title explained

Onward and upward! something that you say in order to encourage someone to forget an unpleasant experience or failure and to think about the future instead and move forward.

My e-mail: jjmiller6213@comcast.net

Saturday, July 15, 2017

Happy Times

I had a sweet day Thursday.  Lunch with the Old School Gal Pals and a visitor came.  A girl who graduated the year ahead of us, but of course, in our small school we all knew her and besides, she was in the band, as we all were.  She is losing the battle with metastasized breast cancer and is taking no more chemo.  She is here from Montana, visiting her younger sister.  You wouldn't know there is a think wrong with her.  She ate a lot of food, laughed a lot, seemed way more stable in her mind and her walk than a couple of girls in our group.  It was wonderful seeing her.
My sister and brother-in-law weren't home yet from their death vigil to Virginia.  My BIL's brother called a couple of weeks ago with the news he had liver/colon/pancreatic cancer.  He wanted his siblings to come for a visit so they could have some laughs and share memories.  He was quite all right for the first couple of days they were there.  Didn't eat much, but sat in his chair and laughed.  Then one day, he just slept most of the day.  Still got up to use the bathroom.  The next day, his children called in Hospice to help out.  At least the Hospice people didn't immediately inject him with morphine and put him into the "death coma", they just kind of hung around and every now and then, he'd waken and talk a bit.  He died, naturally, two days later.
Knowing sis wasn't home, I stopped in at a woman's house--Pammie's friend--that has the most amazing gardens and bird feeding stations!!!  I spent about 45 minutes walking around and taking the tour.

This is the view from my parked car, in the back.

As I walked up to her house
 Her deck by her front door

 Her deck by her back door--this is where her many bird feeders are located

The view from the back deck down a slope to her woman cave.  Which just happens to be carpeted, a small settee, a ceiling fan and where she stores all her gardening tools.

Her back lawn continues back to the river

My gardening attempts fall far short.

 I planted three sunflowers as a back ground for my Zinnias.  They did not germinate.

 My Grape tomato plant is doing fine, but my Zinnias, planted in three rows of 36", 24" and 8", for some reason have all floated down to the north end of the planted and are coming up in a jumble of sizes all together.
 2 planters of Sweet Peas.  Lots of vines, no buds.

As well has this--Morning Glory Vine of blue and hot pink.  Lots of vines, no buds.

I just want you to know that one time, I had a 100' long garden, 6 feet wide, that extended from one edge of my front lawn to the other.  On a slight slope, where the lawn sloped down toward the road.
It was filled with flowers for every season.  I can't find a photo of it, but ....you would be impressed.  HAH!  

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

It's Wednesday...big deal.

When Dar's grand daughter introduced me to her two other friends,  I felt like she was going and watching me, for the shock value. She's only 18, she doesn't realize I have heard/seen/met weirder people in this long life and my face or body language does not show shock.  Because, I'm not shocked by much anymore.  I just stepped forward, with out stretched hand and said, "Sierra, Dakota, I'm so glad you all got to come to Michigan and visit us."  The two other girls went into one of the bedrooms and Dar's grand daughter sat down with me and we chatted about what she wants to major in when she gets to college, and where she works now, etc.  Just like I would with one of MY grand daughter's friends.
Speaking of shocking things--or weird as I think of them.  I know of a woman, a dear woman, who has tattoo's over every inch of skin, except her face.  The first time I met her was in the winter, she had jeans and long sleeves on and I didn't notice any markings.  The next time I met her was in the summer.  There she was in tank tops and short-shorts.  I didn't make any comment, just hugged her as usual.  That was 15 years ago.  Now she is in her 70's, lives in Florida, so she is in tank tops and shorts most of the time.  Photos I see of her shows, still a pretty face, but the sagging, crepey skin on arms and legs, makes her look like a retired circus performer.  When the once sweet heart you had tattooed over your right breast looked okay at 16, it now does appear weird to be resting on your stomach, doncha think?
My biases and my gossipy nature are on full view today!

Six months into this presidency and my Liberal friends are still posting nastiness on Face Book.  What possible good does that do?  It just keeps everyone riled up.  It's as bad as it was BEFORE the election.  Mellow out!

Each of us knows our friends political leanings, now that people make it so well known, which we never did in the good old days.  None of what you post is going to change a Conservative's mind, just as none of what they post will change yours.  None of what is posted is going to change what is going on in this country.  Most of us watch the news, we are intelligent enough to see it and figure it out without a constant daily reminder on FB.

It just gets so tiring to see the nasty links--from both sides, day after day, ad nauseum!  I just wish people would give it a rest and just bide our time until 2020, when we can all pick and choose again, and probably elect someone even worse.  and please, don't tell me that it is impossible to choose someone worse than this President.  I have seen and lived through worse.
Heavy rain all day today, followed by brief moments of sun that bring on the humidity.  Severe storms predicted for later this evening and middle of the night, coming out of Iowa.  So far the bad storms have gone south and north of me and radar looks like the bad ones coming in tonight will be south.  Of course, all that may change, but......there's nothing I can do about it, so I'll go to bed at midnight and sleep through it...unless of course, my trailer blows away.  HAH!

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

...and the beat goes on.

Nice rainy day yesterday, but then the sun came out and it got humid.  Last night, even though it was only 65 degrees, with the humidity, I felt clammy!  Turned on the A/C to dry it out!  Now this morning, it is hot and clammy outside, so I will leave the A/C on all day and stay inside.

OOps!  Crisis mode!  I emptied the last can of wet cat food and used the last cup of dry cat food.  Not good.  More importantly, I just noticed I have about a cup of Diet Pepsi left and when I looked in the Pepsi Cupboard, it was empty.  How could I have not noticed that yesterday?  AND, I used my last cup of milk for my morning warm cocoa!
Well, the morning went by very quickly and the next thing I knew, it was time to watch my Soap.  I kept yawning and wanted to fall asleep and couldn't figure out why...until my dim mind remembered, I had been sipping on Decafe Diet Pepsi.

Right after my Soap was over I headed out.  OhMyGosh--smothering outside.  Why?  Why?  Why?

Instead of running to the store this morning, when it was a bit cooler, I decided it would be fun to go in the heat of the day, with a car air conditioner that works intermittently, depending on how hard a bump I go over that shorts out the fan switch and send the air up to the windshield instead of into the car.

45 minutes, I was home.  Nice and cool in the store so I took my time.  Got it all plus.  

Suppose to have thunderstorms tonight and severe weather tomorrow night.  It's hard to know what MY weather will be like because the weather report comes out of Detroit and a lot of storms that affect that area come up from Ohio and never reach up this far north (60 miles).  

Well, I have a radar map that has an arrow on the precise piece of ground I live on, so I will check that once in a while tomorrow.
BTW--I found out, Dar's grand daughter was sexually molested by her father when she was 8-10.  She declared at 12, that she was a Lesbian.  Before that, she was a thin, delicate little thing, with long dark curls and always dressed in cute dresses.  At 12, she got her hair cut boy style, put on a lot of weight, and walks rather "mannish"--almost always has a baseball cap on.  

Her "lover's" father left mother and her when she was 11.  I think their preferred lifestyle choice comes from not trusting and being afraid of men.  Much easier not to have a man involved in your life when you've had those experiences.  Much easier to dress and behave very mannish so as not to attract a man.  Right?

What bothered me the most was that Dar is elated that her grand daughter left home.  "That will serve her Mother right!, she said.

Yet, when her daughter left home, Dar didn't feel that way.

Dar and her daughter are very much alike.  Bossy, demanding, threatening, uncompromising.  Just like Dar's mother was.

Generation after generation...and the beat goes on!

Monday, July 10, 2017

Many things I don't understand.................

I have a question.  Well, I have a lot of questions.

When I went grocery shopping, I picked out 4 ears of sweet corn.  What I noticed was that, of the 4 people standing around the sweet corn bin, (including me) 3 of those people were husking the corn and putting the husks into the...I don't know what it's called, "husk receptacle"?  

Why would they take the protective husk off hours before cooking the corn?  The kernels immediately start to dry out, once the husk is removed.  Of course, on the farm, we picked it, carried it to the house, husked it and dumped it into the already boiling water.  I can't do that now, but I leave the husk on until just before I cook it.

In fact, I have lately left the husk on, lay it in the microwave and cook for 4 minutes.  Take it out, slip off the husk and man!!!  That ear of corn, even if it is a few days old, is sweet and steamed and delish.
I have another question.  Why can't I grow Succulents?  I used to have "Hen's and Chick's" in an outside rock garden.  They thrived--even though they stayed out there all winter.  They came back in the spring, with additional chick's and sent up stems with flowers on the top.  I ignored them completely and they loved it.

Three years ago, I spent quite a bit of $$ for Succulents to put in my big coffee cup planter.  I had stones in the bottom for good drainage and I didn't water it very often.  Before the summer was over, they had all turned to mush and died.

 The one below cost $8.00 alone!

Last year I didn't buy any, but a couple of weeks ago, I was at Lowe's and their Succulents were on sale.  They look really healthy.  I even got special soil for them, a planter with a drain hole and read up on how to grow them before I planted them.

Already, my favorite one that looked like a pin-cushion (front in this photo) is turning mushy!


Dar's 18 year old grand daughter moved out of her mother's home, because she hates her.  Her mother moved out of Dar's home, because she hates her.  Anyway, so this girl (?) came to visit grandma and I went over to say "Hi", as I haven't seen her in four years.

The one in the middle is Dar's grand daughter.  She introduced me to the other two as, "This is my best friend Dakota and my lover Sierra."    Okey Dokey.

I can't wait to hear Dar's take on the weekend visit.
My porch pots and planters are doing well.  Today, we have had a nice, gentle, rain most of the morning.

Sunday, July 9, 2017

Thursday, July 6, 2017

Land of the fruits and nutz..........................

I am very concerned about Dar.

The last three times she has been over, she cries and cries.  

She has been going to the Neurological Psychologist for 4 weeks now.  She has taken many written personality evaluation "tests" and now she is in "talk" therapy.  If any of you have been through that, to help with depression, anxiety or any deep seated emotional problem, you know how tiring it can be.  Her sessions last three hours!

She doesn't want to share all her past with the doctor.  I told her she had to for her therapy to bring any good, long-lasting healing.  She is a very controlled person.  She's afraid the doctor will think badly of her if he hears what happened.  

I told her doctor's are not judgmental--especially psychologists.  I told her that when her therapy is over she won't ever see him again, so why does she care?  "Because all my life I have tried to make people think the best.  I want them to see an independent, self confident, calm, controlled woman!"

Then she cried.

Because of her control issues and her distrust issues, she refuses hypnosis.  He wanted to try sodium pentothal truth serum, she refused.  Afraid of what she might say.   She now can't even remember the accident, so apparently because it made her so anxious, she has blocked it out.  

I told her today what she had told me about the accident the day after it happened.  She looked at me like I was telling her a story about someone else.  "I remember none of that!"  

Her family is now turning against her and tired of her "it's all about me" complaining because all of them saw her car, with the little dent in the bumper.  Her brother knows the manager at the body shop and he told him, "this was a minor bump." So they think she is lying about her pain.

One thing she told me today that I didn't know about her, when she has any procedure, surgery, colonoscopy, they put her out with the Fentanyl BEFORE they take her into the procedure room.  She gets hysterical when she sees all the people in the operating room and even though there are usually only two people in the colonoscopy room, she gets hysterical.  She can't stand be be laying down and people coming up to her--or people putting their hands up by her face.  She feels trapped.

Now--added to all of this, she has to go to the orthopedic surgeon to see if she has a rotator cuff tear.  I can't imagine what she is going to do if she has to have shoulder surgery!!

I don't blame her for her frustration.  This has been going on for 15 months and 9 doctors and specialists.  They can find no physical reason for the intense pain she says she feels.  She went to 3 different physical therapy places until they finally released her because the PT seemed to make the pain worse.

I've got to think part of it is psychosomatic, and I think this doctor can help her, IF she truly works with him.  I think her biggest fear is that they are going to admit her to a mental ward again.

As she left today, she said she felt a lot better and calmer.  I am learning to listen to all most that she says and only reply when she asks me a direct question.  I think that's what she needs the most, someone to hear what she's saying and feeling.

Thank goodness, I have also found a way to listen to it all and then not think about it after she leaves.  My intent was always to ponder on ways I could help her, which left me exhausted.  Now, it doesn't bother me as much--thank goodness.

Wednesday, July 5, 2017

It's Wednesday---I think.

This greeted me when I first opened Face Book yesterday morning.  I LOVE IT!!!!!!!

It was eerily quiet around here the last few days--in the mornings that is.  I'd wake up and wonder if I had gone stone deaf!  Not a sound, except the Tinnitus ringing in my ears.  Of course, that all changed as darkness came.

For some reason, people find it fun to set off loud explosive devices.  Not pretty fireworks kind, just very loud bangs!  Now, as a person who suffers from a phobia of loud, sharp noises, it makes for an uncomfortable couple of hours.

I thought I had that phobia taken care of, along with my anxiety, depression and panic attacks and I no longer get anxious when thunder storms come in, but last night, I had to succumb to screwing my ear plugs, deep into my ear canals.  Because, THE IDIOTS were walking the street in front of and behind my house, setting off the loud bangers.
All is quiet once again this morning.  It feels like Sunday, but my "reminder" days flip-chart says "Wednesday" and I rely on that, rather than a feeling.

This photo greeted me first thing on Face Book this morning.  Darling Della enjoying her first 4th of July up at Karen and Mark's cottage.  I wonder if the fireworks over the lake scared her?