title explained

Onward and upward! something that you say in order to encourage someone to forget an unpleasant experience or failure and to think about the future instead and move forward.

My e-mail: jjmiller6213@comcast.net

Monday, October 14, 2013

Monday MIsh-Mash

Today's high temperature was:  64 degrees
Sunny and gorgeous--again and again and again
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Saturday was my football, baseball day.  Every team I was rooting for won.  A good day.

Sunday, I did not go to church.  Every Sunday for the rest of the month we are having quest speakers, missionaries, join the church membership day--<yawn>!  Sorry.

I watched the Tiger/Red Sox game, so I didn't get to bed until 1:00 and then couldn't get to sleep until 4:00.

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Woke up this morning at 10:00 and the phone range--it was Pearl.  "Can you come right down?"

So, I jumped into my clothes and trotted up to her house.  Walked in and she said, "You look terrible!  Are you sick?  You are as white as a sheet!"

I did look terrible, but I guess I didn't need to hear her tell me.  "I thought it was an emergency.  You sounded like something was wrong."

":No--nothing wrong.  I just wondered if you want to go to the cider mill with me and Merle one day this week."

No decision was made on what day to go, so I came back home and did my morning routine.

I decided to do laundry and clean up this house.  So much junk in this computer room, where I have thrown all my painting supplies and other stuff.

Maggie likes to play with her mousie toys and chase them around the kitchen floor.  Most of them end up under the chest of drawers that I use for storage and pantry.  Every week, I have to slide it way out from the wall, and then slide it back, so the mousie's are revealed.  She was sleeping, but heard me moving the chest and out she came.  She was very happy to see her pets.  I decided to put all but one, up on the counter.  If I leave them all out, all will be gone by bedtime.


I was vacuuming the bedroom and all of a sudden, it felt like Fred was laying in the bed.  I had my back turned to the bed and I knew if I turned around, he would be there.  I didn't want to, but I turned around and then I just sat on the bed and sobbed.

What brought that on, is beyond me!   I was just vacuuming!  Not even thinking of him and BAM!  Made me sad and depressed for the rest of the day.  GOOD GRIEF!!!  He isn't here and he isn't ever going to be here.  He's dead!  He is gone!  I know that!  Why oh why, did I get hit so hard?
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I continued to clean and dust and scrub counter tops and spritz windows and then I went outside and planted 40 Tulip bulbs, 25 huge Daffodil bulbs, and 100 Early Snow Glories--dug and planted until I thought I would fall over with the pain in my back.  I have already planted 100 Snow glories in my front yard three years ago and so I have 100 more planted.  They come up through the snow and they are so pretty flowing all over the lawn.  Tiny little bulbs, like Crocus, but all over the yard.


I came in and watched my soap and then back out to vacuum out the car.  Something I have had on my To-Do list since May.  I finally have everything on my list, that I made in May, all done.    I filled up the bird feeders, put stuff away in the shed until next Spring and finished up the laundry.  I thought all the activity would drive the thoughts of sadness out of my mind, but instead--I can hear Fred's voice, "Honey, the porch looks beautiful.  You did a great job!"  because he would have been sitting in his chair, watching through the front door, as I sanded and painted.

Then, I made an appointment with the doc for tomorrow, to get my flu shot and all my prescriptions refilled.  He wanted to see me, but I see no sense in that as I haven't changed a bit since I last saw him.

Then, I made an appointment with the Chiropractor on Wednesday afternoon for a massage and an adjustment.

On Thursday, I go to lunch with the old gal pals and visit my sister.

I am going to fill up this week, so I don't think.  I have to keep real busy.  I dread winter because there is so much time, inside, doing nothing.  Sitting in my chair crocheting or cross stitching and thinking.  I am lonely, but I guess not lonely enough to get out and spend the afternoon with a bunch of old people I don't know, at the Senior Center.  I would have to be beyond desperation to do that!!

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We are expecting rain and much cooler temperatures for the next week or so.  I am so glad I have everything done in time.  That was my goal and I have achieved it.  Wish I had more goals--it is going to get real boring around here for the next five months!!!  



7 comments:

  1. I've been hit by similar experiences like you vacuuming and thinking of Fred and having your emotions turn on a dime like that. It's probably just part of the mourning process and nothing to worry about. You and I both try to keep a stiff upper lip about widowhood and I'm guessing we can only hold it in for so long before something has to spill over. Having a good day---like your sports day of all winners---seems to bring them on for me as opposed to having a bad day. Maybe it's survivor's guilt? Or the just loneliness of not having anyone to share things with?

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  2. Maggie is too funny with her mouse collection. Ms G has one, too, and I cannot tell you how many times I have stepped on one and thought it was the real thing. She has such fun throwing them in the air and bringing them to LM on the bed!! She has this weird little noise she makes when she carries them around.
    The snow glories are so pretty and how nice that you will have that color bursting through the snow to enjoy.
    I just bet you will come up with some interesting project to get yourself through the winter.
    Happy Tuesday!

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  3. You are absolutely amazing! You have more energy and ambition than I do at 44!
    I know your grandchildren and children are busy, but you should invite them over once in a while so they can see how beautiful your place looks and how wonderful you keep it.

    Julie

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  4. It sounds as if you're getting through a very thorough 'Autumn Clean and Sort'. I wish I could get through everything on my lists - I am very envious!!!! Jx

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  5. Oh Lordy, Judy, you and I think the same about the senior center. Every now and then I think about going and "volunteering" and then I remembered I'm old too!! :)

    I can understand the feelings and sadness you've been going through about Fred. Although, I haven't lost a husband; I have witnessed so many people who are very much in love and then one is gone. I feel so badly for them as I do for you.

    The other day, I was walking the dog (or rather he was pulling me around) and in my left perifpheral (sp) I saw someone on a bike ride by. When I looked, no one was there. It made me sad and happy if you can understand that.

    I hope your appts go well, and you enjoy the lunch with your friends. Ours was today, but it's a mixture mostly couples. I don't go to them anymore; I think if I had any of the girlfriends going, I probably would.

    Take care.
    Love ya lots!!

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  6. It is so weird how these things sneak up on us.. I dont loke it! One minute doing well, the next not so well. The change of seasons seem to add to it. Sounds like you are keeping busy tho...

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  7. Isn't it funny how they pop into our thoughts when we least expect it. You had such a loss and you've coped remarkably well considering everything you've been through.
    Bella

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