title explained

Onward and upward! something that you say in order to encourage someone to forget an unpleasant experience or failure and to think about the future instead and move forward.

My e-mail: jjmiller6213@comcast.net

Sunday, April 20, 2014

What A Joyous Day!!!




Christianity didn’t start at Christmas—although that was a miracle event.

Easter is the start.  If Jesus hadn’t walked out of that grave alive, and later ascended into Heaven alive, we would have nothing.  

What a true miracle that was.  The happiness it can bring when we believe in His word, that when we leave this life, we will join Him in Heaven where there is no more pain, unhappiness, illness or death ever again.  The joy of being with our loved ones, who are there.


Happy Easter, everyone.  

New life is appearing all around us here in the springtime, and awaits us when our own personal winter comes. 

He is Risen!  He is alive.



Friday, April 18, 2014

Review of Movie

Today's high temperature was:  65 degrees
Cloudy and spotty sprinkles
===============================

Pearl and I went to the 10:30 showing of "Heaven Is For Real" this morning.  

On the short ride in, Pearl made a comment, "Is this movie going to make us cry?"

"I don't think so," I said.

"I find the older I get, the less I cry," she replied.

"That's odd isn't it?  Usually the older a person gets, the more more emotional they get, the more they cry.  Especially if they have medical problems.  I know people that have had a stroke, cry quite a bit.  There's a name for it, but I can't remember."

"Well--I don't expect to cry a bit," she said.

"I have my hanky, just in case," I said.

During the last of the movie, I see her dabbing her eyes.  I just sat and smiled through the whole thing.  Isn't it strange that watching the same movie, two people, much alike in their beliefs, would get different reactions.

I had read the book a few weeks after Fred died and it made me very happy.  I felt the same way with this movie.  It follows the book exactly.  The little boy who plays the main part, acts so natural--like someone is following him around with a video camera and just shooting his actions and words.  He doesn't "act" like an actor.

It is based on a real life happening.  There is absolutely no way the little boy could have known the things he told his parents about, unless, he had actually been in Heaven.  I found it humorous that his father, a minister and his mother didn't believe him at first.  Even the psychiatrist that explained all the scientific reasons why the boy had these "hallucinations", at the end of the movie believed him.  There can be no other explanation.

What is the neatest thing is the actress, Margo Martindale, when first asked to be in the movie, didn't believe in the whole story at all--didn't really believe in Heaven being real--just a "maybe" in our lives.  After she read the book and met with the family, she is now a woman of true faith.  THAT is what I find the most amazing.

If you are not a person who believes in that sort of thing--this movie might give you a reason to think--perhaps.  If you are a person of faith--this movie just reinforces your beliefs.

It is a beautiful movie and I felt very peaceful and happy while I was watching it and---for the rest of today.

===========================
I have had a fear of death--I think most of us do.  For some reason, and I cannot tell you why, when Fred died, I lost that fear.  It was as if I couldn't quit smiling all the time.  People thought I was in shock or acted rather weird, but for some reason, I just felt so happy that he was in Heaven and never having to have pain or struggles anymore.  I still feel that same way and look forward to that day.  I so want to see my Mother--I know for sure she is there.  

I still have a fear of dying.  That is much different.  The process of dying.  The pain.  The look on my family's faces when they realize I am dying.  We all want to go in our sleep--most of us won't.  Or, like Bethie's son--just take a breath and pass.  I might just change my mind about Hospice and how they over medicate dying people, sending them into a sort of coma state with the Morphine.  Perhaps that is the way to go?

I love the way Fred died.  Sitting up, laughing, talking, kissing me, saying, I love you, with a smile on his face and gone in a few minutes.  He wasn't scared a bit.  He was just going to have a minor procedure and.....I often wonder what his reaction was.  

"WOW!  How did I get here?  This is beautiful!"

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Throwback and Present Day Thursday

Today's high temperature was: 67 degrees
Sunny and nice
=================================

This was a very long time ago--I think I was six weeks old.  4 generations on my mother's side.  Her father and his mother.
It kind of weirds me out to look at that baby.
It is me, but I can't remember
(and I can remember things back to
when I was 2 years old.)
I wonder what I was thinking.
I wonder if I was capable of thinking.
I wonder how I could ever be
that little and why I lived the
kind of life I did.
I wonder if some small happening
would have made my life
different.

Boy--I now look like my mother!

So today, I traveled up about 25 miles for lunch with the old gal pals.  My BFF's (Arlene) daughter came today with a whole bunch of pictures she found in her Mom's house--of us girls back in high school.  We all had a great laugh and got to keep whatever ones we wanted.  I came back with a good amount as many of the pix were of Arlene and me. Being able to talk to Arlene's daughter is such a treat because--she had the same voice and laugh as her Mom--I feel almost like I am talking to Arlene.
=================
I came home through my home town to see the wind damage from Saturday night.  Drove on out to The Farm--Susan and Chuck not home as yet, and did a drive through and took pictures.  Then stopped off at Pammie's and she wasn't home.
Susan's infamous outhouse/garden shed


They lost 2 1/2 trees 


My son's house and barns are all okay. 

I got home and changed my clothes (I don't wear blue jeans to church) and went into Howell for the Maundy Thursday service.  It was very special--a Tenebrae service--gradual snuffing out of candles until the church is dark, stripping the altar and laying a black cloth on it and communion.  This time we had "regular" communion--like you are suppose to have--on your knees at the altar.

I was wondering if I could...I haven't in four years--but I did get down on my knees AND I GOT BACK UP, with minimal pain.  I'm so glad I went.  It was a very emotional, spiritual service.

I had a lovely day and tomorrow morning, Pearl and I are going to the movie to see "Heaven Is For Real"  I have been waiting and waiting for this movie to come out.  I read the book, shortly after Fred died and it saved my sanity and made my grief path much shorter than some widows I know.





Wednesday, April 16, 2014

The Process

Today's high temperature was:  42--I think
Sunny all day
===================================

Up early (8:00) and to the doctor's office by 9:00 to get my blood drawn for the Cardiologist.  He is checking my thyroid and Potassium--which is cool because since I've cut back on my Potassium, I have been curious of what the number is.  

Then, I trudged home and prepared myself for the process for my coronation.

Because of my hip surgeries, I have to take 4 amoxicillin before any dental procedure and today I also took a tiny little 0.5 Ativan.

Getting a crown put on a tooth isn't all that bad--at least I didn't have to have a root canal--which are all that bad.  The process is the hardest part, but nowadays, my dentist uses a computer to digitally take a picture of the tooth and the surrounding teeth, top and bottom to get a precise measurement for the making of the crown.

The worse part was the nummy shots as it was a far back, bottom tooth, #18, and the needle so into your jaw and practically through your cheek.  My dentist kept apologizing and I tried really hard not to cringe.

The next worse part is all that drilling!  They have to use that rough, bone jarring drill before they get to the high speed one.  And of course, the noise near my ear seemed to go straight up into my brain.  I basically laid there and mentally sang hymns or thought about what I was going to eat for supper.

90 minutes later I was done.  The charge was going to be 1,145.00, but when I saw the bill, the dentist had taken off $255.00 and given me a Senior discount of $89.00, so the total bill was $801.00, which they financed for me at $44.50 a month for 18 months, interest free.

This is the tooth that the dentist repaired, about twice a year for FREE!  She told me she would repair it free for the rest of my life, but little by little, more of the tooth as gone and I needed to get it stabilized and crowned to give it more strength and save the tooth.  I had thought of having is pulled, which I did with my last bad, back tooth, but I wanted to be able to chew on that side.

It has been 5 years since I have chewed any food on the left side of my mouth.  I was always afraid of that tooth breaking.  Tonight, I ate supper and chewed everything over on that side.  Now, with the crown, I will be able to eat a meal and not even think of selective chewing.

I got an e-mail from Bethie.  They think her son died of a pulmonary embolism.  Beth and her hubs are flyng over there next week for the funeral and then, later this summer, his wife will come here, bring his ashes and they will have a memorial service and he will be buried in Byron Cemetery.  

Bethie said, "I'm just like you, Judy.  I can't grieve or cry properly.  All I do is pace and shake.  I have warned my family, that weeks after it is all over--then I will have my break down."  I think that is just the way we were raised.

So stoic, strong for everyone around us.  We get through it all and then---six weeks later it hits us--reality--and we become immobilized with depression--anger--fear--weeping for days.

She will be all right.  I have so many people praying for her.  I fear for her husband though.  I hope he doesn't get bitter and angry--that sometimes happens.
===============

Tomorrow, I drive on up to Durand to have lunch with the high school gal pals.  I won't stop in to see my sister, as they aren't arriving home  until Friday, but I think I will drive out to visit a bit with Pammie and check out the damage in Byron.

I'm so tired tonight--probably from nerves--that I am going to bed early--well--11:00 anyway.

Love to all--Jude

Did you see that beautiful moon?  I stepped out on the porch and howled at it.

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

You Just Never Know

Today's high temperature was: 34 degrees
Snow--Sun--Snow--Sun--Snow--off and on all day
===========

When I got up at 8:00.
3"--not too bad.


The snow started again along about 9:00 and
...snowflakes and all this Red, Red Robin just kept on bobbin' along

 The snow stopped and the sun came out and then...
12:00 noon


Then the snow stopped and the sun came out and then...
2:15 


Sunny and bright at 3:00



Detroit set a record for the snowiest winter since 1880-1881, with a total this morning of, 94.8 inches of snow.  I believe we had more then that and by tonight, there will be a few more inches.  That is 7.9 FEET of snow, Dear Friends.  No wonder some of the snow piles were over 10 feet high.. 
==============================

My heart today is with the people of Boston.  I watched the commemoration and cried.  I spent quite a bit of time in the city when Jennifer lived there, and have walked that very sidewalk where those insane brothers set off their bombs. My grand daughter Susanna and her husband, Derek will run Monday in the Patriot's Day marathon.  I have no fear for them being there.  Boston will be the safest place to be that day.
===================
Heart Broken!!!  Bethie called tonight to tell me their oldest son Todd, who lives in the Czech Republic, had died.  "Just dropped dead!" she said.

She wanted me to notify the rest of the "girls" to "pray for us.  Just pray for us."

She and her husband are trying to get a flight out.

Todd had been doing yard work last weekend and he had a lot of chest pain.  He thought it was sore muscles, but the pain did not go away and seemed worse, so he did go to hospital.

They did an EKG and other tests and told him his heart was just fine.

A day later, he just died.

Reminds me of Fred--they told him for six months that the pain in his chest from from his lungs.  Come to find out, he was having mini-heart attacks and by the time they found it, half his heart was destroyed.

Anyway--Todd probably had an aneurysm in back of his heart which wouldn't have been seen unless they had done a CAT scan or some more extensive testing.  He was only 52--in fact, he and my Karen had a date, way back in the day.

I am still in shock--reeling.  The hardest death one would ever go through--that of losing a child.

So--if you could, please say a prayer for Bethie?

Monday, April 14, 2014

Five Eleven In Flats and Crazy As A Bag Of Rats.

Today's high temperature: 71 degrees at 8:00 this morning.
Very windy--rain--cold front came through.
61 degrees by 2:00 p.m.
34 degrees now and spitting snow
================================

Something I heard on T.V. tonight that made me laugh.
"She's five eleven in flats
and crazy as a bag of rats."
==========================================
Okay--I have to admit, I have been worried for the last eight months about my low resting pulse rate.  My primary care doc wasn't a bit concerned, but....I don't exactly trust primary care docs anyway.  Back in the day, our family doctor delivered us, took out our tonsils, set our broken bones, operated on us--whatever--he knew how to do it.  Nowadays, primary care docs seem to be basically, prescription writers and referral machines.  SO--I wanted to hear that I was all right (or not) from an expert.

Thus, my trip to Fred's Cardiologist--I had seen him two years ago, a week after Fred died and he told me I'd live another twenty years.  So--let's see if he still feels that way.

"Oh, it is so good to see you," said his receptionist.  "I miss Fred so much.  I just loved him."

"Me too."

The nurse takes my vitals:  blood pressure; 124/62   weight; 161  height; still 5'11" (same as when I was 21).

Doc comes in, "How have you been the last two years.  You look great!"

"I'm good.  I got my other hip replaced and last summer, for the first time in five years, I was able to work in my gardens and walk all over and....drain and flush the water heater...paint my porch."

He laughs.  "Wonderful...how are you emotionally.  Fred was such a wonderful man...you must really miss him"

"Yes he was.  I do miss him.  I am doing well."

"Do you have tightness, heaviness or pain in your chest?"

"No."

"Any palpitations, or rapid heart rate?"

"No."

"Any shortness of breath?"

"No."

"Any dizziness or feeling faint?"

"Only when I take those water pills...that's why I quit taking them in January."

" Okay..the low pulse rate is nothing to worry about...in fact...it is good!  You've lost thirty pounds.  Your cholesterol is down, as is your blood pressure.  You are probably healthier now than the last time I saw you."

"Okay.  I just wanted to hear it from you...I trust you more than any other doctor I have ever known."

"Okay.  Let's get an EKG just to make sure."

"OKAY.  I really wanted one, but I didn't want to ask and sound like a hypochondriac or something."

"Well--you are in a heart clinic and...we do those things here."

The nurse came in...you know how long an EKG takes--about 10 seconds.  It takes her longer to slap on the leads than to take the test--"lay quietly, please"

Doctor comes back in, "No blockage--no abnormalities--perfect sinus rhythm.  Now..if your pulse rate gets down into the low forties, we might think of a pacemaker, but....you are really good."

Than he lays the Doppler sonogram thingie on both carotid arteries--"very good.  30% blockage--better than good for someone your age..most have 40-45%.  I want to get your thyroid checked and your potassium.  Just get your blood checked and....I will see you in twenty years.  No, wait.  Maybe you better come back in two years, just to make sure I am still alive."

He laughs.  I laugh.  He hugs me and I am outta there.
==========================

YES--I know I am healthy!  I haven't even had a slight cold in four years.  I have wonderful generics.  My ancestor's lived a very long life and died of natural causes when in their late 80's or 90's.  There has never been cancer, on either side of my family--never.  Yet...when I get a pain--a sharp pain--or a dull pain anywhere in my body...I just know that there is something wrong.  All this month, the pain that was in my left back, shoulder, arm and into my chest had me scared--although I have had that pain before and I know very well that that pain is caused by my neck and spine, I still think...."but what if it isn't caused by that this time."

I haven't had that pain for 9 days and I canceled the appointment at the Chiropractor next Monday.  The deep massage certainly isn't helping--well maybe in the long run--but it is not worth it to live with that horrid pain for two weeks!!!!!

So--I get worried and think there must be some deep underlying something that is wrong inside my body.  I totally discount the fact that I am fast approaching seventy-five--I have severe arthritis--I have stenosis of my spine, plus herniated discs, and on and on.  IN MY HEAD--I am still fifty and don't realize (or don't want to face it) that I am...old(er) and older people hurt a lot of the time.  It is very frustrating to me.

I very well may be a hypochondriac even though I rarely go to the doctor.  No--probably just a negative thinking, worrying, type of person.  "five-eleven in flats and crazy as a bag of rats."
=========================
I posted an apology on Face Book this afternoon.  The snow coming tonight is all my fault!  I made an appointment with the Cardiologist in January and the night before, we had six inches of snow.  I canceled the appointment.

I made another one in early February.  The night before we got four inches of snow.  I canceled the appointment.

I made another one in late February.  The night before we got eight inches of snow.  I canceled the appointment.

I finally got to the appointment today and we are predicted to get one to three inches of snow tonight.

ALL.  MY.  FAULT.
==========================
 Hard to see the little blueish purple flowers growing in my lawn.
Snow Glories--and tonight they will all be covered.

HEY--my grass is getting green!!!



Sunday, April 13, 2014

Nice Peaceful Weekend--NOT

The high temperature on Saturday was:  72 degrees
Sunny and nice
=====================================
Dar was over quite early on Saturday morning.

"I'm depressed and I had to come over so you can make me feel better."

"I know what would take your mind off your problems.  Do you want to vacuum my rugs?"

"No...not really."

"Do you want to mop my kitchen floor?"

"No...not really."

"Well, what do you want to do?"

"I woke up at three this morning, with the kids on my mind.  It makes me sad."

"I know.  What can you do about it?"

"I told myself, 'piss on 'em!  If they are going to go back fifty years and blame me for everything bad that has happened in their lives...well...so be it.  I am NOT going to try and explain it to them.  I am NOT going to keep trying to contact them.  This is the way they want it...then so be it!' "

"Okay, but it's still going to be in your mind."

"I won't let it!"

"It will creep in during the night or when you are home just sitting there, doing nothing.  I think...you need to pray.  Ask God to forgive them and ask God to forgive YOU!  THEN, you honestly and truly....really...give it to God and put it away from your mind.  Really."

"You are going through something like me and yet...you don't get very depressed anymore."

"No...I don't...because...I did that very thing.  I pray every day that God will bring reconciliation between Jennifer and me, but a year ago...I asked for His forgiveness for my wrong doing and I asked Him to bless Jennifer and said, 'I give it all to you, God'.  and I meant it.  I rarely think about it anymore.  Nothing I can do about it.  She has to come if and when she is ready."

"Okay.  I'm going home now."

...and out the door she went.  Now---a couple of years ago, Dar was telling me that Jesus sits in the chair beside her bed and talks to her.  She has often told me that I have to become closer to God.  That I was a "baby" Christian and I had to read the Bible every day, study it and really believe.

I always thought I was doing all right.  I have become closer to God in the last two years.  But, in her superior way, she tended to ridicule me.

Now, she has told me she hates God.  She hasn't been to church in nine months and she use to practically live there.  She hasn't opened her Bible in that time and no longer even reads her short daily devotional.  I do not know what has brought this on because nine months ago--her life appeared to be wonderful.

I know this poor woman.  She isn't going to feel any better until she gets her faith back.  Because she has been so strong in her faith, for so many years---she needs to get back to it or, she's going to be miserable.
=======================
I DID mop the kitchen floor AND vacuum all the rooms.  YAY..finally.  I have a question--if any of you have the old style (20 years ago) type of vinyl flooring--what do you use to mop it with?  Mine isn't wanting to shine like it used too.  Comment your reply--please.  I need help on this.
=========================
Pammie called and we spent about 30 minutes laughing and whopping it up.  She had just come in from raking her yard and was complaining about all the "crap" the guy who lived there has left.   Junk cars--trucks--a pick-up camper--a dune buggy.  All the junk he got and was "going to work on, fix up and sell."

Pam says, "I swear that man was born in the hills of Kentucky!!  He's like some redneck--white trash--or something.  Old tires piled up.  Vehicles up on cement blocks.  He could care less what his yard and home look like.  WELL--I CARE what mine looks like!"

"Well, tell him to get his crap out of there or at least, haul it back behind the barn until he can get it out of there.  At least it wouldn't show from the house or the road."

"Momma!  I told him it had to be out of here by last August.  He said he was gonna--you know that phrase men like to use.  I'm gonna?"

"Yes, I am well aware of that phrase."

"Hey--I got the hole in the roof fixed."

"How."

"I knew I needed some tar to put in the hole, but I didn't want a whole pail of tar.  So I went to the hardware and told the guy and he said, 'Follow me', and he showed me a tube of tar that you use with a caulking gun.  Cost me ten bucks!"

"But---how did you get up on the roof?"

"I went out the front windows--just like you use to do when you decorated the peak at Christmas time.  I scrambled up to the top of the roof, walked along the peak--making sure I didn't have any other limbs sticking in it, or holes and then...I took my handy-dandy caulking gun and my putty knife and filled in that hole and put the shingle back in and.....done!"

"WAY TO GO!!!"

"It felt so good not to have some man telling me how to do it, or I wasn't doing it right.  I can fix anything all by myself!!!  Just like my Momma has always done!"

I just had to giggle.  She is so much like me.  We've had similar lives--similar struggles, but we keep going forward...ever forward!  I love that girl of mine so much!
================
 I watched the Masters--sister and her hubs are there, I saw storm warnings for counties north of here--up by Saginaw--mid-state.

Then--all heck broke loose.  I saw a warning on TV that a town west of where sister, Mark and Pammie live had a severe thunder storm warning--it was headed right their way.  Micro Bursts from wind shears along the front could touch down.

I called Mark--it had already passed him.  "Mom, the barn was moving...it was twisting back and forth, but...everything is all right."

Then I called Pammie.  "Are you all right!"

"Yeah, but--I have never felt this house shake like it just did.  I was headed for the basement when it stopped.  It came up so quick..oh..you know all that crap of Gene's outside?  It's all over in the hay field.  Even the truck camper and that big truck.  Man--it was really something."

"You be careful picking debris out of that field.  Don't hurt your back and...don't get cut on the metal pieces."

"You know what, Momma?  I am going to call Gene and have HIM clean it up.  It's his stuff anyway!!!"


"Good idea!  Hey, can you do me a favor and run up to The Farm to make sure everything is all right there?"

"Sure will, Momma."

Then I jumped on Face Book to see what my friends in Byron were saying.  Middle school roof, heating/cooling system and the walkway from the Middle school to the gym, extensively damaged.  The roof went off the gym, rain soaked the floor--it is totally destroyed.  You can see the air conditioner laying on the ground here, along with other debris.


That silver hallway looking place, is the walk-way from the gym
up into the middle school--the school off to the right.
It is structurally unsafe.
The high school is way off to the left--on the other end of the gym.
Nothing damaged in the high school.




The roof on the old town hall, is off and onto the laundromat next door, and the gas station next to it was on fire!

Pammie called back.  "Everything up at The Farm is okay--lots of branches and limbs down--dead ones left over from the ice storm.  The barns are all right, but....the outhouse is gone and laying down by the road."  (The outhouse--over 150 years old, that my sister had recently "decorated" and used for rakes and shovels.)

BUT--Susan's 157 year old house, and Pammie's 94 year old house and Mark's 120 year old barn--all standing!!!

I called Chuck and Susan and let them know.  Susan said, "Maybe we will just get rid of it.  Fill in the pit and be done."

"Just think of all the DNA in that pit," I said.  "We could clone great great grandpa or even...Dad.  We could have an ancestor come back to life!"

"If we did---it wouldn't be an ancestor--it would be a baby and thus, a descendant, wouldn't it?"
==============

Lots of damage on other homes--parts of roofs gone, decks torn apart, windows broken, sheds blown away, but it wasn't a tornado--it was straight line winds--micro bursts, which I guess can produce stronger winds than a tornado.

Just glad everyone is all right!!
==============================
The high temperature on Sunday was: 76 degrees
Cloudy and thunder storms expected tonight.
Forecast--1 to 3 inches of snow Monday night.  
Now you know why I haven't raked and uncovered my gardens.
===========================================

I made it to church.  The choir had a wonderful Cantata, so I sat nearer the front so I could hear it better.  It is a weird feeling--sitting up in front.  I was totally unaware of how many people were in church, until I turned around to leave.  There was a whole bunch of people in back of me.  YIKES!!

I stopped at Taco Bell and got three soft taco's for lunch and came on home.  Haven't done a single thing except watch the Masters Golf Tournament.

I am so glad Susan and Chuck could drive on down to Augusta, GA and walk the course.  I have always wanted to--especially this hole, which is my favorite.

13th hole at Augusta Golf  Club 

I don't watch golf too much anymore--it just makes me kind of sad.  Golf was such an integral part of my life for about twenty years.  My Mother taught me how to play when I was twelve.  They put in a golf course in 1968 in Byron--just 5 miles away.  

As the kids got older, I organized a woman's league and played every Tuesday morning from April until September, subbed on the Thursday night league and played--probably three times a week, if I could.  I taught two of my best friends how to play golf and I also taught Pammie--when I moved away, she took my place on the league.

I was really quite good actually.  I love golf because it ISN'T a team sport--I didn't have to rely on anyone but me.  When I lost, it was my own fault.  I liked the competition against others, but most of all, I liked to go out alone and play against the course.  I did win the golf course woman's championship one year.  I haven't played in twenty years, but I still miss it.  Can't afford it now and couldn't walk the course, so I'd have to pay for a cart.  <sigh>

Look at those strong arms!  I could hit it a mile!!!


This is the way you are supposed to hold a crochet hook--like holding a pencil/pen tipped sideways.





This is how I hold mine.  I can't crochet holding the hook the correct way.


I just grab it and go and crochet quite fast.
My left hand holds the yarn and the row that I am working on.




I wanted to take a video so you could see, but for the life of me, Buddy will not learn how to hold the camera and take pictures for me!!!
===================
Well Ladies--tomorrow is finally my visit to the Cardiologist.  I'm kind of nervous.

I'll let you know how it all turns out.