title explained

Onward and upward! something that you say in order to encourage someone to forget an unpleasant experience or failure and to think about the future instead and move forward.

My e-mail: jjmiller6213@comcast.net

Thursday, May 29, 2014

A Lovely Day

Today's high temperature was: 75 degrees
Sunny, slight breeze, humidity at 20%
The most perfect day!!!
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Now--don't feel bad for me and my finger.  Yes--a lot of us didn't have the perfect "Leave It To Beaver" childhood.  I don't think our parents necessarily thought each day how they could be uncaring, unloving or just down right mean to us.  It's just that, when it is a seemingly unloving PARENT--it makes it so much worse and influences our adult lives much more.  I really am glad that it was my Daddy and not my Mother who was so strict and uncaring--so, I'm lucky that way.

I suppose Jennifer feels the same way about me.  My Daddy's strictness is one reason I got married and got out of his house, the week after graduation.

I can remember my sister and I standing by Daddy's bed, when he was in Hospice and completely drugged out of it.  Susan said, "Just say it!  Just say it once, before it is too late!"  Meaning, just say I love you---but it didn't happen.      About two weeks after my Daddy died, I was sitting out on the front porch--in the middle of the night.  I felt my Daddy's presence real strong.  Now--I'm not one for believing that dead people's spirits come around and visit us--although I have had a "sighting" of my Grandmother after she died.  I just felt my Daddy's presence.  So I just said, "Daddy, I forgive you."  and then I said, "Dear God, please forgive my father."  Strangest thing--for two weeks I had sleepless nights or nights filled with nightmares.

When I said those few words, a feeling when through me of such peace.  I can't describe it.  It was a total relaxation of my shoulders and peace in my insides--everything just very still.  Now, unless asked, I rarely think of my Daddy's treatment of me.  It doesn't matter.

The same when my step-mother died.  I had a good enough reason to dislike that woman and what she had done to my family and the fact that she lied to my sister and I.  Sure, I wanted to see if there was a trust fund for us, like she had promised, but, when I found out she had lied, it was like....I just forgave her and now, it doesn't really matter.

Forgiveness is such a powerful thing.  Not for the person we forgive, but for ourselves.  It doesn't mean that they get away with what they've done, it's just that we aren't going to let the way they treated us, poison our minds and souls.    That person doesn't even have to know we have forgiven them.  People say, "I can forgive, but not forget," well, it was real strange for me.  When I did forgive.  I did forget.  I rarely think of those people at all.

I am hoping Jennifer can forgive me.  I know we won't ever have a close relationship, like Pammie and Karen and I have,  I have felt intimidated by Jennifer ever since she was about 16 years old.  At least we can be pleasant to each other and loving in some kind of way.

The other day when Pammie called, one thing she said, "I think now would be a providential time to send that card to Jennifer."  So, I did.  I made a "Missing You" card and mailed it this morning, so she will get it tomorrow, when she is home alone.

Inside, my words were carefully chosen.

"I miss you so much."  <not, "I miss the kids", or "I miss our times together,"  simply I miss "YOU.">

"I'm sorry I hurt you."  <not, "I'm sorry IF I hurt you," or "I'm sorry I MAY have hurt you," simply, "I'm sorry I hurt YOU.">

"Please forgive me."  <not "I hope you can forgive me," or "Forgive me because I was wrong," simply, "Please forgive ME.">

It has to be ME taking all the blame, and that's all right.  I will not imply that she misunderstood, even if she did.  There is no need here to score points or try and reason/explain to her.  That is not at all necessary.  I want my child back.  She feels I was wrong and that is that.  It's all good.
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I ordered 2 pair of dress pants for summer wear.  One white and one sort of khaki color.  The white ones have a fabric stripe running down them--really quite chic looking.  

I've always worn Tall sizes.  My inseam is 34 inches.  I know--it is ridiculous!  I am short from shoulder to bottom and long the rest of the way.  Fred wore a 32 length and he was taller than me.  My friend Ernie was only 5'8" and yet when we sat down, he was taller than me.

The last couple of pairs of Jeans I have ordered were 14T--misses size.  They fit perfectly in length and not too baggy in seat and thighs.  I order the slim cut.

So, last week, I ordered these two pair of Worthington dress slacks.  14T.  They arrived today and are at least 2 inches too long!  I suppose nowadays, women wear 3 inches spikes with their trousers?  Why anyone nearly six feet tall would want to wear 3 inch spikes is beyond me, but................

Anyway, I have been hemming these pants all afternoon.  Quite luckily, they were hemmed with a nice hem tape, so all I had to do was cut away the stitches that held them to the pants, move the hem up a bit and re-stitch them with tiny little stitches.  I have always enjoyed hand stitching and my mother taught me how to put in a hem that stitches wouldn't show on the outside of the pants.

It occurred to me this afternoon that I have no dress shoes to wear with the pants.  I can't very well wear my New Balance sneakers to some of the graduation celebrations--for example, Baccalaureate.  I need a nice sandal to wear.  

Because of my hips and having to wear lifts in one or the other shoe, I haven't worn anything except sneakers and loafers for the last five years.  I do have a pair of sandals--probably 15 years old.  Tomorrow I am going to get them out of the closet and see if I can clean and polish them up.  If not--it will be a quick trip to Wal-Mart to see what they might have.  My feet are not pretty anymore, even though I still polish my toe nails--I can't remember if my sandals have a full heel or not.  Oh botheration!!!

I have very few dress up clothes for summer!!! and don't really need them, other than for this next weeks festivities.  
It was such a lovely day,
I spent some time out here
reading.


  



10 comments:

  1. My you just got shorter since you last ordered pants. Happened to me. I used to wear talls, now I wear shorts, not even average. SHORT! Ticks me off. LOL

    Forgiveness is indeed a powerful tool! I'm glad you added this part two to the story.

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  2. May your "forgiveness" card to Jen be received with an ope heart and your family be able to come together again with you in the center. I love what you wrote....just perfect.
    Your porch looks so beautiful and inviting. We are waiting for days warm enough to enjoy time outdoors.

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  3. A beautiful story about your dad and your prayer of forgiveness : )

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  4. I hope that Jen is able to forgive and re-establish some type of relationship with you. I like what you wrote. Simple and to the point. It addresses her 'perceptions' of what happened, and really, that's what we have to deal with, the other person's perception.

    Your porch looks so inviting!

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  5. Yes, I'm one of the "forgive but never forget" people! I stick by it!!! I hope your card reaches Jens heart and you hear from her soon! Have a wonderful weekend, Judy! This weather is beyond gorgeous. Shauna is getting married 1 year from today and I plan on ordering the exact same kind of weather!

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  6. Your porch looks like a nice place to wile away the morning or afternoon. Wish we could do some porch-sitting together.

    You wrote just the right thing. Couldn't have been better. Now we wait and see. I'm hopeful for you.

    Your words about forgiveness are right on spot. Carrying that stuff around with you is toxic.

    I must tell you that your mention about your new pants sent me to a site to order a pair of white pants that I've had my eye on. I didn't even finish reading. I stopped in the middle and came back. Thanks for the reminder.

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  7. So glad you sent the note to Jennifer.

    I agree with you; when we forgive it is more for us than the other person. Although it's quite nice if they accept our apology.

    Your porch is just nice, and inviting. I may have to visit you one day and sit there with you; you can teach me how to crochet. :)

    xoxo

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  8. Understand much you shared...
    Also on shoes at this time
    since I thought I sprained my foot and ankle
    10 years ago and it was not sprained
    but fractured (and did not have it put in a cast :(
    I cannot wear the type of
    shoes I did then. But you will find something
    for special occasions.
    Take care
    Your porch looks beautiful..

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  9. You inspired me to say those words, I forgive you, and God, please forgive___. Thank you! I posted about it, and hope you read it.

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  10. hey sorry I have not been reading,,, kinda busy even though I only have one house. I am workign longer and hey I admit it,, it is easier to jump on fb and check in... glad you sent your card. we as mothers have ot be the bigger person sometimes even though it might still suck.

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