...I HAD!!!
My soon to be grand daughter's bridal shower.I was kind of dreading it--you know, the figuring out what to wear--especially shoes. I had an Alfred Dunner top of navy and tan, and tan pants, wore a pair of navy heels I had from my work days. I knew better than to purchase that top--I've tried two other times over the last 20 years, and Alfred Dunner does not bit me right. Too short--too boxy--looks very grandmotherly, but--hey, that is what I am.
I even managed to put make-up on! Hell must have frozen over. I even managed a bit of mascara with my shaky hand. Except when Karen arrived to pick me up, she said, "I brought mascara to put on you Mom."
"I already have it on. Doesn't it show?"
"Not really."
"Well, that's because I don't have many eyelashes left. It's good enough."
That was my first good thing of the day. Karen picked me up for the ride up into Lansing AND also in the car were Madeleine and Helene and little one Della Helene. Let the fun begin. Della started to tear up when she saw me, so I ignored her. She just loves everyone, except her Great Grandma.
It was an odd place for a shower--a bakery called "Glazed and Confused". Well, ya know, it's a college city so they have to be hip or clever or something. No air conditioning, but the front and back doors open for air flow.
Graduation week there. We had to park a block and a half away. That is way more than the 200-400 steps I can manage. The girls were all laden down with boxes of flowers and snacks, and baby, so I told them to go ahead and I mainly just strolled along at my own pace. I was over half-way there, when I met the girls coming back for their second trip to unload the car.
I got in, got sat down, introduced myself to unknown people and got served a Diet Coke. Blech!! No diet Pepsi on the premises and no iced tea. Ice coffee, coffee and Coke products. I got up to look at some of the photos and the bride's mother tapped me on the shoulder and said, "You must be Gramma Judy?"
"Yes. I am glad to me you."
"I wanted to introduce you to the other Grandma, my mother, Irene."
We decided to sit together on one of the cushioned seats along the wall. She said, "I can't sit on hard chairs anymore."
...and, therein started the magic!
As we sat heads close because we could not hear each other over the swirling conversations, we found out---we have so much in common, that, as she mentioned--"are we long lost sisters?"
For two hours we talked--many times the phrase, "I feel the same way", was uttered. She has been married twice, widowed 6 years ago, finds that living alone is more fun that she ever thought.
We played some of the games, but not the gift Bingo, as I sat there not having filled out my card, I noticed she hadn't either. "Aren't you going to play?"
"I hate Bingo," she said.
"Me too!" I answered.
"How are we going to share an apartment in the Assisted Living place if neither one of us likes Bingo?"
"We'll play Backgammon."
"Oh, I love Backgammon," she said. "I haven't played in years. I miss it."
"Me too."
I was sitting at the end of the bench seat so it was easier for me to get up. I asked her if she'd like some ice water or a soda. "Do they have Diet Pepsi?" she asked.
"Nope, Diet Coke."
"Oh, yuck. I'm addicted to Diet Pepsi. I hate Coke."
"Me too!"
"Put a lot of ice in it. Maybe I can swill it down."
Then she told me that when her second husband died, it was hard. I thought she meant loneliness, but she went on to say, "He had been married before and had four children. They always acted like they liked me. I was real good to their Father. I let them make the decisions for his funeral. He wanted to be cremated, but two of the kids lived away, so his oldest daughter wanted him embalmed, so they could see him. He was cremated after wards. That cost a lot more for the funeral."
By this time I was mesmerized, as this was the same as Fred and my funeral story. I didn't say anything, just nodded my head.
"His oldest daughter and son said for me not to worry. They would help pay for the funeral. It never happened. They didn't pay one single dollar."
I nodded.
"Then to top it all off, after the funeral, they came to the house and roamed around and took anything of his that they wanted. They even went out in the shed and the boys took tools that belonged to MY son. Then, what I really thought was odd, none of them wanted his ashes. I paid to have him buried with his first wife!"
I nodded again and then said, "Well, let me tell you my story."
Her daughter was listening by now.
"My story is exactly the same as yours, except his oldest son took his bike from the shed--a bike I wanted to keep for myself. And, since none of his kids wanted his ashes, I paid for a stone and buried him at the end of my own family cemetery plot."
She looked at me with her mouth open.
Her daughter said, "Mom.. it sounds like you and Judy have lived parallel lives!"
===============
I have never connected so quickly and completely with another woman, other than my BFF. We both stated that it felt like we had known each other for years and years. We sat holding hands.
When the gifts were being opened, Irene said, "I can't hear a thing they are saying and I am only ten feet away!"
"I can't either. It's all that extraneous noise. I guess I need a hearing aid."
"Me too."
Then I said, "I can hardly see what they are opening. They are sitting right in front of the sun, shining in the window and it makes everything look blurry to me."
"Me too," she said.
==================
When we left, Karen said, "Mom, I didn't get to sit with you. You looked like you were having fun. Did you know that lady?"
"No. Never met her in my life. She's Morgan's grandma, Irene."
"You're kidding! Every time I looked down that way, you were deep in conversation or hugging. I thought you had probably met her before."
=============
Well, Irene and I can't wait for the wedding and we are figuring out how to sit together again--no matter where our place cards are, at the reception, we will just move them, because as she often said, "We are old. We can do anything we want and we don't care what people think!"
She lives in Pittsburgh, but is planning on moving back this way to live with Morgan's parents. They only live about three miles south-west of my sister, on a farm. Irene and I are making plans to get together after she moves.
=============
After we left, we stopped in for a quick visit to my other grandson, Stephen. He lives on the Michigan State campus so more walking from the parking lot, but I got to see his apartment and get a big hug.
We left here at 1:00, got home at 8:00. My feet, back and hips didn't hurt a bit, but I fell asleep quickly, I was so tired. This morning a few aches from so much walking, but oh...........so worth it.
What an awe-some day. I still can't believe it!!
Sunday, May 6, 2018
Wednesday, May 2, 2018
Everyday an adventure in how to exist meaningfully.....
There is much to do around here, and none of it getting done. Curtains need washing. Windows need washing, at least on the inside. I will have to leave Mother Nature to do the outside with a nice rain. Mulch needs to be put down on my garden by the porch. I have two bags of dark mulch that I bought late last fall, that have resided in the trunk of my car all winter. It's no big deal to haul them out and put it down.
Well, it's been too darn hot! 85 degrees yesterday, May 1st and 80+ today? It was winter here about 10 days ago and now we have July temperatures. Yes, yes--I know. All my Northern friends will yell at me for complaining about the heat, but--I do not deal well with heat and humidity. I wish it would just stay 72 degrees all summer.
I have tried to walk everyday. It is 250 steps from the end of my driveway up to Fred's special tree. I did it Monday with no problem, up and back. Yesterday, I barely made 100 steps before my back and hips started feeling like there were knives embedded. As I was walking back, my balance was so off from the pain that I looked like I was drunk. Mind you--I've never been drunk, but I've seen drunks trying to walk and I can only assume, that is the way I looked. Merle was raking his side lawn and he called out, "Are you okay?" I just waved and kept on walking. It is only 50 steps from Merle and Pearl's--I had to keep going. Collapsed in my recliner and the pain went away.
I have come to the conclusions, that if I want to walk, I am going to have to put a recliner chair at the half-way point!!!! Or...maybe...suck up my pride and use my fancy-smanchy walker with the seat to walk with. I think I need the handles to hold onto because when I grocery shop, I walk about 1,500 steps around the store, but with the cart to hold onto, it doesn't seem too bad.
Later in the afternoon, I did take the cover off the outside A/C unit, filled up and hung my Hummingbird feeder and the bird feeders. I already have my Baltimore Oriole feeder up and saw a scout stop by the other day, so they must be migrating into the area.
================
Last evening I did something so out of my realm of possibilities, that it isn't funny. I seem to have a touch of Agoraphobia again--not liking to be in enclosed areas with a lot of people. Haven't been to church in 4 years. Can't see well enough to drive after dark, comfortably. I wanted to go to a seminar a friend was giving. What if this program ran until after dark? To heck with it. I figured it would be another adventure. The road was familiar, I could drive home blind, if need be.
Anyway--a Dear Friend of mine had been invited to give a presentation to the Audubon Group located about 10 miles from here. I have known her and her husband since they were little kids--they went to school with my kids and I knew their parents.
I remember when she first picked up a camera to take photos of her beautiful gardens--she has 18 gardens. I knew the minute I saw her first photos that she had an "eye for photography". Then she started building natural habitats for the birds in the area. She has since had several photos published in Birds and Blooms and other magazines.
So, she had been invited to give a presentation to this group. It was held in the Senior Center.
Now, the people in the group are serious Birders! They travel all around the state and even other states to find and count different birds. They mentioned some birds I have never even heard of. I thought I heard someone mentioned a Red Bottomed Fly Sinker, but I am hard of hearing, so I may have misunderstood.
She only did the presentation on her Backyard Buddies--the birds that are in her own backyard. It was fantastic!!! She knocked those experienced photographers and birders off their seats, with her photo slide-show and then videos.!! I couldn't have been prouder if I was her own Momma.
These people all have very expensive cameras and big zoom lenses that they tote around with them. She still has a fairly simple camera, not big lenses to struggle with and yet...her photos are amazing!
So now that group is going to make plans to drive out to her home, near Byron, and spend time touring her gardens and her bird habitats.
Oh--I pulled into my driveway just as it was really too dark to drive. Glad I made myself conquer my fears and go.
You can find her website here and view her photos.
=====================
May 1st--yesterday, May Day--our winter has been so long that there are NO wildflowers blooming to make a pretty May Basket treat. No violets. No May flowers. No Trilliums. No May Apples. Na Da. But my Daffodils are blooming and Tulips ready to burst into blossom any day now, and a few pretty, bright yellow Dandelions sprinkled around the yard.
Just before I went to bed, being the first of the month, I printed out my budget. Not a good thing to do late at night, when worries can keep me awake.
I'm $66.00 short this month. A new bill from the CAT scan place. Dentist bill, with another cleaning coming up next month. Health insurance nearly doubled, even with my subsidy. Gas for the car? I only allow $20.00 a month for gas for my car--even if the price is near $3.00 a gallon. It is worrisome, every month, even if the budget has a few dollars left over, but when it is in the red so much................? Lawn mowing starts this month and that will be $40.00 a month, if I only get it mowed twice a month, and this time of year, it needs a weekly mow. I will just have to live with longer grass, simple as that.
Plus, just this moment, I remembered--I have to get a pair of shoes and a small purse before the wedding. Oy Vey!!! Oh my Gosh--and next month my license tabs are due--$71.00.
=================
Well, enough of that. I will do the best I can and God will provide the rest. He always has.
The United Methodist Church has had some pretty funny memes lately. I laughed out loud over this one.
Well, it's been too darn hot! 85 degrees yesterday, May 1st and 80+ today? It was winter here about 10 days ago and now we have July temperatures. Yes, yes--I know. All my Northern friends will yell at me for complaining about the heat, but--I do not deal well with heat and humidity. I wish it would just stay 72 degrees all summer.
I have tried to walk everyday. It is 250 steps from the end of my driveway up to Fred's special tree. I did it Monday with no problem, up and back. Yesterday, I barely made 100 steps before my back and hips started feeling like there were knives embedded. As I was walking back, my balance was so off from the pain that I looked like I was drunk. Mind you--I've never been drunk, but I've seen drunks trying to walk and I can only assume, that is the way I looked. Merle was raking his side lawn and he called out, "Are you okay?" I just waved and kept on walking. It is only 50 steps from Merle and Pearl's--I had to keep going. Collapsed in my recliner and the pain went away.
I have come to the conclusions, that if I want to walk, I am going to have to put a recliner chair at the half-way point!!!! Or...maybe...suck up my pride and use my fancy-smanchy walker with the seat to walk with. I think I need the handles to hold onto because when I grocery shop, I walk about 1,500 steps around the store, but with the cart to hold onto, it doesn't seem too bad.
Later in the afternoon, I did take the cover off the outside A/C unit, filled up and hung my Hummingbird feeder and the bird feeders. I already have my Baltimore Oriole feeder up and saw a scout stop by the other day, so they must be migrating into the area.
================
Last evening I did something so out of my realm of possibilities, that it isn't funny. I seem to have a touch of Agoraphobia again--not liking to be in enclosed areas with a lot of people. Haven't been to church in 4 years. Can't see well enough to drive after dark, comfortably. I wanted to go to a seminar a friend was giving. What if this program ran until after dark? To heck with it. I figured it would be another adventure. The road was familiar, I could drive home blind, if need be.
Anyway--a Dear Friend of mine had been invited to give a presentation to the Audubon Group located about 10 miles from here. I have known her and her husband since they were little kids--they went to school with my kids and I knew their parents.
I remember when she first picked up a camera to take photos of her beautiful gardens--she has 18 gardens. I knew the minute I saw her first photos that she had an "eye for photography". Then she started building natural habitats for the birds in the area. She has since had several photos published in Birds and Blooms and other magazines.
So, she had been invited to give a presentation to this group. It was held in the Senior Center.
Now, the people in the group are serious Birders! They travel all around the state and even other states to find and count different birds. They mentioned some birds I have never even heard of. I thought I heard someone mentioned a Red Bottomed Fly Sinker, but I am hard of hearing, so I may have misunderstood.
She only did the presentation on her Backyard Buddies--the birds that are in her own backyard. It was fantastic!!! She knocked those experienced photographers and birders off their seats, with her photo slide-show and then videos.!! I couldn't have been prouder if I was her own Momma.
These people all have very expensive cameras and big zoom lenses that they tote around with them. She still has a fairly simple camera, not big lenses to struggle with and yet...her photos are amazing!
So now that group is going to make plans to drive out to her home, near Byron, and spend time touring her gardens and her bird habitats.
Oh--I pulled into my driveway just as it was really too dark to drive. Glad I made myself conquer my fears and go.
You can find her website here and view her photos.
=====================
May 1st--yesterday, May Day--our winter has been so long that there are NO wildflowers blooming to make a pretty May Basket treat. No violets. No May flowers. No Trilliums. No May Apples. Na Da. But my Daffodils are blooming and Tulips ready to burst into blossom any day now, and a few pretty, bright yellow Dandelions sprinkled around the yard.
Just before I went to bed, being the first of the month, I printed out my budget. Not a good thing to do late at night, when worries can keep me awake.
I'm $66.00 short this month. A new bill from the CAT scan place. Dentist bill, with another cleaning coming up next month. Health insurance nearly doubled, even with my subsidy. Gas for the car? I only allow $20.00 a month for gas for my car--even if the price is near $3.00 a gallon. It is worrisome, every month, even if the budget has a few dollars left over, but when it is in the red so much................? Lawn mowing starts this month and that will be $40.00 a month, if I only get it mowed twice a month, and this time of year, it needs a weekly mow. I will just have to live with longer grass, simple as that.
Plus, just this moment, I remembered--I have to get a pair of shoes and a small purse before the wedding. Oy Vey!!! Oh my Gosh--and next month my license tabs are due--$71.00.
=================
Well, enough of that. I will do the best I can and God will provide the rest. He always has.
The United Methodist Church has had some pretty funny memes lately. I laughed out loud over this one.
Friday, April 27, 2018
Adventures
One easy peasey trip up to Walmart to pick-up a prescription. No other shopping needed. I decided to take in the 3 bags I had filled with empty Pepsi 2 liter bottles. No problem.
Except--the machine would not take my bottles. There were 5 machines open and not a single one of them would take the bottles. I even tried each machine twice--with two different bottles.
So, I lugged the bags down to Customer Service. The 2 cashiers were busy, but the manager, in her bright, yellow vest, came up and asked if I needed any help. I explained the situation to her and she replied:
"I just checked an hour ago and all five machine are working."
I said, "I just came from there and none of the five machines are working."
Then, of course because I'm old, she questioned my mental capabilities.
"Perhaps you tried to put them in too fast."
"No. The minute I placed the bottle into the machine, the red light came on and it quit working."
"Did you put it in bottom first?"
"Yes."
"Are they bottles from another State?"
"No. I purchased them in this store."
Now she's going to get her huff on.
"Well, I don't understand. I personally checked and all five machines work perfectly!"
Just as I was about to raise my hand and slap that snotty face, one of the ladies behind the cash register, spoke up.
"The Pepsi rep was in yesterday. They made some changes, but he forgot to re-calibrate the bottle return machines. They won't take any Pepsi products."
Miss Huffy turned and walked out, headed down to the bottle return area. The cashier said, "Here let me help you."
She dragged an empty cart over to where I was and we started counting bottles. Then she went to the register and gave me my $4.60.
I walked down to the Pharmacy, was first in line for my script. No other customers. When the girl said, "Ms. Judy. How is your day?" I told her of the incident and all the Pharmacy staff laughed and laughed. As I left, the one kid called, "Always a pleasure to see you Missus Miller. You brighten our day."
Bah Humbug!!!
=================
I have created a problem. I feed the squirrels and birds all year 'round. I decided years ago to feed the squirrels separately to keep them out of the bird feeders. Worked great. Usually, in the spring, the squirrels would quit eating from their feeder and go off to forage for themselves.
I filled the bird feeders and dumped out what was left in the squirrel feeder. An hour later, I looked out and there were four squirrels, covering the bird feeders, tipping them to the side and gorging themselves, while my poor Finches, Cardinals, Nuthatches, Chick-A-Dees, Blue Jays, sat in the nearby bushes watching.
Dagnabbit!!
I watch Dr. Phil once in awhile. He is very big on enabling and how not to do it. You don't reward bad behavior. Apparently, I have enabled the squirrels and now, if there is no feed in their box, they will just eat from the bird seed.
So, off I went to the Tractor Supply farm store to get more shelled corn and peanuts.
As I walked in the store, I noticed a couple of cages with baby chicks and ducks in them. I had to stop and talk to the fuzzy, yellow baby chicks.
Just then an older man came up and said, "Just buy a dozen of them. You'll have all the eggs and roasters ya need."
I explained. "Oh...no thanks. I don't like to eat eggs or chicken. I grew up on a poultry and hatchery farm and I just wanted to see the baby chicks and listen to them peeping."
I've got forty-six Guinea fowl," he said. "I could give you a couple of them."
"Oh my gosh! It must be noisy at your place."
"Yep. They are noisy...and ugly."
"Well, they make good watch "dogs. Anybody drive in and you'll know it."
"I have them because they eat ticks. All the tall grass around the out buildings are full of ticks. Those ugly things eat ticks, so they don't get on my other animals."
Click here to see Guinea Fowl.
I went on to get two 5# bags of shelled corn, and a bag of shelled peanuts and unshelled peanuts. Only cost $20.00.
On my way out, there was a much older man having a sales clerk load his pick-up truck with 6 heavy bags of fertilizer.
Of course, I had to engage him in conversation.
"How you gonna unload that when you get home. It looks pretty heavy to me."
He looked frail and had a frail voice. I noticed his hands shaking and thought he probably had Parkinson's.
"I don't know. I like to spread the fertilizer on my garden and then roto-till it in before I plant."
"You know...hm-mm...you could put a wheel barrow under the tail-gate and slide a bag off and wheel it out to your garden. That would be easier than trying to carry the bags."
He looked at me like I had just discovered sliced bread.
"Well now...gol damn...that sure would work. I could split the bag and just spread it around by the shovelfulls."
"I think that would work great!"
"Ya know...I ask my son to come over and help, but he's always so damn busy that by the time he gets to it, it's a week past planting time."
"Oh boy, I know about trying to get help from kids. They have time for everything else except helping their parents."
"Ain't that the damn truth?"
I walked on and loaded my trunk with my supplies and as I drove away, he lifted a shaky hand and waved good-bye.
==============
That adventure took just about as long as the one the day before at Walmart, but it sure was a lot more fun. I felt like I had been conversing with a couple of neighborhood farmers. Reminded me of home.
Got the squirrel feeder filled up and now it appears, that everyone is happy and at their proper feeding stations.
Except--the machine would not take my bottles. There were 5 machines open and not a single one of them would take the bottles. I even tried each machine twice--with two different bottles.
So, I lugged the bags down to Customer Service. The 2 cashiers were busy, but the manager, in her bright, yellow vest, came up and asked if I needed any help. I explained the situation to her and she replied:
"I just checked an hour ago and all five machine are working."
I said, "I just came from there and none of the five machines are working."
Then, of course because I'm old, she questioned my mental capabilities.
"Perhaps you tried to put them in too fast."
"No. The minute I placed the bottle into the machine, the red light came on and it quit working."
"Did you put it in bottom first?"
"Yes."
"Are they bottles from another State?"
"No. I purchased them in this store."
Now she's going to get her huff on.
"Well, I don't understand. I personally checked and all five machines work perfectly!"
Just as I was about to raise my hand and slap that snotty face, one of the ladies behind the cash register, spoke up.
"The Pepsi rep was in yesterday. They made some changes, but he forgot to re-calibrate the bottle return machines. They won't take any Pepsi products."
Miss Huffy turned and walked out, headed down to the bottle return area. The cashier said, "Here let me help you."
She dragged an empty cart over to where I was and we started counting bottles. Then she went to the register and gave me my $4.60.
I walked down to the Pharmacy, was first in line for my script. No other customers. When the girl said, "Ms. Judy. How is your day?" I told her of the incident and all the Pharmacy staff laughed and laughed. As I left, the one kid called, "Always a pleasure to see you Missus Miller. You brighten our day."
Bah Humbug!!!
=================
I have created a problem. I feed the squirrels and birds all year 'round. I decided years ago to feed the squirrels separately to keep them out of the bird feeders. Worked great. Usually, in the spring, the squirrels would quit eating from their feeder and go off to forage for themselves.
I filled the bird feeders and dumped out what was left in the squirrel feeder. An hour later, I looked out and there were four squirrels, covering the bird feeders, tipping them to the side and gorging themselves, while my poor Finches, Cardinals, Nuthatches, Chick-A-Dees, Blue Jays, sat in the nearby bushes watching.
Dagnabbit!!
I watch Dr. Phil once in awhile. He is very big on enabling and how not to do it. You don't reward bad behavior. Apparently, I have enabled the squirrels and now, if there is no feed in their box, they will just eat from the bird seed.
So, off I went to the Tractor Supply farm store to get more shelled corn and peanuts.
As I walked in the store, I noticed a couple of cages with baby chicks and ducks in them. I had to stop and talk to the fuzzy, yellow baby chicks.
Just then an older man came up and said, "Just buy a dozen of them. You'll have all the eggs and roasters ya need."
I explained. "Oh...no thanks. I don't like to eat eggs or chicken. I grew up on a poultry and hatchery farm and I just wanted to see the baby chicks and listen to them peeping."
I've got forty-six Guinea fowl," he said. "I could give you a couple of them."
"Oh my gosh! It must be noisy at your place."
"Yep. They are noisy...and ugly."
"Well, they make good watch "dogs. Anybody drive in and you'll know it."
"I have them because they eat ticks. All the tall grass around the out buildings are full of ticks. Those ugly things eat ticks, so they don't get on my other animals."
Click here to see Guinea Fowl.
I went on to get two 5# bags of shelled corn, and a bag of shelled peanuts and unshelled peanuts. Only cost $20.00.
On my way out, there was a much older man having a sales clerk load his pick-up truck with 6 heavy bags of fertilizer.
Of course, I had to engage him in conversation.
"How you gonna unload that when you get home. It looks pretty heavy to me."
He looked frail and had a frail voice. I noticed his hands shaking and thought he probably had Parkinson's.
"I don't know. I like to spread the fertilizer on my garden and then roto-till it in before I plant."
"You know...hm-mm...you could put a wheel barrow under the tail-gate and slide a bag off and wheel it out to your garden. That would be easier than trying to carry the bags."
He looked at me like I had just discovered sliced bread.
"Well now...gol damn...that sure would work. I could split the bag and just spread it around by the shovelfulls."
"I think that would work great!"
"Ya know...I ask my son to come over and help, but he's always so damn busy that by the time he gets to it, it's a week past planting time."
"Oh boy, I know about trying to get help from kids. They have time for everything else except helping their parents."
"Ain't that the damn truth?"
I walked on and loaded my trunk with my supplies and as I drove away, he lifted a shaky hand and waved good-bye.
==============
That adventure took just about as long as the one the day before at Walmart, but it sure was a lot more fun. I felt like I had been conversing with a couple of neighborhood farmers. Reminded me of home.
Got the squirrel feeder filled up and now it appears, that everyone is happy and at their proper feeding stations.
Wednesday, April 25, 2018
Non communication can cause all sorts of problems.........
Lack of communication, miscommunication and misunderstandings can cause a whole lot of hurt. It is such a simple thing to call on the phone or even send an e-mail.
The last thing I heard out of Pam was her statement, "I'm closing up the house, moving to New Jersey and I won't be back for two years."
Karen had said, "Pam is staying in New Jersey with the kids so that Eric and Jen can come to the wedding."
Going on what I (thought) I knew--I was so upset that Pam didn't have time to stopped for--- to me--a "Two year I won't see you", hug and kiss. Or at my age, "I could die within these two years and never see you again!"
I called my sister after I posted my blog on Monday. She is in their text "group", so she knows everything that is going on.
She said, "Oh, you know Pam. She's like Mark. They make these loud, I don't care, attitude kinds of declarations. Pam plans on traveling back here three or four times a year."
"Really?"
"Yes and I heard her and Jen talking and Jen insists that Pam attends the wedding with her. Jen said, 'Eric can stay with the kids.' So you will see her the second of June."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"It still hurts. They had time to spend an hour at Karen's, but not 15 minutes to swing by here."
"Yes--they just don't think. Can you imagine either of us leaving, even on vacation, and not stopping to say bye to Mother and Grandma?"
"No. We never would have done that."
Then she said, "Oh well. I say that a lot about Adam (her son.)"
"Oh well, indeed. Can't do anything about it now, so....."
===========
I felt better after talking with her. Got busy around here and such a sunny warm day, decided to go out and pick up branches and rake leaves for the yard waste pick-up on Tuesday.
I scrubbed and cleaned the porch furniture, railings and washed off the porch floor. Then I got all the leaves and sticks into the yard waste bag, dragged it out to the road and walking back to the house, the old fast beating, pounding heart started in.
I thought it was just from walking and hurrying too fast, but then I felt the skipped beats and knew, it was AFib.
I hurried into the house, sat down in my recliner and put the pulse-oxometer on my finger. 100 beats per minute--not real bad, but the skipped beats were annoying.
I walked very slowly to the fridge to get a glass of water, sat back down, laid back and just watched the pulse-ox meter on my finger.
"They" say to give it 20 minutes and then if the heart beats are still pounding and skipping, go to the ER.
Because my resting heart rate is so low, 100 beats a minute makes my whole body shake. Some people's AFib will go to 150-180 beats per minute.
By 15 minutes--15 very long minutes it seemed, my pulse rate was down to 85 and not skipping anymore. At 25 minutes, it was at 72 (normal for most people), so I got up and went to the bathroom.
AFib won't kill you, but it can throw a clot. That's why people with AFib are on blood thinners. I never worry about blood clots, I just worry that I am going to have to go to ER and then hospital for a couple of days AND...I don't have time for that!!!!!!
The rest of the day I was tired. Felt like I had run a mile race. So I took it easy. Walked down to visit Pearl--she's been home for a week and she and Merle recovering from the flu--that she contracted in the rehab house.
==============
Tuesday, yesterday, I had an appointment at a recommended salon to get my hair cut. Since my stylist died 2 years ago, I haven't had a decent cut. Fantastic Sam's, Great Clips, none of those places, although I went into detail of how I wanted it cut, seemed to be able to do it.
I knew that I knew where the salon was, so off I went into Brighton. The streets in that town are laid out in a peculiar manner, but this place was on Main street--which is very narrow, lined with cute little speciality stores.
I parked in back and couldn't find the place. I finally stuck my head into one of the businesses and asked. I was 2 blocks away!!
Back in the car, started down a street, that dead-ended, wandered around until I got back on Main Street. Trying to watch traffic and check names on store fronts was a challenge, and then I saw it.
Went up a block, into a parking lot, back out on Main street, which is quite a feat as there is lots of traffic from the high school and NO traffic lights to stop the flow. However, as I have noticed, the Brighton drivers are very courteous. If they see you want to merge or get out onto the street, they will stop and let you.
Swung into a spot right in front of the salon. I was 2 minutes early for my appointment.
I figured the cut would cost me 35.00 at least. I found out last Friday that Karen also goes there on occasion, and that is what her cuts cost.
The stylist was so nice. She recognized me as she had worked at the other salon where I went for 15 years. She listened and then she went to work. My hair was a mess--sticking out in places so I looked like Bozo the Clown, different lengths on each side, longer on the back on one side, shorter on the other.
She did a great job! Cost me $25.00, I gave her a $5.00 tip and am going back a week before the wedding for a clean-up trim and to get my eyebrows, waxed and arched.
What a mood lifter!!!
I stopped and bought groceries, carried them all in and felt strong and energized! Although I did go to be early last night and slept for 12 hours!!
==============
I have much to do today! My water heater has been fixed for a week and still the clothes I had to remove to get to the WH, are laying in a pile on my bedroom floor--I have to step over them to get to my bed. It might take me all of 10 minutes to put them away. GEEZ!!
The dishwasher is full of clean dishes--might take me 10 minutes to put them away. LORDY!!
Groceries still not put away. Counter tops cluttered with all manner of things. EGAD!!
A trip at 2:00 to Walmart to pick-up a prescription.
I can easily get that all done with no strain.
It's amazing how emotional stress can put me down and I don't even care about my surroundings.
Now--Oh well--I don't even care if Pam and Jen come to the wedding! I don't care if I don't see them until Christmas. I have bridal showers and a wedding to attend and I'm good to go!
The last thing I heard out of Pam was her statement, "I'm closing up the house, moving to New Jersey and I won't be back for two years."
Karen had said, "Pam is staying in New Jersey with the kids so that Eric and Jen can come to the wedding."
Going on what I (thought) I knew--I was so upset that Pam didn't have time to stopped for--- to me--a "Two year I won't see you", hug and kiss. Or at my age, "I could die within these two years and never see you again!"
I called my sister after I posted my blog on Monday. She is in their text "group", so she knows everything that is going on.
She said, "Oh, you know Pam. She's like Mark. They make these loud, I don't care, attitude kinds of declarations. Pam plans on traveling back here three or four times a year."
"Really?"
"Yes and I heard her and Jen talking and Jen insists that Pam attends the wedding with her. Jen said, 'Eric can stay with the kids.' So you will see her the second of June."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"It still hurts. They had time to spend an hour at Karen's, but not 15 minutes to swing by here."
"Yes--they just don't think. Can you imagine either of us leaving, even on vacation, and not stopping to say bye to Mother and Grandma?"
"No. We never would have done that."
Then she said, "Oh well. I say that a lot about Adam (her son.)"
"Oh well, indeed. Can't do anything about it now, so....."
===========
I felt better after talking with her. Got busy around here and such a sunny warm day, decided to go out and pick up branches and rake leaves for the yard waste pick-up on Tuesday.
I scrubbed and cleaned the porch furniture, railings and washed off the porch floor. Then I got all the leaves and sticks into the yard waste bag, dragged it out to the road and walking back to the house, the old fast beating, pounding heart started in.
I thought it was just from walking and hurrying too fast, but then I felt the skipped beats and knew, it was AFib.
I hurried into the house, sat down in my recliner and put the pulse-oxometer on my finger. 100 beats per minute--not real bad, but the skipped beats were annoying.
I walked very slowly to the fridge to get a glass of water, sat back down, laid back and just watched the pulse-ox meter on my finger.
"They" say to give it 20 minutes and then if the heart beats are still pounding and skipping, go to the ER.
Because my resting heart rate is so low, 100 beats a minute makes my whole body shake. Some people's AFib will go to 150-180 beats per minute.
By 15 minutes--15 very long minutes it seemed, my pulse rate was down to 85 and not skipping anymore. At 25 minutes, it was at 72 (normal for most people), so I got up and went to the bathroom.
AFib won't kill you, but it can throw a clot. That's why people with AFib are on blood thinners. I never worry about blood clots, I just worry that I am going to have to go to ER and then hospital for a couple of days AND...I don't have time for that!!!!!!
The rest of the day I was tired. Felt like I had run a mile race. So I took it easy. Walked down to visit Pearl--she's been home for a week and she and Merle recovering from the flu--that she contracted in the rehab house.
==============
Tuesday, yesterday, I had an appointment at a recommended salon to get my hair cut. Since my stylist died 2 years ago, I haven't had a decent cut. Fantastic Sam's, Great Clips, none of those places, although I went into detail of how I wanted it cut, seemed to be able to do it.
I knew that I knew where the salon was, so off I went into Brighton. The streets in that town are laid out in a peculiar manner, but this place was on Main street--which is very narrow, lined with cute little speciality stores.
I parked in back and couldn't find the place. I finally stuck my head into one of the businesses and asked. I was 2 blocks away!!
Back in the car, started down a street, that dead-ended, wandered around until I got back on Main Street. Trying to watch traffic and check names on store fronts was a challenge, and then I saw it.
Went up a block, into a parking lot, back out on Main street, which is quite a feat as there is lots of traffic from the high school and NO traffic lights to stop the flow. However, as I have noticed, the Brighton drivers are very courteous. If they see you want to merge or get out onto the street, they will stop and let you.
Swung into a spot right in front of the salon. I was 2 minutes early for my appointment.
I figured the cut would cost me 35.00 at least. I found out last Friday that Karen also goes there on occasion, and that is what her cuts cost.
The stylist was so nice. She recognized me as she had worked at the other salon where I went for 15 years. She listened and then she went to work. My hair was a mess--sticking out in places so I looked like Bozo the Clown, different lengths on each side, longer on the back on one side, shorter on the other.
She did a great job! Cost me $25.00, I gave her a $5.00 tip and am going back a week before the wedding for a clean-up trim and to get my eyebrows, waxed and arched.
I took this after I had walked in the wind
and rain and it still looks pretty good.
I stopped and bought groceries, carried them all in and felt strong and energized! Although I did go to be early last night and slept for 12 hours!!
==============
I have much to do today! My water heater has been fixed for a week and still the clothes I had to remove to get to the WH, are laying in a pile on my bedroom floor--I have to step over them to get to my bed. It might take me all of 10 minutes to put them away. GEEZ!!
The dishwasher is full of clean dishes--might take me 10 minutes to put them away. LORDY!!
Groceries still not put away. Counter tops cluttered with all manner of things. EGAD!!
A trip at 2:00 to Walmart to pick-up a prescription.
I can easily get that all done with no strain.
It's amazing how emotional stress can put me down and I don't even care about my surroundings.
Now--Oh well--I don't even care if Pam and Jen come to the wedding! I don't care if I don't see them until Christmas. I have bridal showers and a wedding to attend and I'm good to go!
Monday, April 23, 2018
Fun, Stunned, Despair
Karen picked me up at 9:30 Friday morning to go shopping for my wedding attire. I hate to shop--especially for clothes--especially when I don't know what I want. I haven't shopped for clothes in 7-8 years, preferring to order my slacks/jeans, tops on-line.
We first went to a store up in Howell that is closing. Carson's, a branch of Bon Ton, Younkers--all those stores are closing, so there was a mega sale going on. I grabbed a couple of tops, as did Karen and off to the changing room.
It reminded me of when Karen was little and I took her shopping for clothes, only this was in reverse mode.
I stood there as Karen "dressed me". Putting the tops on, pulling them off, putting another one on. We found a beautiful top. A blush shell underneath with the over blouse, longer, with fluttery sleeves and irregular hem and the wedding colors, blush and navy. Sort of water color painted looking. We put it back to have them save it for us. The thing cost 90.00, with a 30% discount, down to 63.00.
Off we went to the HUGE mall. There are crazy round-abouts to maneuver, but Karen shops there often so she knows how to zip through them. We decided to start at Dress Barn.
An older saleslady came up and I told her I needed something for my grandson's wedding.
"I know just what you need", she said and off we went.
They had calf-length skirts and then the sales lady handed me a longer skirt--navy and light blue and white. Perfect. Karen came along behind gathering up 4 navy tops. Into the fitting room.
I pulled the skirt on--perfect--it came down to my ankle bone. Karen pulled a top over my head--too short. Off that went, by now my hair was standing straight up. On went another one, really nice, a bit longer, but tummy length and I wanted one that came down to the top of my thighs. I look better in a longer top--it accentuates my height and makes me look leaner. I even tried on one of those "cold shoulder" tops--where the top is cut away and shows the shoulder. I can tell you--skinny, skin-tag spotted Gramma shoulders do not look good exposed!!
Karen disappeared and came back with another top. She pulled it over my head--perfect fit, perfect length.
Then she chastised me because I still had my blue jeans on under the skirt, so I dropped them around my feet.
"Mother! Sit down and take those shoes and your jeans off. I can't get the full effect with them in the way!"
Okay-okay. I already knew I had what I wanted, but I slipped my loafers off and pulled off my jeans, to reveal dark blue, knee-high socks underneath. Quite attractive. HAH!
Then she made me go out and look in the full length mirror. The sales lady came over and declared me the best looking grandma she had ever seen.
We bagged it up--the entire outfit cost 45.00.
Karen dropped me home at 11:45. She had to pick her hubs up at Noon.
I had the best time! We laughed so hard at times, tears were running down our faces. I was so happy and giddy the rest of the day. I didn't have to walk very far or shop very long and I don't remember my back hurting at all.
I got up at 6:00 on Saturday morning. Jennifer had been in town all week on business. Friday night she drove out to Pammie's. They were packing up to leave Saturday morning and going to stop by so I could give Pammie a good-bye hug and Jen too, of course. I got up early so I wouldn't miss them.
I hadn't heard from Pam nor seen them, so I called around 9:30--it went right to voice mail.
I knew they were busy so I just sat and waited.
I needed to drain the water heater, but I was afraid to go out to the shed to get the hose because I might miss their call. Pam was going to call me when they got close.
Well, about 6:00 in the evening, after a couple more times of trying to reach them, I thought, "maybe they aren't leaving until Sunday morning. Maybe I misunderstood."
So Sunday morning, I got up early again, got dressed and waited. Finally at 11:00, I called my sister.
"Did Pam leave yet?" I asked.
"Oh. Didn't you get the photo she texted?"
"I don't have text capabilities," I reminded her.
"Oh. She sent a photo of the Welcome Home Aunt Pammie, sign the kids made for her. She and Jen got in about 10:00 last night."
"She's in New Jersey then?"
"Yes. They left here about 9:00, I ran down to give her a hug goodbye. Then they stopped in at Karen's for about an hour.
"Okay, thanks."
==================
I had to hang up because my throat was tightening up and the tears were coming.
You know I don't cry! Never!
I continued to cry the rest of yesterday, until I made myself sick because I forgot to eat. I didn't sob, the tears just kept running out of my eyes and my eyes swelled up and..................today, I look awful!
Come to find out--there was a big rush to get everything packed, the water shut off at Pam's house and for them to be on their way.
They took the expressway that is 2 miles from here, stopped at Karen's for an hour, waiting for Helene and little Della to show up so they could see her.
Apparently they didn't have 15 minutes to take to stop here for good-bye hugs.
Apparently it never occurred to Karen to call and tell me so I could have driven the 20 minutes down there to see them off.
Pam will be gone for 2 years. She is not coming back for the wedding as it is during the end of school year. She will stay with the kids in NJ, so that Jen and Eric can come to the wedding.
I carefully wrote an e-mail to all 3. Although there is no blame on Jen, Pam never opens her e-mails, but Karen and Jen do and I knew one of them would tell Pam about it.
I didn't condemn anyone, just said that I was disappointed and sad that I didn't get to give her a good-bye hug and kiss.
I got an answer from Pam this morning.
"I didn't promise I'd stop in. I said I would if we had time. It took longer to close up the house and we had to get on our way. Nothing can be done about it now."
================
Yeah, but.......they had an hour to sit at Karen's.
They had a siblings going away party at my son's on Friday night.
They had time enough to take a few minutes to visit with my sister.
==================
To me it shows total disregard for my feelings. Maybe I am being selfish, but I always feel left out, or as an after thought. Of course, I have posted about how they never visit or call. Pam was the only one who called once a month.
I thought she was the closest one to me. I acted happy that she was moving. I supported her in everything, helped her with a little money, when I could.
It just hurts really, really badly that she could find time for everyone else, but not her MOTHER!!
Oh, I can't write about it anymore, the tears are flowing again and my eyes are nearly swollen shut.
===============
I did get the water heater drained yesterday. Today I need to go to the bank and get groceries, but I can't leave the house looking the way I do!
As Pam said, "Nothing can be done about it now." I gotta find an "I don't care" attitude, "it is as it is" attitude, forgive them all and carry on as if........
Honestly? Yesterday afternoon, I thought that if I had a gun, I'd go out on the front steps and blow my brains out. The neighbor's would hear the noise and find me, so I wouldn't lay there too long. Then the police would notify one of my kids. I wouldn't have to go through anymore hurt or loneliness. How restful and peaceful it would be. The kids wouldn't have to even think about me anymore, which would probably make their lives a whole lot easier.
Onward and upward!!!
We first went to a store up in Howell that is closing. Carson's, a branch of Bon Ton, Younkers--all those stores are closing, so there was a mega sale going on. I grabbed a couple of tops, as did Karen and off to the changing room.
It reminded me of when Karen was little and I took her shopping for clothes, only this was in reverse mode.
I stood there as Karen "dressed me". Putting the tops on, pulling them off, putting another one on. We found a beautiful top. A blush shell underneath with the over blouse, longer, with fluttery sleeves and irregular hem and the wedding colors, blush and navy. Sort of water color painted looking. We put it back to have them save it for us. The thing cost 90.00, with a 30% discount, down to 63.00.
Off we went to the HUGE mall. There are crazy round-abouts to maneuver, but Karen shops there often so she knows how to zip through them. We decided to start at Dress Barn.
An older saleslady came up and I told her I needed something for my grandson's wedding.
"I know just what you need", she said and off we went.
They had calf-length skirts and then the sales lady handed me a longer skirt--navy and light blue and white. Perfect. Karen came along behind gathering up 4 navy tops. Into the fitting room.
I pulled the skirt on--perfect--it came down to my ankle bone. Karen pulled a top over my head--too short. Off that went, by now my hair was standing straight up. On went another one, really nice, a bit longer, but tummy length and I wanted one that came down to the top of my thighs. I look better in a longer top--it accentuates my height and makes me look leaner. I even tried on one of those "cold shoulder" tops--where the top is cut away and shows the shoulder. I can tell you--skinny, skin-tag spotted Gramma shoulders do not look good exposed!!
Karen disappeared and came back with another top. She pulled it over my head--perfect fit, perfect length.
Then she chastised me because I still had my blue jeans on under the skirt, so I dropped them around my feet.
"Mother! Sit down and take those shoes and your jeans off. I can't get the full effect with them in the way!"
Okay-okay. I already knew I had what I wanted, but I slipped my loafers off and pulled off my jeans, to reveal dark blue, knee-high socks underneath. Quite attractive. HAH!
Then she made me go out and look in the full length mirror. The sales lady came over and declared me the best looking grandma she had ever seen.
We bagged it up--the entire outfit cost 45.00.
Karen dropped me home at 11:45. She had to pick her hubs up at Noon.
I had the best time! We laughed so hard at times, tears were running down our faces. I was so happy and giddy the rest of the day. I didn't have to walk very far or shop very long and I don't remember my back hurting at all.
Look--both sleeves have a cut-out lattice work. Va Va Voom.
I am going to wear my 26" gold chain, to add even more of a long accent.
I had all my grandkids birthstones hanging from it.
Earlier I told Karen, "I don't want to wear something all glitzy and beaded and sequined. I just want something that will look elegant and make your Dad regret what he threw away."
She said, "I think you've got the look with this, Mom."
=====================I got up at 6:00 on Saturday morning. Jennifer had been in town all week on business. Friday night she drove out to Pammie's. They were packing up to leave Saturday morning and going to stop by so I could give Pammie a good-bye hug and Jen too, of course. I got up early so I wouldn't miss them.
I hadn't heard from Pam nor seen them, so I called around 9:30--it went right to voice mail.
I knew they were busy so I just sat and waited.
I needed to drain the water heater, but I was afraid to go out to the shed to get the hose because I might miss their call. Pam was going to call me when they got close.
Well, about 6:00 in the evening, after a couple more times of trying to reach them, I thought, "maybe they aren't leaving until Sunday morning. Maybe I misunderstood."
So Sunday morning, I got up early again, got dressed and waited. Finally at 11:00, I called my sister.
"Did Pam leave yet?" I asked.
"Oh. Didn't you get the photo she texted?"
"I don't have text capabilities," I reminded her.
"Oh. She sent a photo of the Welcome Home Aunt Pammie, sign the kids made for her. She and Jen got in about 10:00 last night."
"She's in New Jersey then?"
"Yes. They left here about 9:00, I ran down to give her a hug goodbye. Then they stopped in at Karen's for about an hour.
"Okay, thanks."
==================
I had to hang up because my throat was tightening up and the tears were coming.
You know I don't cry! Never!
I continued to cry the rest of yesterday, until I made myself sick because I forgot to eat. I didn't sob, the tears just kept running out of my eyes and my eyes swelled up and..................today, I look awful!
Come to find out--there was a big rush to get everything packed, the water shut off at Pam's house and for them to be on their way.
They took the expressway that is 2 miles from here, stopped at Karen's for an hour, waiting for Helene and little Della to show up so they could see her.
Apparently they didn't have 15 minutes to take to stop here for good-bye hugs.
Apparently it never occurred to Karen to call and tell me so I could have driven the 20 minutes down there to see them off.
Pam will be gone for 2 years. She is not coming back for the wedding as it is during the end of school year. She will stay with the kids in NJ, so that Jen and Eric can come to the wedding.
I carefully wrote an e-mail to all 3. Although there is no blame on Jen, Pam never opens her e-mails, but Karen and Jen do and I knew one of them would tell Pam about it.
I didn't condemn anyone, just said that I was disappointed and sad that I didn't get to give her a good-bye hug and kiss.
I got an answer from Pam this morning.
"I didn't promise I'd stop in. I said I would if we had time. It took longer to close up the house and we had to get on our way. Nothing can be done about it now."
================
Yeah, but.......they had an hour to sit at Karen's.
They had a siblings going away party at my son's on Friday night.
They had time enough to take a few minutes to visit with my sister.
==================
To me it shows total disregard for my feelings. Maybe I am being selfish, but I always feel left out, or as an after thought. Of course, I have posted about how they never visit or call. Pam was the only one who called once a month.
I thought she was the closest one to me. I acted happy that she was moving. I supported her in everything, helped her with a little money, when I could.
It just hurts really, really badly that she could find time for everyone else, but not her MOTHER!!
Oh, I can't write about it anymore, the tears are flowing again and my eyes are nearly swollen shut.
===============
I did get the water heater drained yesterday. Today I need to go to the bank and get groceries, but I can't leave the house looking the way I do!
As Pam said, "Nothing can be done about it now." I gotta find an "I don't care" attitude, "it is as it is" attitude, forgive them all and carry on as if........
Honestly? Yesterday afternoon, I thought that if I had a gun, I'd go out on the front steps and blow my brains out. The neighbor's would hear the noise and find me, so I wouldn't lay there too long. Then the police would notify one of my kids. I wouldn't have to go through anymore hurt or loneliness. How restful and peaceful it would be. The kids wouldn't have to even think about me anymore, which would probably make their lives a whole lot easier.
Onward and upward!!!
Tuesday, April 17, 2018
Prayers, Promises, Weddings and...the dang snow and cold continue.
I talked to daughter Pam last night. She said her Dad, my 1st ex and father of my children, who winters in Florida, had been in hospital. He had several blood clots in his lungs! They had to do surgery to get them out. That sounds pretty serious to me.
This man was my high school sweetheart--actually I had a crush on him since 6th grade. Anyway, I loved him deeply and a divorce, while nasty and angry, doesn't kill that love. We see each other at the grand kids graduations and weddings and we are cordial. Always sharing a hug and usually a laugh or two.
I was so worried about him that I couldn't get to sleep last night. They haven't made the trip back to Michigan as yet. He just isn't up to it. Plus, there is 30" of new snow up north, where they live, so they might as well stay in Florida longer.
I finally just prayed for him...which is all I can do. I don't want the man to die.
although if and when he does, my Social Security will raise about $500.00 a month.
================
On a lighter note--my granddaughter Madeleine (the ballerina) and her fiance', had their betrothal blessed this past Sunday. I had no idea this was a sacrament in the Catholic church.
These two have known each other since their home school days. They re-met in college 3 years ago. When they were both 14, at different churches, they took a vow of purity until marriage. You have heard me talk about Maddie and me glancing to see if she still wore her purity ring. LOL
So this sacrament is almost the same. They were blessed by the priest, to signify that they were betrothed and still vowed to remain pure until their marriage.
Who does that nowadays? In these days, is anyone still a virgin when they marry? Seems like most have lived together for years before they marry.
These two are and have been so deep in their faith and their Catholic beliefs...well, I for one, think it's beautiful! They will be married next May, 2019.
===============
Speaking of weddings--Karen called to set up a date for her todrag take me shopping for wedding attire for the upcoming June 2nd wedding for my oldest grandson Marcus and his bride Morgan.
I have exhausted all attempts to find anything on-line, so it's off to trek through the many clothing stores in the mall, down by the round-abouts.
These Round-About are famous around here. Not for their ease of use, like a normal traffic circle, but for the many accidents and road rage incidents.
Karen will pick me up in the Costco parking lot, a block away, and then SHE will traverse the round-abouts because she has done it many, many time.
You have no idea how much I dread this! Yes, it will be fun with Karen, but before we get to the back of the store where the pretty clothes are, my back will be screaming in pain. The outfits won't fit right because I am a size 18 on top and 14 on the bottom. I have a feeling I am going to settle for a pair of navy blue dress pants, my white shell I already have and hoping I can find some sort of multi-colored, flowing, gauzy tunic-like jacket to bring it all together.
The wedding colors are Navy and Blush. I do not look good in Blush--I need more color up by my face.
Oh well--I am going to take a forbidden Advil an hour before we leave. One Advil certainly shouldn't cause internal bleeding. Will it? Just one?
This man was my high school sweetheart--actually I had a crush on him since 6th grade. Anyway, I loved him deeply and a divorce, while nasty and angry, doesn't kill that love. We see each other at the grand kids graduations and weddings and we are cordial. Always sharing a hug and usually a laugh or two.
I was so worried about him that I couldn't get to sleep last night. They haven't made the trip back to Michigan as yet. He just isn't up to it. Plus, there is 30" of new snow up north, where they live, so they might as well stay in Florida longer.
I finally just prayed for him...which is all I can do. I don't want the man to die.
although if and when he does, my Social Security will raise about $500.00 a month.
================
On a lighter note--my granddaughter Madeleine (the ballerina) and her fiance', had their betrothal blessed this past Sunday. I had no idea this was a sacrament in the Catholic church.
These two have known each other since their home school days. They re-met in college 3 years ago. When they were both 14, at different churches, they took a vow of purity until marriage. You have heard me talk about Maddie and me glancing to see if she still wore her purity ring. LOL
So this sacrament is almost the same. They were blessed by the priest, to signify that they were betrothed and still vowed to remain pure until their marriage.
Who does that nowadays? In these days, is anyone still a virgin when they marry? Seems like most have lived together for years before they marry.
These two are and have been so deep in their faith and their Catholic beliefs...well, I for one, think it's beautiful! They will be married next May, 2019.
Stefan and Madeleine
Speaking of weddings--Karen called to set up a date for her to
I have exhausted all attempts to find anything on-line, so it's off to trek through the many clothing stores in the mall, down by the round-abouts.
These Round-About are famous around here. Not for their ease of use, like a normal traffic circle, but for the many accidents and road rage incidents.
Karen will pick me up in the Costco parking lot, a block away, and then SHE will traverse the round-abouts because she has done it many, many time.
You have no idea how much I dread this! Yes, it will be fun with Karen, but before we get to the back of the store where the pretty clothes are, my back will be screaming in pain. The outfits won't fit right because I am a size 18 on top and 14 on the bottom. I have a feeling I am going to settle for a pair of navy blue dress pants, my white shell I already have and hoping I can find some sort of multi-colored, flowing, gauzy tunic-like jacket to bring it all together.
The wedding colors are Navy and Blush. I do not look good in Blush--I need more color up by my face.
Oh well--I am going to take a forbidden Advil an hour before we leave. One Advil certainly shouldn't cause internal bleeding. Will it? Just one?
Saturday, April 14, 2018
The Truth Is Out and Closure
I traveled up to Durand Thursday afternoon--about 40 miles north of here--for lunch at the Old School Gal Pals. It was real nice. My BFF's daughter came with her daughter and two grand babies. My BFF's daughter is moving over to the west side of our State, from a home she has lived in 50 years. She wants to be closer to her daughter and grandkids. I can't blame her, but it just might be the last time I ever see her. It was an emotional good-bye, as she does love to lunch with us on occasion and listen to us reminisce on how we were in High School and what her Mother was like at a younger age.
Plus, I've known my BFF's daughter since she was 6 hours old, so.........almost like one of my kids leaving me.
After we left, I sat in my car for a few minutes. My sister wasn't home, so no trip out to the farm for me. It was a beautiful, sunny day in the low 70's I felt adventurous, which is not me. I am not spontaneous, but I decided, "Nobody will know," and off I drove to see if I could find where the Old Coot lives.
I've been thinking and praying about this for a couple of months. I kept getting the feeling that I probably shouldn't do it, but.....I have been depressed, bored and kind of ticked off at my life lately, so---I headed north and west--knowing that area, and knowing his address, I figured I could find his house.
I took me about 45 minutes and I went passed it and had to turn around and go back. He was just pulling into his driveway.
You should have seen the look on his face!!! My initial reaction was, Oh My Gosh! He is really old looking! Super skinny. Sort of stooped over. Of course, it has been 26 years since I've seen him and I suppose at 87, he has aged a bit more quickly than I have in those years.
He's always been a super neat freak--when I stepped up into his kitchen--there was not an inch of counter or table space that wasn't covered. The living room was a bit better, but crowded with a lot of furniture.
I was very relaxed, which showed me that I truly had healed and forgiven him. It was like talking to friend John or someone like that. No attachment. I was determined not to bring up anything from the past--what good would it do, but rather started my conversation by asking how he was.
Buried in paperwork. Had to have a new well put in--an unexpected cost. Then he went on to tell me of his wife's long illness, and how care giving had worn him right down. She had Hospice at home and then, woke him in the middle of the night to say, "You better call the ambulance."
He said the Hospice nurse came with the ambulance to take her to the Hospice home and the nurse said, "Pat, we've talked about this. It's time."
He said, "It was like the Grim Reaper showed up, made his declaration and off they went!" Then he broke down and sobbed and sobbed.
I didn't move to console him. I felt it was better for me to remain seated and wait for him to gain control in his own way.
=================
Then we talked about his Mother and siblings--all gone now. I worried about him being all alone and he mentioned a friend he had by the name of Craig Lawson, that call him every other day and stops in to visit.
"You don't mean Deputy Lawson of the sheriff's road patrol do you?"
"Yes. You don't know him do you?"
"Well, let me tell you a little story--and went on to tell him how I had met Deputy Lawson when he stopped me for idling through a stop sign....'way out in the country over by Byron".
That gave us a good laugh and then he got real serious, tears in his eyes again. I have never seen this man cry in the 4 years I knew him.
"Judy....I've thought----over the last...how many years did you say?"
"Twenty-six."
"I should have shared more with you before we married. I was a broken man. Hurt....angry....filled with rage. Left over from my marriage. We had five children. I was building a house for us up north."
"And she was cheating on you back at home. You told me all that."
"Yes...but I never told you. I loved her and those kids so much. She nearly destroyed me when she left. I never felt that she ever loved me. I tried so hard, but.........it was never enough."
"Ah. I felt that way with you."
" I was so hurt and angry and filled with such rage."
Then I just blurted it out--"Is that why you tried to choke me to death when I mistakenly hung the bathroom hand towel up crooked?"
"Oh...God....did I do that?"
"Yes. Or the time you gave me a black eye because the sheets were the not the same amount of overhang on each side of the bed?"
"Oh....I remember that."
"Or the time you said I could plant anything I wanted in the garden and after I did, you roto-tilled it all up because you said my rows were crooked?"
"Oh.....God..."
"Or the time you slapped me around and threw your coffee mug at me because I had spilled a little sugar on the table?"
"What? Oh no!"
Then I was quiet as I realized that he didn't remember a lot of those times and it was just stupid to bring it all up. He is a broken man.
"Judy...I was mentally ill. I was sick. It wasn't you! My anger was so out of control, that any minor thing set me off and I struck out at the person nearest me."
"Well--I don't know about that. Maybe I was a bit too independent for you. I've met two of your ex wives and they said you never abused them. Why me?"
"I guess because.....you were there at the wrong time in my life? I was mentally sick, Judy. Can you ever forgive me? Please! I will get down on my knees and beg your forgiveness!"
"That's not necessary. Yes, I was traumatized for a long time after you kicked me out, but.....Oh, Donnie, I forgave you years and years ago."
He started crying again. "I don't know how you ever could."
"Hey--do you remember that beautiful entertainment center you made for us?"
"No."
"You don't? You worked weeks on it and it was a beautiful piece of furniture. Remember the little sewing room you made for me when we lived in the Town House? Remember---one day we were sitting in the living room, when we lived in Mother's mobile home and I said, "I wish we had a screen door on that back door. We could get a nice, cool cross breeze from the front door through to the back. I went off to work and when I got home, you had built a beautiful screen door, it was all painted and hung. Remember that."
"I remember that door. It's still on that unit."
"Donnie--you could repair, fix and build anything!! You are a master carpenter....you do such beautiful work!"
He said, "Do you remember those Backgammon games we had every night? We'd bet a nickle. You won more nickles than I did."
"I remember."
"Remember the first time I beat you?"
"Yes...you ran over to Mom and Marcia's trailer, whooping and hollering that you had finally beat me."
We were quite for a moment and then I said, "Remember one Valentine's Day, we had no extra money...."
"We never had any extra money."
"I walked in from work and you had made me a pan of home made chocolate fudge--you had made it in my heart-shaped cake pan. Remember?"
==============
The rest of our conversation was nice. We laughed, we joked. I stayed for about 90 minutes and decided I'd better start home. I asked if I could use the bathroom--he said, "Wait a minute, I'll put up a clean hand towel for you."
When I went in, I noticed the towel--so old and threadbare---and hung precisely, with all edges even. So after I washed my hands, I put that towel back on the rod....as crooked as I could make it.
We hugged. He thanked me profusely for visiting. I thanked him.
As I drove away, I was smiling. I was laughing out loud! I felt better than I've felt in months. Although, it is true, I have forgiven him years ago and haven't even thought about him in a very long time...I guess I needed his apology and asking for my forgiveness.
His explanation of his mental illness made those years all make sense to me now--nothing made sense back then---when I was living through it.
Closure. That word that society bandies about nowadays.
I know what that means now. Such peace. The last couple of days, when I've thought about Don, I remember all the fun and good times we did have.
When it was good, it was very, very good. When it was bad, it was terrifying--so angry his eyes would get red, and I didn't recognize him. Fearing for my very life.
It's all good now. Besides that, if he ever came at me with his hand raised now...I could take him down into a heap of old bones in a second. He is a frail old man.
=======================
P.S. I am so wondering what he thought the next time he went into the bathroom and saw that hand towel, hanging all crooked on the rod. HAH!
Plus, I've known my BFF's daughter since she was 6 hours old, so.........almost like one of my kids leaving me.
I've been thinking and praying about this for a couple of months. I kept getting the feeling that I probably shouldn't do it, but.....I have been depressed, bored and kind of ticked off at my life lately, so---I headed north and west--knowing that area, and knowing his address, I figured I could find his house.
I took me about 45 minutes and I went passed it and had to turn around and go back. He was just pulling into his driveway.
You should have seen the look on his face!!! My initial reaction was, Oh My Gosh! He is really old looking! Super skinny. Sort of stooped over. Of course, it has been 26 years since I've seen him and I suppose at 87, he has aged a bit more quickly than I have in those years.
He's always been a super neat freak--when I stepped up into his kitchen--there was not an inch of counter or table space that wasn't covered. The living room was a bit better, but crowded with a lot of furniture.
I was very relaxed, which showed me that I truly had healed and forgiven him. It was like talking to friend John or someone like that. No attachment. I was determined not to bring up anything from the past--what good would it do, but rather started my conversation by asking how he was.
Buried in paperwork. Had to have a new well put in--an unexpected cost. Then he went on to tell me of his wife's long illness, and how care giving had worn him right down. She had Hospice at home and then, woke him in the middle of the night to say, "You better call the ambulance."
He said the Hospice nurse came with the ambulance to take her to the Hospice home and the nurse said, "Pat, we've talked about this. It's time."
He said, "It was like the Grim Reaper showed up, made his declaration and off they went!" Then he broke down and sobbed and sobbed.
I didn't move to console him. I felt it was better for me to remain seated and wait for him to gain control in his own way.
=================
Then we talked about his Mother and siblings--all gone now. I worried about him being all alone and he mentioned a friend he had by the name of Craig Lawson, that call him every other day and stops in to visit.
"You don't mean Deputy Lawson of the sheriff's road patrol do you?"
"Yes. You don't know him do you?"
"Well, let me tell you a little story--and went on to tell him how I had met Deputy Lawson when he stopped me for idling through a stop sign....'way out in the country over by Byron".
That gave us a good laugh and then he got real serious, tears in his eyes again. I have never seen this man cry in the 4 years I knew him.
"Judy....I've thought----over the last...how many years did you say?"
"Twenty-six."
"I should have shared more with you before we married. I was a broken man. Hurt....angry....filled with rage. Left over from my marriage. We had five children. I was building a house for us up north."
"And she was cheating on you back at home. You told me all that."
"Yes...but I never told you. I loved her and those kids so much. She nearly destroyed me when she left. I never felt that she ever loved me. I tried so hard, but.........it was never enough."
"Ah. I felt that way with you."
" I was so hurt and angry and filled with such rage."
Then I just blurted it out--"Is that why you tried to choke me to death when I mistakenly hung the bathroom hand towel up crooked?"
"Oh...God....did I do that?"
"Yes. Or the time you gave me a black eye because the sheets were the not the same amount of overhang on each side of the bed?"
"Oh....I remember that."
"Or the time you said I could plant anything I wanted in the garden and after I did, you roto-tilled it all up because you said my rows were crooked?"
"Oh.....God..."
"Or the time you slapped me around and threw your coffee mug at me because I had spilled a little sugar on the table?"
"What? Oh no!"
Then I was quiet as I realized that he didn't remember a lot of those times and it was just stupid to bring it all up. He is a broken man.
"Judy...I was mentally ill. I was sick. It wasn't you! My anger was so out of control, that any minor thing set me off and I struck out at the person nearest me."
"Well--I don't know about that. Maybe I was a bit too independent for you. I've met two of your ex wives and they said you never abused them. Why me?"
"I guess because.....you were there at the wrong time in my life? I was mentally sick, Judy. Can you ever forgive me? Please! I will get down on my knees and beg your forgiveness!"
"That's not necessary. Yes, I was traumatized for a long time after you kicked me out, but.....Oh, Donnie, I forgave you years and years ago."
He started crying again. "I don't know how you ever could."
"Hey--do you remember that beautiful entertainment center you made for us?"
"No."
"You don't? You worked weeks on it and it was a beautiful piece of furniture. Remember the little sewing room you made for me when we lived in the Town House? Remember---one day we were sitting in the living room, when we lived in Mother's mobile home and I said, "I wish we had a screen door on that back door. We could get a nice, cool cross breeze from the front door through to the back. I went off to work and when I got home, you had built a beautiful screen door, it was all painted and hung. Remember that."
"I remember that door. It's still on that unit."
"Donnie--you could repair, fix and build anything!! You are a master carpenter....you do such beautiful work!"
He said, "Do you remember those Backgammon games we had every night? We'd bet a nickle. You won more nickles than I did."
"I remember."
"Remember the first time I beat you?"
"Yes...you ran over to Mom and Marcia's trailer, whooping and hollering that you had finally beat me."
We were quite for a moment and then I said, "Remember one Valentine's Day, we had no extra money...."
"We never had any extra money."
"I walked in from work and you had made me a pan of home made chocolate fudge--you had made it in my heart-shaped cake pan. Remember?"
==============
The rest of our conversation was nice. We laughed, we joked. I stayed for about 90 minutes and decided I'd better start home. I asked if I could use the bathroom--he said, "Wait a minute, I'll put up a clean hand towel for you."
When I went in, I noticed the towel--so old and threadbare---and hung precisely, with all edges even. So after I washed my hands, I put that towel back on the rod....as crooked as I could make it.
We hugged. He thanked me profusely for visiting. I thanked him.
As I drove away, I was smiling. I was laughing out loud! I felt better than I've felt in months. Although, it is true, I have forgiven him years ago and haven't even thought about him in a very long time...I guess I needed his apology and asking for my forgiveness.
His explanation of his mental illness made those years all make sense to me now--nothing made sense back then---when I was living through it.
Closure. That word that society bandies about nowadays.
I know what that means now. Such peace. The last couple of days, when I've thought about Don, I remember all the fun and good times we did have.
When it was good, it was very, very good. When it was bad, it was terrifying--so angry his eyes would get red, and I didn't recognize him. Fearing for my very life.
It's all good now. Besides that, if he ever came at me with his hand raised now...I could take him down into a heap of old bones in a second. He is a frail old man.
=======================
P.S. I am so wondering what he thought the next time he went into the bathroom and saw that hand towel, hanging all crooked on the rod. HAH!
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