, "See ya Thursday night!"

That year, there was going to be a Christmas Eve service at 7:00 and also at midnight.  Since my family always celebrated our Christmas on Christmas Eve evening, I couldn’t make the 7:00 service.  I got home around 9:30 and decided to go to the Midnight service.

There were only about 25 of us.  One candle was lit on the altar, the organist, softly playing a Christmas hymn.  After the message, the Pastor asked us to stand up, join hands and make a circle.  

He said a prayer then we held lit candles and sang Silent Night.  The Pastor requested, as we left, to not say a word…to go out into the dark night knowing the light of the world had come to drive the darkness away.

As we walked out, I heard the person who opened the front door, gasp.  We all crowded out onto the front steps, and were greeted with pure, white gently falling, big fat snowflakes. It hadn’t snowed much that winter and we thought there would be no white Christmas.

I remember hugs and tears and quiet whispers of merry Christmas.  Even as we walked to our cars and started them to drive home, everything seemed muffled in quiet peace.

Many Christmas Eves have come and gone and I remember quite a few of them, but that Christmas Eve. 30+ years ago, was the most spiritual and awe inspiring one I have ever experienced and I will never forget the feeling of love and peace that covered me that special night.  
Merry Christmas my Dear Friends.  May the Light of the World cover you with many blessings.

Thursday, December 20, 2018

Quite an adventure yesterday.

I had to get groceries and for some reason, instead of going to Meijer, I went to Walmart. I didn't take the electric cart because I thought maybe walking would be good for my back. It wasn't.

By the time I got to the check-out, I was having spasms in my back, something I have never had before.

As I was walking slowly out, someone called my name...it was the guy that shovels out my driveway in the winter. He offered to put my groceries in the trunk of the car for me. What a relief.

As I drove home, I wondered how I was going to unload my car--even using my cart that goes up the steps, to pull it up was going to just about put me under.

"Please God, give me strength to do this":

As I neared my driveway, I noticed a car in my drive. It was the guy! He hauled all my groceries into the house for me and sat them up on the kitchen counter so I wouldn't have to bend over to pick them up off the floor to put them away.

You don't believe in God's providence? If I had gone to Meijer, like I planned, I never would have met him and never got the help I so desperately needed.
I know he's out of work and I know where he lives--he drove several miles out of his way to stop here. I had $10.00 left from my grocery money and I gave it to him to help with gas for his car.
I also gave him a hug, a kiss on the cheek, a Merry Christmas and a God Bless you, Dan.

God works in mysterious ways.....................
Then when I got home, there was a message on my phone that my prescription was filled and ready to be picked up--at Walmart.  So I had to go in this afternoon and get it.  Of course, the parking lot is filled, so again, I had to walk 457 thousand miles and then stand in line at the pharmacy.

...and when I got home today, there is another message on my phone telling me the inkjet cartridges I ordered are in and ready for pick-up....in the other town I live near, Brighton.  ARGGH!!!  The traffic will be even worse in that town.
I have discovered that my back doesn't hurt when I bend over--weird, huh?  It only hurts when I walk, so around the house, I have been walking, bent over at the waist with my arms hanging down alongside my legs.  This might be a good thing....I can see better with my face nearer the floor so I won't trip on a rug or cat and...I'm not as conscious of the clutter on my kitchen counters/table/etc. 
I have a total of 78 hours into this genealogy, that I started Nov. 12th.

I have the pedigrees done, the book written, well over 130 pages.

Now all I have to do is print out the book, insert the pedigrees and get the book bound. I just might have it finished by years end.

My client gave me a plastic storage box, filled with file folders, scraps of paper, letters and a few photos. She wanted me to organize the 6 different families into a book. 

On my research, I found more photos and family bios. Even with her accumulated research, she is going to be surprised at what additional generations and information I found.

This has been a fabulous adventure--England, France, Sweden, Netherlands, Germany, Scotland and Canada.
What a trip!!!!!!!
The Winter Solstice is tomorrow--along with a full moon and a meteor shower.  It might be best to just stay inside, but if you do go out--beware of falling objects from the sky.

Sunday, December 16, 2018

I took my computer into rehab Thursday early morning.  
I can tell how pitiful my life is because, being without my computer was like being without my soul mate!!!  I wandered around the rest of the day, not knowing what to do!

Friday I had figured out that it would be a good time to get some other stuff done.  My back was still pretty sore, but I noticed I could vacuum the bedroom while sitting on the bed, the bathroom, while sitting on the toilet and the living room while scooting around in my (wheeled) office chair--cleaned up the office that way too and dusted the office.  The cat's litter box is in here and it makes so much dust when I clean it out every day.  I gotta try that "dustless" cat litter I see advertised.

I also got my "baby boy" blanket done.

I also got the 3" memory foam I had ordered and cut a new piece for my office chair.  Buddy Cat seemed to like it so much, I cut him some too.  It is behind my recliner, where he likes to lay.

I also got to watch more TV than usual and saw some real edifying programs on history and politics and the Bible.

I got my computer back Saturday afternoon.  They had put it into a machine that blows all the dust and dirt out of it.  Then they hook it up to some sort of program that ran for 24 hours and takes out all viruses, temporary files, cookies, malware--all that bad stuff that can use up hard drive space, slow the computer down, and cause big time problems.

I was having advertisements pop-up while working in my Family Tree or even Word Documents.  None of those are hooked up to the Internet, so I had no clue how the ads were getting through.

All that has been taken care of!  My computer now runs at the speed of sound.
Thursday I went for my eye appointment.  My cataracts have not grown in 3 years--YAY, so no need of surgery just yet.  I did need some more "power" in my glasses, so I got a prescription and will get a new pair....soon.  All the glasses places are going back to the heavier plastic frames, which I have always preferred over these thin metal ones, but they all seem to be in dark colors.  I don't think my gray hair and pale skin are going to look good in a dark frame, but I will see when I go looking.
My back seems to be getting a bit better today.  It has localized to just one spot.  I can feel the swelling over the "owie" spot.

I had to make a Pepsi run and the store parking lot was filled, so I had to walk a long ways to the store.  I took my cane to help.  When I got in the store, I saw 8 electric carts all charged up and ready to go.  Why not?" I said, jumped in one, put my purse and cane in the front basket, and tooled all over the store.  Such fun!

The Pepsi is always way at the back of the store, so I went there first, then heading up toward the check-out area, I went up and down aisles I have never been before.  Always walking and pushing my cart, I'd get a sore back and tired out.  This way, just riding around in my little buggy, I could go anywhere I wanted.

Because I was parked so far out, I asked the cashier if I was allowed to take the cart out to my car, she said, "Sure.  I'll get someone to bring it back to the store for you."


Pretty soon this little lady came up and introduced herself.  She told me her name was "Jody"--she told me exactly 4 times her name was Jody and not many girls are named Jody and it is a boy's name, but she is Jody.  All the while I am driving along, she is walking beside the cart and expounding on her name....just in case I had forgotten, is "Jody.  My name is Jody."

She loaded my few purchases in the trunk of the car, helped me to my car, practically making me fall into the seat, she was so eager to help, then told me, "The next time you come, call the manager from your car and I will come out and pick you up.  Just ask for Jody."  Then she drove the cart back to the store.

I have seen her before.  She is the one that goes out and gets all the carts out of the corrals and takes them back into the store.  A bit dim, but she sure does her job with great care and compassion.
Today, I am once again working on the genealogy and have a MichiganState Basketball game to watch at 5:00.

We are coming down towards Christmas week, which means I am going to have to go to the store again to get ingredients for the Taco Chip Dip I always make.

I think I will take the electric cart again!!!!!!!!