title explained

Onward and upward! something that you say in order to encourage someone to forget an unpleasant experience or failure and to think about the future instead and move forward.

My e-mail: jjmiller6213@comcast.net

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Whatever Will Be--Will Be.

My pseudo daughter-in-law  posted on Face Book last night that my son is done with the awful side effects of the poison, lovingly referred to as chemotherapy.  He will no longer take any chemo treatments.  He has been sick with pneumonia and a gall bladder episode, so maybe not in the right frame of mind to make that decision, but they discussed it and decided together.  He would rather have quality of life, instead of quantity.  I was really surprised she (Cindy) posted it on Face Book.

For the past year, ever since I was finally told the news that he had prostate cancer, I was cautioned to not say a word about it.  When Karen was over for a visit last Friday, she told me he was doing really well...as far as she knew.  Apparently not.

When I read her post, I got that funny, little, cold, wiggly thing you get in the middle of your stomach and my heart took an extra beat.  After all, he is my first born, my only son, and I still "see" him as a little boy and how cute he was and how capable at everything he tried.

Well, memories like that, scenes like that are best not to linger on.  I am Queen of De Nile on these kinds of things.  I keep hope until the last breath is taken.  He is still a very strong man and now, I am just praying that Mark will have some good weeks or months or however long there will be.  Praying that any pain he has can and will be taken care of.  I would hope that I would be brave enough to make the same decision he has made.  To never start the poison, with the awful side effects, when we all know, it rarely does anything  more than give the person a few more months of feeling ill all the time.
I canceled my dental appointment because, I just wasn't capable of sitting in that chair for an hour, listening to that high speed drill today.  Going back in August.

Susan and check came down today and Chuck swapped out the hinges and handles on my fridge.  What a big difference it makes.  My microwave and counter are to the right of the fridge.  The doors opened up on the left.  When I took things out of the fridge, I had no place to set them down and, of course ALWAYS carrying more than I should, I'd usually drop something on the trip back around the fridge to the counter top.

Plus it had never been leveled correctly.  Chuck did that too and now the doors close on their own, instead of staying open a teeny tiny bit.

I sure appreciate having a man around the house that can do or fix anything.  Chuck is a retired electrical engineer.  He thinks things out first, even reads the instructions and then he gets to the job.  Slow and steady and when he is done, the job is done.  No having to go back and do any part of it a second time.  

Boy--if I could find one just like Chuck, a quiet Christian man, non-drinker, never says a swear word, loves to watch sports, kind to my sister--if I could find that?  I'd reconsider my penchant for wanting to live alone.  The problem is, they are a rare creature!


  1. Sorry to hear about your son, but it sounds like he hasn't made the decision lightly or quickly or ill-informed, so let's hope he gets some quality time. Many people do.

    Chuck and your sister take good care of you, that's a blessing.

  2. I totally agree with your son's decision. Having watched several close friends go thru chemo and/or radiation, you are right ... you may get more time but it is NOT quality time. Unless the statistics show me a 90% or higher chance of being cancer free ... I'll opt for pain relief but nothing else.

    Nor could I sit at the Dentist while this was whirling around in my brain. HUGS!

  3. I'm sorry about Mark, but I can understand his decision. I hope you'll get to spend some time with him over the next few months.

  4. I'm sorry to hear about Mark. I would probably do the same thing myself. I just wish that they would have taken the courtesy to tell you that in person, not reading it on Facebook. Your BIL sounds like a pretty awesome person!

  5. awww, i have a chuck too, and his name is chuck as well, he is amazing like that.

    do you see your son mark?? i don't know about your relationship with him. i hope you do. he has made a wise but difficult choice....hope, is a very strong emotion!!!!

  6. Oh Judy, my heart sank when I learned what you and your son are going through. I personally agree with quality not quantity, abstractly and at a distance. But up close, my heart couldn't grasp the 'letting go' of someone I loved, so I went for quantity with every fiber of my being. I truly don't know if I was selfish for doing so; I couldn't see straight.

    I care very much, and offer that God has you both in the palm of His hand. I'm glad Mark has the company of his partner, and they decided this together. I sort of wish you had been involved in the decision, but I can understand Mark wanting to 'keep it simple'.

  7. My prayers are with Mark, and you as his mother. I too wish you could spend some alone time with him. I can only imagine how difficult this is for you. God bless.

  8. Judy,
    I am so glad you have the gift of Susan and Chuck's closeness and help. How nice they got your refrigerator adjusted to be easily functional for you. So annoying to have the door on the wrong side, and to have it out of balance.
    I am so very sorry to read about Mark, but he has made his own decision about his life, and so few of us get to have that choice. May he make the most of it, and have a lot of healthy time left. Being a cancer survivor, I would make the same decision.
    Blessings and peace to you......Marcia

  9. sending you my love & prayers Judy.