yearn·ing
ˈyərniNG/
noun
- a feeling of intense longing for something.
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You, my regular readers, all know that a few times, during each year...I get such a deep yearning--to the depths of my heart yearning--to return "home". I never felt "at home", no matter where I lived, until I moved to my Grandma's farm in 1967. I left that farm in 1988 and I haven't felt "at home" anywhere since. Every place I have lived felt like a, "just for awhile" place, until I could move back home.
At times, it is a very unsettling feeling--a sort of restlessness--not being completely able to relax. It is a very weird feeling.
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I DO NOT WANT TO LIVE:
Here:
Or even here--
I do yearn to move this:
Or here--
Or here--
Before I move here!!!
There is about four miles of road frontage total, on those three farms. It seems there would be one tiny, feasible spot where I could set my home.
I am not particular on which spot it would be.
Do not tell me it is impractical. I know it is!
Do not tell me it will never happen. I know it won't!
Do not tell me I can't afford it. I know I can't!
Do not tell me to get over it and "bloom where I'm planted". I know that!
Yearning is an emotion. It has nothing to do with practicality, logic or rationale!
It is such a deep ache in my soul and heart and mind, to just be able to spend the rest of this life living on one tiny piece of the land that I love.
The land of Peter and Charles and Roy and Charles Walts. The land of (now) six generations of Walts descendants.
<sigh>
Nothing is impossible. Where there is a will, there is a way. I am sure there is someone who can help you get what you want. Don't stop looking or wishing.
ReplyDeleteI have lived in 6 different houses since I was born and I think I am happy right where I am. This has been home for the last 28-1/2 years.
This would be such a good post to share with your family. Perhaps make it into a booklet with a funny title, like 'Putting Grammy out to Pasture' with a subtitle "Where the heart lives on". I know there are foundations that help fledgling entrepreneurs and dying kids. How about one that makes Grammy's last wish come true BEFORE she is six feet under? I for one would contribute to make this happen.
ReplyDeleteJudy,
ReplyDeleteI think of my street and area where I grew up sometimes, but many of the people that made it home are gone. I enjoy visiting my brother, though. I've given a thought or two to buying my aunt's house when she dies, but H really doesn't like the area that much. So we'll stay in this area.
It would be nice if you could live where you want to live, but I'm glad you can visit it when you want. It's a beautiful place. I know visiting isn't the same, though. Have you given anymore thought to moving in with Pammie? Do you think that could ever be a possibility.
Judy, share with your family
ReplyDeletethis deep hearttfelt desire.
Please...
Part of longing to move back to a particular place involves moving back to the people and times that made that place so special and that part really isn't possible. The people are gone and we're no longer those young, full-of-life and hope individuals we were when we lived there. I think sometimes it's better that we don't get the object of yearning because then the dream can be remain perfect and continue be a place of refuge that we can go in our minds when we need the comfort it provides for us when our lives get stressful. If we truly were able to move back to our ancestral homes so late in life the reality would come with problems and changes we might not like, then we'd have no place of comfort in our minds to go when we need it the most. I call the yearning day dreaming and I do it a lot, too. It's a yearning for the happier times and uncomplicated days of youth as much as it is for a brick and mortar place, where everything was this possible. Love your dream, Judy, hold on to it. It's beautiful.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry Judy. It's a bummer to want something so bad and not be able to have it. At least you can still visit those places, or maybe that makes it that much harder to know that you won't be able to live there!
ReplyDeleteJudy I believe you should talk to your daughter, son and sister and tell them what you would like to do. Maybe they just don't know or understand what you want. After that there is nothing more you can do about it but I know from reading your blog everyday that where ever you live you will be just fine. You have lots of people that love and care about you. VickieOkc
ReplyDeleteHave you ever told them this? It's worth a try to let people know how you feel. Miracles do happen.
ReplyDeleteBalisha
I've been meaning to ask, is the place you want to move your mobile home zoned for that kind of structure? On this side of the state you "might" be able to do a manufactured home if you do a basement but mobile homes aren't allow very many places outside of parks.
ReplyDeleteI wish you could.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could help you.
It just seems like there should be a way.
xoxoxo
Just catching up with the last few posts, Judy....I know that yearning very well and I understand how strong it can be, and that yearning can pull you right down in to the pits when you face its reality. Surely, writing it out here, getting the feelings out of your soul in this way, can help, somewhat, even if it doesn't all go away, it lurks there in your thoughts, and ebbs and weaves around. If it is any comfort, you are not alone. I am this way about being with my sisters and brothers who all live so far away that I may not see them again. When we talk on the phone we always end in tears, as we long so to be close. I end up stuffing the feelings down and moving on, but the scab is ripped open again when we talk or write on line. When I begin to get very low about it, I visualize it happening.....it helps some....hugs and comfort to you!
ReplyDelete