Today's high temperature was: 30 degrees
Gray.
A glaze on everything from overnight freezing rain.
A glaze on everything from overnight freezing rain.
Maybe snow later. I hope.
========================
Man Alive! I felt wonderful when I woke up. Really rested and...my neck wasn't stiff!! Yes--I got a new pillow. Yes--it was one I tried three years ago. Yes--it was one of those My Pillows--on sale--50% off and...Yes, for some reason, this time, it seems to be all it's cracked up to be!!
I am thinking ahead to my spring cleaning and rearrangement of the living room. Taking down the heavy drapes and putting up sheers at the two big windows. Changing side tables around and putting my old wicker trunk back in front of the couch. Making it lighter in here--both sunlight wise and fabric wise.
Now--I am lusting after this photograph--because it goes with my summer theme and it speaks to my heart and I can just see it, over a small table with my shells on the table top.
and I have a shell just like the one in the picture AND a glass float ball! I will have to see how much $$ I can wrangle out of my monthly budget this month. Maybe--just maybe?
Do you know that they make Bead Board wall paper? It actually looks like wood! I love Bead Board. Have it in my bathroom cupboards and my entertainment center and the cupboard in my computer/den. I would love to put it in my living room and kitchen, under the chair rail, so it would look like Wainscoting. But....I won't. It might be too much? Not money wise, but..........you know.
Although my sister has Wainscoting all through her house--the original that was built with the house, 158 years ago. Hers is wood color with painted or wall papered wall above it. Just something to think about--eh?
====================
I have felt so good--emotionally. As I pondered on this--you know by now, how I sit and ponder on life. It occurred to me--the one toxic relationship that was in my life for so many years, is now gone. Well--a few toxic relationships are gone, but this was the main one.
I felt so guilty when my Daddy died. We never had a good relationship. My Mother was the glue that held our family together in unconditional love and happiness and making everyone around her feel like they were the most important people in the world. When she died--all of that was gone.
My Daddy was the critical one--always cutting us down to size. I felt guilty because I thought--for as long as he and I lived, that it was my fault that he didn't really treat me very well.
If I could just be a better person. If I could just find the key to getting close to him. If I could just figure out how to make him proud of me. All through the years, it just seemed that everything I did, made me appear worse in his eyes.
I was pregnant when I got married--he was ashamed. I had three children in four years--he was embarrassed that I was such a breeder. My son, who wanted to be a farmer, didn't take instructions very well--how could I have raised such a stubborn kid. I got divorced. When my sister got divorced, it was her husband's fault. When I got divorced, apparently it was my fault.
Then I couldn't afford the family home I lived in--I got a lecture. Instead of selling that home and getting money to live on in a cheaper place, I gave it free and clear to my daughter. At least I kept it in the family--but I was viewed as a failure and heard about it. Of course, the step-mother had an influence on my Daddy by then and told me, "You won't be inheriting any farm or house. You had one and you let it go."
So when Daddy died, I felt guilty that I had let him down.
But guess what? Now, both Daddy and step-mother are gone and with them, the toxicity. It used to be whenever my sister or I visited the Big House, we got a bit nervous as we drove up the drive. What lecture or criticism awaited us when we walked into the house?
Now--that house--that same house seems light and brighter and full of laughter once again. I mentioned it to her one day a couple of years ago and she said, "I know. I feel the same way. As soon as Chuck and I moved in, it seemed the rooms got bigger. More sunlight came in the windows. I can almost hear the ancestor's laughing and having a good time."
Strange isn't it? I didn't equate that with how emotionally free I have felt and I think, as bad as it is to say this--I think it is because that relationship is gone. I feel more able to do and say what I want--without worrying that the critical responses will come. That my Daddy or step-mother aren't going to ask me what is going on and then lecture me on how I should or could have done better. Now, when I drive out to visit The Farm, I drive as quickly as I can to get there and there is no nervous flutters in my stomach as I drive up the long driveway. I can't wait to get in that house!
I can finally breathe. In a way, it's all very sad. In a way, it's all very relaxing.
===============================
We got a thin coating of ice--I looked out and noticed it on my car. Around noon, I went outside to get something out of my car and the driveway was very slick. I tried to hang on to the car, but it was covered with ice and not a good grip. I inched my way back into the house. I don't need to fall and break one of my new hips! Then we got a dusting of snow this afternoon, and I'll just bet, that makes it even more slippery. I may be inside until the spring thaw, LOL.
==================
This is what I did tonight, for entertainment--while I watched my Spartan's whip the Rutgers Knights.
All right, all right.
Do you know that they make Bead Board wall paper? It actually looks like wood! I love Bead Board. Have it in my bathroom cupboards and my entertainment center and the cupboard in my computer/den. I would love to put it in my living room and kitchen, under the chair rail, so it would look like Wainscoting. But....I won't. It might be too much? Not money wise, but..........you know.
Although my sister has Wainscoting all through her house--the original that was built with the house, 158 years ago. Hers is wood color with painted or wall papered wall above it. Just something to think about--eh?
====================
I have felt so good--emotionally. As I pondered on this--you know by now, how I sit and ponder on life. It occurred to me--the one toxic relationship that was in my life for so many years, is now gone. Well--a few toxic relationships are gone, but this was the main one.
I felt so guilty when my Daddy died. We never had a good relationship. My Mother was the glue that held our family together in unconditional love and happiness and making everyone around her feel like they were the most important people in the world. When she died--all of that was gone.
My Daddy was the critical one--always cutting us down to size. I felt guilty because I thought--for as long as he and I lived, that it was my fault that he didn't really treat me very well.
If I could just be a better person. If I could just find the key to getting close to him. If I could just figure out how to make him proud of me. All through the years, it just seemed that everything I did, made me appear worse in his eyes.
I was pregnant when I got married--he was ashamed. I had three children in four years--he was embarrassed that I was such a breeder. My son, who wanted to be a farmer, didn't take instructions very well--how could I have raised such a stubborn kid. I got divorced. When my sister got divorced, it was her husband's fault. When I got divorced, apparently it was my fault.
Then I couldn't afford the family home I lived in--I got a lecture. Instead of selling that home and getting money to live on in a cheaper place, I gave it free and clear to my daughter. At least I kept it in the family--but I was viewed as a failure and heard about it. Of course, the step-mother had an influence on my Daddy by then and told me, "You won't be inheriting any farm or house. You had one and you let it go."
So when Daddy died, I felt guilty that I had let him down.
But guess what? Now, both Daddy and step-mother are gone and with them, the toxicity. It used to be whenever my sister or I visited the Big House, we got a bit nervous as we drove up the drive. What lecture or criticism awaited us when we walked into the house?
Now--that house--that same house seems light and brighter and full of laughter once again. I mentioned it to her one day a couple of years ago and she said, "I know. I feel the same way. As soon as Chuck and I moved in, it seemed the rooms got bigger. More sunlight came in the windows. I can almost hear the ancestor's laughing and having a good time."
Strange isn't it? I didn't equate that with how emotionally free I have felt and I think, as bad as it is to say this--I think it is because that relationship is gone. I feel more able to do and say what I want--without worrying that the critical responses will come. That my Daddy or step-mother aren't going to ask me what is going on and then lecture me on how I should or could have done better. Now, when I drive out to visit The Farm, I drive as quickly as I can to get there and there is no nervous flutters in my stomach as I drive up the long driveway. I can't wait to get in that house!
I can finally breathe. In a way, it's all very sad. In a way, it's all very relaxing.
===============================
We got a thin coating of ice--I looked out and noticed it on my car. Around noon, I went outside to get something out of my car and the driveway was very slick. I tried to hang on to the car, but it was covered with ice and not a good grip. I inched my way back into the house. I don't need to fall and break one of my new hips! Then we got a dusting of snow this afternoon, and I'll just bet, that makes it even more slippery. I may be inside until the spring thaw, LOL.
==================
This is what I did tonight, for entertainment--while I watched my Spartan's whip the Rutgers Knights.
