Dear Blog Diary--
I am so weary.
So tired of the constant battle with this pain.
So tired of the constant worry about money to pay bills.
So tired of having no motivation to do anything.
It is an effort just to get through the day.
Dirty dishes pile up on the counter and, I don't care.
The carpeting needs vacuuming, cat fur, crumbs, pieces of yarn and floss and, I don't care.
It's been so hot and humid. The A/C on the car only works intermittently.
I had to drive a 75 mile round trip to visit a friend who needed help on her family tree. It should have been a pleasant time, but she is slow and talks constantly. The help she needed took 30 minutes, but I was there 3 hours before I could escape...and escape it felt like.
No food for the cats. Out of bottled water, milk, bread, plus 2 bags of bottle returns. I had to go to Walmart to pick up 3 prescriptions and it was the hottest day of the week. The store feels cool but still very humid.
The gas tank light is lit. $25.00 and not even full. So hot standing there filling the tank.
Went through the car wash and my passenger side mirror got ripped off by the scrub brushes. Didn't this just happen with the driver's side mirror a few months ago?
On the way home, the "Check Engine" light came on. Now what?
I owe the lawn mowing guy $40.00 and my budget is already $65.00 in the hole.
This next week is going to be very busy, plus I have to find a place to replace my mirror and somewhere that will not charge too much to see why the check engine light is shining.
No phone calls for two weeks. I have no idea what the family is doing or how they are doing. They have no idea if I'm even still alive and don't seem to care. If I didn't post on Face Book everyday, I wonder how long it would take before they noticed and checked on me.
Very, very weary.
You know Judy I sometimes wonder when I read FB posts or blogs and people are writing about how wonderful this or that is or how beautiful their garden or home is, I wonder sometimes is their life just as messy and complicated as mine? I wonder do they struggle as hard? Do they realize that by depicting life as perfect it makes it doubly hard for those of us who don't have it as perfect? Each of us, I know struggles with different things, some more than others. But it's hard to see perfection. Maybe it's just me. I don't know. Just wanted you to know I appreciate you and thank you.
ReplyDeleteThat's why I like blogs, Angel, they seem more honest. I'm not a fan of FB except to keep up with people I know. I love Instagram and I like twitter. Both of those seem more real and more relevant. Blog writers, or at least the ones I follow, are honest with their readers, giving the good and the bad. Judy, I hope you have more good this next week.
ReplyDeleteOnce this heat breaks I know you'll feel better. It's getting to everyone. Call your daughter! Let Karen know what's going on with your car and mirror, etc. They probably think no news is good news.
ReplyDeleteI hope I check on my coffee pals (blogs I read) once a week or little more.
ReplyDeleteI like the font.
Coffee is on
if the gas cap on your car isn't closed tight enough after getting gas the check engine light will some of the time come on. tighten your gas cap. maybe the problem will be that easy to fix! good luck!
ReplyDeleteI don't have any words but I'll keep you in my thoughts. I noticed it with my great aunt-sometimes us younger generation gets so busy with our lives we forget to take just a moment to check in with the older generation. We always think that there is tomorrow until the tomorrows run out.
ReplyDeleteI hope things improve for you.
I wish I could help you, Judy. It breaks my heart that your family isn't close. Not checking on you? I feel like another commenter - call Karen, ask for help from her. From what I've seen, surely she could help you. Is she on FB? If so, she knows you need help because you share your situation there.
ReplyDeleteI'm praying for right now.
xoxo
Hang in there, Judy....I can relate to your situation so much. I a struggling so hard to hang on, too. We can do it!
ReplyDeleteLove to you, Marcia
I'm so sorry! Seems like something in the air, almost. Desperation, isolation, depression, money problems -- so many of us in the same boat! Praying for you, friend! Hoping all of us can catch a break.
ReplyDeleteI don't go on FB much anymore...can't take the "Shiny Happy People".
Sorry to hear you are in pain Judy. That makes everything harder to deal with. Big Hug ( )
ReplyDeleteCheers, Carol
What really saddens me about your situation is that you can't (don't) share what is going on in your life with your family. I can't imagine that Karen...or other daughters...would be so unconcerned about what is happening. Your struggle is real, and I have to believe that they would care and would want to help. If it is a matter of pride with you, get over it! I think our children sometimes need to be educated about what life is like for their parents. Please reach out to them. Praying for you, Judy.
ReplyDeleteOh my. It's rough when everything is a struggle. This too shall pass (go back and read some of your blogs!!). You know the phone lines work in both directions. Call ONE person each day. If you get the answering machine, listen to the voice ... and leave a message!
ReplyDeleteYou know there are food banks near you that can help ... you've used them in the past ... I bet even a place to help with cat food.
Sorry for this rough patch.
I agree - talk to Karen or your sister. I feel like they would want to help you if they could.
ReplyDeleteNew here. I would go one step further then the Awkward Widow. Go and volunteer at the food bank.. More then half of the people at ours are "food insecure". At the pantry the all get hugs, chat and food while as a reward of working.
ReplyDeleteAnd when I am down- I force myself to call someone- anyone.
Hugs to you and yours.