F.E.A.R. = False Evidence Appearing Real

I sure have a way of getting myself all worked up!  I kept watching the coverage of the OK tornado.  I told myself to turn off the TV--and I did, but within a half hour, I was back in my chair, cross stitching and watching it again.  FOX news had the best coverage--even better then the Weather Channel and certainly much better then CNN.  CNN seems to like to go up to survivors, in these tragedies, stick a microphone in their face and say, "How does this make you feel?"

"Oh--I just love it!  Couldn't happen to a better place!  My house and all my possessions are gone.  My child is buried under the school.  Isn't this exciting?"   I think I might say something like that to an idiot CNN reporter.  Blasted people!!

So--I then turned to my local station to see our weather report and there on the screen--the radar picture, showing big severe thunderstorms heading our way.  Coming out of Chicago--trailing way back to Kansas--a long train of thunderstorms, with damaging winds and hail--bright orange--heading right toward me.

What did I do?  Did I take an Ativan and pray for God to protect us and go to bed?  ARE YOU KIDDING?  That makes sense!

Oh no.  I stayed up until 2:30--every half hour, coming into the computer, clicking on the TWC site and the radar map, clicking on the button that would let me watch the progression of the storms for six hours into the future.

Finally--when I had determined that the storms would not hit here until 6-6:30 a.m. and daylight, I went to bed and slept.

I woke up this morning at 9:00..  Not a drop of rain. The sky sunny and blue with a few puffy white clouds.  I got on the computer and checked the same radar, only this time, I checked the "past" progression of the storms.  At 4:00 this morning, they seemed to break apart.  What rain we got went north of us.

I felt like an idiot!!!

Why do I do these kinds of things?  Do I think that somehow, by knowing something, I can control it?  STUPID!!

I was better off last summer, when I didn't care if I lived and kind of wanted to die, and was never scared of any storms.  In fact, I'd stand out on the porch and say, "Come and get me!"

Well- I don't like thunder, but I have ear plugs that keep out all loud, sharp noises for that event--or fireworks, or whatever.  I have a very strong startle response--have had it for most of my life.  My Daddy used to love to light firecrackers and throw them under my lawn chair (outside) in the summer.  I guess he thought THAT would teach me not to jump at the sound of a loud pop?  I have been in or near two tornadoes when I was little--the noise I will never forget.  I suppose that has something to do with it.  I have
Ligyrophobia--the fear of sharp or loud noises. 

I can go to a stock car race and the loud, continual noise doesn't bother me.  It's the loud, sharp noise.

I wasn't as afraid when I lived in a  house with a basement.  Sometimes, if the thunder got intense, I'd just go down in the basement where I couldn't hear it as much and relax.  But--I have no place for shelter in this place.  You have seen what even a small tornado does to a manufactured home--right?

I walked down to visit Pearl for a half hour this morning.  Told her what I had done last night and she laughed at me.  She started in with her sound(?) reasoning.

"This park has been here forty-five years.  There has never been a tornado come through here.  We are not on a tornado path!"

"Then, the odds are getting smaller that we are due for one."  My sound(?) reasoning.

I think it comes from the fact that I am alone.  When darkness comes, it feels much lonelier then it did when Fred was here.  It's not like HE could control things and keep dangers away, but...just to have someone else, is very reassuring.  Pearl had to admit, that if her hubby was gone, she'd probably get a little scared too.

In other years, when the warnings came on the TV and we were told that there "might" be a super cell, Fred and I would load the dog in the car and go to Jen's big house with the big, finished basement.  Now--I am not even allowed to do that.  AND--how would I ever get the cats in the car?  They run and hide under the bed at the first rumble of thunder.

I wonder....do they make "Thunder Shirts" for people?
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Buddy isn't scared.  He's going to take a nap, lying on Momma's jeans.

Do you see the length of that cat?  I love this big guy so much!

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As I left Pearl's--Dar came rushing out of her house, shouting.  "I just heard--we are going to be without water for a couple of hours.  Get home and draw some water!!!

Jackie came to her porch and said, "What's the matter!?"

Dar repeated her shout--Jackie said, "Okay, thanks for letting me know."

Pearl said, "Go good grief," and went back in her house.

I said, 'It will be all right, Dar."

"But you gotta get home--they are turning off the water right now!  You will need some to flush!"

Two hours with no water is not a crisis to me.  I said, "Okay--thanks for letting us know."

I came home.  I did not run around trying to find a bucket to fill.  No big deal.

Dar--erratic and panicky--about most everything.

Jackie--calm--except when she gets mad at the guy who mows the lot next to hers and spreads Dandelion fluff on her lawn.  .

Pearl--who cares--unless it's something that doesn't work right--then she gets all in a tither. .

Me--inordinate fear of storms.

We are all old.  We are all weird, in our own ways.
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I have waited all day for the rains to come.  They have been in the area--but not at my house.  Tonight at 7:00, I went out, unreeled the heavy, long hose and watered my vegetable garden (2 tomato plants and a cucumber), then got an empty gallon jug, filled it and watered the plants on the porch.

"They" are predicting we "may" have rain during the night--tomorrow,  and Thursday.  I sure hope so.  This area has had no rain in May.

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I watch Mother Angelica on EWTN on Tuesday evening at 8:00  She is now 90 and most of these broadcasts are twenty years old--but surprising how relevant they are for today.  I really like her.  She is warm and pleasant.  She speaks of Jesus' great love for us.  How, we may draw away from Him, but he never draws away from us.  I have drawn away from God and Jesus, at times in my life.  You know what--when I came back, He was waiting for me--put His hand on my shoulder and stays very near.

No--I am not a Catholic, but I love listening to this nun.
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Have a great Wednesday.