Being Pearl's best friend and her surrogate sister is not for the faint of heart. It takes a very strong, patient person--I was, at one time, but I am wearing thin.
She wants Merle to quit working--it is too hard on him, which is true. So she figured out their budget, and wanted me to come up and look at it, because she knows I have a "chart" as she calls it for my budget that I made in Excel. So..I took a blank one with me.
"I have figured out all our bills and when we pay them, we will have two hundred dollars left over every month."
"WOW...that's great!"
We sat at the dining room table and worked on the chart. She had all her bills there and I let her put in the amounts in each "box".
RENT
GAS
ELECTRICITY
STORAGE UNIT
HOUSE INSURANCE
CAR INSURANCE
HEALTH INSURANCE
LIFE INSURANCE
COMCAST
PRESCRIPTIONS
GAS FOR CARS
GROCERIES
HAIR CUTS
CLOTHES
DINING OUT
MOVIES
SAVINGS
MISC. (emergencies)
When she said she had ALL her bills figured out--she meant...just bills that come in the mail. She had not figured in groceries, nor gas for the car, nor hair cuts/clothes/eating out/movies/cat food/. There was nothing for MISC. Nothing going into savings for emergencies.
She was shocked when we got to the total figure for expenses. She thought they would have an extra of $200 a month, when in reality, they will be short.
"How can that be!"
"Well you can cut back. You don't have to eat out every Friday night--do it once a month instead. You don't have to go to a movie every week. You don't have to have the Comcast best line-up. I have the Digital Starter package and I have over 150 channels..you don't need HD--trust me--you can't tell the difference in the picture quality.
You don't have to go to garage sales and the Salvation Army every Saturday. If you empty out your storage unit, that will save you fifty-five dollars a month."
"But.......I've got a lot of stuff in there."
"Stuff that you use?"
"No...but....."
"Empty it out and have a garage sale...there's extra money there too."
She wadded up the chart and threw it into the wastebasket. "I can't deal with this right now. I don't understand it!"
They declared bankruptcy two years ago. They have no credit cards (thank goodness), but the extra money that comes in from not having those debts...Pearl just keeps spending on junk!
"Okay. Well...we tried. I gotta go home now and get some lunch."
As I walked back home I thought of a phrase I had recently heard---"NOT MY CIRCUS. NOT MY MONKEYS."
They are going to have to figure this out on their own!!
I like that phrase, "Not my circus, not my monkeys." Never heard it before. I spent the afternoon with a family recently and they always have a circus going caused by their own poor choices. Very frustrating when you can clearly see what they need to do to get away from the circus but you know they won't do it.
ReplyDeleteIt's a sad situation with Merle and Pearl and it's not going to get any better.
You are such a patient and caring friend....it is a very sad commentary on the state of so many elders these days. It seems obvious that it is all too much for Pearl and Merle to deal with, and so they have chosen not to. Your little saying will help you to sidestep the drama.
ReplyDelete. I am finding out just how necessary it is to eliminate any and all extra expenses, as I plan my move to my son's. Getting rid of all my things except bare bones is so freeing and has enabled my thoughts to go to creativity and
Oh dear, your sound advice is falling on deaf ears. I have a Dad like that - our reasoning with him isn't cutting it, never did, he's got that independent, 'father knows best' streak. He's been living in a room with a roof that leaks with every rain storm, and sees nothing wrong . He'd rather put pails under the leaks instead of spending the money, which he has, to fix it. He'd have to temporarily move into another room while that's happening. Well, we kids have decided it's time to stop accommodating him AND FIX THE ROOF! We want to keep him on his feet and happy as long as possible, even if he is screaming bloody murder. Oh, dear!.
ReplyDeleteThere comes a point where you have to offload the circus and the monkeys, and just do what love asks, whatever that is.
I love this phrase.. I'm writing this in BIG BOLD letters and putting it on my fridge.
I'd never heard that phrase, but I'm going to own it where my Mother is concerned.
ReplyDeleteSome people are just too difficult to try to help, no matter how much you love them it's easier to let them figure it out themselves.
It sounds like, unfortunately, that Pearl may not be able to figure it out. But, goodness gracious Judy, I don't see how you can help someone who pays NO attention to what you're saying even though she asks for help.
ReplyDeleteI remember, years ago, going to a credit counselor; while she studied after a bit she said, "I don't know how you're doing it, but just keep doing it." LOL
Of course, you know that I lost my last house to foreclosure even after doing everything that BAC told me to do. At first, I was horrified that their departments didn't know what the other departments were doing, consequently the payments I was making and mailing to where I was supposed to; that department didn't tell the other one they had rec'd payments. I know this sounds convoluted but in the end, I'm kind of glad it happened. I no longer use credit cards, and if I can't afford it, I just don't get it.
I bet Pearl could make some money having that garage sale that you mentioned. I'm not holding my breath that she'll do it. I've never understood why people hold on to things they no longer use.
Whew - sorry I got carried away And, probably don't make any sense. :)
xoxo
Not my circus, not my monkeys! I will have to remember that one. When I lived at Dad's I was surrounded by family and it was a circus. Wish I'd known that phrase then.
ReplyDeleteI hope Merl and Pearl can work this out. It sounds like he really needs to quit working.