Land of the fruits and nutz..........................

I am very concerned about Dar.

The last three times she has been over, she cries and cries.  

She has been going to the Neurological Psychologist for 4 weeks now.  She has taken many written personality evaluation "tests" and now she is in "talk" therapy.  If any of you have been through that, to help with depression, anxiety or any deep seated emotional problem, you know how tiring it can be.  Her sessions last three hours!

She doesn't want to share all her past with the doctor.  I told her she had to for her therapy to bring any good, long-lasting healing.  She is a very controlled person.  She's afraid the doctor will think badly of her if he hears what happened.  

I told her doctor's are not judgmental--especially psychologists.  I told her that when her therapy is over she won't ever see him again, so why does she care?  "Because all my life I have tried to make people think the best.  I want them to see an independent, self confident, calm, controlled woman!"

Then she cried.

Because of her control issues and her distrust issues, she refuses hypnosis.  He wanted to try sodium pentothal truth serum, she refused.  Afraid of what she might say.   She now can't even remember the accident, so apparently because it made her so anxious, she has blocked it out.  

I told her today what she had told me about the accident the day after it happened.  She looked at me like I was telling her a story about someone else.  "I remember none of that!"  

Her family is now turning against her and tired of her "it's all about me" complaining because all of them saw her car, with the little dent in the bumper.  Her brother knows the manager at the body shop and he told him, "this was a minor bump." So they think she is lying about her pain.

One thing she told me today that I didn't know about her, when she has any procedure, surgery, colonoscopy, they put her out with the Fentanyl BEFORE they take her into the procedure room.  She gets hysterical when she sees all the people in the operating room and even though there are usually only two people in the colonoscopy room, she gets hysterical.  She can't stand be be laying down and people coming up to her--or people putting their hands up by her face.  She feels trapped.

Now--added to all of this, she has to go to the orthopedic surgeon to see if she has a rotator cuff tear.  I can't imagine what she is going to do if she has to have shoulder surgery!!

I don't blame her for her frustration.  This has been going on for 15 months and 9 doctors and specialists.  They can find no physical reason for the intense pain she says she feels.  She went to 3 different physical therapy places until they finally released her because the PT seemed to make the pain worse.

I've got to think part of it is psychosomatic, and I think this doctor can help her, IF she truly works with him.  I think her biggest fear is that they are going to admit her to a mental ward again.

As she left today, she said she felt a lot better and calmer.  I am learning to listen to all most that she says and only reply when she asks me a direct question.  I think that's what she needs the most, someone to hear what she's saying and feeling.

Thank goodness, I have also found a way to listen to it all and then not think about it after she leaves.  My intent was always to ponder on ways I could help her, which left me exhausted.  Now, it doesn't bother me as much--thank goodness.

It's Wednesday---I think.

This greeted me when I first opened Face Book yesterday morning.  I LOVE IT!!!!!!!

It was eerily quiet around here the last few days--in the mornings that is.  I'd wake up and wonder if I had gone stone deaf!  Not a sound, except the Tinnitus ringing in my ears.  Of course, that all changed as darkness came.

For some reason, people find it fun to set off loud explosive devices.  Not pretty fireworks kind, just very loud bangs!  Now, as a person who suffers from a phobia of loud, sharp noises, it makes for an uncomfortable couple of hours.

I thought I had that phobia taken care of, along with my anxiety, depression and panic attacks and I no longer get anxious when thunder storms come in, but last night, I had to succumb to screwing my ear plugs, deep into my ear canals.  Because, THE IDIOTS were walking the street in front of and behind my house, setting off the loud bangers.

==========================

All is quiet once again this morning.  It feels like Sunday, but my "reminder" days flip-chart says "Wednesday" and I rely on that, rather than a feeling.

This photo greeted me first thing on Face Book this morning.  Darling Della enjoying her first 4th of July up at Karen and Mark's cottage.  I wonder if the fireworks over the lake scared her?

Every now and then...unexplainable things happen......................

As I've mentioned on here, my faith has grown tremendously in the last five years.  Yes--I was born into a Christian home, learned my prayers and my Bible verses early on and attended Sunday School and church once a week.  We weren't radical in our religious beliefs, it was just common practice in our house to pray before meals and at night at our bed.

So, I've always known and more often than not, taken for granted.  I prayed in church, then stopped going to church.  Started up at a new one, and quit three years later.  In between I just lived my life kind of like how I wanted.  Felt quilt often, but excused it away.

Something happened when Fred died.  He and I had talked about how we never should have met.  It was impossible for us to meet and yet we did and fell in love with each other that first day.  After months talking about it and all the coincidences that had to happen for us to meet, the only conclusion we could come to was that God had to have maneuvered us into place.  It was like we already knew each other that first day we met.  We wondered where we had met before, because both of us felt we knew the other one.

Sure we had so much in common it was spooky, but there was a real feeling that the first time we saw each other, we were meeting an old friend we had known when we were kids.  Both of us looked kind of quizzically at each other.  Eyebrows squinted--trying to remember the last time we saw each other.

Well, when he died, his doctor, two of the nurses coming out of his room crying and I knew he was gone, I had the oddest feeling of --I wouldn't say happiness, but a calmness.  It was well with my soul--as the song goes.

On the drive home, I kept wondering why I wasn't crying--I guessed I was in a state of shock.  Over the next few days and weeks, I realized, I wasn't in shock at all.  People coming up to me with pity etched on their face and there I stood, smiling.

Then one day it hit me.  I was so grateful for having had Fred in my life, the only man that really loved me, warts and all, the I just couldn't grieve that those days were over and that he was gone.  We knew when we met, we would feel very lucky to have a decade together.  I was so grateful that we had 7 years.  Yes, I was lonely, but I never cried one tear when Fred died.

I just kept mumbling to myself, "Thank you, God, thank you so much!"
==============================
Then the hard years came--financially.  A new roof.  A new furnace, all within six months after his death.  Trying to live on half the money we had while living together.  All I knew to do, was pray.  For some unexplainable reason, those things were taken care of.  I started seeing all sorts of things that I couldn't handle, being taken care of in one manner or another.

Opportunities that I knew nothing about came along.  Someone told me about a Food Bank.  Someone mentioned in passing, that I ought to check on getting Food Stamps.  Another someone suggested that I try to get an energy credit on my electricity bill.
======================
These last two years have been amazing to me.  I have had more blessings than I can even count.  A new refrigerator, I hadn't thought of needing, a call out of the blue.  

Someone heard that I liked to do genealogies for people and clients started contacting me to do theirs.  That helped to bring in some money to help with monthly bills and last year I even had enough to get my living room painted and new carpet and a new chair and couch.  Come to find out, everyone I did a genealogy for was elated with my work and told others.  I find this amazing!  After all these years, I have found something that I am really good at!
====================
So, along these last five years, I find myself talking to God a lot.  First thing in the morning and last thing at night and all during the day.  Just simple talk like, "Can you believe that idiot, God?", when a driver nearly takes me out.   "God, thank you for this beautiful day."  Mostly thank you words.

Always plagued by deep depressions, panic attacks and anxiety, a year ago, I suddenly realized that--it's gone.  Sure, I still get sad about things, but it doesn't last. 

Terrified my whole life by thunder and winds storms, I don't even pay attention anymore.  I now say, "Take care of me, God," and go on about my day, go to bed and sleep with no worry.

Friday, I put the new shower head on, which appeared at first to be a complicated matter, with no problem, "Thank you, God."  

Being stuck in a genealogy, not being able to find the next generation "up" in any search engine and then, two days later I suddenly see an obscure census and there's the parent's names listed.  "Thank you, God."

I have just really learned that I can't control much, so I reply on God to take care of matters in my life.  I have found true peace and contentment.  It's a mystery to me how this all happened.
=====================
All this is leading to my "pitified" state of mind when I found out, on my birthday, that all my kids were going up north, including Jennifer AND HER KIDS!!

Oh, I wanted to see those grandkids!  I have missed them so much in the last 18 months.  It looked like that wasn't going to happen.  Jen's family was coming back Friday night, they had a Saturday wedding and then they were leaving very early Sunday.

I was getting myself all worked up, over something I had no control over.  I'd laid in bed Monday night, tears rolling out of my eyes, down my face and into my ears.

I started praying.  Just a simple prayer of thankfulness and then, pleading for God to somehow make it possible for me to see the kids.

Every morning and night, during the day.  Every time I'd think about those kids, I'd pray.

Finally, Friday night, when they hadn't dropped in on their way to Karen's, I figured that was it.  Nothing to do, but accept it.  Saturday morning I woke up feeling the same way.  Content with it all.  It is as it is, right?
=========================
At 10:30, Saturday morning my phone rang.  Just another scammer call, I figured, but I looked at the caller I.D., it was Karen.

I picked up, "Hi Baby!  You ARE alive."
"Yeah, and so are you!."
"Did you have a great trip to Alaska?  Did you kids have fun this week?"
"Oh Mom, it all was wonderful.  I'll tell you all about it later.  I wanted to know if you want to come down.  Eric, Jen and the kids are here, if you wanna drive down to see them."
Silence on my part.
"Mom?"
" Yes, yes!  I gotta jump in the shower and then I'll be right down."
"Okay, see ya later."

I was stunned.  I sat here in my computer chair and just looked out the window.  My hands were shaking.  Then it hit me.

I jumped up and nearly ran over Maggie the Cat as I headed for the bathroom, yelling all the way, "THANK YOU, GOD!  THANK YOU, GOD!  THANK YOU, GOD!"  Both cats ran under the bed to hide.
======================

When I got to Karen's and walked into the kitchen, there they were!  Jennifer came up to me first.  I even got a hug from her husband, who has not spoken to me in 4 years.  When the kids heard my voice, they came from all over the house, into the kitchen for hugs.  It was almost overwhelming.

There is this "thing" with all my grandchildren.  They wonder, when they are small, if they will ever grow as tall as grandma.  When photos are taken, I stand behind them so we can "measure" their height.  3 of Karen's 5 have made it.

Now, Andrew has made it too!  He looked "down" on me and said, "I'm taller!"  I have no idea what is going on with 15 year old Andrew and his hair.  He said he wanted to see how long it would grow over the summer.  I asked him if he was going to wear it in a "man bun" and he said, "No way!" 

Elise just turned 13 and nearly as tall as me.  She loves to play Volleyball.  She has my long, skinny legs so I have no doubt, the next time I see her, she will be looking at me eye-to-eye.

Alex is 10 and is the sweetest, most polite 10 year old boy I have ever known.  He has the long, skinny leg feature inherited from his Grandma.  I have no doubt in half a dozen years, he will be looking "down" at me too.  He spent most of the day playing with baby Della.  He just adores her and she him.

 Jennifer and Della.  So good to see Jennifer and she seemed happy to see me.  Della still cries if I get too close.  She was very content with Jennifer, but then, Jen looks like Della's grandma, Karen.

Jennifer and Karen 

==========================

Later last evening, I got a call from Pam.  Evan had spent a couple of days with her on the farm and she wondered if I would like them to stop in when she took him back to Karen's.  The perfect ending to a perfect weekend!

Evan is 5 and very shy.  We could not get him to take a picture with me.  He kept hanging onto and hiding behind Pammie.  Of course, he was 3 when they moved and although he had spent a lot of time with me when he was a baby, he hardly knows who I am.  He looks just like Andrew did at that age.

=================================

Now, they are on their way back to New Jersey and I am one happy, contented Mimi !!!

I suppose some would call my experience a "lovely coincidence", or "good Karma", something like that.  Why didn't it happen before?  They have been in Michigan a couple times in the last 18 months.  I was never invited to see them.  Why now?

Well.....I know why.  It was God.  I am so grateful!

Mini Road Trips

I have gone somewhere every single day this week.

There!

My nosy neighbor told me on Monday that "they" had talked about me and how I go days without getting in my car and going somewhere.  Unlike them--with two cars--who leave and come back several times a day.  Her husband 4 times a day, she, usually 3 times a day.

I didn't think I had anywhere to go today, but a check came in the mail and I wanted to get it cashed before I lost it somewhere in the piles of paper on my desk.  So to the bank I went.

Yesterday--was it yesterday?  No, Wednesday I went up to Lowe's and bought me a decent shower head.  I am so tired of the dinky one I have, so I searched on-line and then went to the store to pick it up.  This has 9 different types of spray.

I figured that all shower head attachments would have universal connecting sizes and if that was true, all I'd have to do it exchange just the heads.  It came with all the attachments and the stainless hose.  So, tonight I screwed the old one off and attached this and then spent time trying all the spray positions.

YOWZA!!  I know right now the one I am going to try first.  Water comes out of every hole on the thing.

====================

Now I remember where I went yesterday.  I was printing out a genealogy book and the print started looking a little dim, so I ran into Cartridge World, in Brighton, and got my inkjets refilled.  I really need a new printer.  The one I have is quite old and thus the inkjets have increased in price.  Supply and demand, you know.

I had an ear of sweet corn and a cucumber for supper.  I had heard you can cook corn in the microwave with the husk on so I tried it.  Oh my.  Moist and sweet!!!

When I was at the Food Bank, last week on my birthday, I got a package of ground sirloin.  I had a chance to get a 2# pack, but took the smaller one.  I brought it home and made nice thick hamburg patties, wrapped them in wax paper and put them in a Ziploc bag and froze them.  It was so nice to be able to take one out and cook it in my George Foreman grill and have meat for supper!  Next month, I'm going to get the 2# pack--I ran out before my craving for grilled hamburgers was quenched.

I have a pretty big genealogy book all done--92 pages.  I won't be able to get it bound until next week, after the long Holiday time.  It was very interesting!

I have started on another one.  I gotta keep busy or I get so bored--even with my little trips up to and down to my two shopping towns.

The weather man keeps warning us of severe storms and lots of rain.  I guess that's for his area in Detroit because all we keep getting are sprinkles.  Barely enough to wet the street.  I watered all my annuals today, just in case.

Well--that's it for me.  I hope you all have a nice 4 day weekend.  I'll just be sitting here all alone, like any other day.  Which is okay with me.

Mid-Week

Almost done with this month--already.  Too bad, I've always liked June better than July.  July is when it normally gets hot around here--well for a few days in a row anyway.

I had to run down to Brighton today--had to get inkjet refills.  No adventures on the way into town, but on the way home, when I got back on the 4 lane road, 50mph speed limit--I was doing 53 and in my rear-view mirror, I could see a pick-up truck weaving in and out of traffic, like he was in a big hurry.

He couldn't seem to make any headway.  He finally settled in behind me, nearly kissing my bumper, then turned left into the 2/42 church.  I don't know if he a church-goer or not, because he sure drove like he was hell bent!

Then a mile ahead, as I got into the left turn lane to turn into my Park, there was a guy, in an electric wheel-chair trying to get across 4 lanes on our busy road.  4:30 in the afternoon, when traffic is heavy and there he is--trying to get to the other side of the road.  The oncoming traffic cleared a bit, I turned in and saw him scoot to the middle lane.  I have no idea if he made it, but I didn't hear any sirens later.
=======================
All my kids and grandchildren and great grand daughter are up at Mark and Karen's cottage.  Jennifer was in hospital over last weekend with meningitis, but she and her family managed the 12 hours trip to get up north.

Which makes me feel pitified once again.  On their way up north, they drive on the expressway that is about 4 miles from my home.  Wouldn't it have been nice if they had swung by, for a potty break, and so I could have seen my 4 youngest grand children, that I haven't seen in 18 months?  15 minutes is all I would require.  Time for a hug and a "Do any of you need a bottle of cold water?"  Bye.

That would make me happy for the next year!

Monday and Monday stuff.

I have an adventure every time I drive out of this park. Today I had to get some cat food and Pepsi and Milk and had a birthday GC for Meijer, so I headed into Brighton. 

I was in the right lane, going about 48 in a 50mph speed zone and out from the Community Bible Church comes an old guy in his car. I had to not only brake quickly, but had to stand on them for a minute because, after he got on the road, he continued on at 35mph--down a mile to turn off into the 2/42 church.

I figured God must be his co-pilot because I almost sent that old guy to the Beulah Land Hotel!!

Did my thing at Meijer and then stood in line 25 minutes at the check-out. Even with 452 thousand Self Check-out lanes, which were all being used, there are some old people like me that like to go through the regular check-out lane. 

The lady behind me and I conversed on how we keep saying we are never coming back to this store to shop, but..............she usually shops at Kroger, she was only at Meijer because her favorite ice cream was on sale. She told me that she just returned from driving up north for the weekend.  Her daughter didn't want her too, but she did.  The town she visited is about 250 miles from here.  The lady is 87!  

I was there, instead of the Howell Meijer because I had to go to the Meijer gas station and the Howell Meijer doesn't have one. That poor kid at the gas station, busy time of day and he's working all alone and had a line that went clear back to the coolers! 

Too bad they can't keep their employees at that store--guess it might be bad management? NEVER AGAIN!!!
=================
It has been nice and cool here.  Daily temps in the mid 60's, nighttime temps in the 50's.  I admit, I turned on the furnace this morning to take the chill off.

I woke up to the sound of a riding lawn mower.  I thought it was my lawn mowing guy Don, but it was my nutzy-cuckoo neighbor who lives behind me.  I looked out and saw her going round and round, dressed in a T-shirt and shorts.

A couple of minutes later, my lawn mowing guy showed up.  He had on a sweatshirt!

I looked at the outside temperature.  It was 59 degrees!  She never has been the brightest bulb in the package!
===================
I was feeling a bit pitified this morning.  Tears were very close to the surface--which is nutz because I never cry!

Karen hasn't called me since they got back home from their trip last Wednesday.  No birthday card from her either, which has got to be the first time in my life.

Yeah--she's busy.  Apparently there is not 15 minutes in her day to call her Mom.

My kids have a text group thingie on their phone.  When one of them wants to text, they hit one button, type in the text and it automatically goes to everyone in that group.  Kind of like a group e-mail.

I do not have a cell phone, so I am not in the group.  I miss out on all the news.  I have often asked if it is family news, could the "textor" just send me an e-mail.  "Oh sure, Mom."  Never happens.

When I hear one of them say, "I got your text and laughed 'til I cried," or something like that, I feel pretty left out.  

It gets pretty lonely here and feeling left out of the family doings, was the reason I felt pitified.  BUT--there is nothing I can do about it, I guess.

Perhaps I should start a campaign of my own.  Make a note on my calendar and call Karen one week and Pam the next and send Jennifer an e-mail the next and include my sister in there with a phone call or a visit every couple of weeks.  

This 'N That and Nothing in Partticular

Finally--no lightning, or thunder, just a nice full down-pour.  I think I hear my flowers singing.

https://youtu.be/d5gOgqJdKvk

 A birthday card from my only nephew. 

Adam Charles--I have always called him Adam Chuckie and he has hated that since he was 13. 
So I quit.  HAH

The color of my pedicure polish.  Never worn this color before.

This guy stopped by after the rain.

Now, don't be telling me it was Fred's spirit come to visit.  It was merely a hungry Cardinal coming in to my newly filled bird feeders.   Followed shortly by this Grosbeak.

I like the looks of the rest of my June calendar.  Not a thing to do for the next week.  Of course, there will be a food or Pepsi run, but no definite places to go or things to do.

Which will leave me lots of time for this

and this--------