I spent the last two weeks of July with not enough gas in my car and no money to buy anymore.  I sure wanted to visit my sister.

I got some money on Thursday, $25.00 filled only  3/4 of a tank and took off to visit my hometown, the cemetery and The Farm.  Boy, it was wonderful driving the familiar roads.  A little sad as I passed Pammies' house, in fact, I drove in the drive, got out and just sat on "my" back porch for awhile.  The sounds are the same as when I lived there--basically nothing unless a car goes by on the road.  I sure miss her being away!

I stopped in at the cemetery to visit family and Fred, and moved the cement angel dog statute to the other side of Fred's marker.  I change it around every time I stop there.  It gets water under it and stains the head stone, if it isn't moved often.  Then I drove over around the cemetery a bit and got out and stopped by my best friend's grave.  I have been having a lot of dreams about her the last week.  In fact, I woke up one morning last weekend when I heard her voice say, "Jude.  You awake?"  It was so realistic, that I leaned over the edge of the bed and looked down the hall to see who had walked into my front door.  

Sister and I had a great time.  We sat in her parlor, she on the couch, me in the recliner and talked and laughed and cooked up schemes to kind of shape up people we think need shaping up.  Of course we'll never carry out those schemes, but we had a good time coming up with some very imaginative ideas.  Then she got up and played the piano as I hummed along to a few hymns in the hymnal she has.  I can't sing anymore, but it was nice.  

It was so nice, sitting in the little parlor, with carpeting on the floor and a normal height ceiling, instead of the high ceiling and hard wood floors in her family room.  I could hear every thing she said.  In the family room, her words bounce off the hard surfaces and it is hard for me to hear her.

I was so relaxed that I practically dozed all the way home.  LOL

I probably won't have enough gas to drive to the Old School Gal Pals luncheon, but this visit "home" was so much more important for my heart and soul.
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I woke up Friday, still feeling relaxed and happy.  Then all heck broke loose.

I opened the mail from the day before to find that my house and car insurance both went up.  The next letter I opened, was a notice from the park that our rent has been raised.  An e-mail informed me that the budget payment on my electricity had gone up $5.00 and another e-mail informed me that my food assistance has been cut from $20.00 to $15.00.

Within an hour of waking up, my budget had increased over $50.00 for expenses.  My budget is always in the red, but this month, it showed I would only be short $2.69.  How, I will be short $48.00.  

I didn't know what to do.  I could feel a familiar chill of fear, kind of around the middle of my stomach.  I wanted to just cry, but I am always afraid if I ever start crying, I won't stop.  That is why, I never allow myself to cry--EVER!  

So, I glanced over at the picture of Jesus I have sitting on the edge of my desk and said, "Lord, I need some help here."  And went about my day.

What good would it do to worry and become anxious?  That wouldn't solve any problem and just add stress.  So, I will just assume that everything will work out.


I am like my 6 week old balloon--a bit deflated, but still up and happy!