Something's Happening Here......

What it is, ain't exactly clear....
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Something is wrong with Merle.  

It started in the early spring--a pain in the left side of his back/side.  Twice a week visits to the Chiropractor--he thought it helped.

Then he went back to work at the golf course, where he sits on a riding mower all day, or repairs the mowers, or lifts heavy things, or.....whatever they want him to do.

The pain became worse, so he went to his Primary Care guy.  

Kidney stones perhaps?  Some medicine.  Drink lots of water.  Drink Cranberry juice.  The pain lessened.

Came back, even worse.  X-rays showed a bit of stenosis in his spine.  Anti-inflammatory was prescribed.

Then, he started getting a tremor in his right hand.  He spilled soup one night while we were out to supper.  Pearl chastised him for being messy.

He had trouble breathing one night.  Off to my Cardiologist to have tests run.  Stress test.  EKG, Electrocardiogram.  Ultra sound of the aortic artery.  Every test came back perfect.

Back to the Primary Care guy for ultra sound on his abdomen and CAT scan on his brain.  Could be cancer the doc wondered?  Could be Parkinson's?

No problems.  No tumors anywhere in his kidneys, liver, gall bladder, spleen. pancreas--nothing.  He did not have cancer.  Merle cried from relief.

Still the pain, still the tremor.  Over the weekend, he went into a depression.  Quiet.  Didn't want to do anything.  Tired.  Weak voice.

Of course, he and I didn't discuss any of this.  Men don't talk to neighbor women about this sort of thing.

Saturday, I went down.  I purposefully took a magazine with me to give to him.  I knew, when I extended my right arm and right hand to give it to him, my ET would come on nice and strong.

"Why is your hand shaking?"

"Oh--I have ET.  Essential Tremor--comes with age to some people.  No big deal."

"Not Parkinson's?"

"Nope and won't ever develop into that either.  The only time it really bothers me is when I try and eat soup.  When I bring the spoon up to my mouth...my hand shakes and the soup goes flying!"

He laughed.

Pearl called yesterday morning.  "He just sits there in his chair and stares at the TV.  He says he can't do anything anymore--he gets too tired and his legs hurt. I told him he had to quit work.  He told me we couldn't afford it.  I don't know what to do with him.  He's grouchy.  Marge told him he acts like Grumpy Cat."

I went up yesterday afternoon.  Walked in and plopped down in the chair.

"What's wrong with you?"  Pearl said.

"Just mad!  Grouchy! Depressed!  Pissed off at the world!"  I could see Merle listening.

"I can't do a dang thing anymore," I said.  "I fell while putting up my new curtains.  My leg just sort of gave out!  I can only work in the garden about twenty minutes and then I have to stop and rest.  I don't feel like doing anything.  I hate this arthritis pain in my hands and back!  The only time I don't hurt is when I'm sitting in my chair and staring at the TV!"

"You sound like Merle.  Maybe you oughta go to the doctor and get checked out."

"I have.  I went to my Cardiologist--everything is fine.  To my Primary Care guy--everything is fine.  I guess it's just an age thing, but....it sure is hard to admit...I can't even do as much as I did five years ago!"

"You should have climbed up on your desk instead of trying to stand on that window ledge."

"How am I supposed to get up ON my desk?  I can't step up that high."

"Well...I can't do anything!  I'll be in a wheelchair by this time next year!"

<this is not about you, Pearl>

"This dang tremor thing makes it hard to do a lot of things....I have no strength in my right hand anymore and I can't count on it.  I might reach in the refrigerator to get a jug of Pepsi and drop the jug on the floor!  I can't even write my name legibly.  My legs feel pretty good, but I go out to walk and by the time I get down here, they are tired and weak (a tiny bit of exaggeration--trying to show Merle that all is not hopeless)."

"Yeah...and you're both deaf!" she mumbles.

So, the three of us chit chat about Tiger's baseball and other mundane things and I come home.

Pearl called this morning and said, "Merle felt real good this morning...kind of chipper.  Maybe he is coming out of his funk.  I don't understand why he gets like that."

<of course you don't because you don't understand depression>

"I keep thinking if I encourage him more (nag) he will just get up and do what needs to be done!"

"It doesn't work that way, Pearl.  You will only make him feel more deficient...more depressed."

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Merle has always been strong.  He has always been very active.  He has always done all the chores around the house, including making the bed, vacuuming and mopping the floors.  He has always worked.

The Psychologist in me thinks:  Merle is 78 years old.  He can't do like he used to and is just realizing that and it is taking away that whole "manhood/provider" thing.  

He wants to quit work because it causes him so much pain and agony, but he thinks he can't because...Pearl is a spending machine.

The medico's tell him there is nothing wrong with him, physically, put he has pain, so....there is some hidden disease that they just haven't found yet.

He may be realizing that death isn't all that far away and that is a scary thing to ponder on.

He is coming into the realization that he is old!

<haven't we women in our 70's had to deal with that realization too?>

but he's a man---so much more difficult for them.

He is going to a Neurologist this week for more tests,

to see if he MIGHT have stages of early Parkinson's...oh yes, he just admitted last night that he has been having double vision.  Brain tumor?

Yeah--growing old is not fun!!!!!
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5:00 p.m. this evening--I got a phone call from Pearl.  I won't explain--I will just type it as it occurred and you can make up your own mind.

"I went uptown this morning.  Took that serger back and...I didn't get another one."

"Why not?"

"I don't need it."

"You don't have a place to plug in your speakers so they will work.  Your surge protector only has five outlets and you need six...or seven if you also want to plug in your printer."

"No I don't.  There are that many places in the front of the computer."

"I don't understand."

"You better get a hearing aid!"

"No.  I heard you...I just don't understand what you mean."

"Ah-hh <hurumph sigh>  On my old computer, I had my speakers plugged in the port in the front of the computer.  You have all the components plugged into the back of this computer.  I am going to take the speaker plug out of the back and plug it into the front and then they will work."

"They still won't work."

"Why not?"

"Because they need to be plugged into a power source."

"Huh?  You don't know what I'm trying to tell you....."

"Listen.  Stop talking a minute and listen"

"But..."

"Listen.  Your new computer has a whole lot more places to plug in your.....components.  They are all plugged into the ports in the back.  They are all working.  You don't need to use the ports in the front."

"Yeah, they are all working except the speakers!"

"You have a modem, a monitor, a keyboard, a mouse, a computer and the speakers.  You have a surge protector that has five slots for plugs...you need six slots.  You do not have enough plug areas to plug in your speakers."

"That's why I want to plug them in the front."

"NO!  You can't!  There is no electrical plug in the front of your computer. You need an electrical plug outlet--like a wall outlet--like an extension cord--like a surge protector that has six or more outlets to plug into."

"You're wrong.  The speakers on my old computer were plugged in the front and they worked.  If I take them out of the back of this one and plug them in the little round port in the front, they will work."

"Pearl.  You have a lamp sitting on the table beside you.  If you unplug it from the wall...it won't work."

"Well--I know that!  I'm not that dumb!"

"Your speakers are the same way.  They need to be plugged into the electric power that comes into your house from the outside.  You can plug them into a wall outlet or a surge protector--which is like a big extension cord.  It has nothing to do with the computer.  Your speakers WIRES are plugged into the computer...they are just fine, but they won't work until you plug them in...........look at the other end of the cord--it has a plug which needs to go into an electrical outlet."

"I don't want to talk about it any more.  I know you are wrong.  I'm going back there right now and I am going to unplug that little roundie thing from the back and plug it into the front and it will work.  I will call you back just to show you."

"Okay...talk with you later."
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I hung up the phone and just screamed!!!

I have a headache and I have not received a call back and...I am staying away from this until she figures it out for herself.  It shouldn't take more than two or three days--right?
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Oh yes--Pearl wanted me to help her with her budget so that she can prove to Merle that he can quit working and they will have enough money.

That budget session is a whole 'nother story--for another day--after I get rid of this headache.