It's Just For Me

Today's high temperature was: 38 degrees

A shiny day!!!

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I hauled out the four plastic storage boxes of decorations and got started.  About 1/3 of what I used to put up when I lived in the farm house, but, have given a lot away and this is just enough for me.  I also gave away all my outside lights--thinking two years ago that I would never be able to walk around and put lights on the bushes.  Well--I could now, but it is just as well that I don't, because, usually in January when they need to come down, there is a ton of snow or ice or both on the bushes, and it is hard work!

Father Christmas's on the shelf and Santa's on top of bureau in kitchen

The middle nativity was made in Bethlehem.  The one on the right is from Sweden and on the left from Poland.  The little Holy Family and lamb (in blue) are from Bird-In-Hand, PA.  I watched the Amish lady make them out of clay.

A cross stitched Angel picture, I made when I had better eyesight, hangs above the wooden nativities.

I sold Avon for 25 years.  These are porcelain figures that I used as demos.

The snowmen and birdhouse are over by the west window, with a basket of cinnamon scented pine cones underneath.

Thomas Kincaid ceramic tree.  It has a "road" that leads from the bottom to the top with little houses and stores along the way and an ice skating pond.

...and street lights at night and light coming from the windows of the houses.

A wooden village my sister made for me.  It resembles the area we grew up in.  The barn has our great grandfather's name on it.  The yellow building says, "Burns Twp. Grange".

Over by the front door.

The Mistletoe Bell is just in case some hunky man walks in and stands under it.  LOL.

...and it is all, just for me.  I won't have any company to see it.  Pearl might see it, or Dar, but that's all.  Family always too busy to stop in.  But--I need it!  I need the lights and the decorations from all the past years around me.  

And on Christmas Day, when I sit here all alone, I will be sick of it and start taking it down and get my house clean and put back together for the New Year, but right now...it brings a smile.

Tomorrow, the tree goes up!!

Nice Day

High temperature today was:  25 degrees

With a bit of snow--perfect

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I remember Thanksgiving, when I had it at my house.  I had a large home, with a large dining room and a large table, that stretched out to serve 14 people very comfortably.  I invited my Dad and step-mother, and my Mother and Father in-law and the three SIL's.  We had just 14 people.  

My SIL's and MIL had to work so I asked them to bring nothing!!  I started baking and cooking early Wednesday morning--five different kinds of pie.  Got up early Thursday morning, put the turkey in at 5:00, on 325 degrees to cook nice and slow.  Usually a 20# turkey and had to cook it in the basement in my grandma's old big oven because my new stove only had a 30" oven.  

We ate around 1:00--we all were too provincial to eat those middle of the afternoon dinners that so many do nowadays.  We turned the TV off during the Thanksgiving meal--a rule of mine, so we could all converse.I always had my grandma's damask table cloth, her china and crystal and my mother's sterling silverware.  Very elegant.  The kids got such a kick out of being able to drink water from the crystal goblets!

I remember the earlier Thanksgiving dinners when I was a kid--at grandma's--same house I lived in later.  One year she roasted a goose and it was delicious!!

Two years ago, I bought a turkey breast for just Fred and I.

How times change.

Today, I had a lovely day at the family homestead with sister Susan and her hubby Chuck.  Very low key, quiet and so, very, very pleasant.  

We watched the parade from Detroit, where Madeleine's band got invited to march in this year.  She's on the left.  It was so cold, but they look like they are having fun.  Kids!!

About, 3:00, I left and stopped at Pammie's on the way home.  She was enjoying her alone day--had roasted a small turkey and was watching football--her favorite thing to do.

I got home just before 5:00, just as it was getting dark.

I was cold all day.  Susan keeps their house at 68 degrees and Pammie keeps her at 60!  I was real glad to get home to my nice, warm 72 degree warmth!!  Those houses with the high ceilings just don't seem as warm as they ought to be.  

Now--Thanksgiving is over!!!  

Can we start decorating for Christmas?  

Can we please?

Change

Today's high temperature was: 24 degrees
Feels like Temperature:  15 degrees

A Shiny day!!

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Some Greek philosopher said, "The only thing constant in life is change."  I can see him sitting there, dressed in his fine white toga, lounging by the side of a pool, overlooking the blue Aegean Sea, eating grapes and chatting with this buddies.  That's all they did all day.  Sat around and came up with profound sayings.  Not much change in their lives actually.

For a person who likes permanence, the fact that life does not have that quality, can make that person's life a bit difficult.  Look up the term BPD (borderline personality disorder) in Psychology Today and one of the symptoms is; hates change--with my picture along side the definition.

My "mood" can be changed by the weather.  When I see a shiny day, like today, I am quite peaceful and content.  Everything seems to be okay.  Let the barometric pressure drop, and I get all wonky.  I am down.  I am depressed.  I don't feel like doing anything.

The time change upsets me for weeks--especially the change in the spring, when we jump ahead an hour.  My Circadian Clock gets off and I feel confused for days and days.

Most of all, it's personal changes that throw me.  Things that happen that I can do nothing about--drive me into deep depressions.    It takes me a long time to get used to the "new" situation.  I do not adapt well to changes in my life.  

I have always been a worry-wort, an anxious person, even as a child.  I have a real hard time living a positive life--because I am positive, anything good will change.  It messes with my mind.  

Here I am, a self proclaimed Christian who is suppose believes that God has a plan and that plan is good.  Who hopes knows to give it all to God and let Him handle it.  Who wakes up every morning and the first words are, "I trust you, Jesus" and hopes they aren't just words spoken in rote, but in true belief.

Death is by far the hardest change for anyone--and not just for the dead person.  They, no doubt, are quite content with the consistency of the after life.  The people left behind--harder for them.  The one permanence in our survivor life--because nothing is going to change that situation.  They aren't away on a business trip, a hunting trip, a weekend spent at a vintage car show and dirt track car race.  They aren't going to pop back into the house at any moment.  You can't go visit them in the hospital.

Gone.

Forever.

Of course, this time of year is probably the hardest for a survivor.  Their permanent "goneness" is so evident this time of year.  The "presence of absence" that we talked about earlier.  The proverbial "elephant in the room".  We keep nudging that elephant out of the way--wishing it would just go out into the garage or somewhere we didn't have to see it all the time.  

Sitting there, in the midst of others, laughing and so happy with their lives, and we feel like the fifth wheel, the sore thumb.  The smile on our face, until our cheeks hurt, because we miss Dad or Mother.  Child or husband.  They should be there!   Or at least, their name spoken sometime during the festivities.  

Fred and I were always alone on Thanksgiving and Christmas Day.  The year my sister moved back here, we four made a pact!  We would celebrate Christmas Day together, because they were alone too.  How happy we were that Christmas Day 2011.  We even planned what we would do the next Christmas Day.  How wonderful to have them living nearby so we could get together.  A new tradition.  YAY!

  ...and then, six days later...CHANGE!

Dammit--I really hate change!

Foraging

Today's high temperature was: 32 degrees

Grey, but dry

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We trudged forth into the cold, grey world.

We stopped at Staples, to get some greeting card envelopes and some padded envelopes for the book we want to sell and mail.

We stopped at the post office to see what it would cost to mail said book.

We stopped at Michael's to get a picture frame for the picture/collage for our sister and a bag of scented pine cones to put in a basket.

We stopped at the grocery store to get some food.

We got our hair cut--short again.  No color for three months--the grey is all around our face.

We stopped at Subway and, with Melissa's help, got us a Spicy Italian Foot Long, enough for two meals.

We came home in the dark--and we are tired.

BUT--we live to eat another day!!  

OR--we eat to live another day!!

What Day Is It?

Today's high temperature was:  23

Windy

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The fourth full day I have not moved from this house.  I am almost sick of my own company.

My back and hip are feeling much better, so tomorrow, I will go out to get my hair cut, and to forage for food.

My cupboards are as bare as my refrigerator.  I have 4 cans of corn--I had one for supper and a protein drink.  My freezer is filled with bags of Christmas spaghetti sauce--perhaps I should open one so I have something to eat.  I have $3.20 left on the Subway Gift Card Melissa gave me, so that will probably be my supper tomorrow night.  Then Thanksgiving on Thursday, so I think I will make it through the rest of November.

This seems like it has been a difficult month, money wise.  I don't know why.    I have $30.00 left for food.  My car is filled up though, so that is good.  I have 40.00 in the checking account--half of that will go for the hair cut.

I get my Social Security check on the 3rd of every month--THANK GOODNESS!!!!!

Maybe I will win something through Publisher's Clearing House contest on the 27th?   LOL.  

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I am worried about my friends on the East Coast--nasty weather headed your way and Judy F. in Pennsylvania--you are going to get too much snow.  Jean, over on the west side of the state, lake effect snow may pile up on you too.  I always watch the Weather Channel so I know what kind of weather you all are getting.  It gives me something REAL to worry about.

Please, all of you be careful!!!!!

Nothing Sunday

Today's high temperature was: 24 degrees

Sunny, windy and cold

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I woke up Thursday morning with severe in my hip--on the bottom where I sit.  I could barely walk.  i couldn't turn.  I thought the joint was loosening or I had displaced my hip.

I haven't done a thing heavy or strenuous, so I couldn't figure out why it hurt so bad--sharp pain.

I spent most of the day just sitting or laying down.

Friday, it was much worse.  I couldn't get into the orthopeadic surgeon's office.  Friday night, I took a Tylenol 3 to sleep.. I had to lay flat on my back, which is not easy for me to sleep that way.

Yesterday, I took an anti-inflammatory (Naproxan) in the morning, rubbed the area down with the horse liniment Fred swore by and spent all day in my recliner.  Took another Tylenol  3 last night and slept quite well.

This morning, I had bad back pain on the left side--it seemed to be going down into my hip.  I decided it was probably my back causing the pain in my hip, but didn't know for sure.  I took another Naproxan, more liniment and again, stayed in my recliner all day.

The weather has been very cold and miserable and there was no reason for me to go outside anyway.

Tonight, I put my T.E.N.S, device on my left back for 30 minutes and then moved it down to my hip bottom and the top back of my thigh.  

It seems a bit better tonight.  I don't think I have done anything to my hip--I think IT IS my back causing the problem.  I will see how it goes tomorrow and maybe go in for an x-ray just to make sure the hip is in place.

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I woke up this morning practically paralyzed with fear that I had kidney or liver cancer.  I must have been having a dream or something, because it felt so real and I was scared.  

My blood pressure and heart rate are still low--have been more months.  I feel good, but they shouldn't be that low.  My primary care doc says everything is okay, but I have research and read and the heart rate should not be below 60 and mine is running in the low 50's.  I still think I need to change my HBP meds--and I am in the process of doing that right now.  I take three different ones!  I have cut out my water pill in the morning, because the other two meds have diuretic in them.

I have an appointment with my cardiologist the first week in January.  

In the olden days, our primary care/family doctor took care of everything.  He delivered our babies, stitched up our cuts, performed surgery, set our bones and cured our heart attacks.

Nowadays, we need an ENT, a pulmonologist, an allergist, a cardiologist, a hematologist, an enterologist, a neurologist, a rheumotalogist, an orthopedist, a podiatrist, a dermatologist and a psychologist, just to name a few!

The primary care doctor has turned into someone who sends up off for tests and writes prescriptions.  They know a lot about a lot of things, but not much about any particular thing.

I just want to feel better!

At least, I am almost done with my Chiropractor's receptionist baby afghan :-)

Blizzardy Saturday--a good day to nap.

27 degrees high today

The view out my computer room windows at 11:00 this morning