Karma

I do not believe in Karma!  Friends on Face Book claiming Karma will get people who have done bad things, and apparently got away with it.  "Karma is a Bitch."  or "Karma will get them."

Nonsense!  

I know quite a few people who were hurtful, spiteful, emotionally and physically abusive to others and went on to live a long, seemingly happy life.  As far as I witnessed, Karma didn't touch them.  Oh, they may face a harsh judgement when they face God, but while they lived, Karma seemed to bless them.  

Thinking of my second husband.  Married 7 times.  Physically abused some of his wives and emotionally abused all of them.  I have met 4 of them.  We all agreed.  He is now 85 years old. The picture of health.  Not a problem in this world.

What about my own father?  He lived a wonderful life, for 92 years.  Died a rich man and everyone in the community thought he was the most wonderful man they ever knew.  Yet he abused me terribly and my little sister to a lesser degree.
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I digress--This late morning, my Dear Friend Beth called me to say, she and her husband were going shopping at a nearby mall and would it be all right if she stopped in?  She said she had a gift for me and the cats.  Of course, I was so happy to be able to see her.

Shortly after she called, I had to call Pam to ask her a question about Christmas Eve.  She answered and as per normal, I said, "Whatcha up too?"

"Helping Jennifer."

"Oh.  Helping her with the kids?"

"No.  Helping her pack and load stuff into the moving van."

"Are they moving to an apartment around here?"

"Nope.  They sign the papers tomorrow morning and then are leaving for a hotel in New Jersey."

"Hotel.....in......New Jersey?"

"Yup.  Until they can find a house to rent in the school district they want the kids to start in, in January.  Renting until they can find a house or build one."

"Oh."

"What can I do for you?"

"Ah.  I.     Ah, is Cindy's son coming Christmas Eve?"

"I don't think so."

"Okay."

"It's a madhouse here.  I gotta go."

"Okay.  Please tell Jennifer....and Eric, and the kids that.............I wish them well on this new chapter in their lives and..............I........pray they have a safe trip."

"Okay.  Will do.  Love you Momma.  Bye."
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Gone.

Just like that.

Without even a goodbye, from my youngest child.

Without even being able to hug the little kids goodbye or give them their Christmas presents.


I do not cry!  I will not cry!  I can't do anything about it and crying won't help.

I cried.

By the time Beth got here, I was pretty much okay, and told her.  She was a bit angry, I could tell.  She didn't smother me with emotions or words.  I looked at the gifts she had brought us.  A huge bag of my cats favorite dry cat food and a nice gift card for me.  So sweet of her.

I was kinda glad she was ticked off with Jennifer, anyway.

She knows me--we have known each other for 70 years now.  She knows if she covered me with sympathy, I'd lose it for sure.  We aren't like that.  None of our friends are like that.  Even my sister wouldn't be like that.

We are strong, stoic people and we know, if we "Ooh" and "Ahh" and start in with the , "I'm so sorry(s)". the affected person would feel worse and might cry and then we'd all cry and for some reason........we don't allow that.

When Beth and I went to the hospital/hospice to see Arlene, we both knew it probably would be our last time to see her alive.  What did we do?  We talked about everything else.  We joked and laughed.  There was the Grim Reaper standing in the corner of her room, and we ignored the bastard.  My last words to my best friend?  "I love you.  See ya later."  and blithely walked out the door, down the elevator and to the car.  Then Beth sat in the car for a few minutes, breathed and knew--"We won't see her again, will we."  "No. I don't think we will."

I don't know.  I think there is probably something wrong with all of us.  I have to always keep a stiff upper lip, no matter what.  As do my friends, family and most people I know--except Dar.  Maybe she is healthier than all of us!!!  Go into total meltdown and become a screaming hysteric!
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Now, I know some of you will call this a coincidence, but I don't.  I was sitting in my chair, just flipping through TV programs, clicked on one, didn't notice what it was and got up to go to the bathroom.

When I came back in and sat down, there was a pastor---talking about the Peace Jesus brings to us.  He went on to talk about this time of year and how hard it is when family members can't get home, or there is a divide in the family, or someone tragically dies at this time of year.

My ears pricked up.  I think God sent me this program!

Now, I know that I know that I know--that I believe there is so much I can't do a thing about.  This whole thing with Jennifer is like that.  I have apologized.  I have asked her forgiveness.  On the 5 occasions I have seen her in the last 3 years, I have been cordial, nice and when parting, have hugged her and told her I loved her.  There really is no way I can control her feelings.

The only thing I CAN do, is pray to Jesus to bless her and her life, and give my heart ache to God.

I will do that to find peace for myself.  We all need peace.

I know that I know that I know, someday, when it is the right time, it will all be all right.  God will soften her heart, in some way, and it will all be all right.
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If there is such a thing as Karma, I cannot for the life of me figure out what horrible thing I did to make "it" come down so hard on my life!