A Day

This morning, I felt like I had been run over by a Mack truck and as I was trying to get up from being run-down, someone slammed me in the back of the head with a 2 x 4.  I guess I had too much fun yesterday and now am paying for it?

A lot of people, some, a few, one person has asked me what I was decorating for fall.  This is it.

Are you impressed?  No?

I don't do seasonal decorating, except a different wreath on the door.   Christmas is the big decorating time for me.
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I just got word from Maddie that she WILL be dancing in the Nutcracker Ballet again this year (her 12th year) and she will be dancing the Spanish Dancer solo part.    

                          (Google image)

She is going to be so great!!!

...and then, right after New Year's, she will leave for four months on a Mission to Guatemala. <sigh>

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Well, yesterday afternoon was really something.  I had asked Pearl to come down to take pictures of me as the Unknown Poser.  We were having a blast, laughing and re-taking photos and...just a lot of fun.

Afterwards, we sat talking about...lots of stuff and all of a sudden, Darlene busts in, with this in her hand.

"Look what I got for my good friend, Judy! It was on sale at Meijer's, but with my discount, I got it for one dollar!  I got four of them."

<I'm still wondering about the "good friend" comment>

Pearl said, "Oh.  A plant stand...with three holders.  That is so pretty!"

<I am thinking, I don't really need or want this.>

Dar:  "Yeah.  I just knew my dear friend would love it."

<now I understand.  The dear friend is for Pearl's benefit!>

Me:  "I wish I could use it inside, but Maggie eats any plant I bring in here.  It will be nice for my porch next spring. Thank you."

<I so wanted to ask, "if you got four, can you give one to Pearl?">

Dar plopped down in the rocking chair--Pearl was sitting on the couch, with Buddy on her lap.  Dar lights a cigarette and I immediately told her, "You can't smoke in here."

D:  "Oh sorry.  I forgot.  Pearl is allergic."

P:  "Yeah--smoke stuffs up my head, really bad.

D:  "What is wrong with Merle?  He looks terrible!"

P:  "Nothing is wrong with him.  Every test comes back negative.  He saw the cancer doctor last week and the blood report was--nothing wrong."

D:  "Well--somethings wrong with him.  He looks like death warmed over!"

<Egad woman--shut up!>

J:  "He had a sleep study test and those results aren't known yet.  That's probably his problem.  Probably the study will show that he's waking up several times a week and he needs a bi-pap.  After he gets that, he will feel much better."

P:  "I'm hoping that will cure him."

J:  "Pearl and I were just talking about how the young girls pose in pictures nowadays, and we wondered why.  We just got done doing a whole bunch of pictures of those silly poses."

P:   "It must be a new craze.  We never posed like that when we were young."

Dar jumped up and went into a sexy pose with one hand in the air and one on her hip.  "I posed like this in my bathing suit...when I was ten.  I was still a virgin, but I knew how to be sexy!"

<complete silence for at least three heart beats>

P:  "I hope so!  At ten, I hope you were a virgin."

D:  "Oh...I was sexual at a very young age.  I had sexual feelings...from the time I was four.  I have always been a very sexual person."

<the deafening silence once again--who knows what to say to these kinds of comments!>

D:  "Look!  I got my tooth fixed this morning."  She shows us her front tooth that had been chipped.  "I haven't been outside my house in four days.  I won't go anywhere looking like that!"

P:  "I sometimes forget to even put in my bridge."

D:  "You go out in public looking like that?"

P:  "Yes...sometimes...when I forget."  and Pearl smiles at Dar, showing that she doesn't have her bridge in.

D:  "Oh my gawd!  You look like a crone!"

  

P:  "I'm seventy-eight years old.  Why does it matter if I don't wear my bridge around the house?"

D:  "You should go home right now and put it in!  You'd look so much better when Merle gets home!"

<arggh>

P:  "He won't even notice."

J:  "Did Jackie go on another vacation?"

D:  "Yeah.  Didn't she tell you?  She's gone for the week."

P:  "That girl---she's never home."

D:  "She's home all the time."

J:  "Well, she sure travels a lot...and I think that's great...that she can."

D:  "Oh my gawd--look at that mess in Tami's yard.  Is she going to put that junk away?  I just might talk to Rob and see what he can do to make her clean it up."

J:  "I think they already mentioned it to her.  She and Ron have been staining their porch.  She will probably put it all away when they get done."

D:  "Well...you know...I have a lot of pull with Rob.  Either of you ever have a problem...let me know and I will talk to him and I will get it done!  She is completely nuts!  She really does have mental issues--I am glad I made her mad because now, she won't even say Hi to me.  I just might tell Rob--although I think everyone up at the office knows she nuts."

<yes..and guess what Baby, they say the same about you.>

J:  "That's why I have my room arranged this way.  So I don't have to look out that window and see her yard.  I moved the couch and re-arranged it different a few years ago...but...that couch is so heavy, I can't move it myself, and I don't really wan.........."

D:  "Get those things....those...you put under the legs and......"

P:  "Super Sliders?"

D:  "Yes.  You put them under the legs and just slide it wherever you want it."

J:  "I have those, but the couch is so heavy that I can't lift it.  Plus it's build on a steel frame and doesn't have............."

D:  "Oh--it can't be that heavy!  You just don't have any strength anymore.  I'm still very strong."

J:  "Okay--show me how you'd lift it."

<because I am just about done with this woman's boastfulness!>  

So Dar gets up, walks over to the front corner of the couch and gets on her knees to lift.  It doesn't budge.  Then she starts feeling around under it and says, "I can't find the leg."

J:  "I told you, it doesn't have legs.  You didn't hear me.  It's built on a steel frame.  Each section comes off, in order to move it and then...you are left with the frame, which is still very heavy to move."

P:  "Plus, it has a recliner on each end, so it is really hard to move."

Dar is still trying.  "Ow."  Then she grabs her thigh and stands up slowly.  "I think I pulled a muscle!"

P:  "We warned you."

So, we all sit down once again and Dar starts in on Pearl--again.  

D:  "I have lost seventeen pounds!"

P:  "Really?"

D:  "Yes. Can't you tell?"

P:  "I guess I hadn't looked."

D:  "Oh--I just cut out some of my carbs.  You should try it--you could stand to lose a few pounds yourself."

Pearl starts to say something and Dar puts up her hand, "No..wait..let me finish."

I sat and watched the inter-play.  Dar goes on with her "sermon" on what she has cut out and what Pearl should eat and not eat.  I am watching Dar, my elbow on the arm of my chair, chin resting on my hand, but I can move my eyes to the left and watch Pearl's reaction.  Of course, Dar points her finger at Pearl and goes on with her lecture.

Pearl didn't seem agitated...but when Dar FINALLY stopped to take a breath, Pearl said," Speaking of food.  Merle should be home by now and I need to go fix his supper."

J:  "Yeah...I saw him drive by a few minutes ago."

Pearl gets up and leaves.  I walk out to the porch with her and thank her for coming down and helping me with the photos. She is no more than off the front porch, when Dar lights her cigarette and when I come back in from saying Good-Bye to Pearl and sit down, Dar says, "Looney-Tunes.  Both of them are the Looney-Tunes of the neighborhood!"

I said, "I think they are really nice.  They have been there for me many times.  They both are really good friends to me."

Dar checks her watch and her phone and said, "Oh...I gotta get home too."  and I walk her out to say Good-Bye...and I do not accidentally push her down the front porch steps.  Wanted too.  Did not.

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I walked up to Pearl's after supper and apologized for Dar's rudeness.  

P:  "I know you've told me she gets real aggressive and hyper, but...I've never talked to her very much. She's kinda scary, isn't she?"

J:  "She can be.  She only comes over when she wants to get something off her mind.  She does all the talking and I just sit and listen."

P:  "I went to say something and...she put her hand up to stop me."

J:  "I know--that is kind of rude."

P:  "Maybe that's just the way she jokes around.  She sure wanted me to know that you are her good friend."

J:  "Don't know where she got that, but...I think you're right.  That whole display was for your benefit."

P:  "Well...I don't think I need to see a re-run of that show."

...and we both laughed.

BTW--Judy L. and Sheila don't have much to do with Dar anymore.  Probably that is why she is now coming over to my house more? 

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Just figured out my "head"problem today--I have been drinking only De-Caffeinated Diet Pepsi, but ran out yesterday.  I think the sudden surge of Caffeine 

did it to me.  I know, I didn't sleep very well.

Lesson learned!!