Wondering................

why my gray hair looks blonde in that last photo?

What is this?

Actually, it is the left arm and left front of a cardigan that is crocheted all in one piece.  Something just doesn't look right, according to the directions, which are vague at best.  On this row, the instructions say to, dc (double crochet) 60 stitches, dc 60 more stitches and dc the last 60 stitches.

BUT, there are only 120 stitches on that row and for the life of me, I can't see where the pattern has told me to make a chain foundation row for the 60 stitches to the right, which would be part of the back.

It's suppose to look like this when finished.  I don't see that happening.  So I "frogged" ( rip-it, rip-it) it back to the top of the arm, threw it in my crochet basket and went back to cross-stitching on a baby quilt.  GEEZ LOUISE!!!

When I fed the cats last night, Maggie didn't come to their "feeding station".  "You want some food?" is all I have to say and they both run to their feeding dishes for their tablespoon of wet food.  

Maggie just sat on the couch and looked at me.  So....I took her food to her.

I'm wondering, for a person who expects animals to "mind me", why I did this?  If it were a child of mine, when "Supper's ready", was called, if one refused to sit at the table, they went without.

I always feel better emotionally...........

when I get my hair cut--------

17 degrees for the next few days, with a wind chill making it feel like single digit temperatures, and I decide to get my hair cut.   Weird Woman!!!

Back to normal.....

whatever that is.  Boring, for sure.

Christmas Day I rode up 25 miles with Merle and Pearl's daughter Marge and her daughter and grand daughter, to her brother's house for supper.  What a strange bunch.  Merle & Pearl's son, Vic, is the oldest of the siblings and he doesn't talk.  He just stand or sits and watches what is going on around him, and if you ask him a direct question, he might mumble a yes or no, that's it.  Usually he doesn't even look up.  His wife, who I like, is slightly drunk all the time.  Maybe that is why she is so friendly?

Merle and Pearl's 2nd child, Cathy, has a high pitched giggle and she uses is all the time.  Every word she speaks is followed by that screeching giggle.  Her husband, who I think is very mannerly and nice, I am told, is a fake.  He just acts that way in front of people.

Merle & Pearl's 3rd child is Margie--she lives in the park and is the one mainly involved in her parent's life.  She wears her blonde hair down below her bottom and wears very, very thick make-up
and smoke like a chimney.  She is a nice person however, at least she is nice to me.

All the men in the family wear their baseball or hunting hats in the house--all the time.  I've never seen any of them without their hats on, including when I have gone out to restaurants with the group.  They all sat out in the attached garage, that apparently Pearl's son has made into a man-cave, with a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other.  When it was time to eat, their women took their plates out to them.  They never came in with the rest of the family.

Pearl said loudly, "Where's the Lasagna?"
Marge said, "There isn't any."
The hostess said, "I forgot to get it."
Pearl:  "I was promised there would be Lasagna.  If you told me, I'd had Merle pick some up at Gordon's!"
The hostess:  "Sorry, I forgot."
Cathy:  "There's ham and scalloped potatoes and green bean casserole.  Salad, cookies, cake and ice cream.  What more do you need?"  GIGGLE
Pearl: "Lasagna. Oh well, nobody keeps me informed of what's going on anymore, anyway!"

They don't open their gifts at the same time, all sitting in one room, when a child passed by Pearl, she handed them a present.  No thank you from the child.  By the end of the evening, she didn't know who she had given gifts too and had one left over that she fretted about.

I saw Margie hand her sister-in-law a gift and the sister-in-law sat it down on the table and walked away.  Apparently she would open it later?

Their daughter Cathy handed me a McDonald's gift card.  I made a big deal over it, thanked her and hugged her.  Later when I got home, I looked at it.  It was for a cup of coffee and it expired on December 26, 2016.  I don't drink coffee, but it was a nice gesture.

Weirdest Christmas get together I have ever attended.

For this picture, Pearl kept saying, "Wait, I'm not ready. Wait!"  Her daughter Cathy kept clicking and all three photos turned out the same with Pearl saying the same thing.  In one photo she does have her eyes closed.

Merle and Pearl rode home with us, for the first twenty miles, Pearl kept saying, "I just don't understand how she could forget Lasagna!  Of course, she's not that great a hostess.  It's a wonder she didn't forget we were coming at all."

Finally Marge said, "Mom!  Will you shut up about the damn Lasagna!  I'll go to Gordon's tomorrow and get you some!"

Merle and I sat in the back seat and didn't say a word all the way home.

===============

Karen gave me a half a ham for Christmas.  I had mentioned that I was craving a thick ham sandwich.  Do you know how big half a ham is?  The one she gave me looks like the whole dang hog!!!!!!!!  Did I ask her why she got me such a big ham?  Of course not!  I made a big deal over it and thanked her and hugged her and thanked her again.  Hey, it was a sweet gesture from her.

I sliced off many slices and ate ham every meal for two days, until I thought I'd throw-up if I ever smelled ham again.  Then I put the rest of the slices in the freezer.  I ate macaroni and tuna salad for the last three days.  As you can see, my menu is nothing to write home about.

I buy something and then I eat it for lunch and supper, until it's gone.  Then I get something else and do the same.  Food means nothing to me anymore.  I don't even taste what I eat--it is only to get some protein in me to keep from fainting.

Today, I have some of the ham and the ham bone in the crock-pot, along with one big potato, a small cabbage, a large onion and a dozen or so baby carrots.  It does smell good and will be a warm supper for me.  It will probably make me sick!!
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Of course I binged on football games all weekend and yesterday.  Today feels like Monday because of the games yesterday, which would normally be on New Year's Day, but because it fell on a Sunday this year, and NO college bowl games are allowed to be televised on a Sunday--it is reserved for NFL games, the college ones were yesterday.

WHEW!  Got all that?

So I sat and watched and cross-stitched and was pretty comfy.
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Now--it's back to our normally scheduled programming.  Which means for me:

Get all the January birthday cards made and addressed, today.
Hair cut tomorrow at 2:45.  Take garbage out before bedtime.
Bank and Walmart, Thursday, 2:30
Laundry, dust and vacuum on Friday.
College basketball on Saturday.

There might be some surprises along the way, but I doubt it.  I find comfort in my scheduled, routine, ordinary life.

Praise God for an ordinary life!

Five Years--seems like yesterday.......

It is said, when we quit looking for love, it will find us.  We both were to the point in our life when we were content to live alone.  Both had given up the superficial dating scene.  I guess, at that point, God decided we were finally ready to find each other.  There is no way we should have/could have met, if it hadn’t been for divine intervention.  

February 27, 2005.  Our first date at a lovely restaurant, after an hour, the waitress came and asked if there was something wrong with our food as neither one of us had eaten—so busy talking back and forth across the table in our booth.  Talking about our “broken roads”, so many of the same experiences.

He was the kindest, coolest, most loyal, trustworthy, honest, handsomest and faithful man I had ever known.  So much in common, it was like we had known each other for years and years. Never one disagreement in our 7 years together.  How could you disagree with someone who was just like you?  Same background, same ideals, same beliefs, same values.  It would be like disagreeing with yourself.

I have never believed in the whole “soul mate” stuff.  If it does exist, we had it. 

We had a wonderful, comfortable, content time together.  The only thing we didn’t have in common—he loved to watch NASCAR, I didn’t.  So, he’d watch and I’d sit in the chair next to him and crochet or cross stitch and make “YAY,” comments at appropriate times and be content.  I did love to watch softball, and a good thing as he played 3 nights a week.  We even got engaged before a softball game.  I will never remove the ring he slid on my finger.

Then, 2 days after Christmas 2011, he had to go to hospital for breathing problems. We had been through this before.  Three days later they decided--a “simple procedure” they said, to “Help him breathe and get the infection out of his lungs”.  I went down to the hospital, early New Year’s morning.  We talked and hugged, and then I had to leave his room, while they did the simple procedure

 “Love you, Honey,” he said. Gasping for air.  “See you soon.”  “I love you too, Sweetheart,” I said as I hugged and kissed him and walked out of his room.  We had been through these hospital scares so many times in our years together, but this time, something didn’t feel right to me. 

Five minutes later, the Respiratory Tech stepped out of his room, “We’ve got him on the breathing tube, he’s doing just fi….,” even before she got the whole sentence out of her mouth, the Code Blue announcement and blue light came on over his door—and I knew.  Sure, they tried to revive him—for 20 minutes they tried.  But I knew.

His nurse came out of his room, sobbing, and walked quickly around the corner.  His pulmonary specialist came out of his room, tears in his eyes as he held my hands and told me how sorry he was.   All of his care-givers, each time he was in hospital, had grown to admire and love him.  

Many of the same ones’ who had cared for him before, even Sarah, the nurse, who had taken care of him after his heart surgery- from the ICU floor below, was there that morning.  The many times he had been in that same hospital, on that same floor--even the aides had heard our love story.

They had heard he was to have the simple procedure, and wanted to be with him.  The familiar faces all came up to me.  They came with words of consolation, tears in their eyes.  I comforted them.

A Priest came and asked if I wanted to go back into the room so he could bless him.  I wondered to myself, “A priest?  We are both Protestants.”  But we were in a Catholic hospital, so I agreed.  It was a beautiful blessing.  The Priest made the sign of the Cross on his forehead.  At a time like that, it matters not, if it was a Vicar, a Minister, a Rabbi or a Priest.  We all love and serve the same Lord.

I bent over and smoothed back his hair, kissed his temple, laid my face against his cheek and whispered in his ear, “Be with God, Sweetheart, I’ll see you soon.”

As I drove home, with his belongings piled in the back seat of my car, I couldn’t even cry.  I just kept saying, “Thank you, God.  Thank you, God”, over and over, all the way home.  I was so grateful that I had finally known such a wonderful man who actually, truly loved me.

That morning, before I left for the hospital, I had put the invitations to his 70^th birthday party into the mail box.  I had rented a room at a beautiful restaurant. The party would be in just 15 days.  Everyone in our families had been invited. His two daughter's from Florida were flying in for the "party".  Little did they know, Fred had contacted his minister friend and we were to be married that afternoon.  I had my dress picked out.  I was going to order it on Monday, January 2nd.

When I got home, I got the invitations out of the mail box and threw them, forcefully, into the trash can. 

It would never be.

==============

It has been 5 years.  5 years is the cut-off date for “active grieving”, or so “they” say, but I don’t think we ever “get over” our loved ones death, especially a husband.  Yes, we learn to live with it and not grieve every single day, but that sadness stays in that spot in our heart and soul, and comes to the forefront of our mind on every yearly “sadiversary”.

It was the most beautiful 7 years of my life.  The memories help me—I still don’t cry, have never cried, because when I think of my Fred, it brings a smile to my face and all I feel is gratitude.

When we met, at our age, we talked about how every day was a blessing, and that if we only had a few years together, it would be okay.  Better a few years than not ever having any days together.  How lucky we were to even find each other.

How joyful and grateful I am for the time we had together.  Thank you, God.

I love you Sweetheart.  I’ll see you soon. 

Fredrick LeRoy Zuehlke

January 15, 1942

January 1, 2012

The Eve...........

the Eve of what?  A new year?  Who says.  The new year used to begin in March, in or around the Spring Equinox--when new life was beginning.  Julius Caesar and some Pope named Gregory decided to change up the calendar and now we celebrate the new year in the dark of winter.  Poor misguided souls, Jules and Greg!

If you read my Face Book post today, you will have learned that I don't care much for new year's Eve.  I just don't see how anyone can get excited about losing another year of their life.  Or is it that they celebrate the coming of a whole new year to a better life?

HA!  Life only gets better when WE decide to make it better.  Forget resentments, forgive others for being mean, and get in touch with what our souls really need.  That doesn't magically happen on new years, no matter how many resolutions you make.  It can happen in March or June, or for me--on a starry night in August 2012, sitting alone on my front porch and realizing that I could not control all the bad things that had been done to me by others, but to forgive, truly forget and from that moment on, forge a new way of thinking and living.

As for new year's eve--how I hated that night.  The dances and parties we went to as a married couple.  The first hour was fun, for me, then my friends started to feel the effects of the alcohol they had consumed, and things got stupid.  SOME normally nice men were propositioning other men's wives.  Normally nice, refined women, were slobbering and sitting on other women's husbands laps.  It seemed to this non-drinker as a bacchanal to end all bacchanal's!

They say alcohol is a depressant.  Why would any normal person want to take something that made them depressed?  Or, just maybe, alcohol is a repressent?  It represses common sense and turns normal people into wildly, stupid human beings?

I say a man, whom everyone "thought" was a loving husband and father of 5 young girls, slap his wife around at one of these parties.  "Drunk", they all said, "or he wouldn't have done such a thing."

Yeah right!  When later questioned about any of these antics, the EXCUSE was always, "I was so drunk I don't even remember."

Of course, being the ONLY non-drinker in the group, I was the designated driver for some of the party-goers.  GOOD GRIEF!  Stopping every few miles to let one or more open the car door to retch and vomit.  Such fun!

When I deposited all the, by then, moaning party goers at their homes and got my own husband into bed, he had to lay with one foot on the floor to "keep the bed from spinning."  Did I lay quietly beside him so as not to disturb the bed?  Is the Pope Jewish?

Oh heck no.  I rolled and tossed and made that bed jiggle and jolt until Dear Hubs had to get up and drape himself over the Porcelain Throne for the rest of the night.  I'd find him curled around said Throne, on the cold, tiled bathroom floor New Year's morning and I'd call out with a hearty and loud cheer of, "HAPPY NEW YEAR'S! Would you like fried eggs for breakfast?"

She who laughs last, laughs all day long. 

Almost Done

Let's see--John.  He called last night and is coming over tonight to bring me one of those gigantic blueberry muffins from Costco.  One of those muffins lasts me for 4 snacks, they are huge.  Do I miss his visits?  Not really.  Twice a day for nearly two years got to be a bit much.

My entire house is clean and ready for a clean new year.  It feels really a lot more comfortable to come in here and have it decluttered, cleaned and everything where it belongs.  I also set up my humongous humidifier yesterday so now, I don't get a shock every time I reach out to pet a cat, or touch the light switch.

Now I am wondering what I am going to do for the next couple of months.  There has always been at least one item on my "to do" list and now that list is done.  I need to get another genealogy going.  If you know of anyone that would like one done for them, please give them my e-mail address and I can give them an idea of what they will get and the cost.  Thanks.
======================

Had to go to the grocery store. Had a gift card to Meijer--might as well go there. It was only after I headed toward Brighton that I remembered my vow never to shop in that Meijer again, Should have gone to the one in Howell--oh well, no problems today. Right?

Saw an employee-"Could you please tell me where the air filters are?" "Oh--over that way somewhere." He kept walking as he pointed.  I must have caught him going to his break. 

Later at the deli--"Could you tell me where the packaged Meijer macaroni salad is?" "It's down on the end, over there, on the end of one of those produce aisles."

Then came check-out time.
"Do you want your pop bottles bagged?"

"Excuse me?"

"Do you want your pop bagged?"

"Yes, please." ( how else am I going to carry 8 2-litre jugs of Pepsi into the house? One at a time?)

That was the extent of her greeting. I noticed that when she bagged the groceries, she turned the carousel the opposite way most cashiers do. To load my cart, I had to walk around to her side of the carousel to get the bags. Just as I went to pick-up the last two bags, she spun the carousel the opposite way, so I had to walk back around and pick them off.

"One hundred fifty-seven," she says.

I put my Bridge card in the machine and entered my PIN. Nothing.
I looked at her, she looked at me.

"You don't have any money on that card."

"Sure I do. Sixteen dollars was loaded on it December 21st and I haven't used any of it."

"Well! YOU have to tell me how much is on there."

"Oh, Okay. I didn't realize that. I've never had to do that before."
Done. She looked at me. I looked at her.

"How much do I have left to pay?"

She told me so I swiped my Meijer gift card.
Done. She looked at me. I looked at her.

"How much do I have left to pay?"
Apparently I was supposed to be reading the small print on the card swiper thingie, that had my total. Usually the cashier will say, "One hundred left."
She told me, so I stuck my charge card in the end of the card reader. She looked at me. I looked at her.

"It's not doing anything," I said.

"Is there a message that you're supposed to do something?"

I squinted--"Oh. Press green, I guess."

"Well, then press green!", she replied as she perused her manicure.
Done.

"Thank you," I said.

Not a word from her. No. "Have a nice weekend." No, "Happy New Year." No. "Thank you for shopping at Meijers."

I could hear her thinking--"old lady, just get your cart and your ass outta my lane."

On my way out, I saw Kevin the manager and was tempted to stop and tell him about my shopping experience, but then---since I will NEVER shop in that store again--why bother him?

There is a Meijer store in Brighton and, 4 miles away, one in Howell.  The Howell one is easier to get too, directly off the main road I live on--up 2.5 miles, and easier to get home from.  The employees there are pleasant.  The difference in the atmosphere of the store and the employees are like night and day.  I usually don't shop at Meijer's because their prices are higher on the stuff I use.

I have never had a bad shopping experience at Walmart.  If I ask an employee working out in the store, if they could tell me where something is, they will walk me right to the product--and if it's heavy, load it in my cart.  The cashiers are usually pleasant and always ask if I would like a carry-out person to load my car for me.

One good laugh I had today, on the way home, tons of traffic, I noticed on a side street a stopped car, emergency flashers going and unoccupied--apparently the owner had vacated the car to walk for help.  As I sat at the red light, watching this side street, 8 cars pulled up behind the unoccupied car.  Soon they were all blowing their horns.  Obviously they were all so preoccupied, they didn't see the emergency flashers or that there was no driver in the car.  Pay attention and see--then ease your car around and go on your way.  Lordy---nowadays people are such sheep!!!

======================

Ball games tonight!  MSU basketball at 6:00 and the Orange Bowl at 8:00.  University of Michigan playing the Florida State Seminoles.  Am I going to root for the Michigan team?  

Is the Pope Jewish?  Florida State is my second favorite college football game.  Their mascot, the Indian chief rides out on an Appaloosa horse, and spikes a flaming spear into the center of the football field.  I'm a sucker for that kind of theatrics!  Besides, the Michigan Wolverines are such arrogant asses, (we actually called them, "The arrogant asses from Ann Arbor". along with their coach, Jim Harbaugh being some sort of weird ass all by himself--I will NEVER root for Michigan.  Never have.  Never will!!!!!!!!

I know most of you don't understand--the rivalry between Michigan State University Spartans and the University of Michigan Wolverines-- or Michigan Weasels as we like to call them.  Michigan State is a land grant college and eons ago, was known as the best college to go to for veterinary medicine (still is) and agricultural.  Thus we were called the "Cow College".  We are just a kind of "Aw shucks", easy-going, laid back, conservative bunch.  

The U of Michigan is where the doctors and lawyers went for their education.  PLUS--the people, when you ask them where they are from will not say Ann Arbor, but rather, "A2" or "A squared."  They act arrogant, looking down their noses at the rest of the world.  Mostly Liberals and, well--just arrogant.

The reason Fred fell in love with me?  He had been dating A2 women for a couple of years and was tired of being dumped when they found out he didn't have a lot of money and didn't own a tuxedo and wasn't interested in taking expensive trips to Europe.  He rather liked my unassuming attitude about things.

So--yes--I hope Florida State not only wins the Cotton Bowl, but drives those arrogant asses faces into the dirt!!

In Between

A different feeling this year--the week between Christmas and New Year's.  It's like I'm in limbo--waiting for something to happen.  Like there is something I am supposed to do--an appointment or something equally important--and I've forgotten about it.  I keep looking at my calendar and there are no notations on the days of this week.  For some reason, it just feels odd to me.  Maybe because Christmas came on a Sunday, and to me, it felt like any ordinary Sunday and so this week is supposed to be dotted with grocery shopping, or other errands?

It's probably just me.  I am a weird duck at times.  My thought processes and all.
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I have noticed that some blog buddies get upset if they don't have enough visitor's to their blog each day.  I have no clue how to even check and see who or how many stop by for a read.  The only way I know, is from the comments left.  I don't really care how many visitor's I have.  Maybe that's because my blog isn't an educational one?  It's kind of like my diary--where I write down the weird things I think of and tell you to see if you ever have those same thoughts.  It's always comforting when someone says they too feel the same way--makes me realize that I'm not the only one with strange thoughts in this world.  LOL

It would be nice if everyone that stopped by left a comment, but that's not necessary.  I won't quit writing my posts just because people don't comment or even stop by.  I guess this blog is for me--to post in and not feel so alone and lonely.

"You need to get out more," people tell me.  Even my son said, "You should get a job at Walmart as a greeter or go to the Senior Center."  EGAD!!!  Is he trying to give me advice or drive me nutz?  Of course, at 58 years old and out and about to have lunch with his friends everyday, he has no clue.

Going out requires gas for the car.  I am allowed $20.00 a month gas money in my budget.  "Go to the Mall and just walk around."  Why in the world would I want to do that?  I have never enjoyed going to the Mall or shopping, even when I was younger.  If I went to the Mall or any store, it was to get what I needed, get outta there and get back home.

Where I grew up, on the farm, and after I was married--going to town--which was 20 miles away--was for a specific reason.  To get food or a dentist or doctor appointment.  Usually we did two or three of those things in one trip.  Dentist appointment for me and the kids, then grocery shopping.

I make lists of things I have to do and where I have to go and try and do all of them in one afternoon.  Go to the bank, hair cut, stop at the inkjet refill store, stop at Michael's for needed supplies.  I can honestly say that in the 13 years I have lived here--only 2.5 miles away from a lot of stores, I have never gone--what we used to call, window shopping.  Why would I want to browse in a store, knowing full well there was nothing in that store that I needed or wanted?  Such a waste of time.  I much prefer to shop on-line, but then too, it is always for something I need--not just to "look around."

Perhaps it's the money issue.  I don't have a spare dollar to spend and if I went browsing, I'd probably see something that I really wanted and couldn't buy.  I tend to like the Pier One store up the way, went in there twice to buy something I needed, but know enough to stay out.  There would be a trunk or a colored glass canister set or something I'd love to have.  Nope!  Just stay away.
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The only shopping I have enjoyed this past few years was shopping for my carpet and furniture.  BUT--I didn't browse.  I did that on-line and knew when I entered the store what I wanted--found it--ordered it--and got out.

No wonder I am bored most of the time.  HAH!
============================

Marcia asked about John--since his dog Maisey died, I haven't seen him much.  He walked her twice a day and they always stopped in so Maisey could get her treat--Cheerios.  For nearly two years--I saw them twice a day.

John took a custodial job at the high school--working nine to five--at night!  Personally, I think it's too much for him with his bad shoulder, knee and foot, but he reacted much like a person whose spouse had died.  Jumping into something new right away.  

I've known a lot of widows/widowers who started dating immediately, or bought a brand new car, or sold the house.  He's kind of acting like that--only getting a job.

I see him maybe twice a month now and it's always for a reason.  He bought muffins at Costco and he thinks I need one.  He stopped over on the 24th with a gift--cashews.  I gave him 2 quarts of spaghetti sauce I had made.  Other than that, if I am sitting in this street facing room, I see him drive by on his way to work, at 8:30 in the evening,  or on his way to church on Sunday.  That's it.

He did clean out our driveways after the big 9" snow drop early this month, but he didn't stop in to get warm, like he used too.  I expect any day, to hear that he is selling his place and moving back to Brighton.  He much prefers living in town where he can walk to everything.

I guess, Maisey was our connection and now that she's gone, so is the connection?