I am just wondering if I should even post anymore.

There is absolutely nothing interesting going on in my life.  

Nothing anyone would want to spend time reading about.

I can't even come up with an interesting illness, that people would want to follow, empathize, give advice.  I suppose that is a good thing.

Yesterday, I put the humidifier together, filled with water because everything I touched, I got a shock.  

Today I vacuumed the kitchen, living room and den.  And dusted.  Set up the air cleaner here in the den.

Oh, you did hear we got 9 inches of snow last week, right?  It's been unusually cold since, but I love the cold weather.  I had an appointment last week at the Pulmonologist and she asked if the cold weather bothered my breathing.  I told her "No" and she did a breathing test and said, "Your lungs are great for their age.", which struck me as funny.  My lungs are the same age as me, right?

or maybe not.  Maybe they are 6-7 months older---'cause they were growing before I was born?

My Christmas Cactus is healthy and nice and green and not one single bud on it's stems/leaves/fronds...whatever those things are called on a Cactus.  Everyone I know, who has a Christmas Cactus, are posting pictures of how theirs are loaded with buds.

This is my exciting and interesting life.

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No one is having Thanksgiving this year and I just found out our family Christmas will be on the 28th.

The traditional family Christmas Eve, which was celebrated for over 100 years, is now whenever--sometime in December.  So that means I will be home Christmas Even and Christmas Day.

Why don't I just slash my wrists now!!!!!!!?

Ever since my 80th birthday in June, I ponder on why I am here.  What good am I to anyone?

The kids don't call or visit.  The grand kids--well, I have no idea what is going on with them.

I don't see my sister very often.

It's hard.  At one time, I was the "hub" of the family, but then......I haven't been the hub in many, many years, so why does it bother me?

I feel like I am totally useless to anyone.  They would all get along just fine if I weren't here.

I think it is difficult for a once vibrant, involved in everything, socially active person to become irrelevant, but that is what I have become.

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I have this fantasy.  I sometimes sit and ponder on it and see it all falling into place.

I have a new car--a small SUV.  I pack it up with everything I will need for a month and...I just take off.  I tell no one that I am going.  Just like my kids and sister do--they go on vacations, or trips, and never inform me they will be gone.

I meander around the country.  I've always wanted to see Vermont in September.  I stay for a week, on the ocean, in Nags Head, North Carolina's Outer Banks.  I get off the interstate and travel the back roads, stopping along the way to see whatever takes my fancy.  I might even stop in at Oak Island, in Nova Scotia, of spend a week in North Dakota with my special "daughter", Chris.

I wonder how long it would take before anyone realized I was gone.  Two weeks?  Maybe longer.  Someone would notice that I hadn't posted on Face Book.  Someone might contact Karen and ask, "Is your Mom all right.  She hasn't posted on Face Book in two weeks."  Then Karen might call and leave a message.  The next week, she might ask the other kids or my sister if they had heard from me.  She might even drive up here and ask a neighbor.

No one knows.  Would they worry?  Would a police report be made for a missing person?  Would there be yellow police tape around my house as they checked for clues?  Would my face appear on a milk carton? 

I have no cell phone to trace my whereabouts by GPS.  

And when I returned, would there be an ambulance ready to take me to the nursing home---where I could be watched 24/7?

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Just a selfish, revenge fantasy, that would in the long run, prove my true irrelevance.

So much time wasted by Congress on all these different hearings.
Wasted time that would be better spent on working on Bills that would help our Veterans get the care they need...when they need it...and not have to wait.  In a decent VA hospital or facility, not one that is falling apart.

Why can't these hearings be carried on CNN, or FOX, or MSNBC, or C-Span and not on the bit three channels, ABC,CBS and NBC?  I mean if you are a real political junky, certainly you would have Cable and have those channels accessible.

Not on NBC where the hearings will pre-empt my Soap!!!!
Just when my Soap is doing what no other daytime Soap has done.
A time jump to one year later!
C'mon!!!!
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Last Saturday was one of those perfect days for me.  Not something most women would get excited about, but...3 football games on TV consecutively, starting at noon.  Ohio State vs Wisconsin at noon, Michigan State vs Penn State at 3:30 and University of Michigan vs Notre Dame at 7:30.  11 hours of watching football?  

You know why I like it?  I sit in my recliner and work on my projects--cross stitch and crochet.  I don't watch every football play, listen mostly, but look up when there is some action.  At half-time, I get up from my chair and load the dishwasher, vacuum the living room, do some laundry.  So...........I'm not really lazy. LOL

This past Saturday, yesterday, only one ballgame and it was boring.  I spent most of the afternoon watching "Property Brothers" and cross stitching.

Now we have the dreaded time change.  So many people hate it, I don't know why we just don't stay on Eastern Standard Time and forget all about Daylight Saving Time.  But the "fall back" affects me less than the "spring forward", I still will feel a bit discombobulated for a couple of weeks.

I set my Cuckoo clock back an hour in the middle of the week.  I don't consciously hear that clock anymore, but I figured, unconsciously I'd hear it and even though the other clocks stated 4:00, the Cuckoo would cuckoo 3 times and ease me into the time change.  I know.  I am weird!

Well it was kind of nice to wake up this morning at my normal 9:00 inner clock and realize it was only 8:00, according to the clocks.  I felt like an early riser, but of course tonight, when TV programs are on at 10:00, but in yesterday's time and my inner clock time it is really 11:00, I'll be dozing in my chair.

It's all very confusing to me.
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This great grandchild of mine, Harrison, is only 3 months old.  He is in the 90+ percentile for height and weight.  He is going to be an enormous kid!!!  He looks so much like his Dad, it's spooky!

Well, it has been a while.

Finally, after more than a month, I think I have my BP back under control.  It didn't take much to throw it off, but took a long time to get it back.  

Karen came over and cleaned up the brush piles I had made from trimming Lilac bushes, then she trimmed the hedges along the East side of the house and dug out all the grass clumps in the little front garden.  I lost all my beautiful Iris because the grass had grown around them and practically buried.  I took up the Iris I could find and have planted them in the 3 big pots I normally grow my tomatoes in.  I hope the Iris come back.  I had some real beauties a couple of years ago.

When she was done outside, she came in and with much protesting from me, she vacuumed the living room and den and then mopped the kitchen, laundry area floor.  I have never had anyone, ever mop my floor for me.  It made me feel kind of weird.
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A Dear Friends husband died after months of her taking care of him at home.  So, I had to drive up to Durand for the visitation.  I didn't know what to say, so I said nothing.  I just walked into the room, walked up to her and took her frail, 5'2" body and wrapped my arms around her and just hugged her for a long time.  She kept saying, "Judy. Judy." and I just rocked her back and forth in that hug.
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This past Wednesday, Karen and Pam, my sister Susan and granddaughter Madeleine, went to see "Downton Abbey" at the theater.  They have luxury seats in this theater.  Leather, wide reclining chairs.  We all loved the movie, as we all had watched the entire series from Day One.  To me, the best part is just being with my girls!

Maddie is nearly 5 months pregnant.  Her tummy looks like she has a soccer ball under her shirt.

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As I was trimming Lilac bushes a couple of weeks ago, I noticed the trunks were so crowed at ground level.  Every few years, Lilac bushes need to have the largest, oldest trunks cut out and of course anything that is dead, plus, I had a 15 feet Maple tree growing up through one of them.

I asked my brother-in-law to bring his chain saw down with him when they came to put plastic on the back door to help keep out the cold, winter drafts.

He trimmed out of lot!  Now the air and sun can get down to the roots and help the new saplings grow.

We had six bundles to tie up with twine and put out by the street for yard waste pick-up.

While I was outside helping him, my sister shrink-wrapped my back door.  She does such a great job you don't even notice there is plastic there.

Yesterday was also Karen's 58th birthday.  Her granddaughter Della shares her birthday and is 3.

Karen, Della and Harrison who is 3 months old.

We are having normal October weather.  There are so many hard woods in this area, that the scenery out my windows is ablaze with reds, yellow, orange and an occasional dark green pine tree thrown in for contrast.  I love this time of year!

My, my.  Time does get away from me.

Getting at the yard work to be done.  Daughter Karen was coming today to help, but had to baby-sit for her grandson Harrison, who has pink-eye.  Nine weeks old and looks six months.  He weighs 14.5 pounds and is 24 inches long.  Pediatrician says he will roll over soon and be early in crawling and walking.

Look at the mitts on that kid!!!!

Della, who will be 3 in two weeks, had preschool pictures taken.  She is a strong willed little girl and was very upset that her mother wouldn't let her wear her flower girl dress for the photos.

I told her mother she needs to get this kid into modeling and then Mom could retire. 

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In preparation of Karen coming to help, I trimmed back my Lilac bushes, taking off all the lower branches.  Now I have piles of brush all over the side lawn...Karen was going to take it home with her and put it in their burn pile.

My lawn mowing kid is suppose to come and take out the raised bed garden I have on the side of my shed.  Yesterday I cleaned out all the weeds and Zinnia's that were in it, in preparation for his visit.

Not only have the timbers rotted, but rain water off the roof of the shed, pooled into that raised bed and then drained under my shed--which I have just discovered was not placed on a cement slab--thus the shed's floor boards on that side have rotted away!

Karen was going to help me clean out the shed so I could get some boards down to replace the rotted ones.

Today, I am headed out to cut back the front garden and wait for Karen, who promises to be here on Monday to trim the hedges.

This has been the perfect week--sunny and high 60's, to work outside and being we live in Michigan, I know this weather is not going to hold.

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I have been battling high blood pressure since the first of October.  A mix up in my prescription had me taking 1/4 of the dosage and it took me a couple of weeks before I realized what was wrong.

So back on the correct dosage and it has taken a week and a half before blood pressure has returned to  normal.  Plus, working on a couple of small genealogies has kept me busy.

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A rattle underneath my car let's me know I have to get that checked out before winter sets in and of course, no extra money to take it to the mechanic.

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My neighbor's ex husband died last month and she is now getting his Social Security.  She's poor too, so this has really helped her.

So, on a whim, I checked on the SS web site, under the heading, "Ex Spouse Survivor Benefits" and sure enough.

When my ex dies, I will get 100% of his Social Security.  I figured it out as best I could--I will receive $2,000.00 a month!  Twice what I get now!

EGAD!!!  Now wouldn't that make my life a lot easier?

Not that I want him to die or anything, but hey--it's good to know these kinds of things.

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I could get off Welfare.  I could get this room painted.  No constant worry about how to pay the monthly bills.  I could get my car fixed or even.....lease a new one!

No doubt God is going to punish me for even having these thoughts and I will die before the ex does.  LOL

For some unknown reason, since Fred died, I have not been able to read any book all the way through.  I can't believe there is any correlation between the two events, but.................

People have raved about books they are reading and loaned them to me to read and three chapters in, I'm like "Meh" and put it aside.

Maybe it's because my memory has dwindled and when I pick up the book to read the next chapter, I have forgotten what happened in the chapter before?

I don't know.

Then a couple of weeks ago, I was reading a blog I follow:

http://cominghometomyself.blogspot.com/ and the author stated she had finished a book she has been working on for 20 years.  It was on Amazon.

I read a description of the book and also because I wanted to support a fellow blogger, I ordered it.

OH MY GOSH!!  I love this book!!!  I can't put this book down!

I love the way the publisher set it up--nice large print, so it's easy to read.  The style in which the main character's thoughts are printed.  The whole store line.  It is fascinating.

Just go to Dee's blog, the link above, and she has a description of the plot.  You might be interested too.

I guess there is nothing wrong with my memory or my interest in reading.  It just takes a very special kind of book to hold my interest.

Thinking of Bella Rum and not knowing what is going on.  In my funeral papers I have told my daughter Pam to post on FB and this blog that I have died, if it is sudden.  Maybe by the time I die, I won't have a blog.  Who knows?  Do they even allow personal computers in the nursing home?  

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Speaking of dying.  I went for my six month check-in at my primary guy today.  My blood work was perfect, not one deviation from the reference norm.  He came in the exam room, listened to my heart, lungs, carotid arteries and then said, "Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.  Go home healthy woman and come back in March."

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Wednesday my daughter Karen her daughter Helene and the two Grand babies, Della and Harrison, came for an afternoon visit.  The little guy is 7 weeks old and already smiling and cooing at me.  Even Della at nearly 3 and has never been to friendly toward me, played with me and when they were getting ready to leave, I asked if I could get a hug goodbye.

Karen interrupted and said, "She doesn't really like to hug," as Della was coming over with arms wide open to hug me.  There is still hope for our relationship. LOL