The Nutsey-Cuckoo's Are Out in Full Force

The weather here has been just perfect!  Low humidity and mid 70's.  My kind of weather.  I feel much better when it is cooler.  Plus, I don't like being closed up in the house.  It's really no different than being closed up in winter, except the A/C is running, instead of the furnace.  

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My next door neighbor, the Wiccan, had a weeks vacation so she has been doing yard work.  Well, kinda.  She came over one day because she wanted to look out through my window to see the view of her yard.  She had mowed her lawn, but there were 3 feet high weeds all along the edge of her house and around every bush and tree.

I said, "It is looking pretty nice.  Did the weed whipper I gave you break?" (snotty remark)

"No.  Why?"

"I wondered.  There are a lot of tall weeds around your house and raised gardens."

"Oh.  I never even seen them."

So, she went back home and proceeded to cut them down.  My view has improved, but---she has such a clutter of "stuff".  Every time I turn around, she is out in the yard digging another hole to plant another tree or bush or raised bed or something!    With no rhyme or reason.  

Last year she planted a Golden Chain tree, which will grow to be 25 feet tall, 6 feet from her house.  Then she planted a Smoke Tree in the very middle of her yard.   Tuesday she planted a Snow Ball bush.   Yesterday she informed me that she was going to get a Black Locust tree and plant it.

When I told her those can grow to 40 feet, she didn't care.  "They have such pretty flower clusters that hang down from the branches."

"Yeah, for about two weeks.  They also have sharp spikes that grow on the trunks."

This morning, I kid you not--I looked out my kitchen window and she was looking down at her Lilac bush that had died last year, and she was crying!  I opened the window and said, "Are you all right?"

"My Lilac bush died.  I'm so sad---every tree and bush has a Goddess in it and now this one is dead!"

GOOD GRIEF.

Then she came up to the window and told me, "My young friend just had her first baby.  A girl.  She's a Goth Wiccan and she told me, 'no pink for my girl', so I bought the baby a black onesie that says, "Wiccan Princess" on the front.  It is so cute!"

I said, "Oh my Gosh!  That poor little girl has her future determined before she is one day old."

My neighbor replied, "I know.  Cool, huh?"

My view of part of her yard:

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My neighbor kitty-corner across the street, whose name is Dar, came over 3 times yesterday.  The first time was when she got back from her appointment for the EMG.  She has been bragging and telling everyone that her "case" is so complicated that she can't go to just any Physical Therapist, she has been referred to a MEDICAL Physical Therapist!  Because, as we all know, ad nauseaum, any time Dar has a medical problem, it is not like anyone else.  She has a very complicated system and she needs only the best experts taking care of her.

When she walked into my house, I took one look at her and thought, "Oh no!  Here we go!"

She plopped down in the rocking chair, lit up her cigarette and said, "I just got home and came right over.  I am a wreck and I knew you could calm me down."

"What happened?"

"By the time I got to the Medical therapist's office I was already a basket case.  She explained that I might need to get some tests.  An MRI, Ultra Sound, EMG and other tests.  She showed me how the EMG works and then started to get the machine ready and............well...........I got hysterical, jumped up from the chair and backed into the corner."

"What?"

"I wasn't going to let her stick those electrified needles in my arm!  I told her not to come near me.  She's just a little thing, I could probably have taken her down."

"Oh my."

"Then she promised she wouldn't do any tests and wanted to take my blood pressure.  It was 212 over 140.  She got concerned and told me I had to go over to the ER.  She was afraid I was going to have a stroke or a heart attack or a brain bleed!  I am on blood thinners ya know.  I could have a brain bleed from high blood pressure."

"What did they do in the ER?"

"Oh.  I didn't go.  I just had my son drive me back home and I stopped in at my doctor's office and demanded to see him,  'Right now!', I told his receptionist."

"Did you get to see him?"

"Yes.  Of course.  They put me in front of the rest of his patients in the waiting room.  They know, when I'm in that kind of state, they better see me quick!"

"What did he say?"

"He increase my blood pressure medicine to twice a day, and he upped the strength of my nerve medicine."

"Oh, what kind of tranquilizer do you take?"

"Tranzine."

"I've never heard of that one."

"It's an old one.  I've taken it for years.  I can't take the newer ones, because I can't take a chance on what they would do to my system.  I have a very complicated system that reacts to drugs differently than anyone else."

"So.  Now what?  Are you going back to the therapist?"

"Yes.  I go back next Thursday.  Today was just a test run."

"You have pain in your legs, right?"

"Yes.  And a heaviness."

"Your arms are always numb?"

"Yes.  All the time."

"Well, Dar...the only way they can find which nerve is pinched or which nerves are causing this numbness and pain, they have to do an EMG.  That test will show them where the problem is."

"(Sigh).  You don't understand.....they don't understand!  I. Am. On. Coumadin!  If they start putting needles in my arm, I could bleed to death!"

 I shake my head.  Bleed to death?  

"Don't you get regular blood tests?"

"Yes.  Piece of cake."

"If you don't bleed to death when they stick a needle in the inside crook of your elbow, why would you think you'd bleed to death with a needle on the outside of your arm?"

(Silence)

"My body is very complicated.  It's used to blood tests, it has never had an EMG.  I could bleed to death!"

"I'm sure they know you are on Coumadin.  I'm sure they know the test won't make you bleed to death.  You'll be fine.  Just put your mind on something else while they do the test."

"I can't do that!  I have to feel in control and I didn't feel in control and I went hysterical!"

"Remember what you read in your Bible.  You have NO control over much of life.  You say you are a strong Christian, then............put your trust in God and Jesus.  Recite the 23rd Psalm while you are having the EMG and trust that God will take care of you."

She left within a few minutes.  Apparently she talks a big talk about her beliefs, but doesn't quite walk the talk?

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She was back within the next two hours to tell me, "I just wanted you to know.  I told my son that he has until the end of June to take the kids and get out of my house.  I can't live this way anymore!"

Then she made one more trip over to give me a book she knew I'd just love!

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Never in my entire life have I EVER met people like these two neighbors!!  I didn't even KNOW there were people like them walking around freely..unchained!