title explained

Onward and upward! something that you say in order to encourage someone to forget an unpleasant experience or failure and to think about the future instead and move forward.

My e-mail: jjmiller6213@comcast.net

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

My Lucky Day

OH MICHIGAN, MY MICHIGAN
Pouring rain and thunder.
Bright sunshine
Pouring rain
Bright sunshine
Pouring rain and thunder
Cold front
59 degrees at 10:00 tonight
Probably snow tonight, LOL
========================

I got a notice from my electric company that if I enrolled in the Senior Citizen program, I might get my bill lowered.  I checked my bill--it said Senior Program on the top of the bill.  I called anyway and I was told, "Senior program and senior citizen program are two different things."  No doubt another way to confuse us old people?

So--he checked for me and under the program, my budget payment will drop $16.00!!!!!  $42.00 a month on my budget payment program!!!!!
<Thank you God, thank you God, is what I yelled toward the ceiling>
===========================
Then, I went shopping at Meijer.  For over a year, I have been looking for a new billfold--mine is 20 years old and falling apart!  My billfold is the kind you could just carry alone--money, checkbook, cards--all of it in one place.  Every time I see them, the nice ones are so expensive.  Real leather, long lasting, but over my budget.  

Today, for some unknown reason, instead of walking straight back to the store, I walked horizontally and then turned and went down an inside aisle.  There was a whole rack of billfolds, glasses cases, etc.  I stopped to take a look and spotted a black Buxton--just like I wanted.  Original price: $25.00, marked down to $12.50, marked down to $6.00!!!  Well, don't you know, that pretty thang went right into my cart!!!

Got to the cat food aisle to find the litter I use was $1.00 off.  Got me a jug and 10 can's of wet food for $4.00.  Chips were 2 for $5.00, ice cream topping was $1.00 off and---I found a sweet red cherry topping.  Usually I use Maraschino cherries or Strawberry topping, but I have always liked the sweet cherry kind they use at the Dairy Queen.

When I checked out, I had $23.00 in coupon savings.  AND--for the first time in my life, I took my penny jug along, dumped them in the Coin Star thingie and got $15.02, cash money back.

I go in this Friday to sign the bankruptcy papers!
=============================
I suppose we are all saddened by Robin Williams' death.  Today I watched the police/coroner report in horrified details.    I have a couple of his movies on DVD, as I have always liked him.  I thought perhaps I'd go on amazon.com to get a couple more.  All his movies are "temporarily out of stock."  You know what that means?  Someone is buying them up so they can in turn, sell them on Amazon Marketplace at a much higher rate.  Yesterday, his DVD's were going for $5-6.  By weeks end, they probably will be going for $10-12 or more.  Greed?  Or, just people being smart?
=================
I posted on Face Book a bit about depression, what it's like, how there is very little to control it.  It is a disease--a chemical imbalance in the brain--a short-wiring of the nerves in the serotonin re-uptake center of the brain.  A couple of "friends" wrote, "We all have times in our lives like that.  We just need to remember out blessings and be glad."

I hooted when I saw their comments.  Lucky for them---they have NO CLUE what "real" depression is.

You can wake up in the morning with money in the bank, all your family and friends well and happy, sun in the sky, not a problem in your life--except you are in the dark pit of depression and you can barely force yourself to get out of bed, let alone get dressed and carry on a conversation.

I have battled it for 40 years now. Sometimes, I can feel it nibbling around the edges of my mind--sometimes, I can go to bed feeling wonderful and wake up in the morning, in that pit, and it doesn't leave for days--if I'm lucky.  If I'm not lucky--it will hang around for months.  It doesn't really matter what is going on in my life--the depression just comes.

When Fred died--I was NOT in depression.  Oh--I was sad and I grieved and I cried (a bit), but I wasn't depressed.  People think that's weird.  There is a great difference between being sad, blue, or down and depression.

Depression is like any other disease--it isn't a way to get attention and it isn't a way to have a pity party.  It is like any disease--arthritis, near sightedness, endometriosis.  You can try and control it, but...it's always there. It can also be genetic--Quite a few of my ancestor's had it--back then, they called it being melancholy.

I spent almost the entire year of 1976 with it.  I got up in the morning, got the kids off to school and went back to bed for the day.  I got up and got dressed a half-hour before they got home and acted like nothing was wrong.  I also had Agoraphobia--where I rarely left the house.  If I went to church, I had to sit in the back row.  If I went to one of the kid's school functions, I sat on the lowest bleacher, near the door. 

 When I went grocery shopping, which wasn't very often because we had a food delivery company, I might get as far as the third aisle and then have to leave my cart and walk very fast to the door and outside.  It was one giant panic attack after another--any time I was out of my house.  

One time, I had to go to a weekly series of meetings at the school for Mother's Club.  I only made it to one meeting because, I couldn't drive my car out of the driveway.  I'd get to the end of the driveway and back up to the garage and go back into the house, where I was safe.  It was awful and as I look through picture albums, there are no pictures of birthday's, Christmas--nothing in that year.  I don't even have a journal for that year--all the other years from 1972 until 2013--but none for 1976.  

The strange thing, some people that have chronic depression are the happiest acting.  They smile and laugh and tell jokes.  It's called compensation.  The minute the people around you quit laughing and leave, the mask comes off, the face falls, the shoulders droop.

A lot of comedians suffer from chronic depression--probably why they went into that line of work--to compensate.  

Right now--I am not depressed.  I'm not even blue or down or melancholy--who knows what tomorrow may bring.  
============
My snack and the new cherry topping.
Bits of sweet cherries in a nice thick sauce.
My lucky day!!!





Monday, August 11, 2014

Monday Moaning

 I woke up to the sound of a chorus of Cicada's.  No need to look out and see if they are clustered on the tree trunks--these Cicada's are in my head.  Well--my ears.  My friend Tinnitus has given me this continual form of music, every minute of every day since 1995.  Yes--I have tried everything, including having my head and neck turned in different positions and jerked around--it's called the Epley Maneuver.  It is used for Vertigo, but we tried it for Tinnitus.  

Tinnitus (TIN-ih-tus) is noise or ringing in the ears. A common problem, tinnitus affects about 1 in 5 people. Tinnitus isn't a condition itself — it's a symptom of an underlying condition, such as age-related hearing loss, ear injury or a circulatory system disorder.

I've heard it can also be caused by dental procedures.


I arose with the Cicada concert accompanying me and proceeded to start my Monday and my new week.  

================

Look at this right foot.  Does it look like anything is wrong with it?  Other than crooked toes and nails and a bit of fungus on my big toe nail--which I am curing with Vicks VapoRub rubbed into it every night.



It feels like there is a hair or a piece of string laying over
my third toe onto my second toe.
This is driving me crazy!! 
It is probably a nerve thingie.  I have tried cream on it.  I have tried massaging that foot.  Now, maybe I should try the Chiropractor?  If it's a nerve thing, he should be able to fix it...right?
====================


I checked outside to see what kind of animal life 
might be present:






Then I came in the computer room for some of this, while I woke up.






I was going to go shopping for food, but this continued all day:



So--I stayed home and did a bit of everything:


 Mostly sparrows at the feeders today,
but occasionally a flash of blue, or red or bright yellow,
will catch my eye.




A baby Hummingbird, the length of my pinkie finger.  A baby Chick-A-Dee, the length of my thumb and, a baby Downy Woodpecker, the length of my index finger, BUT--they are so young and full of energy, they don't stay still long enough to get their picture taken.
========================
Time to let the shower head soak all day in some
Lime-Away


Four loads of laundry

A bit more reading on the Stephen King book 


Notes for next year's garden and plantings


A bit of cross-stitch on the future great grand babes quilt

Sunday, August 10, 2014

Sunday Walk-About

Come with me while I take a walk-about around my wee home.  
I'm barefooted, so you might want to take off your shoes too?


As I step out onto my front porch.....

                                              This is the view from my top step


 Where the new people's house will go--facing the street--long ways
Jackie's house is blue, Dar next door(beige house)
Across from Dar, Pearl (green truck)
Tami-red car

 Jackie has some beautiful gardens--this one by our mail boxes

This one between her and Dar
Dar has no flowers--she hates gardening, but--she does have a nice sawdust pile there in the left background :-)

Back to my house

We'll take a walk around to the west
I see something way back there in my wild flower garden

 Oh my Gosh!  
It's an actual May/Mandrake apple!
It looks like a small Yellow Delicious apple,
but I think we had better not eat it!


Right to left:  Rose of Sharon-not blooming              
Forsythia, didn't bloom at all, but now, is growing like crazy!
Another Rose of Sharon bush with  one--count 'em--one bloom 



Lilac-Rose of Sharon-Lilac
 I have white and pink blossoms on this Rose of Sharon

My shed and fine crop of Zinnia's
Gidget Yappy Dog lives in that house on the left

I honestly thought this Rose of Sharon was dead.
I think parts of it are, but will wait to see
These blossoms are kind of purplish-mauve 


This poor Privet Hedge!
Our harsh winter sure did a number on it.
I may cut back the dead branches-
had thought to have them pulled out, but....

There is new growth on the bottom of each bush


Coming back around to the front

We usually don't look off to our right, because....
 There is a lot of "stuff" in Tami's yard
junk piled up by her porch and so many "things"


My poor tiny perennial garden in front is fading.

My Purple Hyacinth Bean plant
is growing nicely, but...
will I ever see a big purple pod? 
                                  

                             Back up to my front porch 


This came fluttering down from the Maple tree-
just as I stepped up on the bottom step


My Mother would have a fit and tell me, 
"Don't bring that in the house.  
It's probably covered with fleas!"
But--now that I live alone, I can put it in my Indian pottery bowl,
along with all my other collected feathers,
right next to my empty bird's nest. :-)

A nice walk-about on a gorgeous day. 



Saturday, August 9, 2014

Introducing--My Other Neighbor



A continuation of last night's post.

<I never realized how difficult it is to write dialogue when one of the people curses every other word.  I will put in **** and you will have to use your imagination on the word.>

I was writing about Dar and stopped for a rest.  Went out and sat in my chair to watch part of the ballgame.  My living room windows were open to catch the nice, night air and all of a sudden.......

"Jude!  Do you know what I did?"  the loud voice of my next door neighbor Tami coming through the screen window behind my chair.  I jumped and Buddy flew off my lap and ran behind the couch.

"Hi, Tami, what's up."

"I told his ex-wife to leave us the hell alone.  You know what that stupid ***** did?  She told their daughter that Ron didn't have a bad heart attack and she wish he had and died so she could get his Social Security and I found out and I called her on the phone and I let her have it."

"Oh no.  Did.................................."

"I am not going to let that stupid ***** get away with that kind of talk.  She's the one who caused the stress that put Ron in the cardiac unit.  She's trying to kill him.  She leaves nasty messages on his phone.....she....oh Gawd--I'd like to run over her with my car.................she's just................oh man."
<all this time she is pacing outside the window and flinging her arms around>

"Do you know where she lives?"

"No.  I have no idea, but ....I bet I can look her name up on the computer and find her address.  I will go to her house and confront her and punch the **** out of her...did you hear what Dar did?"

"Ah--what?  Dar?...You mean across the street?  Ah--no."

"She got all over Rob's *** about that pile of sawdust.  She is insisting that the park take care of it.  That's her job.   That woman is nuts...totally and completely nuts!"
<and you are just like her>

"Hey--if I ever see that cardiologist you told me about....that ugly foreign guy--Chinese or something..."

"Fillipino."

"Whatever.  I'd like to slap him.  He is the stupidest, rudest doctor I have ever met....he told Ron that he only had a mild heart problem.  So I asked him, 'well then, why did they put stents in his artery/' and that dumb *** said 'Because that's what the ER doc recommended.  He didn't really need them.  We could have taken care of it with medication.' You ever hear something that ******* ridiculous?"

Just then, Ron came out of their house and walked over to join the conversation.

Ron says, "I've been reading up on it.  He is right.  They do a lot of stent surgery now when it really isn't necessary and now...they are finding out that it really doesn't help with mild heart problems--that sometimes it makes them worse...and I would have been better off with just the medication, blood thinner...that sort of thing."

"Ron...dammit...you had a massive heart attack!"

I asked, "Ron, do you know your E-Fraction?"

"Yeah--it's 60%.  My heart wasn't damaged at all."

"Gee--that's considered to be great!  Mine is 47% and they consider that normal."

"Yeah...I know.  Wish I hadn't had it done."  and he walked back to the house.

Now, there's Tami, standing outside in the dark of night, swatting at mosquitoes, that she claims she is allergic too and I am wondering, why in the heck doesn't this mentally deranged person go home because I have had my fill of mentally deranged people for one day.................

"I ain't kidding.  I'm gonna find that woman and beat her up.  I swear to you I will."

"Tami!  Have you ever thought that perhaps all the arguing you are doing with Ron's ex-wife is causing him stress?  He hears you fighting and yelling at her over the phone.  He reads your comments to her--the two of you are having a fight on Face Book!  For Pete's sake!  You are stressing him out as much as she is!"

"Yeah...well...I have to put her in her place.  When she says things like that about him...about me...I am going to straighten her out!  I am doing it on Face Book so all her friends will see what a ******* idiot ***** she is!"
<and all your "friends" will see what an idiot you are>

"Why don't you just stay quietly out of the middle of all of it?"

"No way---that dumb *****.........."

All the time she is saying this, in a very loud voice, she is still pacing back and forth, outside my window.  Remind you of someone else?

"I think you are just making it all worse............."

"Damn!  I gotta get back inside...these damn mosquitoes..........."

and off she goes! 

Tami and Dar hate each other and...they are so much alike.  Except, Tami has a really filthy mouth and Dar...not too much. 

To give you an idea of these two--who live about 30 feet away from me:  Some of their wedding photos.  They got married last Halloween.

This photo was on the front of their
wedding invitation.


They were married in the Howell Cemetery

In front of some poor family's mausoleum

Seriously? 
================
So, I got up and went into the bathroom to wash out my ears and flush from my mind the conversation.
====================
Jackie is the only half-way sane person in our five closely clustered homes--and then ever now and then, she gets on a weird roll.

Dar--next to Jackie--is completely off track.

Pearl--isn't all that weird, she just has no common sense and, in that way, she and Merle are perfect for each other.

Tami--I was quite close to her first husband, who was a wonderful guy and calls me, "Mom", but he found out she was having an Internet affair with Khalid, who lives in Syria.  She spent a ton of money on the Rosetta Stone software, trying to learn Arabic.  She got to the point where she slept in the computer room because, during the night she had to be on the Internet talking to Khalid.  

Now--she's got this one, who seems sane enough, but does nothing.  You rarely seem him outside and when I mentioned it once, his statement was, "I'm a Vampire and we don't like the light of day.  That's why Tamara and I work nights and sleep all day."

I turned to look at him to see his smile, but...he was straight faced and apparently wasn't kidding!
=================
Now do you see why I long to move back to the country where it is quiet and peaceful with no drama and fairly normal people?



Friday, August 8, 2014

Freaky Friday

sub-title: "If I continue to live here, I am headed for 
the mental ward!"



There is nothing wrong with Merle.  After going through, every heart test, a ultra sound of his abdomen, a CAT scan, an MRI of his brain, and two different EMG's--and if you ever had one of those,  you know how painful they are, plus 10 vials of blood--there is nothing wrong with him, EXCEPT a bit off in his Thyroid!

Merle said, "You kept telling me there was nothing wrong with me.  How did you know?"

"I just did."

"They were telling me I had Parkinson's.  Pearl thought I had ALS."

"Both of those diseases affect balance.  I see you ride by on your bike everyday and you don't have a problem with your balance.  You don't slur your words, you don't tremble.  I knew at least, it wasn't any of those kinds of disease.  Besides...I just felt in my gut, that there was nothing wrong with you and....usually I am not wrong about that feeling."

Then I looked at Pearl, "See...borrowing trouble and worrying yourself sick before all the results were in."

Pearl says, "Well, if I say it is the worse thing I can think of....then it usually turns out not to be that thing."
<okay>

So, she has gone around the neighberhood telling everyone, "Merle is sick," convincing her children that Dad was going to be bedridden and then die from some awful disease.  Probably that fear of hers, rubbing off on Merle and.........................?

Pearl said, "Well, he does have something wrong with his spine!"

"Scoliosis?"  I asked.

"Yes!"

Merle said, "How do you know that?"

"Because, almost anyone our age or older has that problem.  I have it.  Probably Pearl has it.  It comes from age--heavy lifting--work.  They found it on the MRI--right?"

"Yep.  I'm going to the pain clinic for Cortisone shots in my back."

"The same one Pearl and I went to?"

Pearl says, "Yes, but we didn't get Cortisone."

"Sure we did.  We got Depo-Medrol.  It is a form of Cortisone and Prednisone--a pain reliever and anti-inflammatory."

"Well, it sure didn't help us!"

"No...it didn't."

Merle said, "So---I'm suppose to go through all that and it won't help?"

Pearl said, "Maybe it WILL help you."

I said, "Maybe."

I have to tell you--the way Pearl acted, it was like she was almost disappointed that there is nothing wrong with him.  Like she wanted something to pin his tiredness on.  Like she just can't deal with the fact that he can't get up on the roof and make repairs--or he can't push mow their lawn all at one time without getting tired or his back hurting.  Or perhaps she will have to vacuum and make the bed?

She probably will be down tomorrow to ream me out.
==============================

When I left their house, I looked over and noticed that Dar's new car has a long, vertical dent in the trunk.  Just then she came out--she was on her way over, so we came back to my house.

If you thought, what I posted about her on Wednesday was nuts--you should have seen her today.  

She was puffing on a cigarette.

"Where's your e-cig?"  I asked

"It's Judy L's fault.  She asked me last night if I wanted a cigarette and I said 'yes" and she gave me a pack of Marlboro's"

"Marlboro's?  Those are the worse kind to smoke.  You keep it up and you'll be back to a pack a day!"

"Well, I needed a cigarette--a real cigarette."

"No you don't!  The only thing you are addicted to is the nicotine!  Your e-cig has plenty of nicotine in it.  You needed the formaldyhyde, the carbon monoxide, the arsenic and all that REAL stuff?"

"YES!"

"Okay. What happened to your car?"

"Someone backed into me, while I was at work."

"Oh.  I'm sorry."

"Well--that's what I wanted to talk to you about.  That's a lie.  When I got home from work last night, I backed into the drive and I hit the corner of the house."

"Oh.  My.  Gosh!"

"I wanted to ask you what I should do."

"You mean...get it fixed... or...I don't understand."

"Should I lie to the insurance adjuster or tell the truth?"

"Oh...well...I'm not going to give my opinion on that.  YOU do whatever YOU want to."

"Well, if I tell the truth, I am going to have to pay my deductible."

"How much is it?"

"I have no idea."

"It's on your insurance policy---under the collision coverage."

"I don't understand any of that."
<good grief.  Why don't I just shoot her?>

"Get your policy and I will show you."

"I have no idea where it is.   My brother's told me just to lie about it."

"Okay."

"I need an honest answer.  What would you do?"

"I'd tell the truth."

"Oh--dammit--I knew you'd say that!"

 I gave a deep sigh, "Okay--when the adjuster comes out to look at your car, he is going to know that no vehicle ran into you.  You have a vertical dent--like you ran into a pole or a sharp corner.  Any vehicle would leave a horizontal dent--cross wise not length wise.  Then, if you lie, and he realizes it, he will accuse you of fraud and you might lose your insurance."

"Well--I was at work so I don't know what ran into me."

<it may be time for a lesson>
"What religion are you?"

"Baptist."

"Baptist?  Hm--mm, pretty strict rules of conduct in their discipline.  This is what you do, call your pastor and ask him what you should do."

"But---I CAN'T do that!"

"Why not?"

"Because he will tell me not to lie!"

"So...hm-mm...you are very willing to lie to the insurance man, but not your pastor?"

"I see your point."

"If you can reconcile all of that, and justify the lie, without telling your pastor...God is gonna know anyway."

"Hm-mm."

"You claim to be such a good Christian.  Put your words into actions...or not.  Your choice."
<tee hee>

Then she went off on some sort of..........I don't know...........

"I have to go into prayer about this now."  and she raised her arms and hands way up in the air and started mumbling and then wiped her face.  Then she got up and started pacing the living room--smoking like a fiend.  Then she turned to me:

"You know I heard about this church--a Baptist church over by Howell and I'm going to start going.  That church up the road is NOT a Christian church!"

"You told me last winter you LOVED that church."

"Do you know what--I have been in prayer about this too...Judy L. gave me a DVD to watch and it was so disgusting I couldn't watch it.  I wonder what kind of Christian SHE is.  She says she's a Christian, but a Christian wouldn't watch that kind of movie."

"Didn't you and July L. go to see 'Tammy" last month?  I heard it was pretty nasty, but you said that you and she sat and laughed until you cried."

"Well--it was only rated R...not triple X."

"I don't think Christian's go to see R rated movies...do they?"

"Well, when I got home, I read a whole chapter in the Bible to make up for it."

"Oh."

"What do you think about that guy in Detroit who shot that girl through his screen door?"

"I don't know.  If someone was knocking on my door at three in the morning...I would have been scared.  He had a break-in just a couple of weeks before that.........."

"I need to be in prayer about that sawdust pile too.  I need to ask God to clean that up somehow--someone...I..."

"Excuse me...I have to go to the bathroom."

She lights another cigarette and off I go.

Yes--I needed to use the bathroom, but I had to get away from the madness for a minute.  I sat down and and said, "Dear God...this woman is nuts!"

When I came back out, "You know what happened today?  A nice looking gentleman thought I was sixty years old!"

"At work?"

"No!  I was working a garage sale with my friend today--I told you that, right?"

"No."

"Oh--she has lovely antiques and furniture..I got two end tables and a coffee table and a six-panel wooden screen."

"Where are you going to use the screen.  In your living room?"

"No.  I don't have room really--I don't know, but I had to have it."
<now, where did I put that gun?>

"Maybe you should have saved your money to pay to repair your dent."

"OHMYGOD!!  I know now!  I loved that car so much that God put the sin of pride on me and made me back into the house last night.  Just to show me not to love inanimate objects!  That's it!"

"God....made you back into your house?"

"Yes--don't you see?"

"Not really."
<no gun, do I have a baseball bat I could use>

"Do you know that Connie and those damn grand kids, ruined my furniture.  I paid over two thousand dollars for my end tables and coffee table, and they marked them up........"

"So, that's why you got the ones from the garage sale today?"

"Yes.  They aren't as nice as mine, but they are nice and it she gave them to me for only three hundred dollars!  Only a hundred dollars for the screen!"

"Wow!"

She picks up her phone, "I gotta call my Daddy and see what he thinks I should do."

"About the tables....I don't...ah...the car?"

"The car...but I know what he will tell me to do.  He'll say to lie about it."

"Probably."

"If I tell the truth...won't my insurance go up?"

"I don't really know."

"I know what I will do.  I will find that insurance policy and...if I lay my hands on it and pray...God will send me the money to pay for the repair on the car."

"Or--you could just wait...save up the money and get it fixed later."

"No--I hate driving around with a dent in my beautiful car."

"I think I hear pride talking again............."

"No--this is different."
<perhaps I have poison--just a bit, to put in her coffee?>

"Boy," she says.  "I am really up on the roof tonight aren't I?"

"Ah...yes."

"I gotta go home.  Thanks for helping me."  and she ran out the door.

I found four cigarette butts in the ashtray--that she dug through my desk drawer to find.  That woman is hooked again!

So, I washed the ashtray and put it away and sat down and...even now...my head is swimming.
=================
My other neighbor Tami--a younger version of Dar, just came up to the open screen window by my chair and started talking.  Scared me half outta my chair.    I can't quite get a handle on what she was ranting about and it is way too late to post about it--maybe tomorrow, if I can get my brain back to normal?
==================

Where do these people come from?  I have never, NEVER in my life met anyone like them!