I am miffed. Mystified. Hearing half-truths, or.........who knows?
No...It's not from politicians, but it sure is a lot like them. Saying one thing one day and something quite different the next.
It's Jennifer!
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13 years ago, Eric, Jennifer and baby Andrew moved from Salem, MA to here. They wanted to be closer to Jen's family, especially Karen, to get away from the influence of Eric's family and have the influence of Karen and Mark's family. She insisted I move here so I could be "really involved in the kids lives."
When they found the lot they wanted, we all chipped in, tearing out scrub bushes, moving dirt around, designing flower beds and planting flower and bulbs. They build a home that Eric had designed when he was 19--his dream home.
I baby sat a lot while they got started on their careers. When those careers became more time consuming, they hired Pammie to take care of the kids--at their home.
Four years later, Eric's father wanted them to move to New Jersey so that Eric could take over the family business. Eric went out there for a month, returned back here because he found he could not work with his domineering father.
Three years later, he decided to try again. Father was wanting to retire and promised Eric all sorts of good stuff. They had the moving van coming on a Friday to pack up what they needed to move. Fred and I went over on Thursday night to wish them good luck and goodbye. The next morning, they changed their minds. Eric knew he couldn't work with his father.
The decision a year ago was: they were going to move to New Jersey where Eric would take on more of his father's Orthotics and Prosthetics business. His father has a huge business with several contracts with hospitals in Manhattan and New Jersey. Eric was going to take over one of those offices, and eventually the whole business. His father is 75 and wants to retire.
Jennifer has basically supported her family for the last 13 years. Eric's job paid well, but not like Jennifer's. They had added on to and renovated the huge house they had and now, it was just like they wanted it. Perfect....and became more than they could afford to keep maintained.
Jennifer was going to quit working and become more involved in her kids lives. Which sounded odd to me from the get-go, as the three oldest are in school all day and the little boy goes to nursery school three days a week, so what is the point of being a stay-at-home Mom? Stay at home when the kids are little. NOW would be the time for Mom to go to work outside the home, but.........whatever.
Eric quit his job in August. It was his goal to finish up all the little things that needed doing in the house/yard and put the house on the market, which they did.
They sold the house on December 10th, for the $1.5M asking price and had to be out by the 21st. They rented 4 large storage units in New Jersey and moved the week of Christmas--New Year. They rented a house, got the paper work started on buying land and building another house.
They are going to live in Union Township. I have no clue where that is, but the way Jen described it, I guess it's a pretty high class community.
Eric is in New Jersey, with the kids, his sister helping with them. The kids do not like their Aunt and neither does Jennifer...neither does Eric!
Meanwhile, Jennifer is commuting from New Jersey to Michigan to continue her law work!! She stays with Karen while she is in Michigan.
Eric still is not working! I don't know what he is doing, but he hasn't started working for his father.
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My sister, Pam, Karen and I think the whole arrangement is nonsense! Jennifer is like the "man of the house", flying off and traveling for her job. I guess Eric is like the wife? Making arrangements for the new home and caring for the kids?
In our opinion, it is a terrible life they have made for their children. The oldest, Andrew will graduate high school in three years. Elise in 5 years. Do we think their family will be settled and "normal" by then?
NO!
They are living their lives at "warp speed"! Communicating via texts and phone calls. Is that any way to stay involved with their children?
Jennifer is stressed to the max, all the time. When she talks, she talks at the speed of sound. She was born with an "A" personality. I probably didn't help when I kept reinforcing the premise that "you can be anything you want!"--she was born at the beginning of the Woman's movement. I haven't seen her relaxed since she was 12!!
Anorexic at age 14, bulimic at 16, binge eating at 30.
I worry about her. I worry about the kids. I worry about their marriage. I worry about them living on the East coast within easy reach of the terrorists/nukes/bombs!
Sure, they will be millionaires four times over, but...at what cost?
The whole thing just makes me physically sick!!
Oh, Judy, I'm so sorry. I hate that you're feeling this way, but I know I'd be doing the same. Not my business, but I feel like the kids are going by the wayside, and those millions are for naught. What good does money do when there are so many problems. Again, I'm sorry and will pray, hard. xoxo
ReplyDeleteIt is so hard to sit on the sidelines and watch this kind of mess. Children are so important yet I'm sure Jennifer would thinks hers are just fine, better than she had it.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you can blog your brains out. Because unsolicited advice is simply big trouble!!! Crazy.
I agree with AW. Blogging your feelings can act as a safety valve so you're not tempted to give Jen unsolicited advice. It does sound like they are headed for trouble and the little boy is the one who will suffer the most. Hopefully, this summer he can can come to MI when his mother does and spend a lot of time with Pammie.
ReplyDeleteI never have or ever will give advice to my married kids. Even if asked, I usually say, "It's up to you to do what YOU think is best." My Dad liked to offer advice, or maybe I should say commands and I pledged I never would when my kids were adults.
ReplyDeleteIt just doesn't help trying to give advice to our married children-since there's also an in-law added in the mix--- and in some families- it's a deadly mix. :(
ReplyDeleteMy daughter was taught the "easiest diet in the world" by her best friend. "Anorexia/Bulemia" at 16, a 'diet' my Sherry stayed on and off until she died..at age 31. Died in her sleep, with her husband, who left for work without trying to wake her up, and their 7-year-old son finding her, completely traumatized when he awoke unable to wake his mom that Aug. morning. Medical report was enlarged heart or "heart attack", possibly due to combination of 'diet', heavy smoking, panic attacks, and a prescription of a beta-blocker, which slowed her heart down too much. Since 1998, our family has never been the same. I try to imagine our firstborn, a little, blond-haired, blue-eyed charmer--- at 50---which she'd be 10/1/16. I remind myself I warned her of her killer 'diet'--- for which I got her a therapist; remind myself I told her smoking was very another killer... "but it keeps me from eating, Mama." This girl weighed 127 lbs., except for when she was pregnant.
Sorry for this morbid comment, Judy---and I pray Jen's lifestyle won't be the death of her---or someone else. How life with, and without children --- can just weigh a body down, huh!
This is not morbid. This is tragic! This is how life is.
DeleteOur babies come to us perfect and beautiful and they go along, precious and cute and adorable. Then, somewhere along the way, usually their teen years, they get messed up. We haven't done anything wrong. We haven't changed our parenting. Peer pressure? Too much stress for them to over achieve? I haven't a clue. It doesn't just affect them, it affects everyone in their family and changes the whole family dynamic.
I don't know how you have lived through this! Probably because you had to be the strong one to keep the family together?
"I am so sorry"--words from me to you that don't really help. I do understand though. No matter how old our children get, they are still our babies and we look at them and can still see how they looked the minute they were born and how wonderful they were as little children. Those memories make the reality of their lives, even harder. I hope your grand son is able to have a decent life.
Dear Judy, I know many have suffered worse tragedies, but it's hard to 'feel' theirs as we do ours. I'm not strong. I don't think I've stopped living as much as I've continued to live In a sort of shock. I try to make it look as I've gotten beyond it, but I don't feel I ever fully will, really. She was my daughter, but my best friend, as well. After she died, I went over morning and evening to get my grandson on and off the bus, fed, homework, clothes washed for both, dinner done, and Rob bathed--getting our own meals and what had to be done for my husband and me. Then, 6 months after she died, SIL moved his new? old? girlfriend and her 2 kids in there. It was harder, but I had my grandson stay here when it suited his father--a small minded man who never grew up. I guess grandson has done as well as possible, considering the trauma he suffered...his father didn't believe in counseling or therapy. He told my daughter once that he'd always been selfish and he didn't "want to change." I lived to experience that personally, too. I do not understand people like that... it makes it easier to live somewhat in 'another world'. I think I've learned I'd have made a pretty good actress. :)
DeleteTrudy
I understand--especially the acting part. OO XX
DeleteSometimes you just want to press the Stop button...but they only listen to the wind...
ReplyDeleteHugs to you sweet lady....
hughugs
awwwww judy, i am not sure what to say, such a sad story!! roots, wings and love....it's all you can really give!!!!
ReplyDeleteWe worry more about our kids than anything else, don't we? Jen doesn't know it now, but the years pass so quickly, and they are grown before you know it. Maybe they will come to their senses. I hope so.
ReplyDelete