When I was at the doc's last week, I inquired about a colon cancer screening test that has just come out on the market. Perhaps you have seen the commercials on TV. He said, "Sure" and a few days later the UPS guy delivered a fairly large white and blue box to my front door.
Now, I know darn well that that cute UPS guy knew exactly what was in that package, but I just took it and said, "Thank you," and scurried back in the house.
The next morning, I decided it was time for me to investigate the innards of the box and get too my mission. There was a large, zip lock bag and inside was an assortment of implements.
Something that looked like perhaps a toilet seat protector, that comes in those dispensers in the toilet stalls, but this one was made of plastic. It had to be placed between the seat and the toilet lid.
Inside the box was also a rather large plastic container with a lid. Like one of those fat, squat thermos' you can get to carry stew or soup in for your lunch. This container was to sit down into the middle hole of the plastic "bracket" between the toilet lid and seat. There was also a test tube sort of thing included in the kit.
One is supposed to sit upon this "bracket" and deposit one's G. I. tract contents. BUT WAIT--there is a warning. One is not to allow any liquid from the bladder to get into the container.
I took the bracket out and did my bladder thing and then put it all back together again. As I sat down, very carefully positioning myself into the correct alignment, as one would not want to lose any precious cargo, the bracket made a loud cracking noise and I immediately envisioned, part of the plastic holders coming up and spearing me in the nether regions and perhaps causing a rupture of some kind and my imminent death.
I was barely in the mood anymore, but.....once started, one must proceed to the finish, so I pushed on.
Now the fun part starts. I removed the thermos-like container and gazed into the depths to see what I had produced. There were no images of anything miraculous, so I proceeded on to the next step.
In the test tube was a very sharp plastic pointy thing with a spiral on the end. The instructions called for me to take the spiral end and sort of use it somewhat like an archeology tool to investigate and collect part of the newly deposited product onto the spiral end.
Put the pointy thing back in the test tube. Pour a large bottle of preservative into the thermos-like container, tighten the lid---VERY TIGHTLY, put my name label on both test tube and container, put it back into the zip lock back---press all the air out of the bag, pull the glue strip off the top of the box and adhere tightly, with the free lab shipping address plainly in sight.
On my way to get my hair cut, I stopped at the local UPS store and proudly carried in the box. You would have thought it was filled with gold going to an assayer, as I walked in tall and business like.
Now, I know darn well that the young UPS guy clerk knew exactly what was in that package, but I handed it off and said, "Thank you," and got outta there before my face got any redder.
I wonder if he had to put a "hazardous waste" sticker on it.
A colonoscopy may have been less embarrassing. At least I would have been asleep and not known what was going on. EWWWW!!!
As you know, my hair stylist died and they gave me to another girl at the same salon. That girl just couldn't figure out how I wanted my hair cut. It's not like I wear any hair cut that is complicated. Then she decided to open her own shop. Twelve miles away and in the fancy mall, with three round-abouts to maneuver to reach it.
That is not happening!!!
I had mentioned all this to Karen and she said one of her good friends goes to Fantastic Sam's. Yeah--like do any of those places give a good hair cut? I got the stylist's name and went yesterday. Now, these are walk-in places, which are un-nerving to me. I want an appointment. I want to know what time to be there, put it on my calendar schedule and to prepare myself for the visit. So I called in the morning and they do take appointments for that day. Got in at 2:30.
Well, let me tell you. This lady has been cutting hair since 1978. She does know what she is doing. She looked at my hair and told me exactly what I wanted--and she was correct. I suppose, in all her knowledge, she could easily read the "lines" of my last cut?
$17.00 for a hair cut. $17.00. Most places charge $35.00 and that is ridiculous for me to pay. Plus they do eyebrow waxes--the whole salon thing.
I think she did a great job and now I can go once a month, instead of waiting to save up the $$$ and the hair getting too unruly.
Had lunch with the Old School Gal Pals today. It's nice--having known each other for 70+ years, we know what topics we can talk about and which ones not to bring up. They told about some of the ridiculous things their, now, old husbands do and I sat and listened and laughed, with a smug look on my face because I don't have to put up with that stuff.
Then, out to The Farm and an hour with my Little Sis. I had a great day and tonight I am properly tired out and ready for bed.
We are expecting record high temperatures in the next 5 days! In the 60's. How great is that going to be?