Today's high temperature was: 64 degrees
Sweatshirt weather in July!
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Last night, I woke up at 3:00 with a horribly dry throat and the sound of a scream echoing and cats flying off the bed. It must have been one heck of a nightmare!
I got on-line this morning and spent two hours taking the REQUIRED debt counseling "work-shop" to be able to file for bankruptcy. Lastly, I did a live, on-line chat, with a counselor. She was quite amazed that I have a budget all figured out in an Excel spreadsheet and that I have investigated ways to decrease that budget, like researching moving to a Government Subsidized apartment UGH, (which would cost me $10.00 less a month than staying here).
Got it all done and got my certificate. Now--I have to do another on-line class that is only suppose to take an hour. All fees are included in my attorney's fee.
Like... at my age, I need debt counseling? I know what has brought me to this state--it's not from charging cruises, vacations, cars or fur coats to my credit cards.
I am $629.00 over budget every month. That is credit card payments. I played the credit card transfer to a 0% for 12 months game and it worked for awhile and I got 2 cards paid off and down on the other 3, but...now that game is over, the APR has gone up, the payments have doubled. I have always paid early and more than the minimum.
I HAD a FICO score of 779!!!
HAD is the operative word here.
I am on Welfare.
I go to the food bank every month.
I am going to file for bankruptcy.
I don't know what else I can do and IF--any appliance goes, or the car breaks down, or....or-----I do believe this is the source of the screaming nightmares...the What Ifs.
I have thought of moving back to my farm and living with Pammie. It would help both of us, financially. I would be back where I most want to live, BUT, I know, Pammie doesn't want a house-mate and unless she asks---
About 8 years ago, Jen and Eric offered to build me an apartment over a third garage they were going to build. I probably should have done it. But what now--if they move, would I "go" with the house? Be the "Mimi" to the new owners?
HOW THE HECK DID I GET TO THIS POINT IN MY AGED LIFE?
My family was fairly wealthy. I was married to a GM worker with a good salary and benefits. I worked for fifteen years. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?
Well--I know, but it does no good to ponder on the whys. A lot of it IS my fault--too generous--too wanting to help (probably to gain love and affection?)
STUPID!!
It is what it is and I am going to have to live with it.
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I didn't realize how tall my Rose of Sharon bushes have become. See their flowers? At the top of the Lilac bushes.
Everything else in the perennial garden is starting to look a little "shop worn"--not much left too bloom.
Waning days for the Star Gazer Lily
Only one Lemon Lily left--and was gone after yesterday's storms
The Rudbeckia will bloom on until frost.
Black-Eyed Susan
Even the annuals on the front porch planters are shabby looking.
I didn't have good luck with them last year either.
I don't know why.
The only thing growing like a champ is the
Purple Bean Hyacinth vine, but....
no bean pods as yet and I don't think I am going to get any.
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A trip up to the Meijer store in Howell, for some milk and tuna fish and a small macaroni salad took care of my afternoon. The young male clerk asked me if I smiled all the time. I answered, "Yes." He said, "I do too. Some people have asked me if I had a secret."
"That has happened to me too," I replied. "I guess if they see us smiling for no reason, they think we are up to something."
We had a good laugh and actually...he made my day!!
The only human contact I had all day.
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The footings are in. Apparently they aren't going to pour a cement slab under the unit?
Odd. If anyone ever has to crawl under the unit, they will be slithering around in weeds and mud!
You've got so much on your plate it's no wonder you're having nightmares. I don't know anything about bankruptcy and didn't realize they make you do classes before hand. That actually makes sense for younger people who never got a handle on how to deal with money smartly. As hard as the process must be on your emotions, I hope in the end it turns out to be a blessing that gets you out from under. Does Pammie know how deeply in debt you are?
ReplyDeleteI was wondering like Jean if Pam knows your situation. I know it may not be exactly what the two of you would want, but it would help you both. None of my business, though.
ReplyDeleteJudy, I hope the attorney isn't charging you much, if anything. When I thought I might possibly have to file a few years ago, the one I had wasn't going to charge; the only thing I would have had to pay was the 250.00 court charge.
The flowers all look lovely...my rose of sharon bushes get out of hand or at least they do these last two years with so much precipitation.
ReplyDeletesorry about the troubles ! I hope that you can go live back there is that is the best solution!
I admire you for not reaching for a drink or crawling under your bed! Gosh. If friends could mend safety blankets, you'd have one solid one underneath you now. In so many ways, I want to be like you when I grow up - you take a deep breath, and keep moving forward, growing pains and all. You open your heart to us through it all, so we can accompany you. I'll bet your smile made the young clerk's day, too.
ReplyDeleteI hope the bankruptcy resolution removes a nightmare from your life, and hope you slept better last night. I'm very impressed with your Excel spreadsheet budgeting. Sometimes I worry that I'm spending like there's no tomorrow, but mostly it's on home repair and improvement. Gone are the retail therapy days - I have more clothes and jewelry than I ever wear!
You're under a lot of stress, no wonder you had a nightmare!
ReplyDeleteI was wondering also whether Pam knows your situation?
Okay, missy - haven't you heard of the whole Daily Bread thing - just take care of today, and if something comes up, you'll have what you need to take care of it. Most people don't have a great big pot of money - we have enough to survive. Bankruptcy Laws were created to help people exactly like you - nothing shameful about it - it's not like you were living some extravagant lifestyle. And I think any one of us would have done the same things for Fred that you did. It's what we do for our family and loved ones. You are such a sweetheart with a beautiful smile. I'm glad that young man noticed and made your day. At the end of the day, no one will remember how much money you had or didn't have, they will remember your smile and kindness.
ReplyDeleteThis makes me feel sad. Too much for a kind woman like you to have to deal with.
ReplyDeleteJudy,
ReplyDeleteI, too, am wondering if any of your kids know how bad things are for you? I'm sure your nightmares are related to the stress. I hope the bankruptcy sets things right for you. You're in my heart, Judy.