The Truth Is Out and Closure

I traveled up to Durand Thursday afternoon--about 40 miles north of here--for lunch at the Old School Gal Pals.  It was real nice.  My BFF's daughter came with her daughter and two grand babies.  My BFF's daughter is moving over to the west side of our State, from a home she has lived in 50 years.  She wants to be closer to her daughter and grandkids.  I can't blame her, but it just might be the last time I ever see her.  It was an emotional good-bye, as she does love to lunch with us on occasion and listen to us reminisce on how we were in High School and what her Mother was like at a younger age.

Plus, I've known my BFF's daughter since she was 6 hours old, so.........almost like one of my kids leaving me.

After we left, I sat in my car for a few minutes.  My sister wasn't home, so no trip out to the farm for me.  It was a beautiful, sunny day in the low 70's  I felt adventurous, which is not me.  I am not spontaneous, but I decided, "Nobody will know," and off I drove to see if I could find where the Old Coot lives.  

I've been thinking and praying about this for a couple of months.  I kept getting the feeling that I probably shouldn't do it, but.....I have been depressed, bored and kind of ticked off at my life lately, so---I headed north and west--knowing that area, and knowing his address, I figured I could find his house.

I took me about 45 minutes and I went passed it and had to turn around and go back.  He was just pulling into his driveway.

You should have seen the look on his face!!! My initial reaction was, Oh My Gosh!  He is really old looking!  Super skinny.  Sort of stooped over.  Of course, it has been 26 years since I've seen him and I suppose at 87, he has aged a bit more quickly than I have in those years.

He's always been a super neat freak--when I stepped up into his kitchen--there was not an inch of counter or table space that wasn't covered.  The living room was a bit better, but crowded with a lot of furniture.

I was very relaxed, which showed me that I truly had healed and forgiven him.  It was like talking to friend John or someone like that.  No attachment.  I was determined not to bring up anything from the past--what good would it do, but rather started my conversation by asking how he was.

Buried in paperwork.  Had to have a new well put in--an unexpected cost.  Then he went on to tell me of his wife's long illness, and how care giving had worn him right down.  She had Hospice at home and then, woke him in the middle of the night to say, "You better call the ambulance."

He said the Hospice nurse came with the ambulance to take her to the Hospice home and the nurse said, "Pat, we've talked about this.  It's time."

He said, "It was like the Grim Reaper showed up, made his declaration and off they went!"  Then he broke down and sobbed and sobbed.

I didn't move to console him.  I felt it was better for me to remain seated and wait for him to gain control in his own way.
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Then we talked about his Mother and siblings--all gone now.  I worried about him being all alone and he mentioned a friend he had by the name of Craig Lawson, that call him every other day and stops in to visit.

"You don't mean Deputy Lawson of the sheriff's road patrol do you?"

"Yes.  You don't know him do you?"

"Well, let me tell you a little story--and went on to tell him how I had met Deputy Lawson when he stopped me for idling through a stop sign....'way out in the country over by Byron".

That gave us a good laugh and then he got real serious, tears in his eyes again.  I have never seen this man cry in the 4 years I knew him.

"Judy....I've thought----over the last...how many years did you say?"

"Twenty-six."

"I should have shared more with you before we married.  I was a broken man.  Hurt....angry....filled with rage.  Left over from my marriage.  We had five children.  I was building a house for us up north."

"And she was cheating on you back at home.  You told me all that."

"Yes...but I never told you.  I loved her and those kids so much.  She nearly destroyed me when she left.  I never felt that she ever loved me.  I tried so hard, but.........it was never enough."

"Ah.  I felt that way with you."

" I was so hurt and angry and filled with such rage."

Then I just blurted it out--"Is that why you tried to choke me to death when I mistakenly hung the bathroom hand towel up crooked?"

"Oh...God....did I do that?"

"Yes.  Or the time you gave me a black eye because the sheets were the not the same amount of overhang on each side of the bed?"

"Oh....I remember that."

"Or the time you said I could plant anything I wanted in the garden and after I did, you roto-tilled it all up because you said my rows were crooked?"

"Oh.....God..."

"Or the time you slapped me around and threw your coffee mug at me because I had spilled a little sugar on the table?"

"What?  Oh no!"

Then I was quiet as I realized that he didn't remember a lot of those times and it was just stupid to bring it all up.  He is a broken man.

"Judy...I was mentally ill.  I was sick.  It wasn't you!  My anger was so out of control, that any minor thing set me off and I struck out at the person nearest me."

"Well--I don't know about that.  Maybe I was a bit too independent for you.  I've met two of your ex wives and they said you never abused them.  Why me?"

"I guess because.....you were there at the wrong time in my life?  I was mentally sick, Judy.  Can you ever forgive me?  Please!  I will get down on my knees and beg your forgiveness!"

"That's not necessary.  Yes, I was traumatized for a long time after you kicked me out, but.....Oh, Donnie, I forgave you years and years ago."

He started crying again.  "I don't know how you ever could."

"Hey--do you remember that beautiful entertainment center you made for us?"

"No."

"You don't?  You worked weeks on it and it was a beautiful piece of furniture.  Remember the little sewing room you made for me when we lived in the Town House?   Remember---one day we were sitting in the living room, when we lived in Mother's mobile home and I said, "I wish we had a screen door on that back door.  We could get a nice, cool cross breeze from the front door through to the back.  I went off to work and when I got home, you had built a beautiful screen door, it was all painted and hung.  Remember that."

"I remember that door.  It's still on that unit."

"Donnie--you could repair, fix and build anything!!  You are a master carpenter....you do such beautiful work!"

He said, "Do you remember those Backgammon games we had every night?  We'd bet a nickle.  You won more nickles than I did."

"I remember."

"Remember the first time I beat you?"

"Yes...you ran over to Mom and Marcia's trailer, whooping and hollering that you had finally beat me."

We were quite for a moment and then I said, "Remember one Valentine's Day, we had no extra money...."

"We never had any extra money."

"I walked in from work and you had made me a pan of home made chocolate fudge--you had made it in my heart-shaped cake pan.  Remember?"
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The rest of our conversation was nice.  We laughed, we joked.  I stayed for about 90 minutes and decided I'd better start home.  I asked if I could use the bathroom--he said, "Wait a minute, I'll put up a clean hand towel for you."

When I went in, I noticed the towel--so old and threadbare---and hung precisely, with all edges even.  So after I washed my hands, I put that towel back on the rod....as crooked as I could make it.

We hugged.  He thanked me profusely for visiting.  I thanked him.

As I drove away, I was smiling.  I was  laughing out loud!  I felt better than I've felt in months.  Although, it is true, I have forgiven him years ago and haven't even thought about him in a very long time...I guess I needed his apology and asking for my forgiveness.

His explanation of his  mental illness made those years all make sense to me now--nothing made sense back then---when I was living through it.

Closure.  That word that society bandies about nowadays.

I know what that means now.  Such peace.  The last couple of days, when I've thought about Don, I remember all the fun and good times we did have.

When it was good, it was very, very good.  When it was bad, it was terrifying--so angry his eyes would get red, and I didn't recognize him.  Fearing for my very life.

It's all good now.  Besides that, if he ever came at me with his hand raised now...I could take him down into a heap of old bones in a second.  He is a frail old man.
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P.S.  I am so wondering what he thought the next time he went into the bathroom and saw that hand towel, hanging all crooked on the rod.  HAH!

Weird Woman

I am a total nut case!!!

I swear--sometimes I think I am totally losing it!  For instance--last night as I was brushing my teeth, rinsing my toothbrush in hot tap water--as I walked into my bedroom, I noticed that I didn't hear the hot water tank come on.  Now--it usually does whenever I use any hot water.

So, I lay there in bed, petting the cats--listening for the gas to come on in the water heater.  Nothing.  This started worrying me.

I have lunch with the Old School Gal Pals today.  i needed to shower in the morning.  What if the pilot light on the heater had gone out---again.

Should I get up and run hot water to see if the heater comes on?  Should I just let it go and hope the water stays warm enough, in the tank, overnight?

When I woke up, this was still on my mind.  I decided to wash my hair at the kitchen sink.  If the water was cool, it would be okay--at least my whole body wouldn't be all soapy and I'd have to rinse off in cold water.

I had enough warm water to get that done.  Then I was going to heat up a pan of water and carry it into the bathroom and wash all my important parts with that.  You've heard of a P.T.A. bath--right?  Well, if you haven't--I am not going to spell it out for you.  Google it!!

While the water was heating, I listened again--nope the water heater wasn't on.  

I carefully carried the pan of warm water into the bathroom and poured some in the sink.  I stepped out into the hallway, by the washer and dryer to grab a clean towel and heard the rumble of a low gas flame. I figured the furnace was about to click on.

Just out of curiosity, I walked into my bedroom, opened my closet door, stuck my head way back in there, next to the water heater closet and---the water heater was on!!!

Good Grief!!  Anyway--I had a nice shower and re-rinsed my hair.   

The things I put myself through when my nervous mind takes over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Life at a slow pace..

I watched the Master's Golf tournament this weekend.  Golf is such a nice calm, relaxing, quiet sport to watch.  Quiet--nice and quiet.  I felt kind of sorry for the winner--on the 1st Tee, the crowd cheered wildly and long for his opponent Rory Mcilroy and only clapped politely for Reed.

None of the other golfer's like him--he won't talk to them, he is very OCD and takes a long time to make a shot.  I hear he has "divorced" his parents, who apparently have been very supportive, even moving their home to an area where he could "major" in golf in college.

Well, he won anyway.  Dumb kid.  He'll regret his choices someday!
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Golf and/or baseball are wonderful sports to watch on TV while cross-stitching.  I can listen to most of what is going on and only look up to see the re-play, if things get exciting.

Most X-stitch patterns have the "picture" of what I am working on, on the pattern page.  Like this one.
After  I have it done, I out-line it and it shows up real nice.

This Last Supper thing, I've been working on since New Year's Day, has no picture on the pattern pages (15 pattern pages!).  Only the squares with the symbol for what color is stitched into that square.  This piece has nearly 70 colors--very dark to lightest of each color.  

Placing the colors correctly makes the picture come alive under the needle.  I have no idea what I am working on, until a face/person starts appearing.

If I put a color in an incorrect space, that guy's face and eye would not show up.  Plus, there is no outlining done afterward.  It will look like an oil painting.

The way I keep track on where I am.

This is by far, the most challenging X-stitch I have ever done!  When finished, it will be 35.7" x 24.9".

I thought the Nativity one I did was difficult.  HAH.

The one neat thing that has come out of this--I did a bit of research on Da Vinci's notes, when he was setting up to paint this and he has all the disciples names and listed in chronological order--from left to right.

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I have lived quite a long time.  I have lived out in the country and more aware of my surroundings.  I have always been a bird watcher--could identify many by the time I was 6 years old.  We have a lot of birds out on the farm land.  My Mother could tell by their "call" and then she and I would have to search out that Blue Jay or whatever.

Robins eat only worms.  Right?  You don't see Robins sitting on bird feeders, eating the Sunflower seeds, the small bird seed.

I looked out my window yesterday afternoon and I saw something I have never seen in my life.  A big Red Robin, sitting on the suet cage, pecking at the suet!!!  

"Hey!  Go out and buy me some mealy worms!"

He must be really starving, and of course the ground is still frozen and no worms coming to the surface.

I have 4 Robins here.  I am looking out right now and they are hopping around the front yard, in the sun.

We need a good hard, warm rain!!!!

Cabin Fever

I am bored outta my gourd!!!

I have been searching on-line for a pant suit to wear to the June 2nd wedding of my grandson.  Something simple, yet elegant.  I don't want to "stand out".  I am the grandma, not the mother.

Remember, back-in-the-day, when you could walk into any ladies store and find rack after rack of pant suits?  Not so anymore, unless they are black/gray pin stripe for work.  I have a black pin-stripe pant suit.

I thought I had found just what I wanted.
It has white lace embroidery on the left shoulder and right hem.  I have a white lace shell to wear under it.

In stock?  Yes!  Size 4.

Okay, well maybe I will have to go a bit more glamorous.  The men are wearing navy, the girls blush.  This would work for the colors.  In stock? Yes!

The pants are about 4 inches too short.

The pant outfits for weddings usually now, are all chiffon and flowing and....yes!  I would wear if I were mother, but a bit too much for grandma, in my opinion.

I would like to find something I can wear to this wedding and then also to granddaughter Madeleine's wedding next May.  ARGGH!

Karen called me in February to say she wanted to take me wedding shopping.  She suggested Spring Break, which ends today and I haven't heard a word from her.

She also mentioned perhaps a wedding shower on April 15th--haven't received an invite as yet.
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Oh--I'm bored.  It keeps snowing, with cold winds.  I want to go out and pick up fallen branches or something.  Lay down mulch.  Dig.  Can't do it yet!  We are all complaining about our long winter, but a memory popped up on Face Book this morning and showed a photo I had posted on April 6, 2017--a year ago.  We had 3" of snow.  So, I guess this year isn't all that unusual.
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I am waiting for family information so I can start a new genealogy.  It will encompass the woman's family and her husband's family.  4 different families just to begin with.  This is going to be a big genealogy and I do so need something to occupy my brain!!!!  I wish they'd get their "stuff" together and e-mail it to me.

Yes, they're young and yes, they're busy and the woman just finished up her mid-terms, but.....

I'm always too impatient!
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I do believe this room I spend all morning in, just might be my favorite room in this place.  I have often wished I lived across the street, but then, my house would back up to the woods and I would have no view OF the woods, so...this location is pretty perfect.  I just wish that long gray one had not moved in 3 years ago.  It took away my view of the drive up into the woods, the deer that I used to see there, and the view of the wetlands.
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My next door neighbors--I wonder if he is still in the psych ward.

Hm-mm.  Large limbs have fallen on Dar's roof.

I wonder if she knows?

I should tell her--that would drive her nutz! 

Jackie broke her arm a month ago.

She hasn't been able to drive anywhere.

I need to get over there and visit again  !

The people that moved in and took my view. 

 If I look out of just the tops of my windows--then I feel like I am in a snug, little cabin in the woods.

The Perils of False Spring

"Ma'am. could you possibly buy me some worms?

I'm, starving out here!"

Suck it up-Buttercup!

Easter Sunday.  I sat home alone.  No invite.  No phone calls.  Nothing.

I could get sad and depressed about it--which I used to do.  No family get together for Easter?  

I doesn't bother me as much anymore.  My sister and her hubs go her son's house now.  He is divorced and does not get to see his kids on Easter.

My oldest, Mark goes to his girlfriends' mother for all Holidays.

My Pammie was up north with a friend, starting her Spring Break from school janitoring.

My Karen was also up north at their cottage with her kids and grand daughter.

My Jennifer lives 800 miles away.

What can I do about any of it?  Nothing.

A phone call would have been nice though. Eh?
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However, it is a wonder to me how my kids get away with it.  Apparently, I brought them up to be independent--well, I know I did, and I should have loaded more guilt on them the first time this happened.  There was not one single Holiday that I didn't see my parents and my grandmother.  After grandma died, it was my parents.  After my mother died, it was my Dad and step-mother.

Spring Break?  We left on Monday--not the weekend before Easter.  You had to be with family, his and mine, on Easter and all other holidays.  Whether you wanted to or not, you did!

Oh Phooey!!!
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Yes, found out my neighbor had her husband, court ordered, into a psych ward.  He is very angry.  She is being strong.  He once again was threatening suicide and then took off and was gone all night.  The police finally found him, brought him home and two days later, came back and got him and took him away.

She can't see him, which is probably the best thing in the world for him.  She said, she did it because she loves him and wants to keep him alive.  I have no problem with her decision.
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So today, I'm doing noting much.  Vacuuming, dusting.  I started my Buddy cat out on glucosamine for his back hips and he started losing his fur in two weeks.  They may be related--probably--so I stopped the glycosamine and vacuumed so I can keep track of his hair loss.
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We were supposed to get the snow that stayed south and went up the East Coast--sorry Friends out there.  Tonight we get rain, snow tomorrow and possible severe storms Tuesday night when the warm(er) front comes in.

I can't tell if this crazy weather is caused by Global Warming or Climate Change.  There is a difference between the two.  Whatever it is--it has been a nutzy-cuckoo winter.

Jude--undercover agent

Look what I got in the mail.

Obviously my Meijer store main frame computer system reads my receipts and knows what I buy.  Then they mail me these coupons.  Is this creepy?  Do I feel like Big Brother or Vladimir is spying on me?  The first time it happened, I kinda did, but being the least paranoid person you know, now I find it wonderful.  Who cares if "they" know what groceries I buy.  Just send me those coupons for FREE stuff and cash-offs.
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My next door neighbor Tammie--remember her?  She went from Catholic, to Seventh-Day Adventist, to Wiccan to Susie Super Christian--remember her?

Well, she likes to post those vague statues on Face Book--the kind that drive me crazy.  "I just wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all better."

No explanation.  People commented, "Are you all right?"  "What's going on?"  "I'm worried about you."  Which is just what these 'vague status posters" want.

She didn't reply to any of the comments---which of course leaves her friend's in a worried condition so they call her and get the information.

I love how people use FB to elicit sympathy in weird ways.  NOT!

I did not comment on her post.  I did not private message her.  I did not call her.

Wednesday morning when I woke up and walked in the computer room, I saw an enormous County sheriff SUV pull into her drive.  The cop went into her house.  After about 20 minutes, he came out and drove away.  She came out and also drove away.

About half an hour later, her husband--the Prince of Wiccan's drove in.  He got out of his car and staggered into the house.  I figured he had been in the drunk tank during the night and she had to bail him out.

Then yesterday evening, I got a private message from her asking, "Were the cops at my house today?"

I replied that I had been gone from 11:30 to 3:00, so I didn't know.  

She leaves for work at 10:30 at night and shortly after she left, husband took off in his car.

This morning, when I opened Face Book, there was another status post from her.  "Pray for me!  I have had the police take my husband to the hospital for a psychiatric evaluation."

Nothing like telling the world that your husband is a nut case!  

I saw her drive away this morning around 9:15.

Who knows what is going on? I'm sure she will post all about it.

Personally, all the neighbors feel they both should have had a psych eval years ago.
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I much preferred living out in the country, with my nearest neighbor 1/4 mile away and I had no idea what was going or not going on in their lives.  I lived in my own Pollyanna world and had no idea that people like Dar and Tammie and her hubs even existed!
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Pearl was home yesterday and I did get down to see her.  She came home to visit her cat and get some more clothes around 7:00, but had to be back at the rehab place by 9:00.  So far, she has had NO physical therapy.  I guess Merle and the kids had a conference with the director at the rehab place.  I understand there was a bit of yelling from her kids---demanding to know the plan.
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Over and out.................

You just never know.....

...what is right around the corner!

A couple years ago, I took the "23 and Me" DNA test.  If you elect to post your profile, then other relatives can contact you.

I had a 3rd cousin notify me, trying to figure out how we were connected.  Then she had me do her genealogy and I found that her mother and I are 2nd cousins, connected through our great grandparents!

#3rd cousin, had her mother contact me via e-mail. 

2nd cousin--Her mother and my grandmother were sisters.  Her Dad and my mother, 1st cousins.  

She and I, about the same age, had never met.  That side of the family never had reunions that we attended, but I do remember going with my Mother to her grandma's funeral.

So, my 3rd cousin has been trying to set up a meeting.  She works for an oil company and travels all over and isn't home very much or for very long.

Today, she had to travel down to Ann Arbor, so on her way back home, we met up at Outback Steak House in Brighton.

Oh.  My.  Gosh!  What a wonderful time we had.  3rd cousin insisted that her Mom and I each have the Fillet Mignon--not the 6 oz, but the 9 oz.   Her Mother and I both ordered French Onion Soup and the same salad--we laughed that now we knew for sure we were related.

It's funny though, my 2nd cousin is very short--look how short she is!-- and looks nothing like me, while her daughter 3rd cousin looks like she could be my own daughter.

We've already made arrangements to meet for lunch again.  Her mother said, "Why don't we meet in Durand...at Nick's", which floored me as I eat there often with my Old School Gal Pals.  My cousin and I never even knew each other existed, and yet today, we are both familiar with the same restaurant in Durand?  She lives about 15 miles north-west of there, in Owosso.

AND...she has a foster home for...cats!  She is very connected with that county's Humane Society and get this---has a special large room, connected to her house, where she houses, up to a dozen cats at a time...brings them up, cares for them, pays their vet fees, and socializes them, until their adoption.

We never knew each other existed and now, we are family forever!

What's the big deal?

Did you watch the 60 Minutes segment with Anderson Cooper and whatever that woman's name is?  I can't remember...did 60 Minutes do an interview with Monica Lewinsky back in the day? Not while Clinton was in office, I don't suppose.

What a fiasco.  All up in arms about what a man did 11 years ago.  So...Trump is a pig or was a pig, or possibly will always be a pig.  Powerful men attract women.  The men with their huge egos, are enamored by the attention.  At least he hasn't had any dalliances while he is President--that we know of.
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I've been watching the Kennedy documentary on CNN every Sunday night at 9:00.  I am surprised how open CNN has been about this family.  So far they haven't mentioned anything about the many affairs or sexual encounters President Kennedy had before and during his time in office, but when his life in the White House is all laid out, in chronological order, he was a very ineffective President.  He told brother Bobby, "If I don't have sex at least once a day, I get terrible headaches."  So it was up to Bobby to build JFK a nice harem.

His first year in office was a fiasco.  The Bay of Pigs incident, the whole Civil Rights movement that he didn't want to get involved in.  If it hadn't been for his brother Bobby, advising him on every move, and Daddy on the sidelines helping him and Jackie charming everyone, and his doctor injecting him with a cocktail of drugs every day, this man wouldn't have known how to pardon the Thanksgiving Turkey.  Yet the American people were duped into thinking he was some kind of Saint.

At least he didn't kill any of them like brother, Teddy.
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How far back do you want to go with President's having dalliances with women, other than their wives?

FDR died in the arms of his mistress in Warm Springs, Georgia, while his wife Eleanor was in New York, sleeping with her woman friend.

Eisenhower?  Kay Summersby, his British driver and mistress while he served in WWII.  At least that affair ended when he returned to the States.

Kennedy gets the Blue Ribbon for Man Whore in Office, but LBJ wasn't far behind and had his fair share--before and while in office.

Clinton?  Oh my Gosh!! He had them before--$850,000.00 paid to Paula Jones to keep her mouth shut.  Even when he and Monica were shown in vivid color to the entire world and he lied about all of it, most of my Democratic friends laughed, "Oh, he's just a playboy."  He had many affairs before and while in office and according to the Secret Service, he still has a "Special Lady" that lives a couple of miles away from his New York home.  While Hillary is on tour, the SS drives up the road and brings the Special Lady for a visit with Billie Boy.

Obama?  Never!  Probably not because he hasn't had the chance, but he knows darn well that if he played, Michelle would beat his wimpy body within an inch of his life!  She's got all the muscle in that family.

So now we have this doo-dah.  At least he isn't diddling 
while he is in office.  So why the big uproar now?

Shangri la is just around the corner

Yesterday, I trucked up to Walmart to pick up my prescription and about $50.00 worth of food.  Nice and sunny day, it felt too warm and humid in Walmart.  Another lady behind me in line was complaining about it too.

On my way home, I went to the facility where Pearl is getting rehab.  This is a fairly new facility.  I know it wasn't there 6 years ago when I had my last hip surgery, or I would have gone.

What a place!!!  The rooms are large and private.  Don't have a room mate that has to sleep with the TV on all night, like I did at my last rehab place and said her Rosary, quite loudly, every morning at 6:00am!.

They have a spa, where you can get a hair cut, manicure/pedicure, massage.  There is a game room and of course the "gym" as they call it where the residents go for PT.  A big beautiful dining room, overlooking the woods and pond, and a snack bar where you can get Starbucks, ice cream and anything you'd want.  Social room with fireplace, piano, Bingo machine, and giant TV, library and a room where the nearby Humane Society brings animals for the resident to interact with.

Now--that is quite a place for patients that would only be there 2-3 weeks!

I thought this was also an assisted living/nursing home, but when I inquired...Nope--just rehab.  For people after joint replacement surgeries, strokes/heart attacks.  Weak people, like Pearl.

So now, I'm wondering if my knees need replacing.  Any excuse to spend a week there in what appears to be a luxury resort setting.

Pearl's PT right now, consists of her sitting in a wheel chair and pulling herself by her feet up and down the hallway.  She will be progressing to the exercise bike next week, to work her arms and legs.  I am hoping somewhere along the way, they put her on the leg weight machine--where you lay on your back and push a weighted plate up with your legs.

I was there about an hour and left,  It was a very long walk back to my car and my back was screaming.  Finally I fell into the car seat only to realize...I had left my purse in Pearl's room!!!  All the way back in and out again.  This time I did stop by a sunny window with a view and just sit for a few minutes to rest my back.

Pearl had mentioned I could walk up to visit--as this place is only about 1 1/2 mile away.  I told her, "I'll meet you half-way."

My back is much worse than it was last summer and fall.  I am going to have to get determined to get out and walk.  My back does not bother me in the store--with the cart to push in front of me, so...I am thinking of searching the shed, for the fancy walker, with brakes and seat that Fred got from Medicare and just swallow my pride and use that to walk up and down the street out in front.
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So today, back to Walmart.  My cats refuse to eat the last kind of dry cat food I got for them.  Spoiled brats!  So I got another bag of the kind they like, plus some Coseqin for Buddy's arthritic hips. I went through the self checkout this time.  It was fun...like playing store.

More basketball games to enjoy tonight.  I was simply amazed how Michigan beat Texas A&M last night.  They weren't supposed to!  I am NOT a Michigan fan, but a kid I know plays in their PEP band and he is having a ball traveling all over to these tourneys, so I hope they continue to win.  Just for him.  LOL

Tonight I am rooting for Purdue.  We gotta keep the B1G Ten teams in there.

Thanks for the nice comments, but I am not that good a neighbor!  I was feeling bored and it was sunny out and I decided I needed a walk.  I didn't get very far when my back started aching (a signal that I need to walk more) and I saw Merle, so it was a good excuse to stop and talk to him and then head back home and stop at Dar's to rest my back and then Jackie's to drop off a plastic container.

See--not really a visit to check on my neighbor's.  Don't give me credit I don't deserve.  LOL
====================
The book binding machine at the print shop has been broken for a week!!!  I had two finished genealogies I wanted to mail out!  Yes, I could have taken them to Staples and had them bound, but this little print shop is just up the road and is a local business, so.............

A lady from there called me yesterday morning.  The punch/coil machine was back in the store, good as new.  I waited until 2:00, because you know I have to wait until after my Soap and make all my appointments after 2:00.  Actually, my mind and body don't really work well before noon!

One genealogy was well over 100 pages, the other one around 50.  She asked me if I wanted to wait, that she would bind them right then.  So I did.

Got home, wrapped the books, put them in the Priority Mail boxes, weighed them, inserted the invoices and a letter to my client, printed out the postage labels, arranged for a pick-up by my mail lady.

Then I put my hands on each box, said a prayer of blessing over each one and sat them by my front door.  Yes--you will think it's weird--that I pray over the books before they travel to their people.  But ya know--I just ask God to bless the person/family that will receive the book  I want it to bring them joy and hopefully generations to come will enjoy the books too.

Actually, I love the genealogy research so much that I'd do it for free.  I get such a "high" by going as far back as I can and thinking to myself how surprised the person is going to be when they see the results.  I love looking at the completed book and seeing how nicely it turned out.  Of course, in a practical sense, I can't afford to do that.  Discounting the hours spent researching, just the cost of the special paper--which by the way just went up in price to $40.00 for box of 100 sheets, inkjets, and the printing costs, book binding, postage--well, I'd be using up my grocery allowance pretty quick!  

As it is, I don't make much of a profit.  My daughter's tell me I should charge more per hour.  I tell them I don't want to price myself out of a fun job that gives me something to keep my mind sharp and chases away the boredom.  HAH!
======================
So today, I gotta run up to Walmart to pick up a prescription and get some food to last the rest of the month.  I am getting tired of eating a half a sandwich for lunch and supper.  I suppose on the way back, I better stop in and visit Pearl at the rehab place.

Then tonight the NCAA basketball tourney starts up again, so I have a couple of games to watch.  
==================
I pray my friends on the East coast are surviving their 4th Nor'easter in 4 weeks.  My Gosh!  Crazy weather.  We are sunny, but not warm--although my Crocus are blooming, as they always do this time of year.

Have a great weekend!!

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood----

...except Pearl didn't have enough strength to even get out of bed on Saturday, Merle called the ambulance and they took her to the little hospital up the road from us.  Being a weekend, complicated getting tests done and the results back.  We found out Monday, she was dehydrated, plus her none-ability to walk, left her completely helpless.

Today, she is being transferred to a nursing home/rehab center and their prescription is for,"intensive/extensive physical therapy!!

Boy-Oh-Boy, she isn't going to like that!!!

Three years ago, I took her to physical therapy a couple of times.  I'd sit in the waiting area and watch her.  If they had her do 10 leg lifts, she'd do 3 and stop.  "That hurts too much."  If they had her on the bike for 10 minutes, she'd do maybe 3 minutes and refuse to do more.  It was like that with every exercise.  She'd do a couple of repetitions and stop.  Refuse to do more, because "it hurt".

I don't know if any of you have been to physical therapy, but it DOES hurt.  Week after week, it hurts and then...it starts to get better.  

I kept telling her that she had to "push yourself a bit".  Her answer was always, "Why?  It isn't going to cure me."

"Not cure you, but help you get stronger so you can at least walk, go shopping and out to eat!"

Oh she is a stubborn old Swede!!

I don't know how long she will be in rehab there, but I'll bet when they let her come home, she will have a couple more months of PT.

I'll go visit her.  She's in the newest place around here, just one mile from us, and a place I have always wanted to check-out.  An assisted living, nursing, rehab center.  I'll visit Pearl, and get a brochure and check-out the lay of the land--in case I ever need it.
=================

After I got done talking with Merle yesterday, I walked across the street to visit Dar.  I haven't seen her in over a month.

Her shoulder surgery was so extensive, that after two month of PT, she has to have another round of it.  Plus, her herpes has come back in her left eye.  Plus, her car insurance now wants her to have more MRI's, X-ray's and tests to make sure her problems stem from the car accident--that happened 2 years ago!!  They still haven't paid any of her medical bills, even though the accident wasn't her fault.


Plus, over the last month, she purchased all new beds, 3 recliners, a rocking chair and a love seat and....the bed bugs still aren't gone.  There was an exterminator truck there last Friday.  This makes the 4th time they have exterminated her house.

Her psychologist--yes, she is finally in treatment, told her that these last few weeks, she has regressed.  She was becoming relaxed and happy and now she's right back in her scattered thoughts, anxiety, fear mode.

Plus, her Dad fell and bruised 3 ribs so she has been having to take him to doctor's appointments.

Yesterday, she was speaking in broken sentences and couldn't remember words or keep thoughts going very well.
==============
So, after I left there, I walked across Dar's lawn to visit Jackie.  I have noticed she has had a lot of visitor's, but I haven't seen her leave to go to her swim aerobics or church.

Jackie was visiting her son a week ago, no hand rail on the front porch, she slipped, fell backwards onto the cement and has a concussion and broken left arm.

Her visitor's have been visiting nurses and physical therapists.

We chatted for almost an hour, then I got Jackie a cup of tea and walked out to get her mail to take back in to her.

Having been feeling a little dumpy and depressed last week and weekend, as I left Jackie's to walk home across the street, I realized how warm the sun was, how the trees are starting to bud out, my Crocus are blooming, and I scolded myself.  Compared to the neighbor's, I'm on top of the World!!!!!

Results...

To the Doc's yesterday afternoon for my yearly Medicare Wellness Check.  

New government guidelines---if you have EVER smoked in your life, Medicare now requires you to take a breathing test.  Even though I had one three weeks ago at the pulmonologist's, I had to do another one--passed.

IF you are on any kind of opioid pain med OR anxiety med--I take Ativan--occasionally--you have to have a urinalysis.  To make sure you are taking it, but not taking too much.  To make sure you are taking it and not selling it!!!
I wonder how much I could sell it for?  My script reads, "take 3 daily", I only take 1.  Think of the $$$ I could make!!

Oh yes, and by the way--I asked the doctor if it was all right, when my shoulder hurts so much I can't sleep, if I could take half a Percocet at bedtime?

"Where did you get Percocet?"

"You gave me a prescription two years ago when I was still having pain from my hip surgery.  I have 10 left."

"No--it won't hurt you, but I won't give you anymore."

"Okay.  I don't want anymore.  I have 10 left...at one-half every three to six months, I should be okay.  I just wondered...because I am on a blood thinner, if it would hurt me."

"Percocet is addictive.  If I wrote prescriptions for it, the government could put me out of business."

"Why the heck would it matter if an old person became addicted to a pain med...if it eased their pain?"
I'm thinking about Pearl who is addicted to Tramadol, that this same doc gives her, but at least she finds some relief.

"The government would only see how many prescriptions I write for it and that could cause ME a problem."

"Okay.  So, if in the future, I need an opioid pain med, I'd have to go to a pain specialist?"

"Yep.  That is their speciality.  I'm just a primary care doctor....anything out of the ordinary, and I am required to refer you to a specialist."
============

Two pages of questions to answer--in the last 4 weeks, have you fallen?  Do you eat a good diet?  On and on.

My heart is good, nice and steady.  Lungs are good, nice and clear..no wheezes or rales.  Carotid arteries are good.  Blood work--fantastic.  Gained 2# since last year, but height is the same: 5'9 3/4".  

There is one test that Medicare should include--a memory loss/retention test, as...................

I requested a prescription refill on a med....

That prescription was filled and picked-up by me on March 2nd!  I have no memory of that!

See--good blood work means nothing to the way a person is aging.

EGAD!!!

Beware!

Here we go again--the dreaded Ides of March.

My Mother died 48 years ago today!  How can it be so long since I've seen her?  How have I managed to live this long without her?  How can it be that long ago and yet, the pain sometimes comes like it happened just yesterday.  

She was so vibrant and always smiling and then some mysterious disease took her so quickly.  A disease that was only firmly diagnosed three years ago.

There was and still is no cure for this rare blood disease, which I suppose makes me feel better--nothing could have been done to save her, but at only 54 years old?  

It broke our family--traces of her death still show up in our still broken family.  God didn't bring that disease, but He did take her at her last breath and that gives me knowledge that one day, I will see her again.
===================
Trying to make the Ides of March a better memory day, I moved in here 15 years ago.  I could have moved in weeks earlier, but I chose this day on purpose.  How can it be that long ago?  Sometimes I still don't feel settled in.  I still yearn to move "back home."
===========
Today, I purposefully made an appointment for my yearly "Medicare Wellness Check-Up."  If I am going to get bad news, this is the perfect day for it.

I got my blood draw done on Tuesday, so the Doc will have the results today.  I took a sneak peak at my Patient Portal yesterday morning to see the test results, because you know, I don't like surprises and want to know the results BEFORE I see the Doc.

The blood results are better than they were 8 months ago, when he told me I had the blood work of a 50 year old.  That's all well and good, but.......you  know what?

Good blood tests do not give the whole picture of how a body is wearing out.  The painful joints.  The heartburn that comes for no reason.  The memory dysfunction.  The skipped or rapid heart beat, the shooting knife-like pain in the back of the neck.

The weird thoughts, anxiety, sometimes almost crippling fear I have to talk myself out of.

So the Doc will enter the little exam room, tell me how healthy I am and "come back in six months" and send me on my way.

I suppose on this historically awful day, that alone should make me feel light hearted.

Too bad it won't.

Reporting in.....

Old Coot called late yesterday afternoon.  He was very chipper.  I asked how he was doing and he said, "Doing great!  You know, I was her caregiver for a year and a half and it was very tiring for me.  It's a difficult job...to be a caregiver."

"I'm sure it wasn't too easy on her either. Having to go through those horrible treatments and knowing that she was dying and all."

"Yes, but you know the old saying, 'let the death bury the dead'"

"Yes, I know that saying.  It comes from the Bible.  Do you know the rest of the saying?"

"No."

"Jesus said,'but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God.'

"Oh.  I haven't done that, unless you count looking out at nature and proclaiming how beautiful it is." 
As per usual, it is all about him.
=============
We chatted more.  He had convinced her to take out a Reverse Mortgage on the home/property, so he gets to live there until he dies.

"I'm surprised she didn't leave it to her children."

"Why?  It's none of their business."
Per usual come between wife and her kids.

"There were still mortgage payments and we couldn't live very easily with them.  So we got the reverse mortgage."

"Did that work out well?  I have wondered about reserve mortgages."
No I haven't.

"Yes.  I put a new deck on the front and back, built a workshop for me...put in new walkway."

"Oh.  You didn't put the money in an annuity to live on?"

"No, but with no mortgage payments, that helped with the monthly bills.  You know I live in the present.  No worries about the past or the future."
I see he got just what he wanted out of it.
==========
I said, "I was surprised...really surprised, when I read that she was so involved in her church.  She was a Baptist...you're an Atheist...how did that work out?"

"I went to church with her....a couple of times.  She went every Sunday and while she was gone, I puttered in my work shop.  She didn't preach to me or try and convert me...she knew that wouldn't have worked.  ha ha"
=========
Then the interesting part of the conversation began...

He said, "I was wondering...ah...I have a test for you...ah..just how young your mind still is.  I thought it would be fun if we got together for a visit."

"Okay."

"I could drive down, we could go to a nice restaurant...not a fancy, expensive one...just a nice one...with good food.  We could talk, then go back to your place and talk some more."

"Okay."

"Here's the test...to see how young your mind is...I could spend the night."

"Why?  Can't you drive after dark?"

"Yes, I can drive perfectly fine."

"Well, I have no place for you to sleep."

"You don't have a bed?"

"Of course I have a bed.  A lovely bed, with a four inch memory foam topper....that I share with no one but my two cats."

"I see.  So you are like the "old cat lady"?"
I see what he is trying to do.  Challenge me by inferring I am old and not open to new things.

"I'm eight years younger than you and just happen to have two cats."

"Oh.  I just thought you were still young at heart and mind to be open to a shared bed.  I wasn't proposing anything...well, you know...anything...just to sleep next to each other and listen to each other breathing."
oh, good grief!  Does this mean that his "anything" still works?  At 87 years old?  UGH!

"Well, I am young at heart and young in mind, but...I am a lot smarter than you remember.  Sharing a bed with ANYONE other than my cats, sounds like...not only a weird idea, but a stupid one.  Something that would really mess up my content and stable life."

"Oh."
========
So that idea squelched, we chatted a bit more.  Then he said, "Look at the time!  We've talked for over an hour.  It's six o'clock!"

"It's seven o'clock."

"Seven...no..I'm looking at the clock on the stove and it says six."

"We had a time change this morning.  Daylight Saving time kicked in."

"It did?  Why am I unaware of that?"

"I don't know...perhaps your mind isn't young enough to remember?"
Went right over his head.

"Do you realize how many clocks there are in this house.  It's going to take me an hour to change them all!"

"Well, you better get to it."

"Yeah--we'll talk later...goodbye."
==========
So--my psychological experiment continues.  I think I have him hooked into thinking I am interested in his life and concerned about him.

Don't worry.  I can handle Old Coot.  Ten years ago, just hearing his voice would have sent me into a panic attack.  Now...there is going to be some reckoning.  Some more remembering to see, the what and why.  

....because I don't have anything better to do and this is beginning to be fun..........