Lord have mercy!

Sometimes I feel like I'm on a Ferris Wheel.  I'm either at the bottom, at the top, or the wheel has stopped and I'm stuck in the middle.  I think I prefer the middle.  Not too high, not too low, just swinging gently in the middle.

I so dreaded Monday.  I didn't know which "car" task to do first.  Did I drive up to Howell to Auto Parts and have them check the code to see why my Check Engine light was on?  Did I drive down to Brighton first to set up an appointment at the body shop to get my passenger side mirror replaced?  I had pondered on this most of the weekend.  I felt so tired, I didn't want to do either one.

I wanted Fred to just do it for me.  He could do the running around and take care of it for me.  I think of Fred a lot.  He loved to go grocery shopping.  He'd haul in the groceries AND put them away.  and of course, his Social Security check, along with mine, paid all the household bills with some left over.

Well, Fred has been gone these last 7 1/2 long years.  So......

I must have had a God Whisper because as I was pondering my Monday duties, I got the idea to call my car repair guys down in Brighton.

"Just bring the car in, Judy.  We can check the Code and see what's going on.  It won't cost anything."

That meant, after I was done there, I would stop at the body shop on the way home---which was only 4 blocks from the service garage and on the same side of the street.  No trying to make a left hand turn across 3 lanes of traffic in the middle of the block.

I got to the service garage at 2:30--told the guys I thought it was probably the O2 Sensor.  (Having worked in a car dealership service department sure comes in handy.)  It took the guy 5 minutes.  Sure enough it is the O2 Sensor, but as long as the car is not running rough, I can just keep driving and have it replaced when I want.  (Get enough money).  The O2 Sensor regulates the gas/oil mixture.  If it is bad, gas mileage will be down and black smoke comes out the exhaust.  The car is running smooth as my cat's fur, so I am not going to worry about it.

On to the body shop.  Girl in there, took my old mirror, ordered a new one and said she'd call when it came in.

I was home by 3:35!!!!!

I am a bit uneasy with driving around without a passenger side mirror.  Not that I need one.  My rear view mirror makes seeing the right side road activity possible.  But you just never know--some cop might see it's missing and pull me over.  So--being the brilliant woman that I am, I have the paper from the body shop, showing the mirror has been ordered, in my purse.  Proof.

Not that I've driven anywhere since Monday, but..............

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We've had 3 days of wonderful weather.  After a week of being shut up in the house with the A/C running, suddenly the humidity calmed down, the temps were in the mid '70's and in the '60's at night, so windows were open for night time sleeping.  I just find it so nice to have the bedroom window open at night.

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Have you ever had an eyelid twitch?  How annoying, right?  For a month or more, I have had twitches in my back muscles.  I only feel them if I am leaning back in my chair or if I lay on my left side at night, but still annoying and I wonder--what causes them.

Age related, right?

I got an e-mail from my cousin.  She has been having digestive problems.  All tests are negative, but bouts of diarrhea, for unknown reasons.  The doc told her it was "age related".

Now that I have reached Level 80, I suppose I am going to have age related stuff.  Age Related means there is nothing they can do for it, I suppose.

Like, dark, crusty spots all over my back.  Drooping eyelids.  Hair falling out.  Arthritis pain.  Twitches in my back muscles.  Constipation.

Ah-hh, it's a wonderful life.

Dear Blog Diary--

I am so weary.  

So tired of the constant battle with this pain.

So tired of the constant worry about money to pay bills.

So tired of having no motivation to do anything.

It is an effort just to get through the day.

Dirty dishes pile up on the counter and, I don't care.

The carpeting needs vacuuming, cat fur, crumbs, pieces of yarn and floss and, I don't care.

It's been so hot and humid.  The A/C on the car only works intermittently. 

I had to drive a 75 mile round trip to visit a friend who needed help on her family tree.  It should have been a pleasant time, but she is slow and talks constantly.  The help she needed took 30 minutes, but I was there 3 hours before I could escape...and escape it felt like.

No food for the cats.  Out of bottled water, milk, bread, plus 2 bags of bottle returns.  I had to go to Walmart to pick up 3 prescriptions and it was the hottest day of the week.    The store feels cool but still very humid.

The gas tank light is lit.  $25.00 and not even full.  So hot standing there filling the tank.

Went through the car wash and my passenger side mirror got ripped off by the scrub brushes.  Didn't this just happen with the driver's side mirror a few months ago?

On the way home, the "Check Engine" light came on.  Now what?

I owe the lawn mowing guy $40.00 and my budget is already $65.00 in the hole.

This next week is going to be very busy, plus I have to find a place to replace my mirror and somewhere that will not charge too much to see why the check engine light is shining.

No phone calls for two weeks.  I have no idea what the family is doing or how they are doing.  They have no idea if I'm even still alive and don't seem to care.  If I didn't post on Face Book everyday, I wonder how long it would take before they noticed and checked on me.

Very, very weary.

My daughter Karen posted this photo on Face Book.
I had not seen it before and it brought tears.
This is after she and Mark had walked Madeleine down the aisle and were about to hand her off to Stefan.

You ask?
Who is this weird character and why is Judy with him?

I've known him since he was 10.  A neighbor and classmate of Karen's.  A kid that worked on the farm for my Daddy and played 4-H softball for him.

Character?  He certainly is!  You should see some of the stuff he posts on Face Book.  

Rabidly political?  Oh my!

Hard, crude language?  It would burn your ears and make your eyes water.

In reality?  Sweet.  Caring.  Thoughtful.  Very tender.

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It had been about 4 years since I've seen Harold, or Hal as he likes to be called.  He came for a visit back then.

He messaged me Monday, said he would be up in Howell and wanted to know if he could take me out to lunch for my birthday.

"Sure". I said.

"I'll pick you up at one".

"Two would be better."

"Okay.  See ya at two."

So unlike me to be so spontaneous.

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He arrived in his Mustang convertible, offered me a hat, which I declined and off we went.

A restaurant in Howell that specializes in steak and seafood.  Classy place.  Was I a bit embarrassed to walk in with him?  Not a bit.  He is quirky and today--quirky is cool.

He said to order whatever I wanted, so I did.  He retired from Dow Chemical Corporation at age 55, lives alone, has lots of moola--"live it up", he said.

I had French Onion soup, giant shrimp cocktail and a Maine lobster tail.  It was superb!.  He had raw steak 2 inches thick.

We talked--for 2 hours--politics, religion, the old days.  Memories he had of my Daddy and Karen and the other kids in their class, which of course I know.

Back in the convertible and home.

He doesn't talk rough, around me.  He is very respectful, around me.  He continually made me laugh.

I asked him if he was going to their class reunion--40 years.  He said, "Sure."  I told him I'd see him there.....because I had already been invited to attend by the other "kids" in his class.  They were and still are, my favorite class of all my kids.

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What a great day.

We should start referring to age
as "levels".
Being LVL 80 sounds way more awesome and wise, than just being old.
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Karen was playing '50's music in the background and apparently I decided to get up and dance.

Maddie had decorated my birthday cake.  It had a "4" between two goal-post candles, which meant "4 Score".  
MOM was made with blueberries and if you turned it around, it spelled, "WOW".

Birthday tradition.  Pammie paints my toenails.  She hates it.  It makes me feel pampered, so she does it because.....I'm the Momma.

Two years ago.

Well, it's official.

I have completed 80 years of life.

It feels weird.  You'd be surprised how differently 80 feels from 79--which I was on Thursday.  When someone asks how old I am, when told 79, they just kept on, but when told 80, it's like now they view me as elderly.  A lot of "youngers" view the elderly as slow, falling down, memory loss, in the way, sort of humans they have to put up with.

I don't understand at all how I got to be this old, this quick.  There seems to be no definition of how 80 year old's are suppose to think or act.  I don't feel 80 in my mind.  I just don't quite know what I am supposed to do now.  

My face isn't full of wrinkles.  I don't have dentures.  I don't use a cane or a walker.  I am still quite straight and tall and not hunched half over with Arthritis.  I don't take naps and I'm not Lactose or Gluten intolerant.  I don't wear Depends, I still eat spicy food and I go to bed at midnight not 9:00pm.  I drink way too much caffeine and puff on my nicotine vapor pen.

People say, "Age is only a number."

Yeah...it's a number.  A really high number.

It's a scary number.  I've seen it in neighbors, family and friends.  80 is when everything starts to go wrong.  Pacemakers and heart surgeries become the norm.  Old age diseases set in.  You start thinking about which nursing home or care facility you can afford.  You make sure all your important papers are up to date and you plan your funeral.

It happens so quickly.  You feel great one day and the next you have taken a fall and your internal organs are bleeding.  You get the news of a terminal disease.  The next thing you know, you're in Hospice.  The next few years are going to bring all of this.

I should be grateful, and I am, that I've lived this long.  So many of my friends have not had that privilege.  I miss them, but know in the back of my mind, I will soon join them.

Negative?  No, realistic.  Truths that I know are coming and wondering how I will handle it all.

I hope gracefully, but I very much doubt it.

I don't know who I am anymore.  

It is very disconcerting.