title explained

Onward and upward! something that you say in order to encourage someone to forget an unpleasant experience or failure and to think about the future instead and move forward.

My e-mail: jjmiller6213@comcast.net

Sunday, January 22, 2017

This Woman's Movement

I don't quite get it--another double standard.  

Who were the women talked about and recognized by the speeches, at the Women's March in DC?

Susan B. Anthony.  Gloria Steinem, Bella Abzug?  Was Kellyanne Conway recognized as a woman who had achieved something no other woman had achieved?  She is the very first woman in history to organize and run a winning Presidential campaign.  Was she praised and recognized on Saturday, for her accomplishment?  Probably not.

Back in the day, while I was reading "The Total Woman", those early feminists were reading "The Second Sex".  Then they started telling me, on the TV programs, that I was "unfulfilled."  After all, I was just a housewife and mother.  I needed a career, outside the home, to really find all my potential and be fulfilled.

Then the whole premise of "choice" came up.   A woman has a choice to do whatever she wants with her body.  Well, yes, I agree.  When it comes to what she wears, or piercings, or tattoos, or hair style.  I can't begin to tell you how thankful I am that abortion was not legal in Michigan when I was having children!

I got pregnant 2 months before I graduated from high school.  My Dad was pushing me to get an abortion.  My Aunt, a nurse, knew a doctor that would do it.  I was told that foregoing college and having the child would, "ruin your life."  I stood fast and did not kill my son--the only son I would ever have.   Then, when I found out I was pregnant again, so soon, I tried everything I knew to have a miscarriage.  I jogged, I jumped off the porch, I took hot baths and laxatives.  I so did not want to be pregnant.

If, in those first few weeks, there was a way to have an abortion in Michigan, in those first few weeks, I just might have killed my first daughter.  Because, in those first few weeks, it really isn't a baby--there is no heart beating, right?  It's just a mass of cells that could be swept away by a simple D&C.

I had no such thoughts with my third child, but 10 years later, when I was pregnant again, thankfully abortion wasn't legal in Michigan, because I was pressured by my husband and step-mother--"There are easy ways to get rid of it."  

Abortion was then legal in New York.  My husband had it all figured out.  We would travel to New York, I would have "it" done and we would spend the weekend there.  A fun time.  I refused.

This was the only baby I had planned.  Wanted more than anything.  Had prayed for.

Two weeks later, he brought up the subject again.  If I didn't go along with his choice, he would leave me.  I refused and he did.  

The funny thing is, I knew I was pregnant, but the pregnancy tests the doctor ran said, I wasn't.  So I told my husband about the tests, and 5 weeks later he came back home.  Every month, I had a pregnancy test and it came back negative.  It was only at the four and a half month stage that I felt "life".  I went back, told the doctor, he said, "Either you are pregnant or you have the fastest growing tumor I have ever seen."  AHA!   Thankfully, the doctor didn't suggest we "remove" the tumor.

Too late now to spend a weekend in New York.  No ultra sounds back then to see what was going on inside.  Four and a half months later, a beautiful 9# 4 oz. baby girl was born.   Her Dad loved her immediately. 

So when the feminists talk about choice, Yes--we have a choice and I made mine.  I, like many of my friends, choose to get an education, married and have our children.  THEN--when the children were in school all day, if we chose--we went to work and had our "fulfilling" careers.  Or, if we chose, we waited until the last one graduated and still very young, in our early 40's, we had careers.

I did get far more praise and recognition when I went to "work", than I ever did being a housewife and Mother.  What is more important?  The money you make for the company you work for, or raising loving, confident, well adjusted children?

I can honestly tell you, I NEVER felt unfulfilled by choosing to stay home and be a housewife and mother, in fact, it was far more fulfilling than the years I spent out there in the work force.

Then the feminists campaigned that women must be equal to men.  Well, that's just baloney!  Women are far superior to men and always have been!  My mantra to my girls, "Don't ever lower yourself to be equal to a man.  Our bodies, our way of thinking and doing things, our way of speaking and living are far above what any man is capable of doing."

I also told them, "When it comes to your education and career, you can be and do anything you choose to do."  and they did.  

One choose to marry young and be a housewife and mother.  After 5 miscarriages, she chose to help her Grandfather on the farm and found great joy in that.  She knew how to plow the straightest furrow, birth a calf, milk the cows and even took a class with her Grandfather, on artificial insemination.  So she can plant the "seeds" for that calf and then help birth it.

The next one, chose to get a college education, marry young, have 5 children, home school them, and then, when they started high school, get her Master's and teach full-time.

The next one, took my words to heart.  She chose to get her college education, then spend a year in Spain, then move to Boston where she knew no one, and get her PhD in Juris Prudence.  Then marry, have children and work as an attorney.  She always said, "I'll work for a few years, then stay home with the kids."  She didn't.  She missed out on a lot of their firsts. Her Nanny got to experience all of that.  Now the kids are going to be graduating in the next few years and she may be realizing what she missed.  She didn't really have much of a choice because her job basically maintained her family. 

To my way of thinking, I am the lucky one.  Thank you so much Gloria for stirring up my life by telling me I wasn't fulfilled as a woman.  If I had a career, early on in my adult life, would I now have more money to live on--a nice pension.  Probably.  But you know what, I don't have any lingering regrets and thoughts about, "I wonder what that mass of cells might have been."   

I saw every "first" my children did.  I was a Room Mother I made more dang cupcakes for the class parties then I care to remember.  I was a PTO member.  I was on the Curriculum Committee at the high school, when the men on that committee thought it was ridiculous to equip the school library with two computers--the school principal and I won that fight!  I worked with the Little League Baseball and 4-H softball programs.  

When the school didn't have a bus they could use to take the girls to their Cross Country tracks meets, I loaded those kids in my 7 passenger station-wagon and drove them wherever their meets were.  The same with the Freshmen boys baseball team.

I chaperoned high school dances and set up the school's annual carnival.  I worked Friday night fish fry's for the band--although the smell of frying fish made me gag. My barn was where the kids made their Homecoming floats and I sat with them and made big flower decorations out of tissue paper.  I sewed uniforms for the newly organized Flag Girls for the marching band because there wasn't enough money in the band's budget.   

Would I have had time to sit in a protest or march with a placard?  Oh hell no!  I was way too busy living my unfulfilled life!!! 

Do women have a choice?  Sure--we always have!  What I don't like is trying to force "their" choice onto me, by telling me I am not quite as intelligent or as important as they are.  (I have actually been called "stupid" on Face Book by a few of my Liberal female friends, because I may have disagreed with their political views.)  

Hey--you do your thing, okay?  I'm not going to tell you that your choice is wrong--for you.  Just give me some respect for the choices I made and remember, it was your Mother who gave you the choices you now have.


  1. Ahhhhh yes, that big old fashioned "hen party" in Washington.

    "Hen parties" are not new. Back in the day, women got together and quilted.

    There were sleep-overs in HS, and still are. Girls chattering about boys, etc.

    There are women's reading groups, knitting groups, etc., etc., etc.

    The thing about those gatherings... No one tried or tries to push an agenda down anyone else's throat. No Madonna's or Katie Perry's spewed crap-o-la, during them. People who didn't come, weren't told they were stupid.

    Ahhh yes, the "Pink Ladies" had Hen Parties, in cities, in our Beloved Land. How *cute* of them. How *brave* of them! How novel of them. Bet they think they are soooo newwwww and ammmmmazing.

    Ho hummmmmmm.......

  2. Sounds like you had a very fulfilling life!

  3. Apparently we saw the march from different perspectives. I wasn't focused on the things you describe, though I don't doubt that element could be found in the crowds. I focused on those marching in opposition to a man seriously incompetent to hold the office of president. It is true he won the election, yes he did. What he did not win was the country. When you lose the popular vote by 3 million, and enter office with the lowest approvial rating of any president in modern times the country is not behind you. When his speech tells us he has no respect for civil rights, human rights, voting rights, or religious freedom he does not have the country's support. In the marches yesterday I saw the country saying "Mr Trump you won the election but lost the country. To be successful you must have a win in both the Electoral College and the popular vote." He does not have that. That's what I saw in yesterday's marches.

    1. Gee, I got none of that from President Trump's speech. He has always been for "the people" and his speech extended that once again. I listen to all the nasty things on TV, read about it online etc., and in the end I can toss it aside because no matter what anyone does or says, he is still our President and nobody can change that. And I wake up every morning thanking my God for President Donald J. Trump.

  4. When I was growing up, my mother used to say to me, "do you want to do what's popular or do you want to do what's right?"

    In other words, doing what's right does not always bring you popularity.

    I just wonder what kind of jobs these women have that could give them the time they needed to prepare for, travel to and attend these marches.

    1. Vacation. And it WAS the weekend.

  5. Admire you
    and so tired of all the negative comments on the news, paper, TV we have a new president, now give him a chance. All of these
    horrible remarks will get no one anywhere.

  6. I mean no disrespect when I say this but...I notice you didn't mention the physical and mental abuse that you suffered at the hands of at least two of your husbands. I think that's one of the reasons why you have a blind spot when it comes to understanding why the woman's march was organized and how Trump's joking about grabbing women's crotches (thus the name Pussyhat March) was the match that lite this march on fire. Those of us who supported or went to the match don't want to go back to the days when women and what goes on inside and outside our bodies is disrespected and abused, back to a day when it was okay to make do and say all the things Linda above talked about in her reply.

    To those asking what kind of jobs do these women have that they could go to a march on a Saturday, I could ask the same of all the people who attended Trump's swearing in the day before?

    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    2. will add, it was every bit as wrong of your x-husbands and step-mother to try to pressure you into getting an abortion you didn't want as it is to try to pressure a woman into having a baby if she isn't ready. Your body, your choice and that means none of us gets to second guess someone else's choices.

  7. PLEASE....

    Read my latest post, on The Women's March On DC.

    You will see that it is not so innocent, as they would have you believe.

    Please and thank you.

    Luna Crone

  8. Many women were asked why they were marching and the answer was for their rights. when asked what rights since they already enjoy all the rights they need they answered the rights of our future. Huh? Nobody is taking away their rights. Planned parenthood might be in trouble but only the abortion part as I recall. President Trump is pro life. That means he believes in the same thing I do -- NO ABORTIONS! Why would any woman on this earth want to take the life of a child at any time in utero? I do believe in them when rape or incest is involved or if the life of the mother is at stake but otherwise...no. If women are so concerned about their body and want to have a choice then they should not be so "loose" with their body and think before they act before they become pregnant. And if it still happens I feel they should take responsibility for their actions.

    1. Another flip-flop from Trump. He USED to be pro-choice. Judy herself told you of her struggles. Had the abortion been available, I believe she would have gotten one. Some situations are intolerable, and the choice for abortion is NOT one made easily. There are MANY married women who desperately want/need an abortion - just as one of her husbands wanted her to do. OR they are not ALLOWED to use birth control. It is HER choice.

    2. and because it wasn't legal here, at the 8 week stage, I was so happy I was having another baby. But then--I was married and it wasn't like we couldn't afford another child. I just forgot to wear my diaphragm one night. :-)

    3. Well Anonymous, I used to be pro-choice too when I was younger because I didn't know any better. Have you never changed your mind about anything? And why hide behind "Anonymous"?

      And in defense of Judy -- in those days things happened and women were forced to make choices. No birth control etc. I am so glad she opted to keep all her babies. where there is a will, there is a way.

  9. i enjoyed reading this judy!! i don't understand what the protest was about and chose not to educate myself on the facts!!

    i was happiest at home, spending time with my boys, they were the best days of my life!!

  10. Hi Judy---found you over at My Journey to Mindfulness...I love your writings! I will come back and read some of the older entries. It is late now and I must sleep!
    Jane from Naples, Florida

  11. That is the whole idea of the march - pro-choice. The woman's choice, not legislated choice.

    1. Choice for what? To kill or not to kill?

  12. There been double standard in world since time began. One of my mom favor saying was...Depending on what side of the track your from...
    I do like reading personal stories and thoughts form non famous or celeb.
    Coffee is on

  13. Awesome post. You are the true freedom lover. What a history you had with pregnancies. I, too, got pregnant two months before I finished high school. My choice was different than yours. It involved traveling to New York where abortion was finally legal. I haven't regretted my choice one minute. I have felt deep gratitude I had this choice, for I didn't know how to raise anyone.

    Regarding the march: I'm glad I didn't participate. I object to being recruited for anything when there's a presumption of superiority. And that means a presumption of superiority that women are better than men, that liberals are better than conservatives, or the other way round...that anybody's better than anybody else! My sister emailed her women's march portrait of four women buddies grinning ear to ear. I don't know for sure, but I imagine it would never have occurred to her to honor Kellyanne Conway or ordinary folks. This may be one reason the liberals lost the election.

    1. The may be one of the reasons I never have been in a protest. That and the fact that I stood strongly on one subject and by the next year had changed to the other side? I have to study and read and get all the truth I can on any subject, then I can make up my mind as to how I feel, plus as you say, I don't want anyone to recruit me and tell me what I need to do to show my support for or against anything. It's none of the public's business. :-)

    2. Did Sis have sunglasses on?

  14. Your father and husband should never have tried to force you to get an abortion, but as I'm sure you already know, you and I don't have the same perspective on the rest of these issues. We'll have to agree to disagree.

  15. The word feminist is defined differently by different people I've found, so they end up disparaging each other sometimes when they aren't even arguing about the same things. That seems to be true of many issues causing a lot of grief and anger needlessly. For me, being a feminist simply means equal rights as a human being, equal pay for equal work, choice over our own bodies to name a few significant rights. Sounds like you made all the right choices for you, but not all women are fortunate enough to have a life experience as you describe -- unexpected health issues, other unpredictable complications beyond their control can arise so some womem are faced with different choices, perhaps none of which they want. I believe all human beings are equal, some are not more equal than the rest when it comes to determining what is best for our bodies. :-)