I would be very uncomfortable for Mark and I to be alone together. If other members of the family were around or even in the next room, it would work, but just he and I, alone in his house? He would be uncomfortable.
I haven't really 'known" Mark for several years. He didn't like coming to family get togethers. We'd see him on Christmas and maybe one other time during the year. He just didn't do what he didn't want to do. I saw him this past Christmas, alone out in the kitchen for a nice hug and that's when he told me he loved me. I hadn't heard those words from him since he was about 4 years old. He used to think I hung the Moon.
He was a much different young man as a teenager, very caring, expressive, easily hurt. He was so close to my Mother, spending a lot of time with her at the Farm. When he was 10, he told me he wanted to be a minister.
Then she died suddenly and he changed. He refused to go to church anymore. He got in with a different crowd that drank and smoked the weed. In six weeks time, his report card went from all A's to all D's. He just stopped caring and then, the middle of his Senior year, he took off to California and lived there 18 months. After that experience, he was more than happy to come back to The Farm and has lived there for the last 35 years. On his Grandma/Grandpa/s farm.
He is a very quiet person, like his Dad. Not one to enter a conversation unless asked a question. He's lived life the way HE wanted to live it. I do know that he has a gentle heart and he adores Karen and Jen's kids and the last two summers, when his sister's went up north for a sibling's weekend and MADE HIM GO--he had a great time.
Maybe I feel detached. He and I have never gotten back the closeness we had for the first 18 years of his life. I know he is my son, but he never calls or sends cards, or visits or comes to me at family functions, I have to make the move and I know so little of his life, that he feels almost like a cousin. That probably sounds awful,
I slept 10 hours last night. Today--I did nothing! Well, I did put out my garbage and while I was out, I did water my annuals and Pearl came down to visit, but------that was it. It was cooler, but still, after 15 minutes outside, I was sweating from the humidity.
Tomorrow I am determined to drive into Brighton to the Rich People's store and get a couple of their own made salads and stop at Michael's for a skein of floss.