Labels

When I work in my garden, I ponder things.  Very, deep, philosophical things.  Tee Hee

Labels.

Hanging around my neck.  I used to have many and now---?

I was a daughter and acted accordingly, as a daughter should.  Then my label was ripped in half, but I still had the label and acted accordingly, even though the half the label that was left didn't treat me very well.

Then, I was a wife and once again acted accordingly.  Doing all the things the books told me I should do to be a good wife.  Even though my Wife Label got scribbled on with words that told me I wasn't doing a very good job.

Then I put on the label Mother.  To me, the best label I ever had.  I loved being pregnant.  Never a day of morning sickness.  Nice, big, healthy, round-headed babies came from my body.  Every one of them was cute from the minute they were born, beautiful when they were grown and still are very handsome and pretty.

Then my Wife label was ripped off and I was labelled, Divorced Woman.  Such a hard label that came with perceptions from others, that I never expected.  Women friends thought I was after their husbands.  Men thought I must need sex from them.  GEEZ!

Then, the best label of all--Grand Mother.  Such a love for the babies of my babies.  I could see all the wonder of life in them that I may have missed with my own, when I felt strongly it was up to ME to raise decently.  The Grand children were not my job to discipline.  Just to play with and teach and enjoy.
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My daughter label is gone.  My wife label is gone.  My mother label is still there, but very dim and faded because they are busy and have their own life and don't need mother anymore.  My Grand Mother label is quite dim now too.  Once again, busy lives.  If I want my Grandma label to "shine", I have to go to them.

I also was proud to wear the label, "Loved, Sweetheart, nearly Wife, Care Giver."  Of course, that was ripped from my neck in a very painful way.

No Labels.  I wonder what people see when they look at me?  There are no labels for them to make a determination of "what IS this woman."

I no longer have the labels, so I am prone to wonder, "Who am I anymore?"

In reality, free from the labels, I can now become whomever I want to be.  That's kind of cool.

I have been working at it for the last 3+ years.
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I know that I am a really good friend to people.  A good listener.  In the past, I wouldn't have had the time to take the time for a Dar rant, a Pearl senility, a John constantly repeating the same stories over and over.  Now I can and it no longer wears me out.  I listen.  I hear it.  I focus on them.  They leave and I put it entirely out of my mind.  Their, weirdness shall we say, doesn't bother me as it once did.

I know that I am more content to be here, doing my own thing, than to have to be "going" all the time.  I guess I have learned to like myself?  At earlier times, I had to be acknowledged by others to find any worth.  

Socializing?  "They" tell us, older people need to socialize or we will get depressed and feel un-needed.

Oh my.  If I HAD to go to the Senior Center once a week.  If I HAD to take a day trip with a group.  If I had to get out and converse with people on a regular basis, THAT would make me depressed!!  Nervous!  Chaotic feeling!  My worse case scenario.

What fills me with great joy?  Creating!  Losing myself in a genealogy for hours at a time.  It's history to me and it is fascinating.  Knitting or crocheting or cross stitching an item.  Knowing that someday it will go to someone who will really appreciate it and I wonder, what that baby or that person will feel when they receive it.

This time of year, piddling around in my gardens.  NOT the six hours I used to spend twice a week to make the most beautiful garden in the neighborhood.  Now, planting and enjoying what I want to plant.  What I want to see.  Such freedom.

My personality HAS changed.  Without the labels.  Some people are confused by it.  I no longer am the same Judy they have in their perception of me.  Expectations and perceptions from others, no longer matter to me.  I think, for the first time in my life, I just might be a rebel.  LOL

My faith is stronger than it has ever been in my life.  Although I always knew it, I really believe and feel that God is in control and I don't worry about anything anymore.  I have been through really hard times in my life and every single time, something has come to save me.  I choose to truly believe it is God and not just a coincidence.  

I was a worry-wort from the time I was a small child!  Wanting to control to keep everything calm and peaceful and right.  Wanting to be whatever I was supposed to be to every one.  Reacting in a way that was expected of me.

Now--I still hear distressing news.  I am still hurt by people.  Things come that are hard to bear.  It's like I hear it and I know it and my mind just says, "Whatever."

Onward and Upward.  Ever Forward!

No matter what, life is soooooo good!

A Weekend of Blessings

Soooooooooo busy!  It is that busy time of year.  Eh?

Thursday, I drove 20 miles north to have lunch with the Old School Gal Pals.  The 3 annoying ones stayed home, so it was a lovely lunch with conversations back and forth.  Lovely.  I drove up the access road--the one that runs along the Expressway, but on the way home, decided to take the Expressway.  It has been a long time.  I nearly had a panic attack!  I used to drive 75-80 on the Expressway, now I was barely going 65 and felt like I was flying and not in control.  So I got behind a semi, who was going 65 and got off at the first exit (4 miles) and relaxed and drove home the rest of the way on the side road.  EGAD!!

Friday, I spent a lot of time on the genealogy, then weeded my small garden in front.  I had grass in there taller than the Iris and Lilies.  I can't dig with the shovel anymore.  It seems when I step up on the shovel to push it into the dirt, it feels like my hip socket is going to pop out.  EGAD!!

Saturday, I drove 20 miles south to see Madeleine dance in a recital.  All Interpretive dance, choreographed by the dancers.  The dance company is Christian based, so a lot of the music was praise music.  One girl, a few years older than Maddie, had recently had her fiance' call off the wedding.  She came out and danced a solo to, I'm Only Human.  Well, I wept through the whole thing.  The words spoke to some of my experiences.  

Madeleine is by far the best of the Academy--everyone says so, including her instructors.  She has a certain way.  The older girls are all beautiful dancers, but when they stand posed, with their chins up and arms extended and hands in a pose, Maddie's chin is just a teeny bit higher, her arms and hands, just a bit more expressive and...the look on her face when she dances---she looks like she is transformed to another place.  She once told me that when she gets on stage, she is not aware of the audience, only the music and feels she is dancing in praise of God.  More weeping from Grandma.

Then we traveled back to Karen & Mark's house for hamburgers and hot dogs grilled and a nice supper on the deck.  My grandsons were there and my oldest grand daughter Helene and her fiance' Michael Benjamin.  They are getting quietly married in June, by a judge, with only parents and siblings present.   Then they will move into their new little house and we will have a baby shower in late August.  It's all good.

Sunday--I went up to The Farm and stopped in at the cemetery on the way.  My sister decorates the graves now.  It used to be my job, for 30 years, and then when she moved back, she took over.  YAY!  The flowers look nice in the urns.  I talked with Fred for awhile and then admired my own headstone waiting for me.  It is a really nice marker, if I do say so myself.

Then I drove the two miles over to The Farm and helped Susan and her hubs Chuck, pack stuff away that hadn't sold--mostly dishes and that sort of thing.  My sister and I have never discussed it, but she remembers in our father's Will, it states: "It is my desire that my said named daughters, meet privately at my home for the division of my personal property.  My daughter, Susan----supervise and divide of said personal property equally between my said named living daughter's."

So--as I was leaving my sister said, "I will get you an itemized list of all that was sold and write you a check for half the net profit." 

I have no idea how much that will be and it really doesn't matter to me.  My sister and her husband were the ones that had to store it, and keep it clean and help get it placed for the sale.  The Estate Sale Planners take 20% of the gross sales.

What really matters to me?  My sister is an honest, lovely person who is going to share with me.  I FINALLY will receive something from our Father's estate!

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I have told the story before of how my kids got two of the farms, my sister the other one, my two other kids and Susan's son got $10,000.00 cash each.  Susan and I were supposed to share the GM stock our Dad had inherited from his mother--which in 2008 was worthless.  There was also an investment put into trust, 1/3 for his wife, 1/3 for Susan, 1/3 for me--around $125K each.

However, because the markets were so bad at the time, our step-mother said we should just leave it and not cash it out.  She would give it to us when the market improved or when she died.  There were many witnesses in the house who heard what she told us.  Then she died.  No trust in our names to be found.

In the last few years, since her demise, we have found out that when she moved into her $4,500.00 a month Senior complex and all the trips she took, she used the money from that trust.  She left HER investments, retirement, etc. alone, in her girls names.  Everything was in trust so there was no Probate.

So--Susan and I have the final laugh on this one.  At least the bitch step-mother didn't steal quite all of itll!

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Today, I am again weeding gardens.  Not too bad in the shady gardens, but at 2:00 when I was working in the full sun, I got dizzy and shaky and had to come in.

Tomorrow I go on an expedition to buy a few annuals for my porch pots!!!

Life is so good and filled with so many blessings!

Mother Nature

It "appears" that Mother Nature has decided to finally give up May weather.  Of course, it's nearly June, but................................Mother Nature is a crazy old, starts with a B--itchy woman for sure!

I can't really get into the mood to weed gardens, plant flowers or paint my porch when the weather is cloudy, cold and rainy.  Perhaps it is just a state of mind, but I have always been affected by the weather.  When it is sunny and nice, I get energetic and crave to be outside.  When it is cloudy--I don't care if it's 70 degrees outside, I just don't have the fortitude or mood to do anything outside.
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Today--I finally got the laundry done that I started Monday.  EGADS!!  However, I haven't taken a walk up to the lake since last fall--which I promised myself I would do every day.  I haven't re-made the dental appointment I canceled in March and, it's almost time for my six months check in with the doctor--blood draw included.

The time goes so fast, but when I look back, I haven't done a dang thing of any importance.  I think things are going to pick up however.

My sister and brother-in-law are FINALLY having the estate sale to get rid of the Great greats, Greats, Grands and father's stuff.  My ancestor's on my Dad's side never threw away a thing!  There are boxes and old farm equipment from the mid 1800's.  As well as clothes our great, great grandparents wore.  Plus dishes, an old, beautiful with nickle trim and dragon heads, wood cook stove as well as a wood/coal burning stove, looks similar to the cook stove, with ising glass front and sterling trim, that sat in the middle of the living room when I was a teeny little kid.

They have horsehair furniture, an old Victrola, a Wilton velvet carpet.  This is a treasure trove of antiques--for people that like that kind of thing.

The sale starts Thursday, with mostly antique buyers coming in early.  The Estate Sale planners have notified all the people they deal with.  They have also arranged and priced all the stuff.  It is not an auction and not a garage sale.  My sister and BIL, either leave for the day, or stay in the house.  They do not mingle.

Here's the link if you want to look at the stuff.

https://www.estatesales.net/MI/Byron/48418/1163664

I am a bit peeved that I see an old Fenton Stag and Ivy bowl that belonged to our Great Grandma and I had for 40 years but only returned it to her last year because I didn't use it very often and thought it should go back where it used to live, for sale.  If I had known it was going to leave the family, I would have kept the damn thing or given it to one of my girls!  I suppose I could sneak out tonight and steal it out of the garage?

I have realized later this afternoon that I mustn't look at any more of the photos.  I am old enough to remember visiting the Great Grand Parents and seeing or using most of the stuff.  There goes my heritage and it breaks my heart.....but I need to be practical--right?

I's Here!

Here I am.  Honest it's me and not Judy's secretary, but she could use one!  And a house keeper, laundress, gardener, chauffeur.

It snowed here on Sunday morning.  May 15th and it snowed.

Night time temps in the low 30's.  I know this is Michigan, but this weather is just weird, even for us/.  I checked my journal and every year I've lived here (13), I have ALWAYS had my porch pots filled with annuals and seeds in the ground on May15th or the week after.  This year it will be Memorial Day.  Plus--this kind of weather does not even inspire me to "work up" my raised bed garden for the Zinnia seeds, or stop in at the garden center to even look at annuals.  I haven't even opened the file folder I make each fall, with what I want to plant the next spring.  So depressing!

Because of our large snow falls in April, only the very tops of my Lilac bushes have blooms.  They still smell as sweet, but.......................................and yet, the grass keeps growing and Don the Lawn Mowing Man keeps coming every Monday, at $20.00 a time.

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I have been so busy with the genealogies I am doing.  Finishing up one and knee-deep in another.  Last night at 9:00, I discovered a "thread" up from like a 6th great grand father, that took me to 106 AD.  106!  That's like a mere 100 years after Jesus died!  I actually got chills.  Back then the names of the people were things like, "Woden, King of the Saxons." One guys name is Bodacious, but they called him Bodik. I finally stopped with the "climbing up the generational ladder" at midnight and have taken a rest this morning, but I hear Bodik calling me.

I gotta get a good look at those 45 generations and make sure they really are connected to the 6th great grand father.  

I have subscribed to International Records, so that is why I am finding records from Germany and Norway and England and................it is truly amazing what good records they kept of baptisms and marriages and deaths--if you can read their writing, which is sometimes near impossible.

Oh yes.  There was a Farfeal too.  His title was "Farfeal the Arguer."  What would your old world title be?  "Judith The Tall.  Princess of the Germanic Women Warriors!"

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This guy has a perfectly beautiful Oriole feeding station, filled with nectar, grape jelly and half an orange.  Why does he instead want to sip from the Humming Bird feeder and scare my Hummers away

Bird brain!!!

?

Can you see the Hummer up on the right?

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My phone was out for 4 days and I didn't even know it.  HAH!  The Comcast guy came out yesterday and the problem is not the Modem, although he gave me a brand new, up to date one.  It is the telephone lines that run under the house.  I asked him lots of questions, while I sat near him to watch what he was doing.  He explained everything!

I didn't know that because I have phone service through Comcast, I don't need to plug the phones into the wall phone jack.  I just need to plug the base phone into the Modem and all the extensions run off that.

I also didn't know I didn't need the router that is hooked up.  The minute he unhooked it, the light green light on the Modem turned a bright green and my Internet connection ran faster.

At one time, there were two computers in this room.  Thus the need for the router--I guess.  When Freddie died, I disconnected his stuff and gave it to his son.  Then I moved his desk over here and just reconnected everything that way it was.

So--needing two new phone extension because mine are really, really old--I ran into Brighton to Best Buy and got a 3-phone pack.  Did you know, you can get packs of up to 10 phones?

One is the base and sits in here plugged into the Modem, the other two are to replace my living room and bedroom phones.  I let them charge for 16 hours, then plugged in the base to the Modem this morning.  Voila!!!  Really no static, which I had been experiencing.  Wonderful!

I had 11 voice mails since Friday.  3 from Walmart Pharmacy suggesting it would nice if I came in and picked up my prescription that had been ready since Friday morning.  HAH!

I am also finishing up a Toddler knit sweater for Chris and starting on the very cool crocheted vest she has created.

Plus, I expect a call from the painter any day now, so I gotta climb up and wash down the ceiling fan blades.  

Ya know.  When you are climbing tree branches up into the very tippy top of a family tree--all things seem to pale in comparison and other work is completely forgotten.  LOL

Taking Risks on Friday the 13th.

Today, between genealogy searches, I decided to wash my front windows and curtains.  A need a bit of brightening up in this room I spend so much time in.

Last year, when I tried to wash that middle window, I walked along the window ledge, lost my balance and fell back onto the desk.  This year, I figured out how to do it with a bit more caution.

So, while the curtains were washing, I cleaned off the windows.

https://youtu.be/CkXfDoNdKQk


...and put the clean curtains back up.  Now I am ready to get back to work.

https://youtu.be/3HbfBWYzeq0

Enjoy your weekend.

Fixes and Fakes

The repair guy was here at 11:30 to fix the leak in the back of my refrigerator.  It was a loose connection where the water line goes into the fridge and feeds up into the ice maker.  I have the incoming water turned off, so why was it leaking?

"So much lime and rust that you can't get the intake handle turned all the way off!"

So, if and when I get my new FREE fridge, I will let the installers worry about shutting off the water completely.  My new fridge will not have an ice maker, which is okay with me.  Our water here is so bad that I prefer making ice cubes out of bottled water anyway.
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So--there I was, climbing my way up another family tree.  Doing really well, branch after branch, with all data looking correct.  Up around the 10th branch, I was hunting for Matthew's parents names and I thought I had them.

To make sure, I clicked on another website, the one from the Mormon Church in Utah, which is supposed to have the best records and this is what I found:


"When Matthew XXXXX was born August 29, 1576, his father John was 6 and his mother Mary Alice was 5."

WHOA!  We have a miracle birth here!  His father was 6 and his mother 5?  YOWZA!
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I run into this kind of thing all the time!  Once, I had written down six children, filled in all their data, only to discover that four of them were born after their "supposed" father had died!

How does this happen?

People doing their own genealogical searching see a person designated as anothers' father or child and throw in the dates and "assume" all is well.  Most of the time they don't check the data deeply enough to see the errors.  Then they upload it to the Internet genealogy search sites and................it becomes "carved in stone."
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Our weather here is still in the 30's at night.  I am not even considering spending money and planting my planter pots with annuals until Memorial Day.  I have always planted on May 15th, but not this year.  The soil is still too cold to plant seeds.  The soil is still too wet to even get out and work up the garden.  It's weird and maddening!!!

But life is very good--so I don't worry about insignificant things like planting on May 15th or May 30th. :-)

YOWZA!

I don't know what's going on, but for some reason, blessings are raining down on me the last couple of weeks. like today--I stopped st Staples to buy a box of real expensive paper. I use in to print out the genealogy books I create for people. They had one box--it was open and roughed up, no plastic wrap on the paper, but the pages weren't bent. I took it up to the counter and the clerk thought that I was bringing it back for a return because it looked so rough. smile emoticon I asked if they had more in the storeroom, nope. I laughed, "I hope there are 150 sheets in there like it says." "Do you want to count them?" I said, "No. I'll just trust there are." He said, "Let me give you $10.00 off." Okey Dokey!

Then, I went to Cartridge World to get some black inkjet refills, but I didn't have any empty cartridges to turn. The clerk knows that I keep them in business, so she said, "I won't charge you for the empty cartridge fee because I know, you've come in before needing one refill and given us three empty cartirdges." WOW! $3.00 off, not much, but.......................

Then I stopped at the garage where I always take my car, because I have finally saved up enough ($700) to get the last major repair done on it--rear suspension. I asked my guy if they do the kit to take off the etching on the headlight covers. He said "No, we never have, but that guy right over there is trying to sell us kits to do that." I said, ":Well, I know it is pretty expensive." The sales guy says,to me, "How old is your car?" I said, "It has less than 50,000 on it, but....it's 18 years old." He goes outside, looks at my car, comes back in and says to my service guy, "You know--that would be the perfect car to use as a demo for the kit." So--I am getting an $89.95 fix for my headlights for---free!

I called to have a local painter come in and give me an estimate on painting my living room/kitchen/hallway walls and ceiling. I could do the walls, but the popcorn ceiling--well let's just say, I don't wanna. My ceilings haven't been done in 18 years and anyone who has visited me, knows--they are a fright! I had a figure in mind for labor and he came in right at it. Plus, I had a gallon and a half left of the wall paint I used last time, which he is going to match and buy another gallon and use mine too! Plus? He said he'd do my bathroom ceiling as a bonus, because it would take him less than an hour. !!

Plus--and here is the icing on the cake. A woman from OLSHA called me last week and said that for low income families, like myself, they are coordinating with DTE to help lower electricity bills and if my refrigerator is older than 2005, they will put in a new refrigerator and recycle mine. SAY WHAT!!?

I refused and told her that my refrigerator was fine and to give mine to a needy family with kids. She replied, "We have lots of new refrigerators and plenty to give to all our Livingston County low income families."

I again said, "No thanks. I'm fine." and she said, "I'm going to send you the form to fill out anyway. You look it over and please take advantage of this. Okay?"

It will be the same size as mine, but more energy efficient. Mine is 18 years old and does make a strange sound, soooo---maybe I should take them up on this? I don't quite know yet if I'm going to. It doesn't feel right--like I'm an old, poor woman on food stamps, or something (which I am, but--that's beside the point)!

Anyway--so many blessings after 4 1/2 tough, long years. I don't want to get too excited, but maybe, just maybe...2016 IS going to be a better year?

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and then.............grandson Stephen graduated from Michigan State.

Helene, Susanna, Karen, Stephen, Mark, Marcus, Madeleine

and then...............

Grand daughter Helene got engaged..

and then.................Mother's Day.  Out for brunch with Pam, Karen and Madeleine.

 Such lovely daughters

Pammie is chocking me, Karen is pretending she doesn't see and Maddie is yelling, "Elder abuse!  Elder abuse!"

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and then:

Had a bit of excitement around here. My girls pulled out my refrigerator to clean behind and under it. There was no way I was going to let someone come in here to bring in a new refrigerator and see all the dust behind mine. They got it all cleaned up and the fridge pushed back into place. Two hours later, I went into the kitchen to make supper and walked onto a flooded floor! YIKES!

I pulled and yanked and got that big, heavy thing out of its place, then panicked and called my neighbor. She came over with her daughter and grand girls and we figured out where the water shut off valve was--two of them no less. One grand girl crawled back under the sink to shut one off, I WD40'd the rusty one behind the fridge and finally got that turned off.

The fridge still stands in the middle of the kitchen while the floor dries out. I think when they cleaned behind the fridge, my girls took TOO much of the dirt & dust off the tube so the water could leak out. HAH

Yes, OLSHA and DTE, I WILL take one of your new refrigerators after all!

and then...............

I took my car in for her last major repair--rear suspension.  NOW--everything on the under neath part of my car is new and she still doesn't have 50,000 miles on her engine, but 18 years old. :-)

and today.

So--the refrigerator repair guy is coming out to disconnect the ice maker tubing, so it will quit leaking. No charge to me because I have the DTE Service Plan! YAY!

WOW! Called Comcast to downgrade from my newest line-up, that I upgraded to in January, as I didn't watch many of the channels and it was costing $10.00 more a month than what I paid before. The CS lady gave me a $20.00 a month discount and kept me at the same Preferred package. So I still have all the ESPN channels. WOW!

(and, I even got a Mother's Day card from Jennifer!)