A Relaxing Kind of Friday

The high today was:  59 degrees

The humidity today was:  60%

Cloudy and cool all day

51 degrees outside when I awoke at 9:00.  Lawn mowing guy was here--scared Maggie the cat under the couch.  Got their breakfast ready, but Maggie would not come out to eat, so I saved hers for her.  Hunger was more of an issue with Buddy, then the fear of the loud noise, so he gobbled up his food.  When the lawn mowing guy left, I called Maggie to come out and I put her dish down by the couch.

Of course, Buddy wanted hers too, but, gentleman that he is, he watched and waited for her to finish and then he could eat her scraps.  Maggie must have been hungry, as she left nothing for Buddy.  He weighs 20#--he doesn't need any extras!!!

See how gentlemanly he is.  He won't go near her food, until she walks away.

She ate until it was gone--then she licked and licked and still,

Buddy won't go near.  He waits until she walks away.

She walks away a bit and he goes to get what's left.

Nothing this time.  Poor Buddy.

When most cats--at least my Buddy, go to a window to look out--they stand up on their hind legs and rest their front paws on the sill--standing to look out.  Maggie however, rests her entire front legs on the window sill and sits down on her bottom.  I think it is the cutest thing ever.

There was a chipmunk out on the top of that metal can that she was watching.

The metal can is where I store my bird seed.

Or perhaps a higher perch gives a better perspective of the show?

It looks like she is sucking her thumb while she naps.

Sad state of affairs when all I have to do is watch my cats as they live their life <sigh>

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My grandmother was forty-eight when my grandpa died--he was forty-nine.  She had the chicken hatchery, chicken farm, sheep herd and an 80 acre farm to run.  As I got older, I wondered by she never remarried.  One day, when I was about twenty-five, I asked her.

"Your Grandpa Roy was my life.  Every night for the twenty-five years we were married, he slept with his head on my right shoulder.  After a love and a marriage like that, I could never be with another man.  I had the best...I was never interested in the rest."

I never really, truly understood what she meant---until I met Fred.

I never got into the whole soul-mate thing.  The "love of my life" thing.  Yeah, Yeah.

You can love many people--a different kind of love with different men, but still love.  Some treated me nicely, some didn't.  When the relationship ended--it may have hurt for awhile, but a few months later, I'd look back and think, "What in the world did I EVER see in him!"

Then I met Fred.

We were so much alike, at times, it spooked us out.  We'd be riding, quietly in the car.  One time, I was thinking how nice it would be to go to New York State and visit my sister in the fall.  See the beautiful fall colors they have in the hills and mountains.  Fred reached over and took my hand and said, "You know what Honey...I think we should go visit Susie and Chuck this September.  We could spend time with them and take in all the fall colors out there."

My jaw just dropped.  "I was just....this very minute...thinking the very same thing!"

That sort of thing happened all the time with us.  It seemed we spent a lot of time saying to each other, "I was just thinking of that!"  It really was amazing!  Or I'd have a song running through my head and all of a sudden, he'd start singing it.  It was like we were connected in our brains somewhere.  

We never disagreed on a thing--because we were so alike.  About the only difference we had was, he loved cottage cheese and I hated it.  I'd open the refrigerator and see the carton in there and just about gag! LOL

I know I have written about this before, but I remember so clearly one time---we were watching TV and he reached over and hit the mute on the control pad and said, "It is so comfortable living with you.  Is that a bad thing?  To be comfortable?"

"I don't think so," I replied.  "I feel the same way."

He said, "It is so easy.  There is no drama.  There are no disagreements.  Every day is just filled with love and warmth and laughing.  I want to stay here forever."

Then he turned the sound on the TV back on.

That epitomized our relationship.  It WAS comfortable.  We are both easy going people, but we also had that certain something that connected us so deeply.  I can't explain it.  I once told him it was like "living with my twin."

I've been thinking about Fred a lot lately--which surprises me because he has been gone almost 18 months.  It's like the longer he is gone...the more I miss him.  

No--I don't have the pictures out and the shrine with the ashes and candles, like some "widows" do--I don't think that would really help.  It seems like it would just be a constant reminder.  I don't need that.  He is in my head all the time.  

When I was out working in the garden the other day, I stopped for a minute---it seemed like if I looked up, he would be sitting on the porch watching me.  I "felt" like he was there---even though I knew he wasn't.  I couldn't help it--I had to look up and..............two empty chairs on the porch.

This doesn't happen often, but when it does....it is an almost overpowering feeling and I always have to say something to him---which I know is just plain stupid!!!  He is dead!!  He is not floating around in the ether somewhere around me!  His soul is in Heaven--I know that for sure.  Someday, his body will be made new and join his soul---I know that!!  It's just the memories that come to MY mind and feel so real that I think he is here.  EVEN THOUGH I KNOW HE'S NOT!!!

Now I know how Grandma felt.  I feel the same way.  

People tell me I need a "friend".  Someone to go out to dinner with--catch a movie--go for a drive.  NAH!!! I can hardly stand to be around another man that acts interested and wants to flirt or "chat".  I just cannot imagine riding in a car with another man---sitting that close in a movie with a man---going to dinner and having to talk to another man.  Creeps me out!!!

I've had the best--the love of MY life--I am not interested in the rest.

If I can't have Fred--I want no one else.

I want this!!!!! 

...and especially this!