It's Complicated

I would be very uncomfortable for Mark and I to be alone together.  If other members of the family were around or even in the next room, it would work, but just he and I, alone in his house?  He would be uncomfortable.

I haven't really 'known" Mark for several years.  He didn't like coming to family get togethers.  We'd see him on Christmas and maybe one other time during the year.  He just didn't do what he didn't want to do.  I saw him this past Christmas, alone out in the kitchen for a nice hug and that's when he told me he loved me.  I hadn't heard those words from him since he was about 4 years old.  He used to think I hung the Moon.

He was a much different young man as a teenager, very caring, expressive, easily hurt.  He was so close to my Mother, spending a lot of time with her at the Farm. When he was 10, he told me he wanted to be a minister.

Then she died suddenly and he changed.  He refused to go to church anymore.  He got in with a different crowd that drank and smoked the weed.  In six weeks time, his report card went from all A's to all D's.  He just stopped caring and then, the middle of his Senior year, he took off to California and lived there 18 months.  After that experience, he was more than happy to come back to The Farm and has lived there for the last 35 years.  On his Grandma/Grandpa/s farm.

He is a very quiet person, like his Dad.  Not one to enter a conversation unless asked a question.  He's lived life the way HE wanted to live it.  I do know that he has a gentle heart and he adores Karen and Jen's kids and the last two summers, when his sister's went up north for a sibling's weekend and MADE HIM GO--he had a great time.

Maybe I feel detached.  He and I have never gotten back the closeness we had for the first 18 years of his life.  I know he is my son, but he never calls or sends cards, or visits or comes to me at family functions, I have to make the move and I know so little of his life, that he feels almost like a cousin.  That probably sounds awful,
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I slept 10 hours last night.  Today--I did nothing!  Well, I did put out my garbage and while I was out, I did water my annuals and Pearl came down to visit, but------that was it.  It was cooler, but still, after 15 minutes outside, I was sweating from the humidity.

Tomorrow I am determined to drive into Brighton to the Rich People's store and get a couple of their own made salads and stop at Michael's for a skein of floss.

Is It Just Me?

Or is everyone in a state of funk these days?

The first two blog posts I read this morning, had me nearly in tears and shaking my head in agreement.

A lot of us are sad puppies right now.  Feeling depressed, or worried, or hopeless, or just plain tired!

Is it the hot humid weather?  That has a lot to do with it, for me.

Is it the state of the world?  Could be.

Is it the ugly political conventions?  Could be.

Is it the whole horrid political campaign year we have had.  Probably.

I have had to get away from ALL the political wrangling.  That has been difficult because, since I was 12 years old and watched my first Convention, I have been a political junkie.

For many months, my routine is to check out the news first thing in the morning, then get on Face Book and read every one's links and comments.  At 2:00, I'd sit down and watch an hour of CNN and an hour of FOX News.  I'd watch the National news in the evening.

For my own self-preservation, for the last two months, I have not looked at the news in the morning.  I have blocked two people on FB so I don't see their posts--one Liberal friend, one Conservative friend.  I no longer watch ANY TV in the afternoon, and if, during the National News a clip of Hillary or Donald J. comes up, I click over to HGTV until I think they are done with their rants.

I have watched a total of one hour of each Convention.  I watched part of  Donald J's acceptance speech, and last night, watched an hour of Bill Clinton.  I usually check the Fact Checker the next morning to see who lied the most.  Right now---it's a tie!
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Donald J. yells his acceptance speech and the next day, everyone is castigating him for his delivery.  Hillary yells out her speeches and the next day, no one says a word about her delivery.

Michelle Obama stands up there and says how America is great now, but 8 years ago, she said the opposite.  Bill goes on and on about he and Hillary's wonderful married life, but seems to forget ALL the mistresses he has had.  And then, there's poor Bernie!  What a nasty rap he got.

Hillary blames the Russians for leaking the e-mails instead of blaming the people who sent those nasty e-mails in the first place.  Just like she blames the gun instead of the person who used the gun.

Hillary is the first woman to be nominated for President.  Well--whoop-de-doo.  Does that qualify her to be a good President?  The DNC wants to be the first--the first Catholic President.  The first black President.  8 years from now, Michelle will run as the first black woman President.

and why...have the majority of the blacks forgotten that the Republican Party was founded on ending slavery and giving them equality?
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Too, too much of all of it this past year.  

My son is dying and I try my hardest not to think about that every single second of every day.

I feel like I am slowly wasting away and I ignore it.

I am a loudly self proclaimed Christian and my mantra every morning is, "God is good.  God is in control," and yet I know full well that the Evil One is so full of power right now.  It becomes harder and harder for me, even though I know the TRUTH, to stay unafraid and positive.

No wonder I stay in my Cave.  At least here, I can control my environment.  I can limit myself as to the  horrors I see on TV.  I can control who I talk with and the conversation (except Dar).

But today--I must go out.  I have errands to do, food to buy or the cats and I will not eat tomorrow!  

There is one hope for this day to be better.  This evening I have a pleasant visit planned.  I get to take my client's genealogy book to her!  I finally get to meet one of my Face Book/Blog buddies.

I am tired, but for a little while, this evening, life will be wonderful!!!

Whatever Will Be--Will Be.

My pseudo daughter-in-law  posted on Face Book last night that my son is done with the awful side effects of the poison, lovingly referred to as chemotherapy.  He will no longer take any chemo treatments.  He has been sick with pneumonia and a gall bladder episode, so maybe not in the right frame of mind to make that decision, but they discussed it and decided together.  He would rather have quality of life, instead of quantity.  I was really surprised she (Cindy) posted it on Face Book.

For the past year, ever since I was finally told the news that he had prostate cancer, I was cautioned to not say a word about it.  When Karen was over for a visit last Friday, she told me he was doing really well...as far as she knew.  Apparently not.

When I read her post, I got that funny, little, cold, wiggly thing you get in the middle of your stomach and my heart took an extra beat.  After all, he is my first born, my only son, and I still "see" him as a little boy and how cute he was and how capable at everything he tried.

Well, memories like that, scenes like that are best not to linger on.  I am Queen of De Nile on these kinds of things.  I keep hope until the last breath is taken.  He is still a very strong man and now, I am just praying that Mark will have some good weeks or months or however long there will be.  Praying that any pain he has can and will be taken care of.  I would hope that I would be brave enough to make the same decision he has made.  To never start the poison, with the awful side effects, when we all know, it rarely does anything  more than give the person a few more months of feeling ill all the time.
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I canceled my dental appointment because, I just wasn't capable of sitting in that chair for an hour, listening to that high speed drill today.  Going back in August.

Susan and check came down today and Chuck swapped out the hinges and handles on my fridge.  What a big difference it makes.  My microwave and counter are to the right of the fridge.  The doors opened up on the left.  When I took things out of the fridge, I had no place to set them down and, of course ALWAYS carrying more than I should, I'd usually drop something on the trip back around the fridge to the counter top.

Plus it had never been leveled correctly.  Chuck did that too and now the doors close on their own, instead of staying open a teeny tiny bit.

I sure appreciate having a man around the house that can do or fix anything.  Chuck is a retired electrical engineer.  He thinks things out first, even reads the instructions and then he gets to the job.  Slow and steady and when he is done, the job is done.  No having to go back and do any part of it a second time.  

Boy--if I could find one just like Chuck, a quiet Christian man, non-drinker, never says a swear word, loves to watch sports, kind to my sister--if I could find that?  I'd reconsider my penchant for wanting to live alone.  The problem is, they are a rare creature!

Expensive Lessons, Lies and Idiot Employees!

The website if you want to order any of the Norwex products or read the information on why they are different than most Micro-Fiber cloths.  This lady is a friend of my daughter Karen and is a Norwex representative.

Click here:  Norwex
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I feel kind of bad for Bernie Sanders.  His campaign was funded by 10-20 dollar contributions and right from the beginning, the DNC was out to get him.  How unfair, because many liked his message and agreed with him.  Yet the DNC let him go ahead, mile after mile of campaign stops, speeches, while all along, they knew they wouldn't allow him to have a chance at the nomination.  The Sander's people found out about it early on and demanded Wasserman be made to be fair, but.........

My Liberal friends that were chortling last week about the protests and noise at the RNC convention, have been strangely quiet since the news of the leaked e-mails has come out.  I heard tonight that the DNC will not allow Debbie Wasserman Schultz to "retire" AFTER the convention--they fired her this afternoon.
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Still really hot and humid.  Even at night, when the temperature gets down to the 60's, it is still too damp to open the windows and try and get fresh air into the house.  I did go out today--a run up to the Print Shop.  I have had no problems with the two women I have worked with up there.  They seem to understand what I need and how I want my "pedigrees" printed out.

The sheets that I have printed and then taped together--sometimes are 36" wide.  They must be 11" long so they will fit and be bound in on the left side of the book.  If they are extra long, I fold them into the book.

No problem.  The print shop has landscape paper on a continuous roll, so I get whatever width I need.

For some reason, the last two times I have been up there, the woman Office Manager thinks she needs to do my copying for me.  She has yet to get it correct--no matter how many times I explain it to her.

I had 7 pedigrees to get printed today.  Only one was on 11 x 17" paper.  The rest were 24 to 36" wide.

I went over with her what I needed.  "I need the print-out to be 11" long--precisely 11" long.  It doesn't matter how wide they are, but I have put the measurements on the post-it note for each pedigree."

She comes back with one at 11 x 17--the rest, the correct width, but the length was 20 some" inches long so they all had to be trimmed. 

I explained, "That's a lot of extra work--to trim them.  You have a copier that you can set with the correct measurements.  Eleven by whatever width you need."  Her reply, "Well on these longer ones, I would have to change the roll to a different size paper."

 Well then, change the damn roll and give me what I want!  I wanted to say, but didn't.  One of the girls I used to work with was sitting at a desk behind the Office Manager and I saw her roll her eyes.  Why can the regular employees know how to do it correctly, but the Office Manager doesn't and...won't ask for help?
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It was a frustrating day all around!  Last week, while sitting in my recliner knitting, I heard a crackling sound coming from behind my chair.  I thought it was coming from the outlet as that is all that is behind my chair.  It happened 3 times, so I pulled the plug.  The next day, I called an electrician.

He came out this morning at 9:00.  $89.95 to get in the door.  I had two GFI plugs I wanted put in.

He checked the outlet behind my chair--"not a thing wrong with it" he said.  "No burnt areas or smell, nor dampness.  It looks like new."

Then I asked if he could install the GFI plug in the outlet where my electric fireplace is going.  He wanted to know why.  "You don't need GIF plugs in any rooms other than the kitchen and bathroom.  They protect against electrical shock where water might be present."

So I explained that I had "heard" that the electric heaters used in the electric fireplaces can sometimes overheat and cause a fire.  He just shook his head "no" and went on to explain to me why there was no need.

He suggested that I get a new surge protector with a GFI built-in, if I were really concerned.  

So--a 90 dollar lesson on electricity this morning. ARGGH!  I will take my two GFI plugs back to Lowe's tomorrow and get a couple of new surge protectors.

I had a house fire back 30+ years ago caused by an electrical short, so I am always worried about things like that.
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Dentist appointment tomorrow.  UGH!!

Hot and Hot On The Trail

Pretty hot for us up here in the Mitten State.  70+ humidity makes 97 degrees feel like 100+, as if 97 wasn't a killer temperature!!

I am feeling very lethargic and in no mood to get out and drive in my car whose A/C doesn't want to work properly.  

I don't know how the people across the street stand it!  The biggest house on this street and they have no A/C!  They only close the windows when it rains.  

With all the money they have, it's not like they can't afford it.

We aren't going to get a break until next Tuesday.  I don't know how you people down south can stand the heat and humidity the way you do.

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I did not go to the Old School Gal Pals lunch today.  One reason being, it is at least a 50 minute drive and with the A/C in the car not working properly, I'd probably faint and end up in a ditch somewhere never to be found again!  Plus, still a bit iffy with the digestive problems, which today seemed to be clearing up or at least changing into a bit of normalcy.  We can only hope.

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I need to get out and to the store.  The food situation in meager.  Of course, food is unimportant, but...when the Pepsi gets low--that crisis will drive me out into the heat.

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I used my new Norwex cloth's the other day.  Oh. My!  Some kind of little miracles.  I wet the one with just plain tap water, wrung it out, wiped down my bathroom mirror and then used the purple one to dry with.  I had toothpaste on that mirror and water spots and it came out shining!  Even with Windex and paper towels, I usually have to go back over it to get rid of all the streaks.

So the, I cleaned glass in a picture frame, same result and then one of my big windows.  I am amazed!!  It took me half the time and only went over it once and no streaks and the glass just shines.

I don't understand how you can use just water and it gets everything off the glass.  When you are done, you just hang them up by the little straps on the inside and use them again and again and.........  They can be laundered, when they get dirty.

You can use the blue cloth on anything--counter tops, fridge, etc.  The purple one is only for drying windows.  Microfiber and supposed to last a lifetime.

Considering how short my lifetime will be, I guess I need to bequeath them to my sister!

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I am waiting impatiently for my couch and chair to arrive.  4-6 weeks is a really long time.  Kind of like the last 6 weeks of pregnancy?  You know how long that feels.  Right?  My carpet is two weeks old, so maybe by August I will have my furniture?

In the meantime, I am in the final stages of my last genealogy.  Printing out the books and then will take them to the Print Shop to have them bound and they will be ready.  

I am kind of disappointed.  My client wanted me to find out something about some of her ancestor's.  No matter where I looked, Google, Census searches, Ancestry, on and on, I could not find proof of what she wanted.  

This rarely happens, but sometimes, other family  members, from years ago, have marked some of their information as "Private" and there is no way to access that.  I tried sending an e-mail to one with the same last name, who had some of the "Private" records, but they never responded.  I don't know why people do this.  Something in what they've found they don't want anyone else to see.  Plain nuts!!  It's not like their last name was Hilter!!

Oh well.  I can only do what I can do.  Of course, if I were able, I could get in my car and drive to the places where they were born and lived and snoop around, but.....................

People sometimes have the wrong idea about genealogy.  They are afraid that bad stories or things are going to show up.  That is not the case.  Occasionally, there will be a written report about the early founders of a certain area, or an obituary that shows what the person was like, but most of what I find are the dates and where they were born, married, died and the cemetery they are in.  Searching all of that, hoping their parents names will be listed so I can go up, one more generation.

Up, up, up I go.  Hoping to make it to the very top of their family tree.  

I love it!  I love the mundane searching!  I love seeing how far I can get up the tree and what I find.  

So many young women died as young mothers.  So many families, with lots of children, had three or four of the little ones die.  That always tugs at my heart, but that is why, those early families had lots of children.  They knew, some of their children might not make it to adulthood.

It is fascinating---at least to me.

Mind Over Matter

I feel kind of sorry for Dar.  She had a minor car accident the end of April.  There was hardly any noticeable damage to her car, but something in the impact has thrown her entire body out of whack and she is in constant pain.

She is on her 3rd medical doctor.  Her 2nd medical physical therapist and her first orthopaedic surgeon.

None of them can agree with what is wrong with her.

She was going to physical therapy and they were working on her neck.  Come to find out, that was making her neck and spine worse.

The medical therapist pulled her out of that therapy clinic and is sending her to another one--one where the medical therapist knows the owner.  Of course, that physical therapy clinic is nearly 20 miles away.

Her medical doctor referred her to a pain clinic and she had a bad reaction to the Depo-Medrol (Cortisone).  

She has had x-rays (cracked ribs and cracked sternum), CAT scans (stenosis in her neck and her spine is crooked), yesterday she had the EMG--there is severe nerve blockages in her neck and all down her arms and wrist.

Her whole body is in a state of inflammation, but because she is on a blood thinner, she can't take an anti-inflammatory.  That could cause bleeding in her stomach.  

She brought all her records over for me to look at and her referrals and what is to be done.

I think the part that made me the saddest, on each report/referral/prescription, it states in red lettering:  Guarded:  Anxiety Disorder. Hysteronics.

I don't think she even has noticed that or doesn't realize what it means.  With that notice on her records, when they "tweak" her and she screams out in pain, "they" think she is just being over dramatic and the pain is "all in her head".  The pain is exacerbated by her mental state.  And perhaps it is.

Her car had one small dent in her back bumper and the front grill was damaged.  That's all!  How could she have been hurt so badly?
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Pammie called me Sunday.  A few of her high school classmates were getting together and they invited her to join them.  Pammie is like her Momma--the first instinct is to make up an excuse of why she can't make it.  BUT--she went!!!!!!!!  AND she had a wonderful time!!!!!!!!

What was really funny, one of her friends asked her, "How is your Mother doing?"

Pam answered, "Okay, I guess.  Why?"

And her friend said, "Well, she fell!  I read about it on Face Book.  (The girl is on my friends list.)

So Pammie asked me, "How ARE you doing?"

"Scrapped up and bruised, but I'm fine!"

Pammie said, "I guess I'm going to have to look at my Face Book so I know what's going on.  I only open it to play games on my phone."

HAH!
Just "shows to go ya"--if they called more often, to check on their Momma, they'd know what is going on.  HAH!

Tonight Madeleine stopped in to bring me some magical towels that Karen has and bought for me.  Gosh--it was wonderful to see Maddie.  She is as brown as a berry from her two months in Guatemala.

These towels are made by Norwex and all you do is use them and plain water to clean windows/mirrors and the glass just shines!  I can't wait to try them out tomorrow!!!  Karen said that it normally takes her three hours to do the inside windows on the main floor and when she used these towels, she got it done in 90 minutes and the windows look better than they ever have.
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I am getting close to finishing up the genealogy for my client.  Probably 8 more hours of work and then I will be ready to print it out.  

The end of the week--Thursday through Saturday, we are going to be under the Heat Dome, like much of the States, so I will be in my Cave with the A/C running.

Catch ya later!!

Jude

You Are Only As Safe As You Think You Are

Ms. Sally, my blogging buddy, posed the question, "Is there any place safe to live nowadays?"

It sure doesn't seem like it.  We even have Road Rage incidents here in this upscale County.  The demographics here are 0.76% African American, 3.57% Asian and 0.51% Hispanic.  I know I sound racist, but I credit those stats with the peace and calm and relative non-crime in this area.

I thought, 8 years ago, that with a Black President, he would help unify the races.  Instead, it feels to me, that all he has done in that regard is make them feel empowered to misbehave.  Like they think they can get away with anything.  I heard him speak at the funerals in Dallas.  All he did was make a political statement.  I didn't hear many words of comfort for the families who were suffering!
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I still know of a much safer place to live then even here.  It is a little town of 1,200 people called Byron, Michigan.  The last crime committed there was a would be bank robber who rode up to the bank on his pedal bike, passed a note, got about $5,000.00 and was caught and arrested before he got five miles outta town.  A guy heard and saw him and called other men in town.  While one guy followed him, the other guys got the Constable, who was home eating lunch, and they all took off after him, keeping in contact on their cell phones.  He was headed back toward Pontiac!  (About 50 miles away.)

All around this little town are farms and residential areas--no sub-divisions, just homes--built on what used to be farms, mostly on still gravel roads.  

Out where I lived, the only time the County Sheriff is called is when someone hits a deer and they have to have the Deputy come out to make out a report so their car insurance company will pay to fix the damages.

Dar told me she'd be scared to live out there because, "Someone could break in, rape and kill you and no one would hear your screams."  I asked her, "Who do you think would break in?"  "Anyone!", she replied.

So I pondered, "Do you honestly think some bad guy is going to drive forty miles out here from Flint or Lansing, and just happen to pick your house to break into?  Think of all the houses he would have driven by and then...just happen to pick yours.  Nonsense!"  She's a City Girl, so she doesn't understand how much safer it is to live in the country.

There has only been one killing out there, where I used to live, as long as I can remember.  That was an old farmer neighbor who found out he had Stage 4 cancer, so he shot himself.  It was tragic, but we all kind of understood why he did it.

Honest!  The only people who would break into your house, would be another neighbor and......none of them would do that sort of thing.  If they did?  It wouldn't be too hard to follow his truck tracks right to his house.  LOL
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So--we have had a lovely cool weekend here.  Heat and humidity rolling in this evening, so I have the A/C running.  Supposed to get up to 97-99 by Friday.  We'll all be trapped in our homes when that happens.

The diarrhea has lessened.  I did hear there was a digestive bad buggie going around.  I was suppose to go up north to Karen's cottage with her, Madeleine, my sister and Chuck this weekend, but had to cancel because of the diarrhea.  I'd hate to be out on the Pontoon boat and need a bathroom!!!!!!

Now, it only occurs every couple of hours, when I go to pee.  I expel gas and out comes some small pieces of digested food.  YUCK!!  I know, too much information!!!
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My cat Buddy decided today to do something he hardly ever does.  Yak up a fur ball.  Right in the middle of the new carpeting.  Talk about yucky!!!!  I cleaned it up best I could, without gagging and luckily, I have special carpeting spot remover.  Worked like a charm, but I'm ticked off about it anyway.  DANG ANIMALS!!!!!!!!!
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Boy!  Did I have a time this weekend.  Put in about five hours on the climb up the family tree branches.  I found lots of background on my client's grandfather.  So interesting and going back generation after generation.  He had gone to a prestigious college, was in the Men's Glee Club and the Rowing Team--I even found a photo of the handsome man.

Something tickled at the back of my mind though.  His name was the same and his wife, but---every report said he was born in 1903 and she in 1915.  I wondered why he'd marry someone 12 years younger.  Of course that happens, but......something just didn't feel right.

I didn't have his birth date, so I e-mailed my client and she had it.  He was born in 1915!!!  Well, I knew he hadn't been in college in 1924!  So I had to go into my record area and "kill" him off and all his ancestor's.  I also deducted the 5 hours it took me to find the incorrect information.  It was MY fault, my client doesn't pay for mis-information on my part!

Somebody STUPID uploaded their Family information to Ancestry.com and it was incorrect!!  That's okay.  It was a reminder to pay attention to my intuitions and make sure I have the right people!
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Time to get off here, play a few Face Book games and hit the sack! 

Have a great week.  Be watchful.  Be careful.  Be safe.  You never know where the next crazy will strike!!!