It is so surprising, I had one of the best Christmas seasons ever this year.

Who would have thought, with the family Christmas get together canceled?

Last week on Thursday, my daughter Karen stopped in with lunch and we got to talk, one-on-one. Then Friday, my sister Susan and brother-in-law Chuck stopped in and brought prezzies and we got to talk, one-on-one.

On Christmas Eve afternoon, my oldest grandchild Helene, her husband Mike and my sweet ggchildren Della and Harrison, stopped in.  We masked up and stayed outside and they brought prezzies and we got to talk, one-on-one.

I opened my gifts on Christmas Eve and made a video for my sister and a video for my granddaughter, to send to them,  while I opened their gifts, so it felt like they were with me.

Then Christmas Day, my neighbor picked me up and over to her house for dinner with her dad and son, and we got to talk, one-on-one. 

When we have our family Christmas, there are 20-30 people and we talk across the room or the table while we eat and there’s a lot of noise and movement and, unless I grabbed one of the kids and dragged them into another room, there is rarely an opportunity for a one-on-one conversation.

I found this year to be so enjoyable—spread out over a week, with individual visits.

Then I realized how lucky I have been this past year.  With all MY “perceived” isolation, I have had more individual visits than in other years.  Last spring, Karen got my groceries for me, so I got to see her every couple of weeks.  In June, I got to attend a wedding with a small group of family.  I got to attend a small birthday gathering in October.  Karen and Mark were here twice to plant my tree and then to trim my hedges and clean up my gardens.  I had a visit from a friend, I hadn’t seen in years, to work on her genealogy and a recent visit from another friend, I hadn’t seen in years, to bring me photos for her genealogy.  Visits from my sister and Chuck, when they’d come down this way to shop. This has been a really great year for me!

I haven’t been isolated at all.  It was only in my mind that I felt that way.

 Depression. Have you ever had it?

I don't mean feeling "down" for a few days, but that persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest, that lasts for months.

I've battled it off and on, most of my adult life.

It comes, for no reason and can leave, just as quickly, for no reason.

I felt it coming on last April and thought it was because of the restrictions due to The Virus, but nothing in my physical life had really changed. I don't go out much in my normal life.

It got worse and worse. I loss interest in almost everything. I still had genealogies to work on, thank goodness, but I didn't clean up my house, I didn't eat and I lost 15#. I didn't fill up my bird feeders, I didn't tend to my flower gardens. I was tired all the time. I didn't want to see anyone because, just the effort of talking and trying to concentrate on a conversation, wore me out. I started hoping that I would just die...such a relief that would be. No more worries. No more back aches. Just bliss.

In mid-November, I noticed that I had started feeling better. I had a calm feeling. I wasn't yawning and tired all day. I no longer fell asleep in my chair at 4:00 in the afternoon. I seemed to have a bit more energy and everything just started to "feel fine" again.

I have no idea why, but the depression has seemed to finally go away. Nothing has changed physically--I still am restricted in my going to and fro. My car is still in bad shape. My income is less than my out-go. Thanksgiving with the family was canceled, along with Christmas, but that hasn't bothered me one tiny bit.

I can't explain it, but I feel wonderful!! Thank you God!

==========

I am getting my "Christmas" in bits and pieces. Karen came over Thursday, with lunch, and a gift and we talked for a couple of hours. Then she helped me set up the fairly large humidifier I have and we talked some more.

She is disappointed that we aren't having a family get together and I think what makes it more difficult for her is that her oldest daughter, Helene, with the two children; Della and Harrison, won't allow in person visits. Karen and her husband Mark, went down to see the kids the other day, and they had to talk through the glass storm day. Della cried because she wanted to "hug Grammie" and Harrison cried because he wanted to "kith Gwammie and Papa", so Karen and Mark left. She said they cried half the way home.

I felt so bad for Karen! She said, "Well Mom, I guess you would know what it's like to have your daughter forbid you to see your grandchildren."

<referring back 6-7 years when Jennifer sent me an e-mail telling me I couldn't see her kids anymore>

I said to Karen, "Yes. I know how much that hurts, but this time will pass and you will get to see them and hug them again. At least Helene isn't moving four hundred miles away, and you still get to see and hold Benny." (Her youngest daughter Madeleine's baby.)

=================

My sister and brother-in-law Chuck stopped in on Friday. They brought a bag full of presents. Since I don't have a Christmas tree to put them under--I want to wait until Christmas Eve to open them, Susan suggested I set them up in my rocking chair.

We always get our picture taken together on Christmas Eve--this is what it looks like this year.

Susan said she is going to fold the photo so it looks like we are sitting together

I put the Star ornament she gave me on the top of my "tree".

I am thinking of setting up my camera and taking a video when I open her gifts. Then I can e-mail her the video and it will be like she is here with me.

 

These "kids", my grandson Stephen and Carolyn, who graduated from medical school in May, who married on June 6th..

Had a big outdoors reception August 29th

Started their Medical Residency in September...

Are having a baby in May.

My grandkids are as prolific as their parents, Karen and Mark were.

This will make 4 great grand babies in 4 1/2 years.

Can you imagine how much fun all those cousins are going to have...growing up together.

 We didn't get together for Thanksgiving at Karen's this year.  She thought it best not to and I agreed.  With her 5 children and their spouses--these people work in all sorts of businesses.  My grandson and new wife are doing their medical residencies in hospital--not in a Covid ward, but who knows what bad buggies they might have.

Karen's second oldest, Susanna, couldn't come anyway and won't be here for Christmas either.  She had lived in Portland, Oregon for years, but because of the crowds and the racial problems they were having, she moved up to Anchorage, Alaska for a couple of months, which has turned into 4 and she just may stay there for another six.  She works as marketing director for New Balance shows, but all of her travel has been canceled and she can work from home easily.  She loves it there.

Christmas gathering may be a bit iffy too.  I don't mind staying home.  I'd rather not take any chances now so that next year or even this summer, we can have a big celebration.  Oh yes--I have another great grand baby due in May.  The newest married kids--the doctor's are expecting.

Our Governor is encouraging us "olders" not to go out unless absolutely necessary--grocery and prescriptions.  Just like last Spring.  I try and schedule all my stops for one trip.  I change masks in between stores.  A mask for the pharmacy, a new mask for the grocery store, a new mask for the gas station.

A nurse friend told me I didn't have to change masks like that.  I told her the reason I did was I wasn't worrying about germs...it's just that the dang masks get so hot, and make my face sweat, I want a new dry one for my next stop.

I have been working on genealogies, one after another.  That makes me sooooooo happy! I do get bored and if I have a genealogy to research and work on, it keeps my mind active and the hours just go by.

Needless to say, my house is a wreck.  I haven't dusted in probably a month.  I have genealogy papers strewn all over every surface in my office in here.  I have a big bucket standing just inside the office door, full of squirrel food...near the front door.  The large buckets that light weight cat litter comes in are perfect for storing bird seed and squirrel food, but they aren't too attractive when I have visitors.

I have had few in the last 10 months--probably another reason I am neglectful of my house work, I suppose.  No one is going to see my house so...who cares.  HAH!

My cable bill had gone up a bit so I called my cable service and not only did they lower the bill, they sent me a new cable box that shows everything on TV in HD.  The picture now fills up the entire TV screen AND a new voice remote.  What a wonder.  If I know there is a ballgame on, but can't remember which channel, I just speak into the remote..."Michigan State Basketball" and it takes me right to the correct channel.

I even get free movies too.  I've watched a few good ones.  I am supposed to get a free cell phone also--hasn't arrived yet, and usage for $5.00 a month.  I'm sure it will take me a month to learn how to use it...not too many gigobytes I'm sure, but enough so I can take it with me and get help if I ever need it and if I am in a WiFi area, which I have with my new cable box, it won't cost me anything to use it.  It even has a voice text...which should help me with my shaky hands--I was worrying about how I would type out a text message.

When we got our Stimulus check, way back when, the welfare people gave each of us who are on food stamps--actually there are no stamps involved now, they put money on a card for you to use to buy good...an extra $100.00.  My normal monthly amount was $15.00 which is really not much.

Then when I had my review in September, they upped my food allowance to $95.00 a month!  YOWZA!! I was buying meat and fruit and veggies and building up the $$$ on my card, because they roll over the amount I don't spend and add the monthly allowance amount to it.  It was high times for awhile.  I was having fun eating food I normally can't afford.

I got a letter from them last week.  The food allowance is going down to $25.00.  I still have $150.00 on my card, but without that $95.00 added each month, the amount on the card will soon come down and I will once again be at $25.00.  

When you are at the whim of the government, you don't question why the changes.  You take what they give and are danged glad to get it.  

I didn't decorate this year...I didn't decorate last year either.  My sister tells me, "Put up your tree.  Put out all your decorations and lights...it will make you feel better."  Well, actually it makes me feel worse.  I am here alone.  No one comes to visit.  It all just makes me more lonely and depressed with all the decorations.  Plus, the last time I did the whole thing...2018, it took me 5 days and I was exhausted.  I took it down Christmas day.

I do wish my Christmas Cactus would bloom.  It bloomed the first year I bought it, five years ago and hasn't bloomed since.  I looked it up on-line to see the shape of the leaves and if it is an Easter, Thanksgiving or Christmas cactus.  It doesn't bloom any time of year.

It grows and it is healthy and it gets the proper light and very little water.  Maybe I should transplant it in a different pot?  I may try that...at New Years time.

I did get all my Christmas cards created and printed out and have been folding them and putting in envelopes.  I want to mail them out Monday--December 7th, a "day that will live in infamy".  Not many of you remember that time.

I wonder when we will be able to get the Vaccine against Covid?  My sister says she will be first in line.  I figure I'll let her go first, see if she has any horrid side effects and then, I'll get mine next late summer.

Back in 1968--there was an epidemic of the Swine Flu.  We went to the school gymnasium and lined up to get the vaccine.  I was never so sick in my life!  That was the last flu shot I ever got until 6 years ago.  The flu shot I get now doesn't bother me a bit, but...I don't know about this vaccine.

In 1956, I got the Polio vaccine.  My mother waited a few days to see if I got sick, which I didn't, so then she took my little sister in to get it.  I figure, if I was the guinea pig back then for my sister, she can return the favor now.  HAH!

 I really am sorry.

I have had friends on this blog e-mail me and ask if I am all right.

I have been so negligent in posting.

It's just...there is very little positive things in life right now, that a post would be such a downer it wouldn't help anyone else.

People that know me in "real life" always mention what a positive, always smiling person I am.  Always upbeat, with a spring in my step.  

That's true--when I am out.  When I am around people.  Little do they know the lifelong battle I have had with depression and "boy howdy", as a friend Bonnie would say, that depression has me in its grip now!

I suppose I have too much pride to allow people to see that, so I stay home and that is self defeating because, not seeing and communicating with people, makes the depression worse.

After all people!  I am this deep faith Christian.  Giving all my worries and frustrations to God and waiting on Him to give me all I need in life.  Which I do, but I guess it makes me feel like a fake when I get depressed.  I shouldn't be depressed.  If my walk is where my talk is, I should be relaxed and calm and peaceful.

I guess...it's just everything that is going on in my world.

The pandemic is getting worse.  Our positive cases here in Michigan are higher than they were last spring.  It appears we are headed for another full lockdown.

The stupid election and this whole recount and suing States for "stealing and cheating" has me riled up.  I posted on FB that it was time to accept defeat, congratulate the winner graciously and get on with things.  All my Republican friends jumped all over me.  "Never give up!" they commented.  

I was hoping "we" could take the higher ground and not act like the Democrats acted these last 4 years.  Apparently not!

I've played enough sports where the umpires or refs made the wrong call, causing my team to lose.  You get angry.  You feel hurt, but you go over and congratulate the other team and walk away a good loser.  

Of course, the Holiday season never was any good for someone with depression, especially if they are alone.  I didn't decorate last year and I won't this year either.

"Oh, you must decorate," people say.  "It will make you feel better."

No.  It won't.  All the bright lights and songs just remind me of what I've lost.  Oh, I'll be okay when family gets together on Christmas Eve, if we do this year.  I will be happy and smiling and laughing with the Grand Kids, and wondering how long I have to stay in that noisy atmosphere, until I can gracefully leave to come home to quietness.  Four hours is my max.

I am turning into the stereotypical old woman!  Complaining and cranky.  Alone with her cats.  One pity party after another.

But no one will know, because I cover it so well.  What a fake!

====================

I just finished helping a friend do her family story.  Not a regular genealogy, as her family came from Hungary and we could only go back two generations.  Records in the countries that the Communists took over in WWII and after, are hard to find.  You have to fly over there and visit the church in their town to see if any records still exist.

It was a fun project.  She had collected so many photos and stories from her siblings and grandkids about her parents.  Also a section devoted to each sibling, there were 7 of them in the family, so it included grandchildren, great grands information.

Now I am working on a genealogy for a classmate of mine, wife.  He passed 3 years ago and she wants it for their two sons.  She didn't even think to have her own family included until I told her that if this genealogy was for their sons and grandchildren, her family must be included also.

Did I tell you that my car is in home Hospice?  I took it in for what I thought was a small repair...power steering fluid leaking from the rack and pinion...but they couldn't fix it because the undercarriage is so rusted out that there wasn't anything to fasten the new rack and pinion onto.

It is still driveable for short trips, like to the store or appointments, but it is on it's last wheels.

So, I need to find another car.  How am I going to finance that?

========================

My son's cancer has returned and he has to have a kidney removed.  His "girlfriend" has a text thread she uses to let my daughter's and sister know what is going on, but she won't e-mail me anything.  So I have to call my sister to find out what is happening.  

I have been nothing but nice to this woman for the last 17 years, but for some reason, she doesn't like me, I guess. 

I have to be careful what I post on Face Book because she is in cahoots with my youngest Jennifer and tells her if I post something she deems to be wrong.

========================

When I went to my daughter Karen's for the fall into the leaf pile and birthday party, I found out two days later that Karen's mother-in-law tested positive and was in hospital.  She and I sat next to each other at the table and yakked and yakked.  So I just stayed in for 14 days and waited to see if I had contracted The Virus.  No I did not and the lady is now home and doing well.

====================

I am doing okay.  Working on some exercises to get more strength back in my legs.  Working on this genealogy to keep my mind occupied.  Trying not to watch any National News because there isn't one main stream or cable news network that isn't prejudiced and biased to the max!

I will try to do better on posting, but for some reason, I am hesitant to tell it all to you.  I still feel like there might be a "spy" reading these posts and reporting back to my youngest.

Great!  Now I'm getting paranoid.  Oh well, that's a new mental illness I haven't had before.

HAH!

A Shocking Experience

 

I had not felt well most of the week.  My blood pressure was high as was my pulse rate.

I woke up in a sweat on the morning of October 29^th.   My blood pressure was 197 and my pulse rate was 135 beats per minute.  My balance was off and I found it difficult to walk.

I had started a new drug—Metoprolol Extended Release on the 9^th of September and it had been working well to keep my pulse rate and BP within normal ranges.

On October 7^th, I had a heart monitor to wear for a week.  The results had come back that there had been “no events” with my heart and everything was normal.

On the morning of the 29^th, I took my Metoprolol Extended Release pill.  An hour later, I found I couldn’t stand or walk without becoming weak and faint feeling.  The rest of the morning and early afternoon, I stayed in my chair, only getting up to go to the bathroom.  I had to hold onto the table and the wall to walk to the bathroom without fainting.  I thought perhaps I had a mild stroke.  I prayed off and on most of the day for God to help me.

Around 4:00 in the afternoon, I was sitting in my chair, reading, when all of a sudden I felt an electric shock hit my upper right arm, cross my body and go out my upper left arm, it jolted me.  This was immediately followed by extreme cold inside my body.

I didn’t have a chill.  My skin wasn’t cold.  It was icy cold in my body core—from chest down to my hips.  This lasted for a few seconds and was gone.

I put my book down and laid back in my chair, trying to breathe normally and relax.

About a half an hour later, I noticed that my head was clear.  I got up and walked to the bathroom with no feeling of faintness nor weakness.

I felt quite well, although tired, for the rest of the day and evening.

I had an appointment with the Cardiologist on October 30^th.  I woke that morning feeling well.

I walked from the car into the Cardiologist building with no problem, my balance seemed fine.  My BP was 174/68.  My pulse rate 66 bpm.

When the Cardiologist came into the exam room, we talked about the heart monitor test and she said it was great.  I had no problems with my heart.  Then I told her of what had happened the day before.

She said she had never heard of such a thing and asked me to describe how it had felt again.  As I told her of the “shock”, she just stared at me. 

“There is no physical explanation for that happening,” she said.  “I have never heard of anything like that.  Maybe you were touched by an Angel,” she said and then laughed.

I was still feeling good when I left her office that I drove into Brighton, stopped at the Meijer gas station, then on to the Meijer grocery store where I spent an hour buying groceries.  I drove home, carried in all the groceries and put them away.

Although my back hurt, which is normal after a grocery trip, I felt fine.  That evening, my blood pressure was 145/66, my pulse rate was 62.

I have tried to find out what caused this “shock”.  I have Googled it and searched.  There is nothing even mentioned about such an event.

I wanted to document it before I forgot the details.  I have no explanation.  It cannot be explained.  I give all the credit to God.  What else could it be?

 Proof of GiGi's Leaf  Dive.

I was telling a friend about my Snow Angel fall into the leaf pile and she wouldn't believe me.

"It didn't happen unless you have photos to prove it, "she said.

So---------------------

My two birthday girls.

 Saturday Morning--

I have a big adventure this afternoon.

My daughter Karen and Great Granddaughter Della's shared birthday party and I get to go.

I'm pretty excited about it.

The power steering on my car has been quiet so I know the p.s. fluid tank is full and I am confident I can get there and back with no problems.

Of course, I will ask God to keep me safe, and I know He will, which gives me even more confidence.

See ya all later--Jude

===============================

Saturday Night---

I would write about my adventure today, but I am sooooooo tired that I can't think clearly. LOL

================================

Sunday Morning---

My Saturday adventure.

I drove through Brighton on my way down to Karen and Mark’s for the October Birthdays party, I noticed a full-blown, block long, sidewalk Trump rally. People holding up signs and flags and cheering. Well, I got right into it, blowing my car horn, rolling down the car window and holding my hand up high with the thumb up, cheering inside my car. It actually gave me goose-bumps. It seemed every car, in all four lanes, coming and going, was blowing their horns and yelling out the car windows. Never any doubt which way this area votes in any election.

When I got to Karen’s, the little birthday girl Della and her little brother Harrison, along with the parents and grandparents were getting their jackets on to go play in the leaf pile. I looked out the window and, there was an enormous leaf pile. Della came back inside and said, “I want GiGi to come play in the leaves.” Wait a minute. GiGi? That would be me! YIKES!

The enormous leaf pile was down on the lower level of their yard. The last time I was down there, it took every ounce of strength and a day long back ache, to climb that hill back up to the house. Oh, what the heck--I put on my jacket.

The going down the yard was pretty easy. I stood by the leaf pile and watched Della’s Daddy and Grandpa, “swimming” through the pile, under the leaves, playing shark. I started singing Baby Shark. Then, to this minute I have no idea what happened to my reasoning, but I spread out my arms like I was going to make a snow angel, and fell backwards into the leaf pile.

I sank down into the leaves and felt them cover me. It was sort of blissful…to peek up through the leaves covering my face and see the sky.

I sat up for a while and threw leaves at the kids, then it was time for me to get up.

Now I was faced with the consequences of my impulsive actions. I couldn’t get up. There was no way I could stand up from that position. I called Karen to help me. She grabbed my hand and pulled—that didn’t work. So she called Grandpa Mark, he took my other hand and they pulled—that didn’t work and it hurt my back and legs when I tried to push myself up. I asked them not to pull me, but just set their feet, hold my hands and I would use their strength to pull myself up—that didn’t work either. I have no leg or arm strength.

The thought went through my mind that we might have to call 911 for help. What I should have done is have my grand son-in-law Mike to come, stand behind me and while Karen and Mark pulled me, he could lift me up under my arms. Mike is about 10 feet tall and a strong young man. Didn’t think of that until afterwards………….Mark and Karen pulled and I tried to push with my feet and legs and finally I was standing up. The pain that was shooting through my hips, back and legs was…intense, for lack of a better word. Now I had to climb the hill to get back up to the house. Karen walked along beside me, I was holding onto her arm and we took that hill at an angle and…I made it.

The rest of the afternoon was wondrous. Oldest Grandson Marcus, whose birthday was Oct. 19th, opened his gifts, then Della and Karen opened their gifts—the amount of gifts Della received, looked like a birthday and Christmas combined. I got to play a little bit with Maddie’s little guy Ben, and Della’s little brother Harrison and talk to my grandkids and Della’s other Grandma. There were lots of hugs and laughter and fun.

Then at 4:30, I realized that I could hardly walk and it was time to head home. I was hurtin’ for certain.

The icing on the cake, so to speak. I found out I will have another Great Grand Baby this coming Spring!

The moral of this story—you just gotta dive in! You just gotta play and make memories. You can rest the next day, but you just gotta Carpe Diem!!!

Today, I am recovering and surprised that I don’t ache as much as I thought I would. I am remembering and smiling at each memory of yesterday. I am rejoicing in the fact that I got to experience it all.

 Yesterday I got to drive up the road to the Cardiologist's office and get a heart monitor stuck on my chest.  Not one of those hold fashioned Holter Monitor's with the 20 leads stuck all over your chest and a heavy bag to carry around on your shoulder, this one is small.

It has a smart phone sized recording and battery pack that I have to keep within 30 feet of me and if I have a "symptom", like a rapid heart rate, I put the info into the smart phone thingie.

I guess this the newest thing out there and probably the Cardiologist is promoting it, as there were 3 other people in the office getting one stuck on their chest too.

Well, since, at my suggestion, they changed my one med to a time-released one, my heart rate has been in the 60's and my BP in the 126 range, SO--I don't think I am going to have any symptoms to record, but..............it's kind of cool.....to have a mini EKG recording all the time.

In a week, I take it off, bag everything up and Fed Ex it back to the maker, where they check the readings and send a report to my Cardiologist...which I see again on Oct. 30th.

========================

Did you watch the VP debate?  I didn't, but the big news seems to be there was a fly sitting on Mr. Pence's head for two whole minutes and he just ignored it.

I don't watch any of the debates anymore.  I am not an undecided voter and I don't need to waste my time listening to lies and misinformation and the interrupting and rude behavior that seems the content of our debates.

Which reminds me.  I gotta get my absentee ballot up to the township clerk's drop box.  It's only a mile away--an easy drive and drop off.

=====================

My Jennifer is here from New Jersey, on a business trip.  The first time since the shutdown in March.  Karen is going to have a cook-out on Saturday so we can all get together.  I am going because it is the only way I will get to see Jen.  On these trips from NJ to the MI law firm she works for, she is always too busy to drop in--or at least that is the excuse I hear.

============

I hope my son Mark will be there.  His cancer has come out of remission and he has been in the hospital-out patient for more tests.  

I am finishing up all my medical appointments that were canceled in March.  Got my Flu shot the other day.  The week of the 19th, I have an appointment with the Pulmonologist to tell me that my lung CT scan was fine--which I already know because I read the report on my Patient Portal and then the 22nd I have a dental cleaning.  I hate going to the Dentist.  Why do I hate going to the Dentist?  For a cleaning?  It's not like I have to have a root canal....or maybe I'm scared that she will find evidence that I DO need a root canal!

ARRGH!!!

See ya--Jude

 

 I don't quite know what it is, but I just can't seem to tend to my blog.

Sure, I can use the excuse that I have been working on a large genealogy and after working for hours on the computer, I am not in the mood to get creative and post on my blog.

While that excuse is true, there is just something else.

Some sort of deep weariness or depression, or a feeling of dread at what is going to happen next, that has come to live in my mind for the last few months.  Plus, I'm lonely.

Which is real stupid!  I don't see my kids very often in normal times, but it seems now, I CAN'T see them, so I guess it makes it feel worse.  It's like when we get snowed in and I look outside and realize I can't drive my car to go anywhere, EVEN THOUGH I don't need to go anywhere--it's the knowing I can't that makes me antsy.

I should be elated!  I finished a large genealogy and mailed it off.  My client lives in Oregon and had to evacuate to her son's home, but her home was saved, so I could mail the genealogy directly to her.  I had already received her check--considering it was 3 genealogies, one of her, her son and her daughter--it was a nice check.

I have another, not so much a genealogy, but a family story.  My client had files and files full of information on each parent and sibling.  Her parents and grandparents from Hungary, so I had what I needed.  It was just putting it into chronological order, with the story written around it.  I love it and am nearly finished with it.  My client is a younger sister to a best friend.  My friend died in 1995, so when I got to her file folder and saw her photo, it brought back some teary memories.  Oh, she would have loved this book.

I have another genealogy waiting in the wings.

So, I am busy and my mind is flourishing with being challenged to be creative.

...and the extra money certainly takes the budget worries away, for a time anyway.

So.  What is the problem?  

My back hurts--normal in my life.

My left foot hurts and I walk funny--nearly normal.

I go days without going anywhere--normal in my life.

=======================

I just don't know.  I am weary.  I am nervous.  I feel like I am waiting for the next awful world event to happen.  What horrible thing is going to happen.

I pray a lot.  I talk to God a lot during the day.  I consider myself to have a deep faith.  Apparently I am lacking in that or I would be doing better.  

I keep telling myself to be grateful that I am in good health.  Be grateful that right now, I have no money worries.  Just be grateful...and I am, but...........................

 

 Neighbor and friend Pearl was in the hospital two weeks ago.

I posted a while back that she has been "living" in her recliner.  Having such a hard time walking that she even slept in it.

Two weeks ago, she couldn't manage even to get up on her feet so they took her in.  She was having terrible pain in her legs and they thought she might have a blood clot.  She did not.

Then, they predicted that she had Leukemia.  She was sent home, but in bad shape.

I haven't been in her house to sit down and talk to her since her birthday March 1st.  Then the whole shutdown started.  Some days, I would walk down to her house and peek into her living window.  If she was awake, we'd try and talk and make sign signals and try and read each others lips and laugh.

Home Hospice came in this past Monday, complete with the requisite hospital bed.  Her daughter who has been with Merle and Pearl for the last couple of months, wasn't able to move Pearl around or get her up to get dress, so the taller bed helped.

Her daughter, with the help of the Hospice Aide did manage to get Pearl into her wheel chair and take her out into the sun on Tuesday.  Neighbor Jackie saw them and went over to talk to Pearl.  She said, Pearl only said, "Hi" and  just sat in the chair, looking down at the ground.

Jackie called me this morning at 9:00 to let me know, Pearl died around midnight.  I got dressed and scooted right down there.  

The daughter was there and Merle and her other daughter and the Hospice aide....and Pearl.  I happened to think that she looked just like I had seen her many times.  Asleep, with her mouth open, but....

this time...........................

I went over, bent down and kissed her forehead and tried to hug her.  I had forgotten how cold and gray a person is when they have died.

====================

Her daughter mentioned they were trying to find a good photo of her for the newspaper obituary and that they remembered I had taken some photos of Pearl at her and Merle's 60th wedding anniversary.

So, I scooted home, turned on my computer and into the picture files and found a couple that were okay.  I printed them out and took them back down to their house.  By then a couple of her grandkids had showed up and were visibly upset, so I scooted out of there.

When I got back home, I looked again at the photos and I must have missed looking at all of them them the first time because there was one, in the center of the file that was the best photo of her taken in 2013.  So, I printed that one off and back down to the house---it's only 60 steps away.

I wondered why the funeral home hadn't come to pick Pearl up.  She had been gone 10 hours, but as I walked home, I saw her son and his wife and kids drive up.  

As Pearl is going to be cremated, they must have been waiting for family members to arrive to "see" her one last time?  Too bad they didn't come to visit while she was still alive?  But then--Pearl had alienated her two oldest kids, so..............

============

Finally at round 1:00 this afternoon, a black, unmarked SUV showed up and took her away.  Done so swiftly and carefully that none of the neighbors would even know what was going on.

In fact, Dar called me shortly after they left and asked, "Do you know what's going on over at Pearl and Merle's?"  Her house does not face the street so she wouldn't have seen all the cars coming and going.

Their daughter said, "Now we have to worry about what to do with Dad."  Merle has Parkinsons Disease, but he is strong, walks everyday and some days, rides his bike around the park.

I said, "Well, you don't have to worry about that right now.  Wait and see how he does.  Let him feel his way along for awhile.  You'll be here everyday and you can keep track on if he is taking care of himself."

I said that because it was almost like she was ready to ship him to a home tomorrow and I know, as an old person, that I would want to be alone for awhile to get over the shock and used to the idea of being alone and just see how it went.  

Two weeks ago, Merle had requested that his daughter (a cigarette smoker) give him one of her cigarettes.  When she refused, he asked her if she would buy him a pack of Swisher Sweets--little, thin cigars.  He'd smoke two a day, out in his shed.  When she told me, she said, "Are you shocked that I'd do that?"

I answered, "Heck no. Why not?  At 85 years old, let him enjoy the days he has left."

Pearl Elaine Ott

March 1, 1936-September 17, 2020

    

It's been awhile, hasn't it?

I have been working on a genealogy for a client that has taken on a life of its own.  She decided she wanted one done for her son, which is like hers, but with photos of his family added.  Then she decided she wanted one for her daughter, who has a different father, and then the daughter notified me that she also wanted her husband family done too--so that their daughter and grand children would have all their ancestor's in the same book.

My client's book is 162 pages, her son's is 170 pages and her daughter's is 240 pages.

I am starting to print out the books this weekend and of course am having printer problems--because that is just a Murphy's Law kind of thing.

Other than that, my grandson that was supposed to have a big wedding on June 6th, and ended up having a small wedding, on June 6th and their big reception this past weekend.  Most of us that attended the small wedding stayed home from the reception so they could invite more of their friends---because of the social distancing and only a certain number of people at gatherings in our State.

It was waaaaay too far away and too long of a weekend for me to tolerate anyway.  

==============

Other than that--I spent some time in the ER last week, chest pain and come to find out, it was nerve pain coming from my neck/shoulder blade.  They would give me nothing for the severe pain, telling me that nothing unusual showed up on the heart scans or lung x-rays, so they had no idea what was causing the pain.

I guess if they couldn't "see" the pain, it didn't exist and I was just some old, gray haired junkie trying to score some opiates?

One good thing came out of all of it, I found out my heart is strong and perfect and my lungs are clear and perfect too. The scans also showed my liver, kidneys, pancreas, gall bladder and even spleen are in great shape.

================

Other than that--I got my hair cut Friday.  This lady that Karen referred me to, is the best stylist for short hair that I have had in many years.  She is also expensive, or what I view as expensive=$40.00 for a cut and style.  I did her genealogy for her in a barter for my hair cut two months ago.  Friday I had managed to save $40.00 all month.  When we were done, she wouldn't take any money.  I asked if she would accept a Tip and laid a twenty dollar bill on the counter.  She didn't want to accept that, but she has a small salon and has been closed down.  Then she said that from now on my hair cuts would be $20.00.  I am thinking to myself that $25.00 sounds better.  I can get that much out of my budget every month--that's what I used to pay the stylist that couldn't cut short hair decently.

============

Other than that--I am finally over the anxiety that going back to the grocery store all masked up, hampered me for the first 2 months back.  Karen had done all my grocery shopping for 3 months and the first time I tried it on my own, the mask got so hot I couldn't breathe, there seemed to be too many people and I got anxious.  Well, I have now conquered that.  That's mainly how I get my exercise.  To the grocery store every week or 10 days and walk clear to the back and then over to the grocery department, up and down the aisles and finally out--about 3,000 steps.  My legs muscles are getting stronger now too--since I am back on schedule.

===========

Other than that--I have a bunch of doctor's appointments and yearly tests that I canceled in March to attend to this month.  AND, I have another genealogy awaiting me and still another one on the horizon.  I probably will be busy with them right up to Christmas time.

Are we going to get to celebrate Christmas with our families this year?

So I just figured out 2020

and it's pretty obvious what happened.

"Baby Shark" is an ancient

chant that opens a portal to

Hell

==============================

I just had a thought.

Does it matter who gets elected on Nov. 3rd?

If Trump gets elected, the Dems. have the majority in the House of Reps. and they will continue to stymie him.

If Biden gets elected, the Reps. have the majority in the Senate and they will shoot down everything he wants to do.

Each Party will blame the other one. Nothing will change, nothing will get done.

Just the same ol', same ol'.

I don't often have dreams that I remember, but this one was weird.

I was sitting in my recliner, I had the front door open and I heard something. I looked up toward the screen door and there was a lady with a little curly headed boy. He was about a year old and she was bent over, holding his little arms kind of up to steady him as he stood.


I didn't recognize either one of them and then she looked up and smiled at me and then I recognized both of them.
The woman was me and the little boy was my son Mark.

I didn't get up to go to the door and they didn't come inside.
We just looked at each other and smiled.
I wonder what the dream meant.
===========================

I thought the last election was bad, this one is going to flat out put me in the ward.

Trump has that brash, New York bully attitude/personality about him that I just hate.

Biden had/still has a propensity for being a liar and a Plagiarist and he appears to be senile.

I'm afraid in a debate, when Trump gets to beating on Joe, Joe is either going to lose it in a fit of anger, or get so muddled in his thinking, he won't be able to form a complete sentence. That will embarrass him and I actually would hate to see that happen.

Our Country is in pretty bad shape when these two men are the best we have to offer for the highest office in our land.

August?

Already?

I can remember sitting here on New Year's Eve and when the ball dropped, I thought, "What a great year 2020 is going to be!"

Well, Gezz Louise!  Guess I was wrong again.

The life interrupted Covid months.  How many now?  Five!  

I have managed to get out to the store a few times,  only getting a few things, because that mask gets hot and I get anxious.  I makes me go back to the feeling I had when my 2nd husband, tried to smother me with a pillow.  I thought I had rid myself of those memories, but....

I have a new genealogy to work on with another two waiting in the wings.  This is the weirdest thing, but at my nephews wedding, I was telling my daughter Karen that I needed a genealogy to work on to cure my boredom and give me a reason to get up in the morning.  That night, during my prayer time, when I was done, I just happened to say, "And oh yes, God?  Could you send me a genealogy?"

Three days later I was notified by, what is now my newest client.  That's the quickest answer to prayer I've ever received!

===================

I managed to get my grandson Stephen and new wife Carolyn's wedding sampler framed.  They were married June 6th, but their wedding reception is going to be August 30th, unless our governor decides to shut us down again.  I called Karen and asked her if the next time she in near-by, she could stop and pick it up.

Oh my!  Blogger has changed things up.  It took me forever to figure out how to get that photo inserted.

================

So--who can I gossip about?  Merle and Pearl--remember them--my neighbors.  Pearl is into year 3 of sitting in her chair doing nothing.  They have once again retained a physical therapist to come out for home visits, but I know Pearl.  She will only do the least she can get away with and not do any of the home exercises they tell her to do during the week.  She loves just staying chair-bound and having her daughter and Merle run and get whatever she wants.

Their daughter lives here in the Park and she stops by everyday to help them get ready in the morning.  She is going back to work this next week.  So Pearl decided to hire someone to come in every day to help her get dressed and get fed.  She wanted someone for an hour.  The visiting nurses minimum time is 3 hours a day, at $25.00 an hour.  That's $375.00 a week!  So now Pearl is trying to get her daughter to quit her job and take care of her.  She hasn't even wondered what her daughter is going to live on with no money coming in from her job.

Merle escapes to his shed whenever Pearl falls asleep in the chair.  He mentioned to his daughter that he wished he had some "little cigars".  So she got him a couple of packs of Swisher Sweets.  He's a much happier camper now.  LOL

================

Marilyn, my neighbor across the street, a bit to the right...whose husband died last year...has lost so much weight that as she was walking out to get the mail, her jeans fell right off.  She was doing fine before the quarantine, but now is using her cane and sometimes her walker to walk outside.

Jackie, my neighbor directly across the street, has suffered.  Early this spring she was out working in her gardens, as normal.  Now she is using a walker to get around.

It has affected all of us in the same way.  From not going to the store to walk around or getting out, our calf and legs muscles have become weak and our balance is off.  

Dar--you remember Dar?  Her Dad that lives with her just turned 99 and is in excellent health.  He gets around pretty good and still demands that she takes him out for a Dairy Queen every day!  Dar is the kind of person who had to get out every other day or she said, "I will just lose my mind!"  The quarantine just about did her in--mentally.  She walks 5 miles on her treadmill every day, so she's still in pretty good shape.  The other day, she was walking home from visiting Jackie and she saw a guy walking a dog.  So she rushed over to the dog to pet it and it bit her!  So she has been doctoring with that--antibiotics, steroids, etc.  Doesn't she realize?  You don't rush up to a dog that doesn't know you.  I don't even rush up to a dog that DOES know me--I let them come up to me.

==================

We did get a much needed rain today and more promised for tomorrow.  I woke up to the sound of rain--lovely--except it was coming in through my bedroom window screen all over the window sill.  It is nice though for the temps to be moderate enough to have all the windows and doors open--when it isn't raining in, that is.

Stay safe my friends in Florida and along the East coast.  There is a hurricane name Ass or something like that, that is coming at ya.

XX OO  Jude

Attended my nephew--my sister Susan's only child, wedding.  They had it out to The Farm, outside under all the 150 year old Maple Trees.  My nephew, Adam, would be 6th generation in our family and nice to have the wedding at the family Homestead.  Very small--about 50 people.

While I was there, got to have our 4 generation photo taken with Madeleine and my youngest great grandson, Benedikt--Beni.  I call him Bug, because he is as cute as a bug's ear.