Thank Goodness For the "Delete" Button!!!

Today's high temperature was: 77 degrees

Today's humidity was:  36%

Sunny, a nice freshening breeze from the north-east

=============================================

I wish I had a delete button for some of my daily issues :-)  

I am a bit pissed off right now--sorry for the crude language, but it's the only "nice" word I can think of.  I saw a link on my Face Book page about "Gospel Prosperity" preachers like Joel Osteen and Joyce Meyers.  While I have watched and liked them both at times in my life, I do not always agree with their thinking.  So I shared the link and stated how I felt.  A friend of mine, commented that she agreed and why.  Then this other "person" on my friends list came in with a comment that the first comment meant, "You mean we can do anything we damn well please and we will get into Heaven?"  Now, the first comment and my comment didn't say that, didn't infer that.  I have no idea what the second woman was saying, but I know her and I know--it matters not what I post on Face Book--if it is the least thought provoking, the second woman will blast me, or get into arguments with my other friends that post positive comments.

She also commented that "with that kind of thinking, no wonder you right-wingers are all nuts."   What?

I don't know why I just don't block her from seeing any of my posts--I've blocked me from seeing hers on my page, because they are so negative, ugly, wanting to start a fight.  No matter what you might say back, if you disagree in the least, she will nail you to the wall with her venom.  Some of you that are on Face Book have seen some of her comments to me, so you know who I am referring too.  

I have only met and talked with her twice in my life.  Somehow these people get on our friends list.  Friends?  People we don't know--some we haven't met and yet they are friends?  

Before the last election she got on me big time when I inferred I wasn't going to vote for Mr. Obama.  I didn't say I was going to vote for Mr. Romney either, because I wasn't really planning on voting for either one.  Man alive!!  She jumped on that comment and told me, "All this time I thought you were an intelligent woman.  It breaks my heart to realize how stupid you've become.  Why would you vote for someone who is going to take away women's right?  Repeal Social Security and Medicare?  How could you be that ignorant?  I thought you were Pro-Choice!"

Well--her comment hurt deeply as I had never said any of that, nor had I inferred it.  I didn't respond right away, but later, went back and said, "I didn't say I was voting for someone who would take anything away from anyone.  You have inferred that I am not Pro-Choice!  I am pro-choice!  and my choice is...not to vote for Mr. Obama!"

I should have blocked her right then, but I didn't want to appear as petty as she is.  So--today, after seeing as how she was trying to bait my first friend into a theological/political argument--I just deleted the link, the post, and the comments!  Gone!  Off into the ether where no one can see it.  Then I private messaged my first friend to tell her what I had done because....I sure didn't want HER to have to endure what I knew was ahead of her from the second woman!  She is very good at baiting people--trying to argue--trying to get you to slip up--so she can come down on you with both feet.  I will NOT play that game with her!!!!

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So--today I went to see the PsychiATRIST.  The MD.  The PhD.  He was actually very nice.  I was precise in telling him why I was there--that I couldn't get the correct drugs from my primary care guy until I had a diagnosis from him.  Of course, I handed him my HUGE list of all the diagnoses and drugs I have taken over the last 40+ years and why they did not work.  He actually thought the list was great.  "Don't you think that is obsessive to work on a list like that?"  I asked.  "A bit," he said.  

Of course, he didn't give me a diagnosis--do they ever?  I want a nice tidy diagnosis of what is wrong with my head, so I can become obsessive and research it to death.  Oh no--not that simple.  We have to "discuss" the whys and wherefores and the years of what I had gone through.  No. No.  Here is all you need to know--just give me a diagnosis and prescribe something you think will help these weird thoughts/feelings/reactions I am going through.

After an hour, he gave me a few tests--like him giving me a list of numbers that I had to repeat back to him.  And three words, Purple, Tree, Honest--that half an hour later, he asked me to repeat.  I suppose he was checking for Alzheimer's?  In the middle of one of his numbers list--he asked a question and I answered.  Then he asked me to repeat the 7 numbers back to him and I did.  He said that my memory was outstanding and that my I.Q. was very high.  "Huh?"

He said, "by this list of yours, it seems you have been told you have every mental illness except Schizophrenia."  

I said, "Well, I sometimes wonder about that, but I'm not paranoid.  I don't think the NSA or the FBI are spying on me and, if they are, I don't care...so I guess I'm okay."

He said, "You do seem sort of hyper today."

"Yes--I know.  I have been talking fast and furious because I am trying to go over 74 years of my life history in the fifty minutes I am allotted!"

"You are confusing, that's for sure."  (Whatever that meant.)

I didn't get to really tell him of the way I am feeling NOW.  The irrational thoughts and actions.    He asked me if all this planning of my death and funeral was really about ME or was it about making things easier for my family.  "Have you ever really thought about taking care of you and not everyone else?"

Well, hell no!  I was a daughter, then a wife and then a mother, then an employee, a care giver and a grandmother.  When did I ever think about what I wanted?  It's just not my nature.  

Of course, now all those things I WAS--are gone away, so...perhaps this is the reason for my mental turmoil?  (I thought of this after I got in the car).  I sure hope he doesn't try and make me come up with what I want because---I haven't a clue!  I don't want anything!!  and please...don't make me go to the Senior Center...or a bus trip...or go out each week to eat in a restaurant all alone.  No. No.  

I do not want to socialize--especially with people I don't know.  I would prefer more family time, but other then that, I vant to be alone!

He thinks I may have a death wish.  I told him "probably", but I wouldn't do anything active to bring it on.  I am not suicidal, but...I wouldn't mind if all of this was over with."  He frowned.  

So, 90 minutes later he said, "I think Risperdol will help.  The smallest amount---at bedtime.  Stay on the Celexa."

At least I got something and I go back in a month.  He also wants me to go back into talk therapy with Lynn--the one I went to for 3 months after Fred died--she is in the same building.  We shall see.  What a bore!!  I hate going over all this crap since childhood and how did it make me feel and why did I do that, and...and...  The hurt little girl never heals, okay? She is always there in my mind and soul.  Just give me a damn pill to straighten out my chemical imbalance or something.

Oh yes--and he wants me to keep writing to get my thoughts out.

You poor readers!!!
===============================

I GOT THE POWER!!!

Bye Bye

It...Was a Day...Like Many, but Better

Today's high temperature was:  83 degrees

Today's humidity was:  56%

Too hot for me and too humid.

Tonight--nice cool front going through.

===============================================

I finally got to open the front door and windows this evening around 8:00.  Lots of rain south of me, but the cool front it going through and taking the humidity with it.  Tomorrow is suppose to be "delightful".  I am so glad--I like delightful!!

So--this morning I got up later--8:15, which is still about 45 minutes too early for me, but....what can I say.  I guess I am sleeping better?

I missed Fred today.  I have no idea why.  It's not an anniversary of anything special.  I don't know.  He was just on my mind a lot and I found  myself sighing and really lonesome of his voice and smile and arms around me.  Fat lot of good that is going to do me!!!  Get a grip woman!!!  <sigh>

I walked down to Pearl's around 9:30.  I intended to call Comcast and have them walk me through what is wrong with her e-mail connection.  Her internet connection works just fine--she cannot get her e-mail to open--which makes no sense.  If her internet connection is working, so should her e-mail.  I went through all the steps in her "options" and "accounts" and all the information in there is correct.  Then I picked up her new phone, that she bought so she could bundle it with Comcast and it was dead.  No dial tone.  

She lost is right about then!!

"Why do I have such bad luck with this computer?  It's like it has something against me!!"  (I thought she was going to cry.)

"Hon...it isn't against you.  It is just a machine...like your mixer.  If something is wrong inside...your mixer wouldn't work.  Not because it had anything against you, but...just because something was broken."

"But my mixer works great!"

"and so will your computer if...you add more memory, a new video card and audio card."  (because for some reason her speakers do not work now--although they did yesterday.)

So I looked around in back of the computer and found a cord that was just hanging there--plugged it into the back of her computer and...her speakers worked.  Ta Dah!!

She has this "thing" about all the cords behind her computer.  She keeps trying to straighten them all out.  Is bound and determined she is going to enclose them in empty paper towel tubes.  In her efforts to do this, she keeps pulling out wires, where they are plugged in, and doesn't realize it or doesn't know where to plug them back in and......things quit working.  Just like yesterday when she called me down all in a panic because she couldn't get an internet connection, only for me to find her router was unplugged.  She had to get in and check her bank account to make sure her Social Security deposit was there.  She was still frantic this morning.

"Why would you worry about your deposit.  Has it ever been late or not showed up in your bank?"

"No.But you never can tell.  With this government...I heard Obama was going to take away our Social Security and our Medicare!"

"No---I think it's the Republicans who are going to do that"

"WHAT!!?"

"Only kidding.  It depends on which report you read from which group.  No one is going to take your Social Security or Medicare away!"

"Well--I wondered about that.  They can't take Social Security away from me...I put that money in that saving's account all the years I worked!"

I smiled.

"What?  Why are you smiling?"

"Well--actually...I hate to tell you this, but....."

"What?"

"You didn't put anything away in a savings account.  The money you paid in for Social Security, they were using to support and fund the people who were already on it.  Now, the money we get every month, comes from our kids and other worker's pay checks."

"What?  I don't understand."

"No one is going to take away your Social Security."

"I'm done with this computer.  Don't even call Comcast.  They can't help.  It's the computer, not them."

So we went out into the front room and chatted for awhile--then I came home.

She has cable on her TV--which would cost her $45.00 a month.  But to get a better deal, she bundled her computer and a non-existent phone and is paying $130.00 a month.  She is paying for an internet high speed computer, which doesn't work and a phone land-line, which also doesn't work.  She only uses the internet to check on her bank balance--she could call the bank for that.  She hates the computer--she doesn't use her land-line--doesn't even know the number, so...why...doesn't she just get the connection for her TV?

So I called the computer place where I get work done and asked them if they have a technician that makes house calls--they do--and what it would cost to get her a new computer--$350.00.  I just about dropped my teeth.  $350.00 is all?  Brand new.  Windows 7 operating system.  Microsoft Office suite and enough mega bytes and gigabytes to last her from here to eternity!!!  They would take her hard drive and put her pictures over onto the new one--as that is all she has on her hard drive she'd want to save basically.

My computer is seven years old--it cost me $800.00, which at the time seemed like a good deal.  Heck--I should give her mine and got get a new one for myself, LOL!!  She came down later and I told her what I had found out.

"I don't have that kind of money." she wailed.

"Sure you do.  You told me you have been putting money aside and you have over one thousand dollars."

"Well...yes I do, but that money is for a new refrigerator."

"What is wrong with the one you have."

"Nothing...I just want a new one so I can get a bottom freezer."

Okay.  I AM DONE!!!  (I think I have said that before!)

If she had a decent computer I think she would really love it--there would be nothing to make her frustrated.  She could access her bank account, her e-mail, FaceBook--all the damn games she wants to play, but NO--she would rather get a new refrigerator which she does not need--just so she can have a bottom freezer, which she will hate because SHE CAN'T BEND OVER TO GET INTO IT!!!

I GIVE UP!!!  I GIVE UP!!! I GIVE UP!!!

She knows her options concerning a computer now and it is up to her what she wants to do.  I will NEVER mention it again!!!!!

=============================

The dish washer repair guy came this afternoon--what a nice young man!!! I told him I wouldn't "hover" and he said I was more then welcome to stand there and watch and ask questions and he wanted to show me how to do maintenance on the drain anyway.  YAY--right up my alley.

He showed me how to take off the lower washer arm and get the sump out and take out the filter (which I had no clue DW's had filters), how to clean them and how to put them back in.

Everyone has been more then willing to tell me Frigidaire is the worse appliance I could have, but he said, "That's not so.  I have one myself.  You can't beat the price."  which is true.

He practically tore the underneath stuff apart and took out the drain pump and it was fine (YAY), cleaned everything--even blew compressed air into the drain pipe, and put it all back together.  Then--he asked me what kind of dish washing detergent I used and I showed him my big plastic tub full of Cascade power pellets and he said, "May I suggest you never use that ever again?"

"Why?"

"You live in a hard water, heavy calcium area.  It clogs up the drain and drain pipe.  Just a minute--I'll be right back."

He goes out to his truck and comes back in.

"This is what our store manager recommends to all our customers in this area."

He handed me a small box with 4 Finish Quantum pellet thingies in it.  Then he handed me 4, really nice, big cash off coupons to buy more.

"The Finish will not only help keep your dish washer clean, but it will also keep the calcium from clogging up the drain--even the drain from the kitchen to outside.  Every month, I want you to use this...Finish Dish Washer cleaner and use the Jet Dry to keep your dishes from being all spotty--it also helps keep things inside the dish washer clean and will keep the lime build up off your dishes."

Then he noticed my collection of wooden carved people and wanted to know all about them and the story behind the wooden boxes I have.  "I love vintage things like this," he said.  I just wanted to adopt him!!!!!

I had a really nice 90 minutes and I learned another maintenance chore and you all know--that makes me real happy.  I so like to be able to handle these kinds of things by myself.

One thing I noticed, as I was cleaning the filter--it was full of lint!  How did lint get into my dish washer?

Now, I will spend the next few days trying to figure that out.

======================

Tomorrow is going to be an interesting morning--I think.  Going to an PhD-MD psychiatrist (not psychologist) to see what he might recommend for me to be on to help with my depression/manic episodes/obsessiveness/compulsions/weird thoughts and remarks. I can't wait to see his diagnosis.  

(If you don't hear from me for a few days--I will be resting in the padded cell, on the 4th floor of the hospital.) 

  

Truth or Not and Is It Important?

Today's high temperature was:  82 degrees

Today's humidity was:  43%

Sunny, breezy, a bit humid

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I missed Tuesday--well, I didn't really MISS Tuesday, I just didn't blog about a do nothing day.

I got up at 7:21 today--for the third day in a row.  I don't know what is wrong with me!!!  

I asked Pearl and this morning, she and I went to see the movie "The Butler".  I have heard a lot of good comments and bad comments about it, so I figured I wanted to see it to make up my own mind--because, I am that kind of person.  Pearl gave it a 7 out of 10, I gave it a 6.

The butler at the White House, Mr. Eugene Allen had a really nice life--an exciting life, which would have made a really good movie.  He served 8 presidents--in the movie they only show him interacting with about 5.  The first one Eisenhower--which is inaccurate because he came to the White House during Truman's term in office.  But that isn't where the untruths and the inaccuracies end.  In the first scene they show his mother being raped by a white man and his father being shot by the same man, in a cotton field in Georgia.  Untrue!!!  

Mr. Allen grew up in Virginia.  He had only one son, not two.  His son was never involved in the Freedom Riders or the Black Panthers.  He did fight in Viet Nam, but he was not killed there and is still alive.  His wife was not an alcoholic, nor did she have an affair.  They were married 65 years.  and Mr. Allen was never involved in the Civil Rights movement, because as Butler in the WH, he had to remain non-political.

 I won't tell you any more in case you want to see the movie for yourself.

In the Lincoln movie, there are so many untruths that it is almost laughable.  The Civil War was NOT fought over slavery!!  Lincoln was NOT a friend of the black people.  He didn't like slavery, but he wasn't for equality or anything even remotely like that for the blacks--free or slave.  He wanted to bundle them all up and send them to Liberia to live among themselves.  He said in a speech in 1854:

"If all earthly power were given me, I should not know what to do, as to the existing institution [of slavery]. My first impulse would be to free all the slaves, and send them to Liberia, to their own native land." After acknowledging that this plan's "sudden execution is impossible," he asked whether freed blacks should be made "politically and socially our equals?" "My own feelings will not admit of this," he said, "and [even] if mine would, we well know that those of the great mass of white people will not ... We can not, then, make them equal"

The other inaccuracy in that movie was they portrayed the representatives from Connecticut as being AGAINST the Emancipation Proclamation, when in fact, all of them were for it!!

Now--why would a screen writer AND a director include untruths in a film that is suppose to be based on historical facts?  I will give you the answer--and not just my answer.

The writer of the book on Mr. Allen, is an ultra Liberal--as is the director.  Oprah paid for and was involved in the movie and we all know her political leanings.  All of Hollywood is Liberal, so to get anything from a historical movie from them, is impossible.  They HAVE to put their own agenda in the film.  The fact that Hanoi Jane played the part of Mrs. Reagan in the film, did not bother me a bit.  What she did 100 years ago really doesn't annoy me now AND the Reagan's and the Fonda's were very good friends in Hollywood.  Mrs. Reagan is said to be very pleased that Jane played her.  Jane had about 6 speaking lines and was "face" for about 30 seconds.  Oprah played her part very well too.  I did not realize that she was/is a smoker in real life.  That is why she talks so much about doing everything she can to be healthy--can anyone say hypocrite?  That doesn't matter either--she played her scenes well and Forrest Whittaker was great in his role!!

What makes me angry about these kinds of films is:  young people or people not knowledgeable about history will go see a movie like this or the one about Lincoln and take what they see as fact, when it is not.  Then they get a misconception of what was real historically and go with that for the rest of their days and will argue with anyone that knows the difference because "I saw the movie, so I know the real story!"

Reminds me when the "The Da Vinci Code" came out.  I was around quite a lot of young people in those days and they all were "in shock that Jesus had an affair with Mary Magdalene and they had a daughter!"  I tried my best to stay calm and tell them that Jesus may have been "human" in His appearance, but He was the human form of God and was without sin.  Certainly He did not have sex with Ms. Magdalene, nor were they married--although I am sure He loved her.  

My funniest experience with that film was an small argument discussion with a young lady in her twenties.

She said, "The one thing I didn't like about the movie.  They had a Jewish woman play the part of Mary!"

The guy I was dating at the time was sitting across the table.  I looked at him and he said, "You take this one."

I said, "Why is that strange to you?"

"Well (humph) everyone knows that Mary was Catholic!!!"

{Sip of water--try not to laugh}

"Ah--no--actually Mary WAS Jewish.  So was Joseph.  There were no Catholics when Jesus was alive.  There weren't even Christians.  There were Jews and Gentiles and Muslims.  Even Jesus was Jewish."

Ah--the look on her face.  I will remember that conversation forever.

===========================================

So--I went to a movie--which I thought was boring, but....the popcorn was great, however.

My dishwasher will not pump out the water, so Mr. Repair guy is coming tomorrow.  As I was telling people on face book, they came back with comments that my brand of dish washer--Frigidaire--is probably the worse brand for appliances.  Who knew?  When I was a young married, Frigidaire was the top of the line.  They were made by General Motors--we certainly could not afford them.  I had Hot Point and later Kenmore from Sears.  Now--the top appliances for long wear are GE.  All of my appliances, except the dish washer, are 15 year old GE's, so---I guess I should have known, when I replaced the DW ONLY 5 years ago!!!!!

I went down to see if I could help Pearl get connected to her new internet service.  She was furious, frustrated and fuming.  She actually thinks  her computer does things on purpose to irritate her.

So I checked and found the problem immediately, when she held up a cord that wasn't connected to anything.

"I was trying to untangle that rat's nest of cords behind the computer and I have this wire left with no where to plug is in."

I looked at the end of the cord, it was a power cord.  I looked at the other end and picked up her router and plugged it in.  Viola!!!  She thinks I am some kind of computer genius!!

Then, she showed me a large yellow cord that was connected to her modem, but disconnected on the other end.  "What do I do with this one?" she asked..

"Well I do believe," I said in my best southern accent, "we plug that thang right in heah, in this little ole' plug place in yorah computetah, Auntie Pearl.  It connects your little ole' modem to yorah computetah.  Now, lookie heah--all dem lights are blinking and---great lord in heaven!!!  Ya'll internet thingie is workin'!"

She replied in a quiet whisper, "Smart ass!"

Can you see that dark profile in that window?

Well--that is Auntie Pearl doing mischief on her computer!!!

  

Country Roads

The high temperature today was:  79 degrees

The humidity today was:  42%

Sunny, breezy--perfect

============================================

"Country roads, take me home, to the place I belong"..........................today, I took a quick trip up to the place "I belong"--will be some day--back home.  I wondered how this would make me feel.

I walked up slowly--thinking it might creep me out, but it didn't.

It is so new and clean and bright.

I had my design similar to my bachelor uncles, because...

He and I are book ends for my parents.

My sister and brother in law, will be to the left, and.....

Freddy down from them.  I forgot to take his doggie statue with me to place on the corner--

that is the whole reason I got him a flat stone!!

Tootz, his dog, whose ashes will be buried with Fred.

She will rest on the upper right hand corner of his marker.

=========================================================

So--I have put in my advanced reservation in the "family" green space--until the Son comes in the east and the trumpet sounds!  

After I left the cemetery, I drove on over to Susan and Chuck's farm.  Had a new Debbie Macomber book to give her--that I just received.  I give all my brand new books to my sister to read first.  She gets to open the mailing carton, take out the book, break the spine and read it.  Then she gives it back to me, I pass it on to Pearl and Dar and THEN, I read it.  I am so far behind in my reading, that I am about 4 books behind all of them.

===============================

I only stayed at Susie's for half an hour--they were getting ready to go into town to get roofing shingles to put on the "ice house", which they retained for Susan's garden shed--the cedar shake shingles are all rotten.  She had been painting it barn red all weekend.  When I left their drive, instead of turning left and heading up to the Little House On The Corner and the main road to get home, I turned right and came home the back way--and I mean, the back way.   No pavement or tarvia has ever touched these back roads--gravel for at least 6 miles, but nice and hard packed.

and narrow.....

and large farms.  Nowadays, you gotta go big or you won't make a living as a farmer.

I stopped at a road side table with fresh veggies on it.  The Honor System--you take what you want and leave what you think is a fair price.  I got two tomatoes and an ear of sweet corn and left five bucks!  I think that was a fair price and YOWSER--were they delicious.  You CANNOT get that veggies that fresh in your grocery store--I don't care how fancy the place is.  This stuff was just picked!!!

================================

I feel bad about ranting about Pearl!  Wish I hadn't!  Makes me sound like a snob.  I too have bought things and made wrong decisions that cost me money.  I don't think Pearl is dumb enough to "loan" $10K to a husband who beat her and then wouldn't pay her back--I had to go through bankruptcy too!!  HOWEVER--this is what frustrates me so much.  SHE asks for advice.  Merle has even asked my opinion from time to time.  I tell them what I know about finance rates, about checking the small print--about, "are you sure this will save you money?"  They want me to research things for them and then, they go with just the opposite.  Like the gas log they bought last year.

I first asked them why they wanted one.  "To save money on our gas bill."  Then I researched the BBB and websites and found the most reputable dealer in this area and also--the dealer with the worse reviews.  They went with the worse dealer because he was $50.00 cheaper.  The gas log has been a huge failure!!!  As I told them, when the log is burning, it is pulling in the furnace heated air from the room and taking it up the chimney.  Their gas bill was around $60.00--after the gas log, it was at least $90.  AND it is so near their thermostat (which I also pointed out) that the thermostat won't come on and the rest of their house is freezing, which causes them to burn the gas log all the time, which causes the thermostat not to come on, which.................................well, you get the idea.  THEN--when the gas log malfunctioned, the dealer would not stand behind his "spoken warranty" and they had to lay out another $150.00 to get it fixed--by the FRIST dealer I recommended AND because it was installed incorrectly, the heat has "melted" all the varnish off their mantle!!  BUT---Pearl got it into her head one day that she wanted a gas log and...Merle just went along.

SO--last night when she called and told me she couldn't access her e-mail--"even after you checked all the account information and told me it was correct!" and wanted to know what she should do--I told her to call Comcast.  "But I won't know how to explain it to them!"

"Sure you will.  Just tell the person that answers that you are getting an error message and cannot connect to the server.   That person will walk you through each step to make sure everything is set up all right."

"I have to call AT&T first and tell them to unhook me.  Maybe the two servers are fighting over which one will work."

"No--that isn't necessary.  When Comcast was hooked up, AT&T was automatically disabled.  BUT--now don't be surprised if the Comcast person tells you that your computer isn't able to handle it.  Remember...we talked about six months ago, when you were having trouble accessing anything--that your computer needs more memory--or you need a new computer..remember?"

"Yes.  I should have bought a new computer instead of this stupid carpeting!"

Oy Vey!!

I called her when I got home this afternoon to see if she had called Comcast and she said, "I called AT&T first and they told me my hook-up with them had been cancelled.  Then I called Comcast and the lady there walked me through the entire set-up of my account.  Everything was correct.  She told me I probably don't have enough memory in the computer to run the high speed."

So--now, as with Dar--I am no longer going to be Pearl's "teacher" anymore.  If they want to know something or want to research something--I will show her how.  That's it!!!  GOOGLE IT, BABY!!!

She is going to the doctor tomorrow--MY doctor.  I hope she likes him or it will be all my fault!!

When will I ever learn?  

========================

After my first attempt at selling all my Cedar Cove books on e-bay, I have a new box full going up for sale.  All of Nicholas Sparks books.  Then---it will be all of the (Father Tim) Mitford Series.  I keep books--thinking I surely will read them again, but never do.  So--another way of cleaning out AND making a bit of money.  

My last sale, went to pay for a figurine I found on e-bay that I have been searching for since 1985.  It is part of a pair of figurines I purchased back then---but I could only afford to buy one, in 1980.  Then in 1985, I went back to the same store to get the other one and of course, they had quit making them.  They are made by Francis Hook and will have Jennifer's name on both, as she was with me when I bought the first one and has loved it forever.  

They are called "Beach Buddies".

It cost $50.00 back in 1980--when I had lots of money.

Sorry about the distortion--I got the pix off the seller's site.

It cost half price.  YAY

Both are numbered on the bottom with the year produced and

Francis Hook's name from her "Child's World" collection.

DUH!!!

Today's high temperature was:  78 degrees

Today's humidity was:  46%

Sunny, once again.

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Oh Dear--I use to be so smart, so organized, so in the know--now I have trouble remembering what day it is and what I want to do!  I was just about to shut down this computer when I realized, I had not posted anything for today--and I do try and post something every day.  

My Friends--you cannot know what your comments meant to me today!!!  A great lift to my spirit.  I thought I was going totally " 'round the bend", with all this death thinking and preparation and aging and what to do, what to do...and then I read your comments and find out--I'm not quite as abnormal or weird as I thought!!!  I really don't have any people that I would share those thoughts with.  My sister wouldn't understand--too young.  Pearl would just shake her head and say, "You're weird!" and most of my long-time friends--well, I don't even want them to know how I think at times.  So---once again---you have saved me...made me smile...and lightened my mind all day today!!!! Once again, thank you so much!!!

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I got up on time and made it to church early, LOL.  We have a lot of construction zones in this area and detours.  I have a special kind of back way I go to church to avoid them.  Today--our pastor continued his story on detours--mostly he means spiritual detours--or emotional ones---and how, even if we think we are going through them alone--God is there working, making the "path", getting us through.  

I got out of church and turned to come home the usual way and--"Oh Oh".  A this street is closed, sign was up.  Not only does the town of Howell have a Farmer's Market every Sunday, all summer long, which is why I got a back way to avoid that, but this weekend, they are having a fruity festival.  Actually called--The Howell Melon Festival!!!  Ta Dah!

They have street vendors and parades and so, not only is the main street through town blocked, but a lot of side streets.  

Alas and alack--so I turned left and proceeded down a couple blocks and turned right again and...OOPS--that road didn't go all the way through.  Turned around and came back to the street I was on, and finally decided to go on north to the semi-large highway and then drive on that up to the road I mainly take when I go to Byron.  Of course--there is a HUGE construction zone on the corner of my road home and this road--on the corner--by the Wal-Mart--where I had to go to get ONE stupid prescription!!!They are putting in an expressway interchange in this area--which is needed, but still.....................

It was 12:30 by now--church got out at 11:45.  I got my prescription and decided to look around a bit.  Diet Pepsi--on sale--$1.00 for a 2 Litre--YOWSER!  and while in that area:  milk, water, ice tea, bottled water. Something that would work for "bumpers" on the lid of the big box because, YES--I have already smashed my fingers.    I couldn't find them, so guess what I used?  Those felt tipped thingies you put on the legs of a kitchen chair so it will slide around.  I ran a small bead of Elmer's Glue around each one, stuck it to each end of the lid and VOILA--they are black with dark brown felt so they don't even show.  Oh, I know, I have compromised the "vintageness" of the box, no doubt, but.........

When I got home,  which was now 1:45, I had to unload and carry in, 5 bags with 2 jugs of Pepsi per, 2 gallons of ice tea (unsweetened, please), a gallon of water for the cats, a gallon of milk and a 12 pack of bottled water.--plus a few other bags that contained, celery, cake, floor cleaner, new strainers for the kitchen sink, a new aerator for the kitchen faucet (which did not fit right) and other sundry products--$91.00 worth.  BUT if I had bought everything at the Rich People's store, it would have been a hundred and a half probably.

My back and hips were killing me, but every trip I made out and in, I kept saying, "Thank you, God" because...I am so blessed that I can tote all that stuff in because, just 9 short months ago---I couldn't!!!!!

So I am through my "detour" called physical infirmity,   I am still on the detour called grief, but mainly now, I am on the detour called "No Money"--which over the years, has turned into a familiar road that is constantly under construction.

I went down to Pearl's and tried to get her e-mail set up.  She just had cable installed and her e-mail didn't work.  I looked how my account is set up, as I have the same cable company, and did it on hers, but---nope.  I told her to call Comcast tomorrow and they will help her get it going.

Oh--I gotta tell you--gossip.  Remember a few months back when I told you Pearl had ATT for her internet connection and her TV.  ATT told her if she bundled in her home phone, they would give her faster internet at a lower price--remember that?  They had no home phone--they both have cell phones, but to get faster internet, she went out and BOUGHT A PHONE--which she never uses AND the internet was no faster then before.

So--finally last week, their contract was up and I convinced them to go with cable--Comcast--like most of us have around here.  I told her that she didn't have to put her phone on it, because they don't use the phone.  I told her NOT to get HD, as it is ten dollars more a month and I don't have it and the lady at Comcast told me NOT to get it---unless I watch a lot of movies On Demand, as the difference in the picture is no different then just having digital.  

I found out yesterday--not only did she get Comcast--YAY, but she also bundled the phone, they don't use and is always turned off,  AND got HD.  $140.00 a month and I pay, $115.00!

So, tonight she calls and says, "Did you know that Debbie Macomber show we watched last night is on tonight too?"

"Yes, it's a re-run of last night's show."

"No it's not!  It's on channel 378 instead of 137.  I think it might be the ones I've missed."

"Channel 378 is the SAME as channel 137, except 378 is HD."

So she called back in 30 minutes and I said, "Did you watch it on HD?"

"Yes--it was the same one we watched last night on 137."

"Did you notice a better, clearer, sharper picture on HD?"

"No--am I suppose too?"

ARGGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So apparently she gets her channel line-up and starts going through the HD channels and the name of the channel and on almost everyone, I say, "Yes--that is also on digital (whatever) channel too."

"Then...why did I get HD hook-up?"

"I don't know, Pearl.  Why did you?"

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I get so frustrated with her--I say her, because if she wants it, Merle doesn't argue and she goes off willy-nilly and ends up paying a lot of money for nothing.  They grew up in the same time period I did.  They went to a small school--but so did I.  They act like they don't have any brains!!!  All their lives!!!

All of a sudden, one day, she decided that she wanted new carpeting.  "The pad under this one is so thin, I feel like I am walking on a bare floor."  At first, she wanted hard wood flooring in the living room.  I tried to calmly mention that it would require an almost daily dusting with the floor mop and that the cat would probably scratch it AND when her daughter's Rottweiler dog comes to visit, he surely would scratch it.  She finally settled on carpeting--HOWEVER--she didn't get a decent pad and now she says, "This carpeting isn't very good.  It feels as thin as the old stuff I had."

They owned a motor home.  When they decided not to go to Florida anymore, they decided to let the motor home go back to the bank.  She said, "So we won't have to make payments on it anymore."  The bank sold it, but didn't get the price, so Pearl and Merle ended up having to pay $5,000.00 for it--a motor home they no longer had.

Fifteen years ago, they had property in Howell.  It was a large lot, a creek running through it and Merle built a large barn on it that they planned on living in part of the barn.  Then--because they hadn't checked, they found out it wasn't in a residential zone.  <sigh>  So--they had a nice piece of property, but could not live on it.

They purchased the trailer they live in now--it had to be completely gutted--a new roof put on--new siding, --new windows, new floors, new plumbing.  Soooooooo, they used the property in Howell as equity--to renovate the trailer and buy a 10 year old car.  Four years later--their VARIABLE mortgage on the property went up--the real estate market went south and now--they had a huge loan they could not pay back  They let it go to the county for back taxes--five years worth of back taxes--because, "We are going to save money now!"

Pearl and Merle have my old storage unit up the road.  I went with her one day to help unload some stuff.  That storage unit is FULL of Cat condos she saw on TV, an ice cream maker, a small George Foreman grill, 4 Ready Set Go's--2 toaster ovens, a juice maker, 4 Comfy Cozy cushions, 3 different kinds of steam mops and 6 coats she bought on QVC.  If it is advertised on an infomercial--Pearl has it!  She goes to the Salvation Army every Tuesday and comes home with bags and bags of "stuff" because she saved so much money.  

They filed for bankruptcy three months ago--going to save money to replace their 16 year old car--however--now that they don't have any credit cards to pay--the EXTRA money has gone into cheap carpeting, a whole new bedroom set of linens, curtains, etc. and now--she is talking about getting a new refrigerator.

Not only do they NOT have life insurance, they don't have a cemetery lot!!

I'm sorry for the gossipy rant, but I get so frustrated with her!!!

I fear Merle is going to die first and I have no idea how in this world she is going to get by.  He still works, at age 77, and is exhausted every night when he gets home.  It is seasonal work, so when winter comes--she will be crying again about not having enough money.  

I GIVE UP!!!

I'm going to bed--tomorrow will be a good day--I hope!

.

  

Egyptian King

Today's high temperature was:  73 degrees

Today's humidity was:  29%

Sunny and very nice

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I just realized this morning, that I am like one of those Pharaohs--watching as my tomb is being built.  Having a say in life after my death.  It seems that lately, I have been pre-occupied with death--mine in particular.  While I haven't thought I was--just look at what I am so obsessively doing!!!

Making sure the house is cleaned.  Making sure things are thrown away.  Making sure plastic storage boxes (no--I don't have cardboard boxes used for storage--that would be normal.  I have the big plastic ones!)  are organized with like items, labelled, stacked in order of importance.

Lists made, forms filled out and put in folders with marked tabs--a box enclosing smaller boxes with jewelry or coins inside for the grand kids, pictures, scrapbooks--all enclosed in a large plastic box with the word "FUNERAL" in permanent marker on the lid.  Knick Knacks sitting around, with the person I want to have it, name on the bottom.

I think about it all the time.  It's like a major event I have to plan to the nth degree!

I am not living!!!  I am merely breathing while preparing for my death!  GEEZ!!!

This morning I read Jean's blog post and she spoke on being relevant.  Her husband had a stroke when they were still fairly young.  Her relevancy then was to care for him.  I liken it to her "career".  He died, about two weeks after Fred did.  Can you imagine the huge hole that was left in her life?  All she had done for fifteen years, was gone.  A quick, early, unwanted retirement from her career.  Now, she is trying to find new relevancy in her life--and she has.

I have no relevancy--really, I don't.  AND--I don't actively seek it.

I am so enamored with quietness, solitude, perfect silence most of the time.  It has become very difficult for me to be around a group of people for more then two hours.  There is too much talking, too much noise, too much activity--it tires me out.  Having to go to the Senior Center, with all those people, all that "noise", to me, would be torture.  Going on a bus trip with them, would be torture.

Even going to family functions, is very hard.  There is so much noise and activity and movement all the time, every where.  After a couple of hours, I just want to come home and be quiet.

I don't understand any of this.  I use to be so involved in so many things-- a meeting or an activity every single day--well into my sixties.  People counted on me.  Every committee knew that I would be the one to plan the next event, take notes at all meetings, make the phone calls, head the different groups.  When I worked at my last job, I was the one who planned the entire company picnic--the company Christmas party--for 300 people.  I made the invitations, took the RSVP's, set up the time and place, planned the games, met each and every employee at the door, knew every one's name and their spouses names. Contacted every new employee and put out the bi-weekly newsletter for the entire company of over 600 employees--along with my regular duties.   I LOVED IT!!!

When our class had their reunions, I was the one who typed up and mailed the invitations, contacted each classmate, scanned and copied every one's graduation picture to use as a "Hello, I am" badge.  Got their most recent picture to go on a page with their life history, made up the books that everyone received at the reunion.  I LOVED IT!!!

I WAS RELEVANT!!!

Now--I'm just a dud!  Oh--I still love one-on-one conversations and visits, but I can't take one-on-many.  Perhaps it is because I am getting hard of hearing and with all the different conversations going on, it is hard for me to keep up.  Or, perhaps, in a group, I go to say something and someone else interrupts, or a different conversation starts up at the other end of the table?

I had a really funny, I thought, story to relate at our gal pals luncheon Thursday.  I tried to tell it twice, but there was so much conversation going on at different parts of the table that I just stopped talking.  When we were done with lunch, they all went for a ride on the pontoon boat and I used the excuse that I was afraid of water and boats (which I am) and was going to get on home.  In reality--I was just so exhausted and I just wanted to get into my nice quiet car and drive a nice quiet drive, to my nice quiet house.

I am very weird lately.  I don't feel like the person I used to be.  I don't react like I use too.  Sometimes, I don't even know who I am anymore.  So--I close myself off and in doing so, I close myself off even farther--becoming even more old and eccentric.  When I was in six grade, I wrote a story about a hermit who lived in a hut in the woods.  I was very descriptive.  It seems, that is my life now--except I have all my electronics to connect to the outside world.  Maybe that is why I don't go out much anymore--the world comes to me.  Ah yes--I remember in 1984, a class on computers--those new things, and how the instructor said that it wouldn't be good for people's social life because--we would quit going to the library, order our groceries delivered, talk to people through electronic mail instead of on the phone or face-to-face--we no longer would interact.  I thought he was nuts--apparently he was very wise.
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A picture I found on my way looking for something else.  My mother made me the skirt--white felt with the green tree and many ornaments sewed on it--it had a battery pack I put in my pocket and could turn the lights on it.  I do not look happy and I was not happy.  I am holding my 10 1/2 month baby (Mark) and already 6 weeks pregnant for my second child (Pam).  I had an extremely long, difficult labor with Mark (22 hours)  (42 stitches inside and out) and I was terrified about going through that again.  So I was not happy.  However--Pam only took 4 hours and 4 stitches. I think the next Christmas with two little ones, I was all smiles and by the fourth Christmas of my marriage, with three, one a little 6 week old baby, I was quite contented actually.

Love my shiny green shoes, in the picture,however! 
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On my 60th birthday, with all my kids, a couple of new sons, and 5 grand children.  I would like another family picture taken. Maybe I could request that from my kids for my 75th birthday?

(Pammie's husband Allen behind her.  I loved that boy!!!{still do}).

front: Helene, Pammie, Me, Madeleine, Karen, Susanna, Stephen in red shirt.

Back:  Allen, Jennifer, my Mark, Karen's Mark and Marcus.
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Aha--I just figured it out.  

Control!!

I have very little control in my life right now, but at least this one last thing, I can control.  Not death itself, but the final presentation.

Goofy

Today's high temperature was: 73 degrees

Today's humidity was: 24%

Another perfect sunny, breezy day

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Jeanette, I remember you telling how you used to camp out and enjoy Myer's Lake when you were a kid.  Glad I could take you back to those memories!.

Remember last week I told you of how the garbage guy dropped kicked my plastic garbage can around and I went out and confronted him?  Well, yesterday morning, I heard the truck coming, so I scooted in here and kind of hid behind the opaque curtains I have and watched.  He was oh, so careful.  Dumped the contents and placed the can, carefully, upside down on the edge of the driveway.  Then, as he hopped on the back of the truck, the driver gave him the thumbs-up sign.

So--just to tease a bit more--I hurriedly got dressed and listened for them to go around the block and drive by on their way out.  I heard them coming down the side street and walked out to pick up the can.  As they drove by, the young one looked my way and I gave him the thumbs-up sign and yelled THANK YOU and smiled a big smile.  The kid waved, but the driver never even sneaked a look in my direction.  I can just hear their conversation now:

"Crazy old bitch!"

He will never know when I am watching, so I expect my garbage can will be carefully taken care of and I won't have to buy a new one for awhile.  Pearl got a new one in June--with wheels and an attached lid.  The lid is already broken off as is one of the wheels.  I told her to hustle out there and yell at them!!!

She said, "You know I can barely walk.  How do you expect me to hustle?"

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So today--my head has been so goofy.  At various times of the day--many times, I thought it was Saturday. I woke up kind of groggy and weird in the head--which is not unusual, but seemed more so today.

I found out something today--I cannot move the refrigerator out from the cubby it is in.  I just am not strong enough to wiggle it back and forth to get it out.  I had to use a really narrow brush that I use to clean (deep) in the dryer lint trap to try and get the dust/cat hair out from under it.

I found out something else today.  I now know where Maggie The Cat hides her mousie toys.  One under the washer, one under the dryer, one under the stove, and two under the chest of drawers that I use as a pantry in the kitchen.

I still am missing one--who knows where it might be?  I put them all in her toy basket and she already has one back under this piece of furniture.

After I got those chores done, I spent about two hours making calls and going through my end of life papers--life insurance policy, accounts at the bank, funeral plan revises.  I am making Pammie my beneficiary  on the life insurance, the bank accounts and executrix of my estate (note: estate is an operative word here.  I do not have an estate, LOL.)  I have been filling out and sending in new beneficiary forms.  Called the bank to see if I should put her on my accounts as POD (payable on death) or as joint so she can write out checks for me--POA.

I remembered that if I am in Hospice and in a coma, she might have to write out a check from my account to pay for the final BIG dose of morphine to send me on my journey.

I talked it over with Karen and my sister.  Jennifer used to have that position, because she is an attorney, but-----now that it has been four months since she has had or allowed any contact with me and the grand kids or her--I am over all that.  Pammie is my eldest daughter (My son Mark wouldn't know what to do any of what will be needed doing), and besides that--Pammie needs any money she can get.

So I am in the process of writing out the instructions for her on what to do and how to go about it.  The life insurance of course will pay for the funeral--if there is any cents left over, she gets them.  She will get all the money that is in my bank accounts--which, if I live more then six months, will be a pittance.  I can only hope I die after the 3rd of the month, but before any bills are paid so my SS will be in there.

The car and house will be sold and she will split that with her siblings--4 way split.    

I've got my cemetery spot and my marker, so--that won't have to be paid for.  I told her (in the instructions) not to have a fancy funeral--not to let emotions play any role when it comes to the casket and other "equipment" needed.  I have seen too many people get all involved in the "we have to have the best casket for Dad," or "we have to have the biggest floral casket spray for Mom"--ridiculous!!!  That casket is going into a cement vault never to be seen again--so--a pine one would be just fine with me.  I only need it until the Son comes from the east and the trump sounds and then, I am outta there!!!

Now--after I get everything set, I just need to tell Pammie, LOL. I think she will think it is cool, actually.  Karen said, "Mom, I don't expect to get anything from you or Dad, so, let Pammie handle it and keep whatever money is left over."  Not much money, but I have lots of "things" that may be valuable to leave my sister, the kids and grand kids, so.....................just tidying my life--in case.  We never know!

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Pearl came down and we got into an argument discussion about animals and if they are capable of reasoning and thought processes.  of course, she thinks they are.  She went on and on about how her cat was lying on the floor this morning and all of a sudden, he sat up, turned his head from side-to-side, like he was thinking of something, and then walked off into the bedroom and got up on the window sill.  "I just know he was thinking of his next move."

I just sat there and didn't say a word and she finally said, "Don't you think animals can think and reason things out?"

I shook my head.

"What?  I know they can and I am not going to even talk about it!  Why do you think he sat like that, like he was thinking, and then walked into the bedroom and jumped up on the sill?"

"Because he does that every morning.  Doesn't he?"

"Well...yes...BUT today, I could tell, he was thinking about what to do next!"

Okay

I am not going to get into animal instinct, and habit and what they've been taught with her because...if she thinks her cat can reason and go through choices of right and wrong and whatever---let her think that--it makes her feel good.  I will never get into the discussion of whether animals go to Heaven--no, no, no. My idea on that would probably send her into a stroke!  and if you feel that they do--that is quite all right--it all goes back to--who really knows and we won't find out until we get there, but seriously--animals don't have a "soul", they cannot reason good or bad, they can't make the choice of whether to believe, so---I think there are animals in Heaven--I just don't think my own Muffy is there.  Muffy went over The Rainbow Bridge--end of story!  (Hope I haven't offended anyone.)

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The Detroit Tigers had a double-header today--lost them both to Kansas City Royals!  I watched and cross stitched and started a crochet project.  Just what I need--another project, but then of course, I have that nice big box with all things inside and no project messes setting out.  BIG SMILE!!

Then, I sat down tonight and paid the rest of this months bills. Hope I don't die tonight--Pammie will get nothing, LOL.

I recently heard someone comment, "Where has summer gone!"  I thought to myself, no one ever says, "where has winter gone", instead they say, "where is spring!"  and yet, now, no one is saying "where is fall and winter!"  Ah yes, the few precious months of summer we have, seem very, very short!!!

Later--Jude