title explained

Onward and upward! something that you say in order to encourage someone to forget an unpleasant experience or failure and to think about the future instead and move forward.

My e-mail: jjmiller6213@comcast.net

Friday, March 9, 2018

Well, well, well...

The "Old Coot" sent a note requesting a phone call, so Tuesday afternoon, feeling adventurous, I called him.  I think he was napping as it took him awhile to realize who it was.

I used a sympathetic tone and asked how he was doing.  Did he feel "foggy brained".  Could he concentrate.  All those things we who have lost loved ones go through.

No--none of those.  He was feeling fine.  "You know, I have gone through so many losses and disconnections, that this is just another one."


His voice is still strong.  He is still healthy--no prescriptions.  AT 87?

Still disconnected from his 5 children and all his siblings, who he "thinks" have all died, but isn't sure.

Wait.  What?  His younger brother lived on the property next to him.  I had heard that Old Coot had erected a "spite" fence between the properties, when he moved in with his last wife.

There are a lot of things that are strange.  I did not ask about them, but am wondering.

He is still living on his dead wife's property and home.  Why didn't that go to her children?  Does he have a life lease?

The funeral bulletin he sent me, has a photo of him and her and his one son, but no photos of her and her children.  She was married for 40 years to her first husband.  If there are going to be photos, why isn't there one of her and her children?

She was in Hospice for the last two months of her life, or so the obituary stated.  Did he spend each day with her?  I rather doubt it.  I think most probably, when she first got sick, he detached himself emotionally.

He referred to his family as "dysfunctional", which he never admitted to when we were married.  I doubt he realizes that HE is the dysfunctional one.  I always thought his siblings and kids were lovely people.

I think Old Coot is incapable of that kind of "bedrock" love that exists in (some) marriages.  He "loves" intensely at the start of a relationship.  There isn't anything he wouldn't do for his partner.  So considerate, kind and sweet.

But the second there is the tiniest, most minute conflict, he goes into control mode.  It then becomes all about him.  This is probably an old habit to protect his feelings?

After all, he has been optimistic enough to marry 7 times and 6 of those didn't work out the way he first perceived.  I do believe he put these women on a "perfect" pedestal and the second a chip of that pedestal fell, he didn't want to put the effort into fixing, what he perceived as damaged.  He just wanted to smash it and go on with his life.
I don't know if I want to meet him in person for a visit.  I certainly am not going to go to visit at his wife's home.  I would rather meet him on my turf.

Phone calls are easy.  We shall see, what we shall see.


  1. WOW! I'm at a loss for words which you know is unusual for me. I'm going to stay tuned, and my friend, do only what is comfortable for you. I love you.


  2. I have a cousin him and his first wife was married for years. had three children Both got a divorce and remarried. Ok this is 21st century. But during his celbration of life...Not once his first wife was not mention. I wonder how his children felt about not having there mother not mention....I know a lady who been married a lot. All of her children from different hubby. Now which hubby will be mention

  3. "he has been optimistic enough to marry 7 times"
    I snorted out loud when I read that.
    Like Sally, I'm going to stay tuned. :)

  4. Controlling, manipulative and a user comes to my mind. Be careful, Judy, that you don't let your soft heart get sucked back in. It doesn't matter why he's a loser, he just is and he's too old to change. That being said, I wish some of the guys I dated before Don would call me. I'd love to know how they turned out.

  5. This makes me sad to read that someone could be this way...wow. I guess that only thing we can control is us.

  6. is this your ex and did his wife pass away??

  7. Life is made difficult for both ourselves and those around us, when we cannot practice unconditional love. Like youth, there is no substitute for it. xoxo