Introducing--My Other Neighbor

A continuation of last night's post.

<I never realized how difficult it is to write dialogue when one of the people curses every other word.  I will put in **** and you will have to use your imagination on the word.>

I was writing about Dar and stopped for a rest.  Went out and sat in my chair to watch part of the ballgame.  My living room windows were open to catch the nice, night air and all of a sudden.......

"Jude!  Do you know what I did?"  the loud voice of my next door neighbor Tami coming through the screen window behind my chair.  I jumped and Buddy flew off my lap and ran behind the couch.

"Hi, Tami, what's up."

"I told his ex-wife to leave us the hell alone.  You know what that stupid ***** did?  She told their daughter that Ron didn't have a bad heart attack and she wish he had and died so she could get his Social Security and I found out and I called her on the phone and I let her have it."

"Oh no.  Did.................................."

"I am not going to let that stupid ***** get away with that kind of talk.  She's the one who caused the stress that put Ron in the cardiac unit.  She's trying to kill him.  She leaves nasty messages on his phone.....she....oh Gawd--I'd like to run over her with my car.................she's just................oh man."
<all this time she is pacing outside the window and flinging her arms around>

"Do you know where she lives?"

"No.  I have no idea, but ....I bet I can look her name up on the computer and find her address.  I will go to her house and confront her and punch the **** out of her...did you hear what Dar did?"

"Ah--what?  Dar?...You mean across the street?  Ah--no."

"She got all over Rob's *** about that pile of sawdust.  She is insisting that the park take care of it.  That's her job.   That woman is nuts...totally and completely nuts!"
<and you are just like her>

"Hey--if I ever see that cardiologist you told me about....that ugly foreign guy--Chinese or something..."

"Fillipino."

"Whatever.  I'd like to slap him.  He is the stupidest, rudest doctor I have ever met....he told Ron that he only had a mild heart problem.  So I asked him, 'well then, why did they put stents in his artery/' and that dumb *** said 'Because that's what the ER doc recommended.  He didn't really need them.  We could have taken care of it with medication.' You ever hear something that ******* ridiculous?"

Just then, Ron came out of their house and walked over to join the conversation.

Ron says, "I've been reading up on it.  He is right.  They do a lot of stent surgery now when it really isn't necessary and now...they are finding out that it really doesn't help with mild heart problems--that sometimes it makes them worse...and I would have been better off with just the medication, blood thinner...that sort of thing."

"Ron...dammit...you had a massive heart attack!"

I asked, "Ron, do you know your E-Fraction?"

"Yeah--it's 60%.  My heart wasn't damaged at all."

"Gee--that's considered to be great!  Mine is 47% and they consider that normal."

"Yeah...I know.  Wish I hadn't had it done."  and he walked back to the house.

Now, there's Tami, standing outside in the dark of night, swatting at mosquitoes, that she claims she is allergic too and I am wondering, why in the heck doesn't this mentally deranged person go home because I have had my fill of mentally deranged people for one day.................

"I ain't kidding.  I'm gonna find that woman and beat her up.  I swear to you I will."

"Tami!  Have you ever thought that perhaps all the arguing you are doing with Ron's ex-wife is causing him stress?  He hears you fighting and yelling at her over the phone.  He reads your comments to her--the two of you are having a fight on Face Book!  For Pete's sake!  You are stressing him out as much as she is!"

"Yeah...well...I have to put her in her place.  When she says things like that about him...about me...I am going to straighten her out!  I am doing it on Face Book so all her friends will see what a ******* idiot ***** she is!"
<and all your "friends" will see what an idiot you are>

"Why don't you just stay quietly out of the middle of all of it?"

"No way---that dumb *****.........."

All the time she is saying this, in a very loud voice, she is still pacing back and forth, outside my window.  Remind you of someone else?

"I think you are just making it all worse............."

"Damn!  I gotta get back inside...these damn mosquitoes..........."

and off she goes! 

Tami and Dar hate each other and...they are so much alike.  Except, Tami has a really filthy mouth and Dar...not too much. 

To give you an idea of these two--who live about 30 feet away from me:  Some of their wedding photos.  They got married last Halloween.

This photo was on the front of their

wedding invitation.

They were married in the Howell Cemetery

In front of some poor family's mausoleum

Seriously? 

================

So, I got up and went into the bathroom to wash out my ears and flush from my mind the conversation.

====================

Jackie is the only half-way sane person in our five closely clustered homes--and then ever now and then, she gets on a weird roll.

Dar--next to Jackie--is completely off track.

Pearl--isn't all that weird, she just has no common sense and, in that way, she and Merle are perfect for each other.

Tami--I was quite close to her first husband, who was a wonderful guy and calls me, "Mom", but he found out she was having an Internet affair with Khalid, who lives in Syria.  She spent a ton of money on the Rosetta Stone software, trying to learn Arabic.  She got to the point where she slept in the computer room because, during the night she had to be on the Internet talking to Khalid.  

Now--she's got this one, who seems sane enough, but does nothing.  You rarely seem him outside and when I mentioned it once, his statement was, "I'm a Vampire and we don't like the light of day.  That's why Tamara and I work nights and sleep all day."

I turned to look at him to see his smile, but...he was straight faced and apparently wasn't kidding!

=================

Now do you see why I long to move back to the country where it is quiet and peaceful with no drama and fairly normal people?