There Are No Words

Michigan State, nation mourns loss of 8-year-old Lacey Holsworth

Michigan State center Adreian Payne carries his special guest Lacey Holsworth onto the court where he was honored with fellow seniors on March 6 at the Breslin Center. 

The passing of 8-year-old Lacey Holsworth, whose battle with cancer and friendship with Michigan State basketball became national stories, has inspired an outpouring of support and mourning today.

It inspired emotion from MSU basketball coach Tom Izzo, who said in a phone interview: “I’m supposed to be a guy who leads men, and now an 8-year-old has impacted my life like this. … the impact on all of us will be lasting, and that’s especially true for Adreian (Payne).”

It inspired ESPN analyst Dick Vitale to call Lacey’s father, Matt Holsworth, and tell him he’s going to donate $250,000 in her name, with fund raising starting now at dickvitaleonline.com.

“I can’t believe it,” Vitale said of Lacey’s death in a phone interview before sobbing for several seconds. “This rips my heart out, man.”

Lacey’s family posted the following on Instagram around 3 a.m.: “Princess Lacey has achieved the ultimate victory. She now dances among angels.... The world is a better place because you were in it. Our hearts are broken. We love you Doll. Dance all night... Mommy and Daddy, Will, Mitchell and Luke #LoveLikeLacey”

Lacey, of St. Johns, became especially close with MSU senior forward Payne, starting more than two years ago when the team visited her at Lansing’s Sparrow Hospital. A tumor had wrapped around her spine at the time, limiting her ability to walk. Treatments eventually removed the cancer from her body, but it returned in the fall and her condition worsened in recent weeks.

In that time, she accompanied Payne on his senior night at Breslin Center, helped cut down the nets after MSU won the Big Ten tournament in Indianapolis, and made appearances on “The Today Show” and “Good Morning America.” She was with Payne last week in Texas, cheering him on in a slam dunk contest.

Izzo said he talked to Payne around 7 this morning about Lacey’s passing.

“Even though he knew this was inevitable, it’s hard,” Izzo said of Payne. “But he took it with the class and dignity that she taught him. I told him, ‘Not everybody gets to touch somebody’s life like you have. And sometimes other people impact your life, too.’”

Izzo also spoke on the phone with Vitale, who had Lacey and Payne as his guests at his annual Dick Vitale Gala to fight cancer last spring in Sarasota, Fla. Izzo said he was blown away by the emotion and determination from Vitale.

“His passion for this,” Izzo said of Vitale and fighting cancer, “makes my passion for basketball look like an ant.”

Many have expressed their support on Twitter, including ESPN analyst Jay Bilas, who posted: “RIP Lacey Holsworth. A beautiful soul, whose strength and courage touched and inspired us all. Heartbreaking.”

Forever my brother. Forever my team.

Please give my big brother @adreian_payne a hug from me today if you see him! He is very far away from home and I miss him❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

LACEY

·

18 DAYS AGO

GOOD GRIEF!!!

Today's high temperature was: 62 degrees

Sunny and lovely all day

===========================

I had no neck, shoulder, scapula, arm or chest pain all day.  What a relief.  I just might cancel my next visit to the Chiropractor if it takes me a week to recover from the deep tissue massage!

Everything was going along pleasantly today.  I did three loads of laundry, a load of dishes in the dishwasher, cleaned out my air purifiers and ordered new filters and got the mail.

After my Soap, I opened the mail and there was my gas bill.  Account balance: $271.64.

"WHAT?"

I looked at the usage scale.  I used 13.3 thousand cubic feet in January, 10.2 in February, and 11.0 in March.  It showed 27 for this month's bill.

'HOW CAN THIS BE?  THEY TOLD ME THE NEW FURNACE WOULD SAVE ON MY GAS BILL!!"

I looked at the top of the bill.  It was an "actual" meter reading, not estimated.  7858 was the reading in March, 8128 on April 4th.

"THIS CANNOT BE POSSIBLE.  I HAVEN'T USED 27 UNITS ALL THE TIME I'VE LIVED HERE!"

So, with shaking hands, I called the gas company and after being transferred forty eleven times I finally reached Dorothy.  My mother's name--I began to feel a bit more comfortable.

"My goodness...this bill can't be right," she said.

"I know," I wailed.

"Okay--I want you to go outside and write down the numbers on your meter now.  I'll wait."

So I scooted out and read 7949 and came back in and told her.  

"Human error," she said.  "Someone put in the wrong numbers."

"But...it's read by the digital meter reader they hold in their hand.  They put it up to the meter and it reads it automatically."

"Well, something went wrong.  Can you hold a minute?"

and I did.

I held for 18 minutes and she finally came back on.

"I have called too other departments.  They promised to straighten this out, but....it will take four to six weeks because they are so back logged."

"What amount should I pay?  The reading I took today is a five week reading instead of a four week reading.  I don't know how much to pay."

"You could pay half, just to be on the safe side?"

"I can't afford to pay half.  I will just pay my normal monthly budget plan payment of forty-nine dollars this month.  Okay?"

"Okay.  I have all my notes here and what we talked about and I will be sending them over to the other department."

"Next month is my recalculation month for my budget plan.  What if this incorrect bill makes that payment go up.  What should I do then."

"They will do a new meter reading on May fifth.  Your new budget payment won't show up until your June bill.  It should be straightened out by then."

"Okay, but....after the meter reader leaves, I am going to go out and write down the numbers on the meter---just to be sure it's correct."

She laughed, "Good idea.  Stay on top of things."

<Yeah Dort.  You can be sure of that!>

=========================

I walked up to Pearl's and we chatted a bit.  I told her about the gas bill fiasco and then asked if she would let Merle know I had taken down the insulation from the back door and whenever he had a chance, I would appreciate it if he would come down and unscrew the 1 x 3 at the bottom (that we stapled the insulation on.)

"I can't unscrew it," I said.

Pearl says, "You can't UNscrew it or you can't screw?"

"I can't do either," I said.

Just then Merle walked in.  Pearl says, "Go ahead, tell him."

You know, he is a slow speaker--he is a slow mover--very easy going, kind of an "aw shucks" person.  So I asked him and he says,   "Ya mean...ya can't get that...ah... board outta there?"

"Well Merle," I said.  "I don't screw anymore.  Can't screw anymore because of the arthritis in my wrists.  So I need help screwing."

Pearl just about fell out of her chair in laughter.  I mean she was yelling with laughter.

With that dead pan look he always has on his face, Merle replied, "Well, I guess...I'm gonna have to help you with your problem.    Pearl has that problem too....but....it's usually 'cause she has a headache."

Then Pearl and I both guffawed and he ambled off to the back of their trailer.

Such fun!  You know--you couldn't be like that if you were in your 40's--even 60's.   Men might take it the wrong way and their wives wouldn't like it probably, but here we are, in our mid 70's and it is all very light hearted and funny to kid around.  

===============================

These kids came to visit the last of the peanuts I put out.

Gray Squirrel came by

...and when he was full, little Red Squirrel came for a snack 

  

What Happened to Monday?

No--I didn't lose track of Monday.  Remember, I have my "hanging" reminder of what day it is on the door of my bedroom closet.

I will tell you what happened and the reason I didn't post.  I watched the NCAA Basketball Championship game and it got over late and I was so tired from the pain I was struggling with all day that...I took a pain pill and went to bed.

Dar was over here at the crack of dawn (8:00) and I shocked her by being dressed.  Pain had woke me at 7:30.  She wanted the letter I had typed for her to turn into park management and she also wanted me to type one up for Jackie.  So I did.  Dar read them and said, "Oh!  I love the way you write.  It is so...Downton Abbyish."

"What?"

"The way you write.  Like this..."I would ask the park to take into consideration the issue I am having with broken limbs and dead trees.""

"Okay.  I thought that was how you were suppose to write a business letter?"

"I don't know.  I never wrote a business letter.  You do it so well."

So, I got rid of her and sat down and wrote a letter for myself about having my Mulberry tree taken down.

Then I got busy with taking down the insulation from the back door.  Put it all in a big bag and will return it to Merle.  I had become so use to the door being covered that I forgot how nice it is to have the sun coming in the window.

All of a sudden, Dar came running in the front door.  "QUICK!  GIVE ME YOUR LETTERS!"

The CEO of the new management company was outside.  So I got my two letters, about the tree and about the tornado shelters and went out to meet him.  Dar was complaining about her trees and he said, "I have to wait until the trees leaf out before I can determine if they need trimming or cutting down."

I said, "Of course you do.  That's the only way to tell."

"But--I can tell you!  That one behind my house IS dead!" says Dar and then laughs her Nyuck Nyuck laugh.

I handed him my letters, told him how glad I was to meet him, and that he had a big job ahead, shook his hand and came back in the house--hoping that he didn't think I was anything like my weird neighbor lady!!

================================

The pain in my neck, shoulder, scapula, left arm and upper chest was so terrific all day yesterday and I began to wonder if it could be a heart issue.  It wasn't a steady pain, but rather a shooting pain.  The muscle in my upper arm felt like someone had punched me.  So...I did all that I knew how.

I took an anti-inflammatory pill, I rubbed the horse liniment on and went about my business.  Later in the afternoon, I heated up my rice sock and laid that on my neck and shoulder.  Last evening, I got out my T.E.N.S. pads and slapped them on and hooked myself up to electric pulses.  At midnight, I took half a Percocet and laid in bed and felt the pain melting away.

This morning, I woke up feeling great with no pain at all!!!  

Over in Jean's blog, she was writing about memory tests they give us when we get old and they think we are feeble-minded or senile.  It reminded me....

When I was in rehab after my last hip replacement, I was lounging on my bed one afternoon and in walked a young woman with a clipboard.  She looked familiar.  She asked how I was doing and then said she wanted to see if my mind was clear.

"I will give you three words and later I will ask you to repeat them back to me."

"Okay.  Cool," I said.

"The words are...Sock.   Angry.   Blue."

Then we chatted about stuff and I remembered the reason she looked familiar.  She was in the same ballet company as my grand daughter Maddie and she was a friend of my grand son Marcus.  They had graduated together and both attended University of Michigan (that college I hate.) :-)

After about twenty minutes she asked me to repeat the three words back to her.  Instead, I said,

"Well, there was this sock.  He was very angry.  He was blue and he wanted to be green.  All the members of his sock family were green.  He was the only blue sock."

Her eyes were about as big as saucers!

Then I went on, "The blue sock felt angry because he had to go to that college south-east of here where all the other blue socks go.  His entire family had gone to the college where all the green socks go.  He not only was angry, he was really quite embarrassed."

She sat for a minute and scribbled on her clip board and then said, "I went to that college...where the blue socks go."

"I know," I said.  "You and Marcus Rivard both went there."

"OH MY GOSH!!!  You're Maddie's grandmother!"

"Did I pass your memory, senility test?"

Now when I see her at Maddie's ballet performances, I like to sidle over behind her, bend down a bit and whisper quietly, "The blue sock is still angry."

She is now a nurse.  At the time I was in rehab, she was on an internship, working with geriatric patients.

=========================

I got a notice from my prescription drug insurance company.  I no longer have to pay my monthly premium of $16.10, I do not have any co-pay AND my one prescription that costs $12.00 a month, will now be free.  Any non-generic drugs (I don't take any now) will be $2.00.

God continues to send me financial help.

Monsters Under The House and Messengers of Spring

Today's high temperature was: 62 degrees

Sunny all weekend

===============================

I heard a weird sound that woke me up Saturday morning.  I couldn't figure it out for a minute.  I got up and went into the bathroom--where the noise was coming from.  Something inside the cupboard under the sink.

Maggie likes to claw that door open and go in there.  GEEZ!! 

Just as I was about to open the door and let her out, she and Buddy walked into the bathroom.  

WHAT?

If Maggie isn't in the cupboard--what in the heck is?

I closed the bathroom door and told the kids, "You kids, get ready for whatever comes out!"  I figured if it was a squirrel, chipmunk or mouse the kids would get it and I could bash it on the head.  I had the toilet plunger ready!

The Kids were waiting--they had heard the noise too.  It sounded like a really big animal....I stepped over to the side of the cupboard, reached down and opened the door real quick.

Nothing.

Maggie ran into the cupboard, Buddy stayed way over by the door.

Nothing.

The digging and gnawing sound started up again.  

Remember when I had the frozen pipe this winter?  The plumber told me that something had dug between the skirting and the foundation and left a hole for the bitter cold wind to go under the house and freeze up the pipe.  He said he packed the hole really good with snow so nothing could get in there.  Well, my Friends, the snow is gone and...something got in there.

8:30 a.m.--33 degrees--I pulled on my jeans and sweatshirt and went out and around the house.  I pulled back the sticks and leaves that were piled up there and saw the hole very clearly.  Not big enough for a Wood Chuck or a Skunk (thank you God), but big enough for a small animal.  

I opened it up as wide as I could get it, then came back inside and when the noise started up again, I picked up an aerosol can of room spray and started pounding on the floor of the cupboard.  Pounded and pounded and yelled and pounded some more.  The noise stopped and I figured the critter had left.

Got in the car, ran up to the Mid-Town Market and got two big boxes of D-Con , 6 chocolate covered cherries and came back home.  

I pounded some more and then went out and opened both boxes of D-Con and slipped them under and onto the cement slab.  Then I filled the hole with rocks and broken pieces of cement and lastly, a long 2 x 2 piece of timber (like used for raised garden beds) and covered it all with dirt.

Then, I came inside and ate 3 of the chocolate covered cherries.

So far, so good.

=============================

Then I checked out my gardens.  They need the leaves raked off, but I think it is too soon.  We have to wait until there is no chance of snow.  I have a lot of Tulips and Daffodils coming up and...these little messengers of spring.

Crocus

I honestly don't know where these Crocus bulbs

came from.  I didn't plant them.  I would never

just plant 2 Crocus.

 The Gold Finch are turning bright yellow really quickly

Two weeks ago, they were a greenish color

I watched the Final Four last night--end of the NCAA Basketball tournament.  I was rooting for Wisconsin to win--they were ahead and then--DANGGIT--they lost in the last few seconds.  Tomorrow night Kentucky and Connecticut play for the Championship--I don't care who wins, but it will be a good game.

Then, when I was brushing my teeth before bed--half a back tooth fell out!!!

Number 18 tooth--farthest back left, bottom molar.  That filling has held for a year, which is some kind of record.  This is the one my dentist has repaired for me FREE for the last five years and we talked that "next time it falls out, you should get a crown, before all the tooth breaks away."

Oh Goody!!!

============================

By Gosh--I actually woke up before the alarm this morning so I made it to church.  As I was driving in and thinking to myself about how I've had 3 costly things I have had to contend with since February and now--an $800.00 crown?  "God, I know you will get me through all of this, but...could you throw down some money to help?"  and then I laughed.

Parked the car and got out to walk into church and there, laying on the cement driveway, was a penny.  I bent down and picked it up--it was heads facing up--looked skyward and said, "Thanks God--it's a start."

Today's sermon was about Angels.  How the Angel of God came to Gethsemane to be with Jesus and how we have Angels watching over us.  Now--I've never been too much into Angels.  Sure, Angels were out when Jesus was born and after He rose and before that with Daniel and Jacob and others, but...I never figured Angels would care much about a measly human like me.  

We sang mostly songs about Angels this morning and then at the end of the sermon, the pastor had us sing, "All Night, All Day, Angels Watching Over Me Oh Lord."  Then, he'd put in a verse and we'd sing that chorus.  I just about cracked up when he sang, "My car is broke and left me in the lurch," (Angels watching over me Oh Lord)  "I guess I'll have to walk to church," (Angles watching over me.)

So, when I got to him in the "hand shake" line, I had to tell him my tale of woe and also finding the penny,"

"See...God does answer prayer," he said.  "You just need to be more specific on the amount you need,"

===================

Wanted to buy gas on the way home--I am down to 1/4 tank, but it is back up in price...again!

I took my first walk this afternoon.  I walked quite briskly for 100 steps and my back was hurting like crazy.  So I walked another 50 steps and then pushed myself for another 50--I have to at least get down to the Heart Tree--200 steps.  I made it, but on the way back, I stopped in at Merle and Pearl's, to give them the bulletin from church and to rest--my hips were burning!!!  

So--I will keep it up, each day it is nice, and eventually make it down to the lake--400 steps.  I wish I could walk farther and enjoy it---maybe if I didn't walk so fast, I could?  I know I could with my Walker, because I can walk all over the store with a cart to sort of lean on, BUT--I am too proud to get the walker out of the shed and use it.  

This is the tree Fred told me about.  

He said it always reminded him of me.

So I call it my Heart Tree

I so love this weather!!!!  Love these spring days.  Not hot and humid--not chilly--just perfect!!!

Tonight, when I go to bed and pray for all my family and friends and thank God for all He has given me, I will have a"talk" with God, I will be more specific.    "Thank you for the penny and the help from the State, God.  Now, could you perhaps drop about ten grand on me so I can become debt free?  Thank you, God."

I can hear the chuckle now..."Not just yet.  We need to keep you humble."

We'll see what tomorrow brings.  Okay?

Noah, Rain, Darlene.

Today's temperature was: 41 degrees

Cold rain all day

=========================

I had a visitor from BRISBANE, QUEENSLAND?  YOU GUYS--THAT IS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD!!!  How did you find me?  Please, let me know!  This is a big deal to me.

I had agreed to go to the "Cinema" with Dar on Thursday.  I fretted about it all day Wednesday because I didn't really want to go see "Noah".  Pearl and Merle had gone to see it and Pearl said, "It was just bad.  So bad!"

Then I had heard a couple of people talking about it on Face Book.  It sounded to me like it was going to take too much "creative liberty" with the story that I began to think, if I went to see it, it would be almost like a sin.

I woke up Thursday morning and felt really rough.  I was nauseous, I had a headache and I was shaky.  I really am not fond of going to movies.  All the action on the screen makes me dizzy and they always have the volume turned up way too loud.  I just couldn't make myself go.  So, I called Dar at 10:00 and told her I couldn't go.

Come to find out, she had invited two other women to go with us, so she wouldn't have to stay home just because I wasn't going.

Of course, the minute I told her I wasn't going, I started to feel better.

She called me at 7:00 last night and said, "It was awful!!  Probably one of the worst movies I have ever seen!  I'm so glad you didn't waste your money."

I quizzed her on why she thought it was awful and she said, "There were rocks that were filled with spirits and talked.  There was a stowaway on the boat, and when he gathered all the animals, he then put them to sleep.  Then he was going to kill his grand babies."

"What?"

"The only thing real about the whole movie was...an Ark was involved and there was a lot of rain."

"I suppose that might have been the way it happened...we really don't know for sure...just what we've read in the Bible...but...I either would have laughed at the talking rocks and disturbed the other movie goers or I would have got mad and walked out."

"You wouldn't have liked all the violence either..and...we all thought there were underlying, liberal political things in it too."

Then I saw this posted on FB.

Hollywood is suppose to be putting out a lot of religious films this year.  I don't think I will bother to see many if they are like this one!!  It seems that most of the movies coming from Hollywood have a liberal political agenda insinuated in them.  But then--of course, Hollywood and most actors ARE liberal in their politics.  I remember when they tried to tell us that Jesus and Mary Magdalena probably had a daughter. 

Pearl and I are going to see "Heaven Is For Real" when it comes out in a couple of weeks.  We both have read the book and I have researched the family AND the movie.  It is a true story and they have kept the movie in line with the book.

====================

I felt great when I got up this morning.  I have been in almost constant pain since I left the Chiropractor's on Monday.  Last night I took half a Percocet and felt the pain melt away as I fell asleep.  Today, it hasn't hurt at all!!

Dar came over early on and asked if I would create, type and print out a letter for her to give to the new management of the park.  They are taking letters from park residents to comment on what we think the park needs.  Dar needs trees trimmed or taken down that lean over her home.  

I think we need a FEMA paid for tornado/severe storm shelters.  They are made of concrete dome-like structures, bolted into a concrete slab, that will withstand up to 300mph winds.  FEMA is giving grants that pay for 75% of the cost.  Each one would house 200 people--so we probably need two in this park.  I researched it--got all the info--and have also written a letter to new management asking that they just "consider" the issue as it is already in the Michigan Legislature that ALL mobile home parks HAVE to have this kind of tornado shelter by year 2018 and, "this might be a good economic and financial move to get them built before the Law passes, construction costs go up and a good way to advertise that...we are the safest manufactured home park in the county." and...if the structure is used ONLY as a storm shelter, it is not taxed!!

They won't build one, but I want to be on record, LOL

====================

Tuesday, I filled all my bird feeders with Sunflower seeds and...I have very few birds coming in.  Either, they don't like Black Oil Sunflower seeds or they are busy building nests.  I thought all birds liked sunflower seeds?

=========================

So--it rained all day today!!  All day!!  Sometimes the rain was quite thick--like snow mixed in.  It was cold and dreary and around 5:00 this afternoon, the wind kicked up and we now have a wind advisory...so...I put my loop of string on the storm door and tied it inside to the inner door handle.

"Tie me outer door down, Sport,

Tie me outer door down....."

(sung to the tune of, Tie Me Kangaroo Down)

========================

I watched a bit of Detroit Tiger baseball today--we are having a great start to the season.  They have so many new players.  It seems every time I get a favorite player, he either gets hurt and can't play or they trade him.  So...this year, I have decided to just watch as much of the new manager as I can.

Brad Ausmus

BE STILL MY HEART!!!

Karen called tonight--Madeleine is in Disney World with her marching band.  The whole band won the trip--240 kids!!!  Then Maddie comes back on Sunday for a week of school and then she goes back to Siesta Key with a friends family for Easter Break.  Sure is a different life than I ever lived!!!  

While she is gone, Karen and Mark are going out to visit Helene (their oldest) in Los Angeles, CA.  I told Karen I wanted them to persuade Helene that there are a lot of NON-EARTHQUAKE States that have colleges where she can get her MBS!!!

She wanted to come back home and either go to U of M or State to get her degree, but...because she had lived out of state for a few years, they won't allow her to go attend at the rate of State Resident tuition!  

WHAT A SCAM!!!

Now--Karen and Mark have paid tuition for two college students--one at U of M and one, currently, at State.  Karen and Mark are alumni of State.  Our family has lived in this State for over 150 years and yet.............I may write another letter...to both colleges!!!  RIDICULOUS!!!

I asked Karen if Susanna (their 2nd child) is going to drive on down from Oregon to visit with them and Helene and she reminded me...Susie and her hubby are running in the Boston Marathon that week--Patriots Day.

EGADS!!!  Now--I have worry about Helene in the State that is about to break off and float out into the Pacific Ocean AND Karen and Mark flying out there AND Susie and Derek flying too and running in Boston--although I suppose, after last year, the Boston Marathon will be the safest place to be in the U.S.A.

Of course, then there's Andrew and Elise flying down to Belize with their stupid grandfather and father--the same week.  No--wait--not Belize.  Antigua?  Oh some place out in the midst of the Atlantic--I've forgotten.  Aruba--that's it--Aruba.  Just hope Grandpa and Dad don't get to sitting in the sun, drinking and smoking cigars and not watching the children--who may get into the undertow, or bitten by a shark or KIDNAPPED!!!

Now--where did I put that bottle of Ativan.......and do I have enough to get through April....

  

Throw Back Thursday

1958

Four Generations

Maternal side of the family

My mother's father(the minister), my mother, 

me (18) and my first born

Mark--6 months

Paternal side of the family (sort of)

Me, Mark, my Daddy's mother, and mother, 

who had to stand in because 

Daddy was out in the barn milking cows

and wouldn't stop long enough to get a picture.

Which was okay because my Daddy was an only child

and his mother always thought of my mother 

as her  daughter

A Warm Wednesday

Today's high temperature was:  59 degrees

Sunny all day--so pleasant

=================================

I know our friends in the south think we are nuts talking about 59 degrees being warm, but...oh it is delightful.  I was running out and about with just a light shirt on--no jacket.  I imagine Ms. Sally down in Florida would be digging out her winter jacket, with weather like we had today.  :-)

===============================

Well--I had one hellava night last night!  I went to the Chiropractor on Monday--he never makes me hurt, but his massage girl just about kills me every time.  Yesterday, I had pain in my neck, shoulder, upper arm, collar bone and coming down into the left upper part of my chest.  Now--this is not  unusual, but it is very annoying.

I guess I could go back to the doc and get the pain injections like I had in my back (which never worked very well), but the Depo-Medrol/Cortisone they use in those injections are steroids and I don't like putting steroids in my blood stream!!!

I rubbed down really good with my horse liniment before I went to bed, but I woke up at 3:00 a.m. with such a horrible pain in my chest and left arm--and my left arm was numb.  It was almost like a throbbing pain--pulsating, but at 3:00 a.m., coming out of a bad dream, I would have bet you a hundred dollars that I was having a heart attack.

My pulse was going fast, I felt nauseous, I was sweating, but the whole trunk of my body was icy cold inside.  Scared me good.

I got up and went potty, then walked around a bit.  I remembered that I had left a twenty dollar bill laying on my desk in here.  So, I came in and got it and put it in my wallet--then I unlocked the front door so the EMT's could get in and not have to break down the door.  I walked around and looked outside--completely dark and of course, all neighbors/friends/family members would be sleeping. 

I sat in my rocker/recliner and realized that the pain was receding a bit.   My pulse rate had quieted down a bit too.  I went into the bathroom and got one of my teeny Ativan tabs and swallowed it down.  Then I sat some more and finally crawled back into bed at around 4:00.

I woke up at 10:00 this morning feeling great!

I think perhaps I had a panic attack--I have had them in the middle of the night before and woke up with pulse racing, sweating, but feeling cold and scared to pieces.  Of course, this is all complicated by the fact that I am all alone.  I might have awakened in the same condition, but if Fred were here, even though I wouldn't have awakened him, at least I would know that if I needed help or died, someone would be here to lend me aid or at least call the EMT's.   There is nothing more lonely and scary then a pitch black world at 3:00 a.m.

======================

Pearl came down today and I told her of my night.  She thinks I am silly to get so scared.

"I get up in the middle of the night almost every night.  Sometimes I am in a lot of pain, but I'm never scared."

"But...you have Merle there."

"Yeah--but he sleeps like he's dead."

"But...you could wake him, if you had too!"

She just doesn't get it and never will unless or until she is all alone.  

==========================

It was so gorgeous out and I had to run to the bank--again.  I got home from there yesterday, picked up my mail and there was the refund check from the gas company for my new furnace.

I have been thinking that I want some plants in my house again.  Maggie shredded and ate my big Peace Lily AND a new Philodendron AND a little ivy I had.  I decided to make a Terrarium--I love them and have had many.  I remembered that I had a really large glass drink dispenser stored out in the shed.  It was fancy--had it since I lived in Saginaw and use to entertain from time to time in the summer.  So, after my Soap, I went out and dug around and found it.  I had purchased it at Pier One Imports (love that store).  I cleaned it up and took off the spigot, plugged the hole with a cork and then decided to go look for something to put in it.

On the way home, I stopped at the Tractor Supply place and got 80# of bird seed to put in my big metal bin.  I had help loading it into the cart and then into my car trunk and Merle got it out when I got home and we dumped it into the metal container with two pouches of my Squirrel deterrent, mixed it up good and then I filled up all my feeders.  I think hope this seed will last through most of summer.  

Then--I came in a started playing around the the terrarium.  No way Maggie can get at these to eat them, unless she tips it over--and I really wouldn't put it past her!!!

Only one problem--I have a couple of succulents in there and...

they do NOT like moisture.  

I don't know if it is going to say in this spot on the floor--it is

rather too large to put up on an end table--we shall see

All I know, it makes me feel good to see something growing.

I was outside checking on my spring bulbs--all coming up quite nicely--after being buried under 5 feet of hard packed snow and ice.  I even have some Snow Glories coming up.  I have them planted all over my front lawn.

They are a lovely carpet when they bloom and

will be gone before it is time to mow the front lawn.

I think I will sleep well tonight.  Nothing is hurting and if I can keep my sub-conscious from trying to figure out life's struggles--maybe...just maybe...................I'll let you know for sure.