Pearl and Merle

I can't figure them out.  It's like they grew to about 15-16 and then their brains quit growing.  Neither one of them as a lick of common sense.  Things I think of as ordinary and all people know about, they don't have a clue.

They were very worried about Merle's blood test and the other tests.  The doctor calls them a week or 10 days later with the results.  All that time, they are stressed out.  When I told them that our hospital has the blood test results the afternoon of the day they are taken, Pearl practically called me a liar.

"The doctor calls us the minute he sees the results!"

"Well, if you get worried, you could call the doctor a couple days after the tests and ask about the results."

"Why?  He doesn't get the results for at least a week."

So--I thought I could help and offered to set them up with a patient portal account with our hospital.  I have one and with just a click, you can see ALL the tests you have had done and the results--within hours after the tests are done.

"No!  What if the doctors found out we were doing that.  They'd be mad at us and think we were snooping!"

Ten years ago, they bought a piece of undeveloped property, in Howell, on a nice stream with lots of trees.  Lovely.  Merle built a small little barn and then they bought a large motor home to park on the property and live in.  Did they check the zoning laws?  Of course not!  So three years later the township tells them they have to move the motor home, that the property is within the city limits and is not zoned "recreational", they can't live there.

So, what did they do?  They tried to sell the property--for all of three months and then let it go back to the bank.

They moved here and let the motor home go back to the bank, because they could not sell it for what they owed on it.

They declared bankruptcy and STILL had to pay part of the loans they had, because they did not check on the stipulations of the bankruptcy.  "We didn't understand all that legal stuff, so we just signed the papers."  "Did you ask your attorney to explain it all to you?"  "No--we wouldn't have understood it anyway."

Pearl bought a new pair of glasses last month = $250.00.  She has macro-degeneration disease and need good glasses.  She wore them for two days until her daughter told her she looked like an owl.  She hasn't worn them since.  Is back to wearing her old glasses that she can see through.  Did she take them back?  "No.  Wal-Mart wouldn't take them back," she said.  "Sure they would!  They have a guarantee on glasses for a month.  If you don't like them, take them back."  "Then I'd have to buy all new glasses."  "NO!  They have a guarantee--that's what it's for!"

Pearl wants an e-mail service so she can order things on-line and check the confirmation and ship dates.  She has a deal with the mail lady.  If Pearl has packages and the mail lady sees Merle's truck in the drive, the mail lady is NOT to drop off the packages!

The stuff she orders is usually cheap junk and it either doesn't work, or doesn't fit and instead of sending it back; on garbage day, she waits for Merle to go to work and hides the stuff in the trash can for pick-up.

I was up there last week.  Pearl had bought a large mirror.  Merle was trying to use a glass cutter to cut out triangles.  There were cracks in the mirror and shards of glass all over the dining room floor.

"Ah--I don't think one of those glass cutters will work on mirrors--only glass like window glass," I said.

He says, "Oh.  Pearl wanted to paint on it."

I looked at Pearl, "Sure it will work.  He just doesn't know how...or doesn't want to, to spite me!"

They bought a subscription to Net Flix, which they deemed would be cheaper than going to the movies once a month.  Of course, Merle couldn't figure out how to connect it and with good reason, they didn't have anything to "run" it through.  So, they had to buy a Blu Ray player.  Still didn't work.  The Comcast guy came out with a cost of $85.00, because they claimed it was their cable's fault.  Nope.  So then, they had to buy a little WIFI receiver of some kind, I don't know what that cost.  Still wouldn't work.  So--they called Comcast to come out again--another $85.00.  It now works, if they can figure out how to use the remote.  

Merle stored their humidifier UNDER their trailer spring of 2014.  When they needed it in January 2015, he went to get it and wondered why it wouldn't work.  Residue water in it had frozen and broke the dang thing.  

Pearl wanted a fireplace.  They wanted me to research on line and find a company around here that sold gas log fireplace inserts.  I did and found three with customer ratings.  I advised them NOT to buy from the last place as the customer complaints were many fold. 

"It will save us money on our gas bill," she reasoned, when Merle bulked at the idea. 

So--they bought from the worse place, because they were cheaper.  They had fire box, flue and gas log insert put in.  It never has worked right.  They had a minor gas leak--the company they bought from wouldn't stand by the repair.  When they turn on the log, the fireplace draws all the warm air from their living room up, out the flue.  Their electric and gas bills have gone way up.  Plus, the residue from the gas log, puts out a sticky film that covers all their windows and walls, and probably their lungs.

Pearl was having trouble with a prescription once, so I asked her what was the name of the drug.  "Oh, I don't know.  It's a pink pill.  What comes in a pink pill?"

"Oh...cyanide, arsenic...all number of things," I said.

"Oh.  Are those bad for me to take?"

Remember me telling you when she asked me up to supper and she had put a frozen roast in the crock-pot and thought it would be done, on low, in two hours time?

She cooks chili like this.  Take cover off the crock pot.  Add a pound of frozen ground beef and all other ingredients.  She doesn't bother to thaw or brown the ground beef.  Cook on low for 3 hours.

She has burned up two microwaves just in the last 18 months.

She has a lap top, that she doesn't use.  Reason?  Her desk top on it doesn't look like her desk top on her PC, so she doesn't understand it.  She got a smart phone.  You can only imagine.

She knows not one solitary thing about her computer except how to turn it on.  She doesn't want to know.  She doesn't have the slightest interest.  All she wants it to do is, when she turns it on, it better come up to Face Book as her home page or she's lost.  Plus, I did tell you about the time two years ago when she was totally and completely convinced that her computer hated her and it KNEW when she sat down in front of it, that it was HER and would stop working on purpose.

She now is convinced that our doctor hates her.  Reason?  "The last two times I have been there, I have seen his assistant.  He doesn't even come in the room."

"When you made your appointment, did you request to see him?"

"No...but he should know I want to see him."

"Well, he doesn't make the appointment so he doesn't even know you are coming in, until he sees his patient list for the day."

"Well, he doesn't do a thing for me anyway."

"Like?"

"I can barely walk because of my arthritis.  My blood sugar is still higher than it should be.  Plus, I have neuropathy in my feet."

"Didn't he give you a prescription for Celebrex and Tramadol for the inflammation and pain?"

"I don't know.  I take a blue pill in the morning and a white one two hours later."

"Have you lost weight, like he told you?  Are you walking more, like he told you?"

"No.  I can't lose weight and it's too hard for me to walk because my knees and legs hurt."

"I guess you're right then.  He can't do anything for you.  Maybe you need to find a new doctor."
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Do you want more instances?  No?  I don't blame you!

Sometimes I just want to stand up, look at them and scream, "ARGGH!"

Like I have said before, I moved into this park when I was 64 years old.  Never before, in my entire life, have I EVER met people like my neighbors!  Be it Merle & Pearl, Darlene, Jackie, Tami or John.  They are the weirdest people!  

They say and do things, all the time, that just make me wonder.  Who ties their shoelaces for them?