Where Does The Time Go?

We got about 2 inches of snow during this night and this morning.  Pretty--it doesn't bother me, I like snow.  Merle quickly dispatched what snow there was on my driveway.

Here it is, 10 days until the end of January or 21 days into the new year.  Where does the time go?  How does it go by so fast.  It is all relative, isn't it?  When we are little, a year seems like such a long time--we don't even think about it, we aren't concerned with time at all.  Except, it seems a really long time between birthday presents and Christmas presents.

Even when I was married and having babies every year, it seemed time went as it was supposed to.  It didn't start flying by until the kids started graduating and leaving home--then I'd look back and wonder at how fast the years had gone by and that my kids, didn't seem old enough for all that was going on in their lives.

Now of course, the only thing that makes time drag is when something bad has happened.  It takes forever, to make it through the grief of losing someone we love.  It feels like we are in the dentist chair or the hospital for ages--when it might only be hours or a few days.  It feels to me, right now, that Jennifer has been angry with me for ten years, but it's only two years.

Then, I look at my Grand Babes and it all hits me--time has really flown by!  

This precious, funny, lovely Christian girl flew out early this morning to Guatemala.  She will be gone on a mission for three months.  Helping to build homes, create vegetable gardens, put in fresh water wells and teaching little children and helping in a medical clinic.

  Off she goes into her life and all Grandma has to worry about is: planes falling from the sky--hurricanes--earthquakes--kidnappers--rapists--snakes--typhoid--ebola and cholera!
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Today, her older brother turns 21.  He so wanted to grow taller than Grandma.  He was a chubby little kid all his life and then, suddenly at 15, he told his Mom, "I'm only going to eat when I'm hungry. I'm not going to eat snacks and stuff just because I'm bored."  By sixteen, he was lean and taller than Grandma and now, he's 6'4" and a pre-med student at Michigan State.

What do I worry about with this young man?  Not a darn thing!!!

Karen and Mark have instilled in their kids such strong Christian values.  Showed them how to always help people, by taking them to the Rescue Mission every Thanksgiving to feed people, ever since the kids were four years old.  By going into Detroit inner city and cleaning up junk filled vacant lots, every summer for the last four years.  By letting them explore and take risks.

I am truly blessed with those five Grand Babes, but boy oh boy, they sure make the swift passage of time--IN MY FACE!!!

Icy

It misted during the night, so the street out in front is a glaze with ice ruts.  We all thought this street would be clear all winter, considering the fact that the manager's parents live across the way--not so!  Just a little dab of salt would have helped tremendously.  It did get up 30 today.

At 12:45, who know who walked in my door.  

"Oh--I just remembered, you watch your program this time of day, don't you?"

"Yeah--it comes on at one."

"Well, I just had to get out of the house!"

Now usually I say, "that's okay," and I turn the TV off (because she has done this several times before).  Well, today, I was not in the mood, so I just muted the TV, as she took off her coat, lit up her cigarette and proceeded to tell me all about HER life.

At one, I clicked on my channel and un-muted the TV.  She got up and left.  and..........

I have felt guilty all the rest of the day.  It was so impolite of me and it was not at all nice!
====================

At two, I slipped and slide up to Pearl's to see if I could fix the mess on her computer.  She DID call the bank, and wrote down what all they told her to do, but, "I still can't get into my bank accounts."

I followed her instructions she had written down and that, of course, got me no where.  The bank was closed today, so tomorrow, I am going back and I AM GOING to be the one who calls the customer service and talks to the tech.

Merle wasn't home so Pearl and I had a chance for a long, heart-to-heart.  I have been wanting too, but afraid I would make her mad, but decided..today was a good time when he wasn't there.

"How's your new arthritis medicine doing?"  I asked.

"It started out helping, but now, it's not any better than the other one I was taking."

"How many pills do you take now?"

"Only three.  Twice a day. Celebrex, Tramadol and Advil."

"Gosh!  You are healthy as a horse!  No blood pressure medicine.  No cholesterol medicine.  Wow!"

"I'm not at all healthy!  I can hardly walk.  I will be in a wheel chair come spring!"

"Oh.  Are you looking forward to that?"

"Looking forward....what do you mean.  Why would I look forward to something like that?"

"Well, you keep saying that, like you are anticipating it and you aren't doing anything to keep from ending up there, so I just wondered.  Apparently you've made up your mind."

"What do you expect me to do?"

"Physical therapy."

"That probably would hurt."

"At first...it might, but in the long run--maybe six weeks, you wouldn't hurt as much.  The more you use those muscles and joints, the less they are going to hurt.  All you do is sit in your chair all day.  You've heard the old phrase, 'Use it or lose it'?  The less you use your joints, the more apt they are to freeze up and then you won't be able to use them at all."

"I don't just sit in this chair all day!  I get up and cook and do laundry and walk around the house."

"Do you go up and down stairs?"

"Look around.  You see any stairs?"

"I'm just telling you Pearl, because I am worried about you.  You aren't that old and yet...you've given up.  You think Merle is going to like having to take care of you?  He's not really that type of man, I don't think.  What if he were to die.  Are you going to a nursing home because you can't walk?"

"I know.  You've told me I should do therapy, but..........."

"Just ask Doc John.  He will get you a referral to a really good place.  You could go up to the hospital, I hear they have a good physical therapy office.  It's only half a mile away.  Now is the perfect time.  Go the rest of the winter and when spring comes, you will be able to get outside and exercise."

"Oh...I hate to exercise!"

"I'm not talking about going to a gym.  I'm talking about walking.  Walking is the best exercise---especially for people our age.  Start out walking twenty steps and then turn and go back home.  The next day, you walk twenty-two steps and turn around.  Every day, you add another step or two and pretty soon, you can walk down to the lake.  That's how I got my strength back after my surgery.  Remember?  I walked up here--fifty steps.  The next day you saw me go passed, fifty-five steps and then turn and come back to visit you."

"Yeah and in a month, you would walk so far that I kept looking out the window to see what was taking you so long to come back."

"I know you can't walk outside right now...it is way too slippery, but...physical therapy and then this spring....who knows."

"Yeah...I guess, but I need to lose weight first."

"You aren't going to lose weight sitting in this house all winter!"

"I might...a little."

"Physical therapy would also help you lose weight."

"Oh...I don't know."
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There are people that don't want to help themselves and there is not a dang thing you can do to help them.

I'm done.  

When the wheel chair arrives she can then say, "See, I told you so.  I was right."

  

I Love Monday's

Gray and colder

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I'm wondering.  Am I spelling "Gray" wrong?  I have noticed that most people, stories, writer's spell it "Grey".  Hm-mm.

I had a pleasant surprise this morning.  Not a big deal to anyone else, but a real accomplishment for me.  I wasn't paying any attention to getting dressed.  Buddy was sitting on the bed and I was standing and talking to him.  I pulled on my unders, one leg at a time and then my jeans and it occurred to me;  "I'M STANDING AND GETTING DRESSED!"

I usually sit on the edge of the bed to get dressed because, for many years I have not been able to balance on one leg to pull on my pants.  I wasn't even leaning against the bed or the closet door.  I was just standing there, pulled my knee up to stick my leg into my pants and then the other leg.

I whooped and scared Buddy.

You can be sure that I will now do this every day and take them off the same way every night!

YOWSER!!!
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I have a Dear Blogger Friend, Balisha, who is very sick with pneumonia.  I check her blog each day and when she doesn't post, it scares me.  A lot of my blog buddies post every day and when they don't, I so wish I had their phone number so I could call and see if they are all right.

This Blogosphere is a weird thing.  I get involved in lives of people I have never met.  I worry about them and their families, as much as I worry about my "real-life" friends.  

I can just imagine...someday there might be a big place--kind of like a garden--where we will stay for a couple of days, on our way to Heaven.  We will each have a cartoon-like bubble over our heads with the title of our blogs.  We will recognize blogs that we read and we will run to each other, hugging and laughing and jumping up and down, we will be so happy.

Maybe it will be on the Rainbow Bridge and our pets will be there too and we will say to each other, "Oh, there's Max.  I remember you blogging about him!"

Maybe?
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Oh, look at what I just found:
Gray and grey are different spellings of the same word, and both are used throughout the English-speaking world. But gray is more common in American English, while grey is more common in all the other main varieties of English. In the U.K., for instance, grey appears about twenty times for every instance of gray. In the U.S. the ratio is reversed.

Lovely Day

I had lunch with my Byron School Gal Pals today.  It was nice.  No one dominated the conversation.  We ate at a new place, and the food was really good.  I had a small pizza, with leftovers for lunch tomorrow.  I was missing my best friend Beth, however.  We worried about her.  She's having a hard time, after her son's death.  Who wouldn't?

After lunch, I stopped in to visit my little sis for a few minutes.  Surprise!  She had a lunch today and invited her Byron School Gal Pals.  I was so glad to see them!  Being 13 years older than them, I still think of them as kids.  They were such adorable little girls when they were five and they still are.  They chattered like they did when they were little.  I was using every one's phone or camera to take a group shot of them and I had to reprimand them to "Please be quiet girls.  Now everyone say cheese."
Such fun.  I didn't want to intrude with their remembrances and walk down memory lane, so I only stayed a half hour and came home.

We had a beautiful sunset tonight.

If that new house wasn't in the way,

I would have a nice view of the sunset through the woods!

  

I had a new baby squirrel at the feeder today.  Baby Boo.

I also started a new tradition that I forgot to tell you about.  On New Year's Day, your are supposed to lay a dime on the ledge over your front door.  That keeps money from going out of your house.  My door ledge isn't wide enough, so I just taped it over the door.

Now--let's talk pillows!  I have SEVEN sleeping pillows and...none of them are comfortable to sleep on.  I was going to sleep on Fred's pillow, after he departed, but it was an old, standard sized down pillow and quite in need of cleaning and re-stuffing or something.  He had it ever since he was 20, so it was a bit..............well, I got rid of it.

I had a Contour Pillow, that had always helped my neck, but it was going a bit over the edge, the foam had turned a darkish brown and the neck "ridge" was a bit flat.  So, I got rid of it.

I decided to buy a really good pillow, so I got sucked in to the AS SEEN ON TV, My Pillow--for $70 bucks.  I had to fill our a questionnaire to get just the right fit.  My height, the fact that I am a side sleeper, queen size.

I never could get that thing to mold right for my neck and head

The instructions that came with it, said to wash and dry it after three months time.  I did.  It got so heavy with water that my washer could not spin it out.  So I rinsed it in the shower, squeezed as much water as I could out of it and put it out, on the porch, in the sun.  Three days later, it was all wonky and the case was covered in brown spots.  I took it from the porch and threw it over the railing into the garbage pail.

Back to an old king-sized pillow I had BEFORE I got the contour one that I liked and had thrown out!

One day, while at Art Van's, they had pillows on sale.  They had me lay down on a bed and "fitted" the pillow to my head and said it was perfect.  So, I purchased it--on sale, only $49.95!

It had an indentation where your head rested and neck support,

and a little embroidered heart that says, "I love my pillow:

So Sweet.

It was made from some kind of inner material that keeps it cool.  It got so cold on my head and neck that I'd wake up.

Do you know that you cannot return a pillow?  Even if you only used it one night?  Once it is out of the plastic wrap, it's yours!  It resides in the top of my bedroom closet with the rest of the pillows.

Last summer, Karen told me of a set of pillows she bought for them at Costco's.  "They are perfect for side sleepers.  We really like them."  So, she picked up a pair of queen size ones for me.

I thought we had hit pay dirt.  $30.00 for the pair.  (Why can't you buy good $10.00 pillows anymore?)

I was pretty comfortable sleeping on them, but my neck and back hurt every morning.  By November, they were not very supportive and rather squishy.

SO--I went on-line and found the same Contour Pillow I had purchased 15 years ago.  Another AS SEEN ON TV--queen size.  Perfect--with the roll to support my head, the indentation where my head lays and support when I sleep on my side.

Another "World's Most Comfortable Pillow"

It felt really hard and stiff, but it did support my neck.  My neck felt better in the mornings, but my shoulders ached, as did my back.

So...here we are.  All pillows reside on the shelf in the bedroom closet AND I am sleeping on an older one that is mushy and I just wad that dang thing up, put a ridge under my neck and squash the rest of it up to put my cheek on when I sleep on my side.

Perhaps I should go back to sleep with no pillow--like I did in my 40's?

Any pillow advice would be appreciated!!!

January 15th

Three years ago today--it was a Saturday.
Fred was going to celebrate his 70th birthday.
We looked over a couple of places and chose one in Brighton, to have his birthday party.

I made the invitations and decided to mail them out on January 2nd--a Monday.

His family from Florida was going to make the trip. His Michigan kids and all my family too.

I had checked with everyone to see if they could make it and had mailed out "Save the Date" cards in mid-November.

The room we rented at the restaurant had a fireplace.  White linens on the tables, a really nice place.

What no one knew was, they were in for a surprise.

Fred had asked his minister friend in Ann Arbor if he could also attend the party.  We were going to be married.  All our family members would be in one place at one time--perfect.

So I wouldn't forget, I put the invitations in the mail box early New Year's morning.  Shortly after I came back into the house, the phone rang.  It was Fred asking if I could come down to the hospital as soon as possible.  There were things he wanted me to bring from home.  

He wanted his own Bi-Pap machine that he used every night, because he couldn't sleep with the hospital one.  He wanted his cough drops, a new razor blade, his slippers and his sweater.  He said he thought he might be coming home on the third.

Well, you know what happened 90 minutes later on that New Year's day--2012.

When I got home that afternoon, I remembered to pull the invitations out of the mail box and as I walked into my home, I threw them in the garbage pail.  

The next day, before I went to the funeral home to make the arrangements, I called the restaurant and canceled the room for the party.

Oh, what might have been.

Happy Birthday, Sweetheart.  I will see you in a little while.


He played softball 3 nights a week

Shortly after he moved in.

May 21, 2005            

His two daughters who live in Florida, their hubs and his three grandchildren

His two Michigan kids                                                                                 

His Michigan daughter and his grandson                  

June 21, 2005
Our engagement photo
Yes, we had a ballgame and afterwards, left for Wisconsin to visit his Mother.

His 15 year old Black Water Spaniel, Tootz.

 Christmas, 2011--a week before he died

One day, we will be near each other again--forever.

A Quiet Day

Today's high temperature: 14 degrees and bright sunshine.

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Thank you for your reassurance that I'm not going "dottie" or whatever they call it in Great Britian.  By the way, after watching PBS and hours of the biography of King George V and Queen Mary, and an hour of "As Time Goes By", and then one hour of Downton Abbey, I found myself talking quite British all day Monday, HAH.

Dar told me that The Dowager reminds her of me--that we are very much alike.

I told Dar there is only one difference ( other than money, power and style).  When this lady speaks, her family listens to what she has to say.  When I speak my great wisdom, my family just snickers.
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I am probably a cad, but instead of me calling the bank for Pearl, I told her how to do it.

I gave her the number of their technical customer service, I told her to get her last checking account statement because they would want her account number, I told her to have her debit card, just in case and I told her what to say.

I have heard nothing back.  I am just too tired to go through all of it.  Perhaps if she has to get the problem fixed, she will be more careful to put in the correct ID and password?  She needs to learn to stand on her own about these things...she will probably have her daughter do it all for her, LOL.

I suppose I will have to do the ASK removal, but...not today or tomorrow.

Just Strange

22 degrees and beautiful sunshine today

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I have been feeling so strange lately.  

When I wake up in the morning, I have this really funny feeling that something bad is just about to happen.  This morning I woke up and felt like I was forgetting something real important.

I can't put my finger on any of it, but I sort of stumble around all morning long, wondering what I am supposed to remember, or what I am supposed to be doing, or what terrible thing is going to happen.

Weird, uneasy feelings.  Like I'm in limbo--hard to explain.  I wonder if I am starting senility?

A scary thing happened Sunday.  Someone had tried to access my e-mail account, and I couldn't get any e-mails off the main server.  Every time I put in my login ID, it was fine, but my password was no longer working.  So I contacted Comcast, via live chat, to resolve the problem and reset my password.  We got it all straightened out in a few moments and they gave me a new password to use to get into my account so I could reset my password to a new one.

I use the same password for everything, but I think I do need to change some of my passwords on Face Book, e-mail account, bank account, etc.  So, I was going to use Fred's initials.

For the life of me, I could not remember his middle name!  I sat for a half hour, trying to remember his middle name.  Why couldn't I remember his middle name!!?

I refused to look it up, because I HAD to remember it on my own.  I stared out the window and wondered what was wrong with me.  I know his middle name as well as I know my own!  I know his birth date, the date of our first date, the day he moved in with me, the day we were engaged, the date we left to go to the Outer Banks, the date of his heart attack and his heart surgery. Was he named after his father?  No.  I remembered his father's name and his mother's name, where each one was born and where Fred was born.but do you think I could remember his middle name?

NOT A CLUE!!  It was very frustrating and scary.  What is wrong with my brain?

Then I remembered something his mother said ONE TIME.  She had a high school sweetheart and she gave his name to Fred as his middle name = Leroy.  Frederick Leroy Zuehlke.

What a weird way to go through that process to come up with his middle name when I should have known it right from the start.

So these thoughts have been going on in my head.  Perhaps I have too much time to just spend alone and sit and think.  Perhaps I should get out and go to the Senior Center--engage my brain in some lively Bingo or Euchre?  (Both of which I hate to play).  Maybe I should date, just to have human contact and conversion?  (ARGGH!)  Maybe I should be more spontaneous and spur-of-the-moment? (Which would be a real stretch, as I've never been like that in my entire life!  Spontaneous to me, is having someone ask me at 9:00 in the morning, if I'd like to go out to supper that evening.)

Strange feelings and I have no idea why--I just feel like my "bulb" is getting dim!

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I went up to Pearl's this afternoon to try and figure out how to get her back into her bank on-line.  I opened up her computer and the ASK search page came up..  Two months ago I finally figure out how to get that off her computer and kill it and now...it's right back there.

Interesting conversation:

"How did that get back on there?" she asked.

"You must have downloaded something and it got installed again."

"I DID NOT!  All I do is play games on Face Book and go into my bank.  That's all I do."

"Well, I don't know how it got installed again, but it did."

"I hate computers!  They never work like you want them too.  They won't let me go into my bank and now this--that damn computer just installed this thing and I don't like it!"

"You can't get into your bank account because you entered the wrong ID and password so many times that the bank's computer system thought you were a hacker, so they shut down your on-line ability."

"Well why didn't they tell me that?  I would just type that I'm no hacker, it is MY account and I want in. "

"That's exactly what a hacker would say."

"Well then  how did the ASK page suddenly become my search engine?"

"You installed it someway.  You either downloaded a game or something and along came the ASK toolbar and search engine."

"I did not!  I tell you...I DID NOT!"

Merle said, "Okay girls...no fighting."

"Well I didn't!" she said.

"Tell me what you did last night on the computer, because when I was down yesterday afternoon, ASK was not your search engine, Google Chrome was."

"I came in during the ballgame to play on Face Book.  There was an ad of some sort that popped up on the screen and I clicked it and it wouldn't go away, so I kept clicking on it.  One thing after another came up and finally...it left."

"Okay--you installed the ASK toolbar and search engine when you did all that clicking."

"What was I supposed to do to get it to go away?"

"You click on the "X" on the top right hand corner of that page or on the right upper corner of the ad.  That's how you get it to go away."

"I heard on TV that your computer knows you better than your spouse or your best friend.  Every time I start that computer up, it sees me and knows it's me and it does all sorts of bad stuff."

"Pearl, calm down."

"I am calm, but I'm just telling you what happens!"

"Okay, listen to me.  The computer cannot see you.  It wouldn't know if it was you sitting in front of it or if it was me or the cat.  The computer is a machine...just like your toaster, it will only do what you tell it to do.  By going all nervous and clicking on that ad, and then clicking and clicking, you installed whatever that ad and the junk that came along with it.  My putting in the wrong ID and password on your bank page...the first time it told you that you had entered the wrong ID, you should have stopped and slowly re-entered the correct ID.  Instead you kept trying to put in a new ID.  If you put two slices of bread in your toaster and set it to the highest number of toasting time, you'd get burned toast.  If you keep punching the wrong button on your keyboard, you are going to get burned also."

"Yeah--I know all that, you told me that before, but...I don't believe you.  That computer has a brain and it knows when I start it up and it....messes with me."

"Tomorrow we will call customer service at the bank and have them reset everything so you can get into your account."

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I am almost done with this book.  I really have enjoyed it.  If you read and enjoyed "The Shack", you would like this book too.