title explained

Onward and upward! something that you say in order to encourage someone to forget an unpleasant experience or failure and to think about the future instead and move forward.

My e-mail: jjmiller6213@comcast.net

Monday, June 12, 2017

What's it all about..............?

Flo asked:  7 guys, 9 gals from my graduating class of 36 people, have taken their final journey.

It turned from nice cool days and a night cold enough for the furnace to come on, to sweltering, humid and the first of the A/C running day and night. Thankfully, when it was checked last month, I was told the Freon pressure in the A/C was at maximum pressure, so I am counting on it not to die this summer.  I always wonder what might go wrong with this 20 year old equipment.

I called Pam Saturday morning and her phone was busy.  When I hung up, mine rang and it was her, calling me.  We commented on how "great minds think alike."  She filled me in on what Karen and her hubs are doing on their 3-week jaunt to Alaska.  Karen messages everybody or texts them, but because I don't have a cell phone, I am left out of the loop.  Can't you send an e-mail message from a smart phone?  I think so.

Pam said that (my son) Mark is doing well.  Out walking every day because the doc told him to get some weight off, which Mark replied, "How do you expect to get the weight off when you got me on steroids?"  His cancer is still at bay, so that's all I'm concerned about.

I asked when Karen is coming home and Pam said she thought June 25th.  Then all the siblings are going up to Karen's cottage on June 27th for their get together.

Hm-mm, I thought to myself.  My birthday falls on the 21st.  Apparently there will be no get together for their Mother this month.  If they are going up to the cottage, that means Jennifer will be in town.  I wonder if she will find time to stop over for a 20 minute chat?  

I was always so close to my kids, even after they got married and moved, I never dreamed that it would come to this.  Karen and Jen begged me to move "down here" instead of my hometown, when I had to move from Saginaw.  They wanted me near to help baby-sit and be able to attend all the grand kids functions--which I did and still do when grand daughter Maddie has a ballet performance.  Other than that, I might as well be dead!!

Plus, Jennifer moved and took the four youngest with her.  All four now in school and all their activities--that I could be going to and enjoying.

So--what to do?  It didn't help to tell them I was lonely for them and felt left out.  A temper tantrum also didn't help.  

I don't understand any of it.  Not a week went by that no matter what, I visited my Mother and my Grandma.  Even when I lived a 100 miles round trip away and my Dad was always critical, I still visited him once a month--no matter what.  So I don't understand why, when I have always been supportive of them and kind and loving and financially helpful, they forget who I am and where I live.
Oh well.  Maybe if I had more health issues, they would check-in more often?  But who wants that excuse?  I guess I should be glad they don't worry about me.  But I tell you the truth, and it sometimes scares me, I could lay her dead for a week plus before anyone would notice and that one that might notice, might be Dar.  HAH!!

Or you my blog buddies might wonder why I hadn't posted in a week, but what could you do?

What's it all about and why am I still here?


  1. I honestly don't know why you're on the outside looking in! Do all know how you are? They sound like 4 selfish people. If I don't talk my son every week, at least our DIL calls, or we call and ask ow they are! Would they actually not pick up the phone if you called them?! When our daughter was living, we talked on the phone every day; Mama would call or call on me all the time. I called her every night at 8 o'clock. I miss them both so much!

    I truly wish things would change for you. Maybe they think of you as very independent, but mothers that I know don't want feel shunned by their family!!

  2. I used to call my mom and dad a couple times a week and later on called my dad every day when he got more fragile. It scares me that I don't have anyone to do that for me. I think if you had a serious health issues you daughters would be there for you. You pride yourself on your independence and have obviously raised them to be the same way. I remember you being hurt last year with the siblings all got together. I totally understand that but I also understand their point of view that they can act differently without their mom in the room. What would happen if you told your kids you're buying a birthday cake for yourself and would like them to stop over on the 21th? Tell them, "No party, just stop at whatever time works for you." don't let pride get in the way of something you want on your birthday.

  3. I understand
    and think it is because all of my life so independent and doing,
    not that way now.
    Short hospital stay, called 911, will share when up to to,
    bladder infection not over and so many antibiotics have really
    made me sick. Not on computer but checked you out :)

  4. It's not that the kids will forget my birthday, it's just that none of them will be around to call or drop in. I made an appointment to go to the food bank that day and then, perhaps drive on out to The Farm.

    1. Phones work all over the world. Just saying!

  5. Understood the ..... not being contacted. and 2, live right here, in their 'home town.' one, right next door.

    they are GOOD people. they simply get consumed, by their lives. and "forget."

    Plus, old folks, are just not that ... what is the word? -sigh- I'd say "cool," but they don't want 'cool.' maybe it is simply, the way, humans tend to forget those closest? you didn't but I did.

    andddd, I still feel, we remind our children, of their own coming old age. even though we are chipper, WE ARE OLD.

    Hey, just some thoughts thrown out there. :-) Just some thoughts. :-)

  6. Our only daughter seldom calls, but she and I communicate through Facebook and texting. Young people just don't make phone calls, and for that matter, neither do I. I really prefer to text message someone.

    1. Same with my one and only. Texts! Not phone calls, not email. Sometimes Facebook ...

  7. You are here because God's not done with you yet ;-)

  8. It's different with the new generation. I think in part it's just the way our wacky society is. The older I've gotten the more I appreciate my long gone Grandparents. I saw them often. I see my elderly parents at least once a week and talk to them briefly at least twice a day to make sure all is OK. Like someone said in the above comments, I wonder if there will be anyone to check on me. I am childless.

    1. Hi Angel! Not sure where you live, but there is a BIG social movement going on especially for oldsters without family! This started ten or fifteen years ago in Boston ... called the Village movement. Check it out! We have 7-10 in the Portland Oregon area already.

  9. The more I speak with people the more I realize that so many people are in the same boat. Either parents don't see their adult kids or the other way around. It's so sad that this has become so common. The way we communicate with each other has changed and I don't think it's always for the better. Texting vs. calling. Facebook vs. face to face. Not good. Raising kids is a tough job and sometimes parents/grandparents get the short end of the stick when it comes to time. I'm obviously not sure of your situation and I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better. We relocated to a new home and county for my mother so she could live with us. It didn't work out. That situation will never change unfortunately but I hope things get better for you Judy. If I lived closer, I'd come visit you for your birthday. : ) xoxo

    ~ Wendy

  10. I'll tell you one reason why you're here: my heart's better off knowing you ( even if I DO take long vacations from your blog... ).

    Wow, the ladies are outnumbering the gents dying, so far. Got any general theory?

    It's sad your kids aren't cultivating their relationship with you, when there is so much here to cultivate. I have this problem often reaching out to people only when there's some reason to do something or get something done. I've internalized the value of 'doing' over 'being'. 'Doing' sends the message "you don't matter, only your help does". But, in my 'busy' life, I feel like I have to have a REASON to call someone. So that reason comes around when I need them for something. hmm. Screwed up. Really screwed up.

    In a week or so you turn...77?

  11. I absolutely understand. (My mother and I both do. We soooo very much understand).

  12. When did things change? Can you think?

    My kidlet rarely sends a card or a gift, although sometimes she surprises me. My birthday is two weeks before hers ... so if all I get is a text ... that's what I give her!!

    Maybe invite your lunch bunch over or meet somewhere to celebrate? Or your wacky neighbors! When I am feeling blue and no one keeps a friendship going, I just take the initiative. I am not big on phone calls because I usually am interrupting something. Find something that works! Maybe you can find a FREE cell phone and get an inexpensive plan so you can text. That will REALLY work well with your grandchildren!!!!

  13. i can't answer any of those questions judy, i guess it is coming for me now. i have one son in texas, one in north carolina. they are so far away, visits are costly and time consuming for them, they both work a lot. they both live in warmer climates which are difficult for me. but i am starting to feel the distance, the phone calls and text messages are dwindling.

    always know that you are here for an amazing reason. i think your life is interesting and fun and that you make a lot of people happy with your genealogy work!!! i enjoy your friendship!!!

  14. There's a saying: "Those to whom we owe the most never remind us of our debt." I don't know what it's all about when it comes to children -- and people in general -- neglecting those they love, and especially their parents, to whom they owe a great deal. I have never (yet) had that experience as my children are so good to me, and I think I'm an attentive daughter to my mother (and her husband, Henry, whom I love). In fact, Henry always says that my sister Kay and I are much more thoughtful of him than any of his own five children, with the sole exception of his own eldest daughter. I know there's no way for it not to hurt when your children don't seem to care enough to make a big deal out of your birthday, however. That would devastate me and I can understand how painful it is for you. Maybe they'll surprise you. I know that you should have a party every year with your kids and grands all around you, and lots of laughter and love. I can imagine that for you. I know that I would miss you if suddenly you stopped blogging. I hope someone is in the loop enough to know how to "tell" your blogging buddies if you get sick and can't stay in touch. xoxo

  15. We told the kids that there's a service that calls elderly people every morning, and if they don't answer, someone comes to the house to check. They said, "You guys should get that." I guess hinting doesn't get through. LOL