An Unsettling Day

I spent 4 hours, 3 different time, doing a Live Chat on the computer with 3 different Comcast technicians.  My phone hasn't worked in 2 days (3 now), and I called at 9:00 am, he said he refreshed it and it would be fixed in 30 minutes.  I got busy and at 4:00 pm when I noticed it still didn't work, contacted them again.  That tech, activated Tel 2 on the modem--the phone was plugged into Tel 1 and he deactivated that one.  Then he called me.  The phone worked until he hung up!  So at 7:30, I contacted them again and after doing all of the above---again, even though I told him it had all been done, he decided I needed a HUMAN tech to come out and fix it---which will occur at 8:15 am in the morning.  Personally, I think I need a new modem, but we shall see what this guy things.

I really like doing the live chat on the computer.  It is much easier to under their typing than their spoken accent!!  HAH.  (I know, I'm a racist.)

Plus, yesterday, I decided that I needed to swap out my summer clothes for the fall/winter ones and since, that means I would be emptying my bedroom closet, I decided to drain and flush the water heater--that resides in a little closet of its own--in the back of the bedroom clothes closet.  I know--weird, but that is the way most of these homes are made.

Of course, I had the instructions typed and printed out and taped to the removable door to the water heater cubby, so it was pretty straight forward.  Of course, the water supply shut-off valve was a bit rusty and didn't want to turn.  NOTHING is ever as simple as it seems when doing home maintenance--NEVER.  I wanted to spray the shut-off valve with WD-40, but.....it's flammable and I have a gas heater and yes, it was turned to pilot, but still................

I just took a big, thick bath towel, held it over the area where the gas flame is and sprayed a couple of quick sprays of WD-40 upwards onto the valve--waved the fumes away, took off the towel and waited for 15 minutes for the WD to work.  Success and no explosion.  You know--I am terrified of gas!

Got the incoming water shut off, the hose in place, snaking out the back door, opened the drain plug and sat down to wait while the heater emptied out.

Just then Pearl arrived and I didn't get back to the heater for an hour.

Finally got it all done.  Took the hose back out to the shed and the wooden floor in there felt kind of
"givey"  I have all my plastic storage tubs on the west side of the shed floor.  I pulled back a couple and...........................OMGosh.  The floor was rotted under them.  I pulled back the rest and this sight greeted me:

Dear Lord!  Does it ever end?  One thing after another.  I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN that the plastic storage boxes would hold moisture UNDER them.  

When the kids helped me move all this stuff out of my rented storage unit, I just had them stack the boxes in the shed.  It was three months after Fred died and two months before my hip surgery.  I hurt physically and was foggy mentally, but I probably still wouldn't have thought about it.  

I laid that 2x4 across the rotted places and have asked my BIL to bring me two more when he comes down to cut off my hedges.  Right now, I am just letting it dry out.

You know what?  I wonder if this is the culprit?

That planter is on the west side of the shed.  Although there is no dirt directly ON the shed, it is an independent landscaping timber planter.  It has been there since 2007, but....................

No, I think it is just the plastic storage tubs holding moisture underneath, on the wooden floor.

---------------------------------------------

This morning I had my "recall"--second look mammograms and ultra sound.  I had to get up at 7:00am.  Can you believe--7:00am, to be awake, alive and alert to get there at 8:30am.

"Everything off from the waist up.  Put on the gown, open in the front.  Put your clothes in the cupboard and bring your purse with you."

Short 5'4" x-ray tech trying to heft up my 5' 11", DD's, onto the tray.  Mash--breathe.

Second shot, a side view, different tray on top.  Mash, ouch, breathe.

Third shot, another side view, much smaller tray on top, with cone shaped thingie on top of that.  Mash--mash--mash--"Yikes"--breathe. 

"Sorry...that last once really pinches, I know.  Are you okay."

"Fine", I say in a rather high voice.

"I will take these to the doctor to look at.  Please go back to the waiting room and I will come and get you for the ultra sound."

Wander back down the hall--trying not to hold my poor boob--it is aching, with sharp little pains radiating up.  Perhaps the "masher" has ruptured the cyst and it is trying it's best to assimilate all its fluid back into my boob?

Lean elbow on chair arm, rest forehead on hand and try for a quick nap. 

She's back.  "You can get dressed and go home now."

"Don't I get an ultra sound."

"There is nothing there. Nothing to see.   Nothing to ultra sound."

"Okay. thank you so much."

<"told you so," I whisper under my breath as I get dressed and walk out>

My sister says, "Now they have really good pictures and next year, if something shows up in the same place, they can compare and know it is nothing."

So--why don't they use the extra-special mammogram at your yearly?  It would save time.  I am the 9th woman I know who has had to go for "recall" in the last 5 months!  Perhaps Medicare pays better if you get to have TWO mammograms?

It's a wonder all the damn Roentgen's going in your body and the masher injuring your boob cells, we don't have MORE tumors!!!

===============================

 I get home and look down and.....

As you can see, I have moles and Seborrheic Keratinitis all over my chest and breasts. 

They NOW stick these cute little "reinforcements" things all over me.  I changed my clothes and peeled off 5!!!  Don't they look like those reinforcements we used to use on the paper in our three-ring notebooks?  GEEZ!!

They didn't hurt as much as peeling off a forgotten EKG lead sticky thingie, but....GEEZ!

Took two Advil to calm down my poor boob, watched my Soap, did a load of jeans and then outside to tackle the front garden.

Trying to figure out how to tame the rude Rudbeckia from spreading out ALL OVER this little garden.  This garden is filled with spring bulbs (tulips, daffodils, grape hyacinth) and Iris and Lilies and what once was a small plant of Rudbeckia=Black Eyed Susan==Rebecca as Pearl calls it.  

They are ALL over the garden, where they don't belong.  Cutting it back without it loosing its seeds all over is quite a chore.  I will move some of it over to the garden by the porch and move some of the pink Coneflowers from the porch garden over to the end of this garden. 

I was sitting in my blue chair, bending over and cutting off the plants and Merle walked up.  

I have felt a bit uneasy being alone around him lately.  He came by one day and saw me carrying in groceries, offered to help, and then wanted a hug when he left.  No big deal?  He wanted a very, tight, because he is so much shorter then me, boobs up by his chin, kind of hug.

Today he asks what I'm doing and I said, "Playing the piano,"

"Oh.  ha."

Then, big mistake, I told him about my shed floor and he wanted to take a look.  No big deal...any other time.

We go out and look and then stand outside the shed discussing. and....

"Did everything turn out all right this morning?  Pearl said you had to go back for another mammogram."

"Yes.  There is nothing wrong.  I am fine."

"Good.  Wouldn't want anything to be wrong with those pretties."

<what?>

I quickly turn to start walking back to the front of my lot.  We discuss the best way to cut back my hedge.

"How's Pearl today?"

"She's fine.  Mean as ever."

"She is not mean...and if she is, it's because she has to put up with you."  haha

"Ya."

Thank you God--it is starting to sprinkle.

"I gotta pick this stuff up and put it on the porch."

"You need me to help?"

"Naw.  I can get it.  You better get home before you get wet."

"I like being wet. Not from rain though."

<what?>

"See ya later." as I grab stuff and start for the porch.

"Take care of those pretties."  and off he walks.

===================

In the first place, what it is with men and their fascination with boobs?  Do they remember their mother's smiling, lovingly down at them while they nursed?  Do they want to return to the breast?

In the second place, what is it with men who get all stupid and try and act sexy and flirt?  This is NOT the first time this has happened with a FRIEND'S husband!"

In the third place, what is it with OLD men who act stupid and say things and flirt and act like they do?  I have seen that from another neighbor, a few years ago.  Most of them are impotent.  Do they think we are going to restore their youthful potency?

GEEZ!!! 

I really don't like men.  They make me nervous!!

Decision--if I ever DO have breast cancer, I am getting a double mastectomy and then NO ONE will comment on my "pretties", which, trust me, aren't pretty at all!!!

Very unsettling!!

or, perhaps I misinterpreted?

================================

I ran up to the Subway place because, I am out of food and my Social Security doesn't come in until tomorrow and I had one Subway gift card left.  I didn't really feel like a sub so I asked the kid if he could make a Spicy Italian salad.  Sure!

Man, was it good!!!  Huge.  Probably serve 6 people if they had it as a side dish.  I will get three meals out of it!

Almost as good as an Antipasto salad!

======================

BTW:

The sidewalks and extra parking pad are in across the street.  

I gotta get to bed.  Have to be up at 7:00am again, so I'm awake, alive and alert when the Comcast doodah arrives.  Although, it has been kind of nice with no phone.  No "anonymous" or "unknown" callers :-)

No time

.....to post anything.

Big work day.

Tired.

Later...............

A Day

This morning, I felt like I had been run over by a Mack truck and as I was trying to get up from being run-down, someone slammed me in the back of the head with a 2 x 4.  I guess I had too much fun yesterday and now am paying for it?

A lot of people, some, a few, one person has asked me what I was decorating for fall.  This is it.

Are you impressed?  No?

I don't do seasonal decorating, except a different wreath on the door.   Christmas is the big decorating time for me.
===================
I just got word from Maddie that she WILL be dancing in the Nutcracker Ballet again this year (her 12th year) and she will be dancing the Spanish Dancer solo part.    

                          (Google image)

She is going to be so great!!!

...and then, right after New Year's, she will leave for four months on a Mission to Guatemala. <sigh>

========================

Well, yesterday afternoon was really something.  I had asked Pearl to come down to take pictures of me as the Unknown Poser.  We were having a blast, laughing and re-taking photos and...just a lot of fun.

Afterwards, we sat talking about...lots of stuff and all of a sudden, Darlene busts in, with this in her hand.

"Look what I got for my good friend, Judy! It was on sale at Meijer's, but with my discount, I got it for one dollar!  I got four of them."

<I'm still wondering about the "good friend" comment>

Pearl said, "Oh.  A plant stand...with three holders.  That is so pretty!"

<I am thinking, I don't really need or want this.>

Dar:  "Yeah.  I just knew my dear friend would love it."

<now I understand.  The dear friend is for Pearl's benefit!>

Me:  "I wish I could use it inside, but Maggie eats any plant I bring in here.  It will be nice for my porch next spring. Thank you."

<I so wanted to ask, "if you got four, can you give one to Pearl?">

Dar plopped down in the rocking chair--Pearl was sitting on the couch, with Buddy on her lap.  Dar lights a cigarette and I immediately told her, "You can't smoke in here."

D:  "Oh sorry.  I forgot.  Pearl is allergic."

P:  "Yeah--smoke stuffs up my head, really bad.

D:  "What is wrong with Merle?  He looks terrible!"

P:  "Nothing is wrong with him.  Every test comes back negative.  He saw the cancer doctor last week and the blood report was--nothing wrong."

D:  "Well--somethings wrong with him.  He looks like death warmed over!"

<Egad woman--shut up!>

J:  "He had a sleep study test and those results aren't known yet.  That's probably his problem.  Probably the study will show that he's waking up several times a week and he needs a bi-pap.  After he gets that, he will feel much better."

P:  "I'm hoping that will cure him."

J:  "Pearl and I were just talking about how the young girls pose in pictures nowadays, and we wondered why.  We just got done doing a whole bunch of pictures of those silly poses."

P:   "It must be a new craze.  We never posed like that when we were young."

Dar jumped up and went into a sexy pose with one hand in the air and one on her hip.  "I posed like this in my bathing suit...when I was ten.  I was still a virgin, but I knew how to be sexy!"

<complete silence for at least three heart beats>

P:  "I hope so!  At ten, I hope you were a virgin."

D:  "Oh...I was sexual at a very young age.  I had sexual feelings...from the time I was four.  I have always been a very sexual person."

<the deafening silence once again--who knows what to say to these kinds of comments!>

D:  "Look!  I got my tooth fixed this morning."  She shows us her front tooth that had been chipped.  "I haven't been outside my house in four days.  I won't go anywhere looking like that!"

P:  "I sometimes forget to even put in my bridge."

D:  "You go out in public looking like that?"

P:  "Yes...sometimes...when I forget."  and Pearl smiles at Dar, showing that she doesn't have her bridge in.

D:  "Oh my gawd!  You look like a crone!"

  

P:  "I'm seventy-eight years old.  Why does it matter if I don't wear my bridge around the house?"

D:  "You should go home right now and put it in!  You'd look so much better when Merle gets home!"

<arggh>

P:  "He won't even notice."

J:  "Did Jackie go on another vacation?"

D:  "Yeah.  Didn't she tell you?  She's gone for the week."

P:  "That girl---she's never home."

D:  "She's home all the time."

J:  "Well, she sure travels a lot...and I think that's great...that she can."

D:  "Oh my gawd--look at that mess in Tami's yard.  Is she going to put that junk away?  I just might talk to Rob and see what he can do to make her clean it up."

J:  "I think they already mentioned it to her.  She and Ron have been staining their porch.  She will probably put it all away when they get done."

D:  "Well...you know...I have a lot of pull with Rob.  Either of you ever have a problem...let me know and I will talk to him and I will get it done!  She is completely nuts!  She really does have mental issues--I am glad I made her mad because now, she won't even say Hi to me.  I just might tell Rob--although I think everyone up at the office knows she nuts."

<yes..and guess what Baby, they say the same about you.>

J:  "That's why I have my room arranged this way.  So I don't have to look out that window and see her yard.  I moved the couch and re-arranged it different a few years ago...but...that couch is so heavy, I can't move it myself, and I don't really wan.........."

D:  "Get those things....those...you put under the legs and......"

P:  "Super Sliders?"

D:  "Yes.  You put them under the legs and just slide it wherever you want it."

J:  "I have those, but the couch is so heavy that I can't lift it.  Plus it's build on a steel frame and doesn't have............."

D:  "Oh--it can't be that heavy!  You just don't have any strength anymore.  I'm still very strong."

J:  "Okay--show me how you'd lift it."

<because I am just about done with this woman's boastfulness!>  

So Dar gets up, walks over to the front corner of the couch and gets on her knees to lift.  It doesn't budge.  Then she starts feeling around under it and says, "I can't find the leg."

J:  "I told you, it doesn't have legs.  You didn't hear me.  It's built on a steel frame.  Each section comes off, in order to move it and then...you are left with the frame, which is still very heavy to move."

P:  "Plus, it has a recliner on each end, so it is really hard to move."

Dar is still trying.  "Ow."  Then she grabs her thigh and stands up slowly.  "I think I pulled a muscle!"

P:  "We warned you."

So, we all sit down once again and Dar starts in on Pearl--again.  

D:  "I have lost seventeen pounds!"

P:  "Really?"

D:  "Yes. Can't you tell?"

P:  "I guess I hadn't looked."

D:  "Oh--I just cut out some of my carbs.  You should try it--you could stand to lose a few pounds yourself."

Pearl starts to say something and Dar puts up her hand, "No..wait..let me finish."

I sat and watched the inter-play.  Dar goes on with her "sermon" on what she has cut out and what Pearl should eat and not eat.  I am watching Dar, my elbow on the arm of my chair, chin resting on my hand, but I can move my eyes to the left and watch Pearl's reaction.  Of course, Dar points her finger at Pearl and goes on with her lecture.

Pearl didn't seem agitated...but when Dar FINALLY stopped to take a breath, Pearl said," Speaking of food.  Merle should be home by now and I need to go fix his supper."

J:  "Yeah...I saw him drive by a few minutes ago."

Pearl gets up and leaves.  I walk out to the porch with her and thank her for coming down and helping me with the photos. She is no more than off the front porch, when Dar lights her cigarette and when I come back in from saying Good-Bye to Pearl and sit down, Dar says, "Looney-Tunes.  Both of them are the Looney-Tunes of the neighborhood!"

I said, "I think they are really nice.  They have been there for me many times.  They both are really good friends to me."

Dar checks her watch and her phone and said, "Oh...I gotta get home too."  and I walk her out to say Good-Bye...and I do not accidentally push her down the front porch steps.  Wanted too.  Did not.

=====================

I walked up to Pearl's after supper and apologized for Dar's rudeness.  

P:  "I know you've told me she gets real aggressive and hyper, but...I've never talked to her very much. She's kinda scary, isn't she?"

J:  "She can be.  She only comes over when she wants to get something off her mind.  She does all the talking and I just sit and listen."

P:  "I went to say something and...she put her hand up to stop me."

J:  "I know--that is kind of rude."

P:  "Maybe that's just the way she jokes around.  She sure wanted me to know that you are her good friend."

J:  "Don't know where she got that, but...I think you're right.  That whole display was for your benefit."

P:  "Well...I don't think I need to see a re-run of that show."

...and we both laughed.

BTW--Judy L. and Sheila don't have much to do with Dar anymore.  Probably that is why she is now coming over to my house more? 

================

Just figured out my "head"problem today--I have been drinking only De-Caffeinated Diet Pepsi, but ran out yesterday.  I think the sudden surge of Caffeine 

did it to me.  I know, I didn't sleep very well.

Lesson learned!!

The Date!

Oh T-Shirt--your comment on yesterday's post is so true!!!  Plus, no new neighbors to spy on and take photos.

My new persona:

Confab taking place on the porch.

I could be new sidewalk going in

or their deck.

Later today it was revealed that the new parking pad

and sidewalk are under construction

I suppose Tami's yard, and my view, have to be worse before it becomes better?

Found, they removed the junk pile to re-stain the front porch.

I was out front and Tami saw me.  YIKES!!  She came stomping over waving her arms in great agitation.

"I'm going to write to that d*** Behr company and tell them their stain is for s***.  I just did it two years ago and it wore right through and peeled off!"

"Did you wash ..................."

"I don't want a new can of their s***, I want money for my time and work!"

"Didyouwashdowntheporchfirst?"
<gotta say it real quick before she goes on another tangent>

"Nope.  Just swept it."

"Well, it looks nice............................"

"Yeah--their s*** stinks!  Ron and I been working hard."

"Where are you going to put all your stuff>"

"We have a storage unit--I guess maybe...put it in there?"
===============================
So this crazy woman--didn't wash or prepare the porch for the stain and wonders why it peeled.  This crazy woman has a rented storage unit, plus a storage shed in back of her house and yet--she never thought to put her "stuff" in either place?
===============================
Saturday, on Face Book, I asked the question of why young women and girls think they have to "pose"when they get their pictures taken.  
I see little girls posing like this.
To me it looks "affected", or like they have "attitude" or--I don't know what.  Do they think they look like celebrities?

The ever popular, let me pose by Grand Dad's casket

because I am so sexy!

I got no answers from any young girls, so I Googled it and this is the new (last 3 years) craze.  The ones at the top are called, Chicken Wing, the bottom two photos, Tea Pot.

So being mean and witchy, I decided to spoof and put my own, The Unknown Poser photos on Face Book.  Pearl came down and took the pix--we had so much fun.

I guess young women think they look cute with those poses--personally, I think they look like sluts!!

===============================

Okay--enough of that.  Now to THE DATE!!!

A "friend" I haven't seen for 22 years, personal messaged me on FB and wanted to know if he could take me out for lunch on Sunday.  After much consideration and knowing we couldn't talk and catch-up in a restaurant, I told him I'd run up to Subway and we could eat here.

Well, he arrived with a very large present for me-----

We talked as fast as we could--talking over each other and reminiscing about the old days.  I had a blast!!!

After he left, I posted on FB, that I had just had the best "date" in 2 1/2 years.  I purposefully put quotes around the word date, so my friends would know it wasn't a REAL date, but the comments came pouring in about, "YAY JUDE!"  "It's about time you had some fun."--Stuff like that.

He had taken a "selfie" of us, so I posted that figuring people would pick up on the fact that he is much younger than I am.

Dar came over about 15 minutes later.

"There was a truck parked outside for four and a half hours!  Who was that?"

"Oh, I had an old friend stop for lunch and a visit."

"Oh?"

"Yeah--he's just a kid I've known forever."

"Oh--becoming a Cougar?"

It then occurred to me that people were mis-understanding the whole thing.  I explained and she left and I jumped back on FB.  Now he is leaving comments about "Had a great date with a wonderful woman.  Catching up on lost times."  More comments underneath his from friends that I know, but of course he doesn't--wanting to know who he is, where he's from--stuff like that.

I private messaged him that my friends were thinking we had a REAL date and I hope he's not embarrassed by it all.  He loved it and continued to play along.

So, this morning I spent an inordinate amount of time, trying to explain on FB that:

This is a neighborhood boy, who was in Karen's grade, played softball for my Dad and worked on our farm, baling hay to make muscles for football season.  I still think some thought, we just had our first date.  OH MY!!!

So back on FB and writing a very long post to explain how.  He was in the class of 1979--my favorite class of kids ever.  I was their Room Mother, chaperoned their dances, went on the zoo field trip with them, they built their homecoming floats out in our barn, he and others used to love to TP my trees out in front, how I put up flood lights and one night, just as they were too throw the TP up in the trees, I turned on the light and scared them half to death--how a couple of the tallest boys had soaped my high front windows--on and on.

Then he commented, "You couldn't be a Cougar, you have too much class.  You are more like a Lioness."

and I commented under his comment, "Yes, a Momma Lioness to all you baby cubs in the class of 1979."

More of the kids from that class, who are also friends of mine on FB--after all, they are Karen's friends also, started reminiscing and it all seemed to work out okay.

I was fretting for awhile, hoping he wasn't embarrassed.  I didn't want to post, "Hey--he's only 53!" because I think he looks older than that and I didn't want one of my FB friends to say, "He looks older" and him see it and embarrass him.

He came down to just visit--like younger's from your past are prone to do--when  you are really old and near death and they want one last conversation before you kick off.  He had been to visit my Daddy three weeks before Daddy died.

The one nice thing that came out of all of this--he told me that my Daddy was the best coach he ever had because "Charlie was always fair.  He said what he meant, and he meant what he said.  He told us if we missed practice and it wasn't because of a death in the family, we wouldn't play the next game.  We had a fantastic pitcher--kids had a big head.  He missed practice and you Dad benched him--the night we were going for the County championship.  I don't think any of us ever forgot that and what it meant to keep a commitment and our word."

I didn't tell him what a mean father my Daddy was.  My Daddy loved everyone of those kids he coached--for 25 years.  They all have told me what a great man he was, and I wouldn't want to denigrate their feelings toward him.

It was a really nice afternoon.  He is a Microbiologist at Dow Chemical in Midland, Michigan.  He does the testing of chemicals used in farming on rabbits and mice to see if it is harmful.  If it turns out to be harmful to their fetus--it might also be harmful to human fetuses.  He reports and Dow than won't manufacture that chemical. He also works with a group reviewing ways to prevent pollution.  He is a tree hugger!  He also leads a group for young people with drug and alcohol addiction and helps unwed mothers finds ways to get help through the government Welfare system, coaches a softball team for (mostly) black children with absent father's and most recently, helped a young, pregnant woman, who was living with a black drug dealer, get away from the guy, get a job and an apartment of her own and bought her a used car.  Sat with her while she was in labor and posted photos on FB of him holding the new baby.

When I asked him why he spent so much time helping other people, he said, "You know we were poor."

I nodded.

"My Dad never worked a day in his life.  We grew up on the government dole.  I have done some bad things in my life...my life pendulum has swung over to the side.  I want to do something that will bring that pendulum back to the center, before I die"

"You must be a Democrat....or a Liberal?"

"Nope.  I'm a Conservative Independent usually voting Republican."

"Wow," I said.

Ya know," he said.  "Liberals think that Conservatives don't care about the environment or helping poor people or doing anything in the sense of that word. They think we are racists, rich people who want to hang onto all our money and not pay any taxes."

Silence for a moment, as I waited for him to continue.

Then he smiled, shook his head and said,  "My favorite Reagan quote, 'It's not that Liberals are ignorant.  It's just that they know so much that isn't so.' " 

He was just an average kid when I knew him, but I think, he is very full of wisdom now.

1979 Year Book Picture

Sorting It Out

When some people get sad or depressed or remember old things that make them sad, they don't want to think too long on them, because it just makes it worse for them.

Me?  I get right in the midst and wallow and find old pictures and talk about it--write about it, until it makes sense and then I can be done with it.  Usually works.

Last night's post was like that.  To answer some questions,  yes, my kids know I would love to live "back home":.

Yes that township is zoned for a manufactured home--there are many in that area.

My sister, of course knows, because she and Chuck and Fred and I used to look around and pick out where the mobile home should be.  I liked the field south of the house, she liked the small knoll north of the house and Fred and Chuck thought we should be across the road between the pond and the woods.

We talked about how much fun it would be to live near each other.  All the things we'd do.  How we could wave to each other every single day, even if we didn't talk.  The four of us figured that after Daddy died, and we inherited our share, we could do it.

Then Daddy died and we didn't get our share.

Then Fred had his heart attack and needed to be nearer doctors, hospitals, ambulance service, on and on and then Fred had the audacity to die on me!
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So, the plan was that after the step-mother died and Susan and I got our share, I would get a new manufactured home and move out there.  Well we all know what happened with that plan!

Realistically--rationally and all those other words that have nothing to do with the emotional side of yearning, it would cost more than I have and more help than any of my kids could afford to give me---AND I would not allow any of them to give me--not that any of them have offered, LOL.

First the Perc test--to see if it is feasible to have a septic system and well.
Half basement or slab for under the house: anywhere from $2K to $5K
Septic system:  $2K-$5K at least
Dig a Well:  $5K-upwards.
A driveway and culvert must be put in--I have no clue as to a price
It would be best for me to sell this place and get a newer home--$25K - $50K

If I sold this place, I could probably get $10K for it--these places depreciate just like a car--their price never increases no matter how much you put into them.

That leaves me about.......hm-mm........$35K short.  So, unless or until someone starts a Go Fund Me account for me on Face Book....I guess I am staying here, LOL.
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Logically--at my age?  I too, now, need to be near doctors, hospitals, ambulance services, stores, and all the rest.  It wouldn't be prudent for me to move to the hinter-lands--although if I have stayed there the last 25 years, those necessities would never enter my mind--as they don't the people who live there.

I have not told Pammie that I WANT to live with her, because I really don't and I know she doesn't WANT me too, but I did tell her this:"I know you and I both like living alone.  I just want you to know, that if it ever comes down to where you can't keep up the expenses on the house and farm, I would move in with you and give you most of my monthly income to help.  I would take over the upstairs and you wouldn't have to see me unless you wanted too."

Me figuring that with her working all day, I could roam all I wanted and when she got home tired, I'd be ever so quiet upstairs in my "apartment".  But, if I fell or became ill, at least someone would be there to notice.  LOL

So--it is planted in her memory bank.  We shall see?

It's all good.
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Tomorrow, I will have to tell you all about the "date" I had this afternoon!

Yearning

yearn·ing

ˈyərniNG/

noun

1. a feeling of intense longing for something.

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You, my regular readers, all know that a few times, during each year...I get such a deep yearning--to the depths of my heart yearning--to return "home".  I never felt "at home", no matter where I lived, until I moved to my Grandma's farm in 1967.  I left that farm in 1988 and I haven't felt "at home" anywhere since.  Every place I have lived felt like a, "just for awhile" place, until I could move back home.

At times, it is a very unsettling feeling--a sort of restlessness--not being completely able to relax.  It is a very weird feeling.
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I DO NOT WANT TO LIVE:

Here:

 Or here--

Or even here--

I do yearn to move this: 

Here--

Or here--

Or here--

 Or here-- 

Or here-- 

 Or here--

Before I move here!!! 

There is about four miles of road frontage total, on those three farms.  It seems there would be one tiny, feasible spot where I could set my home.
I am not particular on which spot it would be.


Do not tell me it is impractical.  I know it is!

Do not tell me it will never happen.  I know it won't!

Do not tell me I can't afford it.  I know I can't!

Do not tell me to get over it and "bloom where I'm planted".  I know that!

Yearning is an emotion.  It has nothing to do with practicality, logic or rationale!

It is such a deep ache in my soul and heart and mind, to just be able to spend the rest of this life living on one tiny piece of the land that I love.

The land of Peter and Charles and Roy and Charles Walts.  The land of (now) six generations of Walts descendants.   

<sigh>