A Day Of Hope

Today's high temperature was:  72 degrees

Sunny all day

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I did not go to church today.  I haven't gone to church on Easter Sunday for three years.  Why?  I don't know.  Too many people there?  I don't know--I got to every service during Holy Week, except the most important one--Easter Sunday.

Susan called me--she hadn't gone either, which is very strange for her.  She had found some pictures of mother and said, "Boy, you sure do--er--did look like her."

Many people have told me that over the years and I never could see it.  I think you need two pictures at the same age and...she was 23 years older than me, so I couldn't see it, but...I was scanning and saving some pictures and I noticed one when I was 24 and I sure did look like her when she was 23.  So I put the two together.

Yeppers--I guess we did

Of course, I have no comparison now--she never lived beyond 53 years of age so I have no idea what she would have looked like at my age--wish I did.

====================

Pammie called while I was on the phone with Susan.  

"Momma, you will be so proud of me...in fact, I'm really proud of myself!"

"What did you do now?  Climb up on the roof of the barn to straighten a lightning rod?"

"Nope--I made a skirt!"

"I didn't know you knew how to sew."

"A few  years ago, Karen taught me how to sew a real simple skirt--it just has elastic for the waistband.  Yesterday, I went to church with Jen and I felt bad because the skirt I wore is so old, so...on the way home, I stopped at Wal-Mart, got some fabric and this morning--I made a skirt.  I am putting in the hem now and I have to say, it's really pretty.  I'm also making a half slip to go under it.  I see all these women wearing skirts with no slip and you can see right through them!"

"WOW--Pammie!  That is so cool!  You are right about the needed half slip.  I agree.   I didn't know they had services at Jen's church yesterday."

<and here is where the conversation got interesting and has filled me with hope!>

"Oh--we didn't go to Jen's church.  They don't go there much anymore."

"Oh...why?"

"They don't like the minister anymore.  They are very disappointed in the way he is acting."

"The same minister who told her that 'honor your mother' didn't really matter in my case?"

"Yup."

"The same minister that Andrew told me, while they were at the MSU/UofM football game party, was down in the basement with the kids and was swearing and throwing things because UofM was losing?"

"Yup."

"Hm-mm. Jen and Eric were personal friends with him."

"Well, Eric never has really liked him.  He told Jen 10 years ago, he thought the guy was not a very good minister."

"Well, I think others also told her that, didn't they?"

"Yup.  A lot of people did."

"So, where did you go yesterday."

"We went to that new church just up the road from you.  The 2/42 church."

"Wow--that's a big church."

"Yes and I was amazed at how many young families go there and teenagers--loving it and their parents don't have to drag them there."

"Yes.  They have had a huge climb in attendance just in the last year, since they built there.  I know a lot of Maddie's friends go there.  It's kind of a church where people that have become disenchanted with their church and all the rules and regulations their religion calls for.  This church just preaches and teaches from the Bible.  God's laws, not man's."

"We got in the car and Jen said, 'I got more out of that sermon than I have any sermon in the last ten years!'

"Hm-mm.  Maybe some day they will have a teaching on forgiveness or the Ten Commandments and Jen will become more open to renewing her relationship with me."

"Ya know, Momma?  I was thinking the same thing.  I know you pray everyday that God will bring about a reconciliation between you and Jen.  This just might be God working for that to happen."

<tears>

"Maybe Pammie.  I can only hope."

======================

Now--I don't care for that 2/42 church because it is one of those mega churches with the praise rock and roll music, and I am a traditionalist, but............if it helps my daughter get off her high horse and become less judgmental, more forgiving and loving (like she was taught!), then................

I wonder what Jen is going to do about the kids school--at her church.  Andrew is ready to go into Middle School and will be going to public school.  Maybe she will pull the other two out and send them to public school too?  I know Alex is bored with his class work and probably Elise wouldn't mind either--especially if Jen puts it to them about how much more fun they will have or however she does it.

I'd sure like to know what happened.  For the last ten years, all I have heard is how wonderful the people in her church are.  All along I have thought they were quite snooty.  I have spoken to the minister every time I've gone there and felt very cold.  He just sort of waved me off or looked right through me.  Hm-mm--I wonder what happened. 

<I know it's bad, but I have smiled all day about this.>

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I went out to supper tonight with Merle, Pearl and their daughter Margie (I love Margie!)  Pearl complained about EVERYTHING.  She ragged on the waitress.  She complained about the food.  She complained about the price.  "Two dollars for two biscuits?  That's terrible!" (I had ordered the biscuits, so why did she care?)

I told her, "It's a Holy day.  Be nice and smile."

She glared at me, LOL.  

We had a good time though and it was nice, but with my ET (essential tremor) making my right hand shake, it is difficult to eat out.  I always get a bit nervous and that makes the tremor worse.  Oh yes--she commented on that too.  

"I'm afraid to sit across from you.  You're going to flick food on my clean shirt or something,"

She said this as she dribbled gravy onto her shirt front.

I turned to Margie, "Do you know where I can get a pattern to make your Mom an adult sized bib?  Friday at the movie--she got popcorn butter grease all over her new shirt!"

Margie said, "We could make many and put holiday pictures on them.  Then when we take her out for a holiday lunch--she can take that bib. Like tonight--she could wear a pink bib with an Easter bunny and basket and eggs motif"

Merle said, "Save money.  Put Halloween on one side and Christmas on the other."

We even got Pearl too laughing.

===================

Monday, I have a whole lot of running around to do.  It is suppose to be warm, but rainy.  I don't care.  I won't melt.  

Later--Jude

Easter time is filled with miracles.  Maybe...just maybe.

What A Joyous Day!!!

Christianity didn’t start at Christmas—although that was a miracle event.

Easter is the start.  If Jesus hadn’t walked out of that grave alive, and later ascended into Heaven alive, we would have nothing.  

What a true miracle that was.  The happiness it can bring when we believe in His word, that when we leave this life, we will join Him in Heaven where there is no more pain, unhappiness, illness or death ever again.  The joy of being with our loved ones, who are there.

Happy Easter, everyone.  

New life is appearing all around us here in the springtime, and awaits us when our own personal winter comes. 

He is Risen!  He is alive.

Review of Movie

Today's high temperature was:  65 degrees

Cloudy and spotty sprinkles

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Pearl and I went to the 10:30 showing of "Heaven Is For Real" this morning.  

On the short ride in, Pearl made a comment, "Is this movie going to make us cry?"

"I don't think so," I said.

"I find the older I get, the less I cry," she replied.

"That's odd isn't it?  Usually the older a person gets, the more more emotional they get, the more they cry.  Especially if they have medical problems.  I know people that have had a stroke, cry quite a bit.  There's a name for it, but I can't remember."

"Well--I don't expect to cry a bit," she said.

"I have my hanky, just in case," I said.

During the last of the movie, I see her dabbing her eyes.  I just sat and smiled through the whole thing.  Isn't it strange that watching the same movie, two people, much alike in their beliefs, would get different reactions.

I had read the book a few weeks after Fred died and it made me very happy.  I felt the same way with this movie.  It follows the book exactly.  The little boy who plays the main part, acts so natural--like someone is following him around with a video camera and just shooting his actions and words.  He doesn't "act" like an actor.

It is based on a real life happening.  There is absolutely no way the little boy could have known the things he told his parents about, unless, he had actually been in Heaven.  I found it humorous that his father, a minister and his mother didn't believe him at first.  Even the psychiatrist that explained all the scientific reasons why the boy had these "hallucinations", at the end of the movie believed him.  There can be no other explanation.

What is the neatest thing is the actress, Margo Martindale, when first asked to be in the movie, didn't believe in the whole story at all--didn't really believe in Heaven being real--just a "maybe" in our lives.  After she read the book and met with the family, she is now a woman of true faith.  THAT is what I find the most amazing.

If you are not a person who believes in that sort of thing--this movie might give you a reason to think--perhaps.  If you are a person of faith--this movie just reinforces your beliefs.

It is a beautiful movie and I felt very peaceful and happy while I was watching it and---for the rest of today.

===========================

I have had a fear of death--I think most of us do.  For some reason, and I cannot tell you why, when Fred died, I lost that fear.  It was as if I couldn't quit smiling all the time.  People thought I was in shock or acted rather weird, but for some reason, I just felt so happy that he was in Heaven and never having to have pain or struggles anymore.  I still feel that same way and look forward to that day.  I so want to see my Mother--I know for sure she is there.  

I still have a fear of dying.  That is much different.  The process of dying.  The pain.  The look on my family's faces when they realize I am dying.  We all want to go in our sleep--most of us won't.  Or, like Bethie's son--just take a breath and pass.  I might just change my mind about Hospice and how they over medicate dying people, sending them into a sort of coma state with the Morphine.  Perhaps that is the way to go?

I love the way Fred died.  Sitting up, laughing, talking, kissing me, saying, I love you, with a smile on his face and gone in a few minutes.  He wasn't scared a bit.  He was just going to have a minor procedure and.....I often wonder what his reaction was.  

"WOW!  How did I get here?  This is beautiful!"

Throwback and Present Day Thursday

Today's high temperature was: 67 degrees

Sunny and nice

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This was a very long time ago--I think I was six weeks old.  4 generations on my mother's side.  Her father and his mother.

It kind of weirds me out to look at that baby.

It is me, but I can't remember

(and I can remember things back to

when I was 2 years old.)

I wonder what I was thinking.

I wonder if I was capable of thinking.

I wonder how I could ever be

that little and why I lived the

kind of life I did.

I wonder if some small happening

would have made my life

different.

Boy--I now look like my mother!

So today, I traveled up about 25 miles for lunch with the old gal pals.  My BFF's (Arlene) daughter came today with a whole bunch of pictures she found in her Mom's house--of us girls back in high school.  We all had a great laugh and got to keep whatever ones we wanted.  I came back with a good amount as many of the pix were of Arlene and me. Being able to talk to Arlene's daughter is such a treat because--she had the same voice and laugh as her Mom--I feel almost like I am talking to Arlene.

=================

I came home through my home town to see the wind damage from Saturday night.  Drove on out to The Farm--Susan and Chuck not home as yet, and did a drive through and took pictures.  Then stopped off at Pammie's and she wasn't home.

Susan's infamous outhouse/garden shed

They lost 2 1/2 trees 

My son's house and barns are all okay. 

I got home and changed my clothes (I don't wear blue jeans to church) and went into Howell for the Maundy Thursday service.  It was very special--a Tenebrae service--gradual snuffing out of candles until the church is dark, stripping the altar and laying a black cloth on it and communion.  This time we had "regular" communion--like you are suppose to have--on your knees at the altar.

I was wondering if I could...I haven't in four years--but I did get down on my knees AND I GOT BACK UP, with minimal pain.  I'm so glad I went.  It was a very emotional, spiritual service.

I had a lovely day and tomorrow morning, Pearl and I are going to the movie to see "Heaven Is For Real"  I have been waiting and waiting for this movie to come out.  I read the book, shortly after Fred died and it saved my sanity and made my grief path much shorter than some widows I know.

The Process

Today's high temperature was:  42--I think

Sunny all day

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Up early (8:00) and to the doctor's office by 9:00 to get my blood drawn for the Cardiologist.  He is checking my thyroid and Potassium--which is cool because since I've cut back on my Potassium, I have been curious of what the number is.  

Then, I trudged home and prepared myself for the process for my coronation.

Because of my hip surgeries, I have to take 4 amoxicillin before any dental procedure and today I also took a tiny little 0.5 Ativan.

Getting a crown put on a tooth isn't all that bad--at least I didn't have to have a root canal--which are all that bad.  The process is the hardest part, but nowadays, my dentist uses a computer to digitally take a picture of the tooth and the surrounding teeth, top and bottom to get a precise measurement for the making of the crown.

The worse part was the nummy shots as it was a far back, bottom tooth, #18, and the needle so into your jaw and practically through your cheek.  My dentist kept apologizing and I tried really hard not to cringe.

The next worse part is all that drilling!  They have to use that rough, bone jarring drill before they get to the high speed one.  And of course, the noise near my ear seemed to go straight up into my brain.  I basically laid there and mentally sang hymns or thought about what I was going to eat for supper.

90 minutes later I was done.  The charge was going to be 1,145.00, but when I saw the bill, the dentist had taken off $255.00 and given me a Senior discount of $89.00, so the total bill was $801.00, which they financed for me at $44.50 a month for 18 months, interest free.

This is the tooth that the dentist repaired, about twice a year for FREE!  She told me she would repair it free for the rest of my life, but little by little, more of the tooth as gone and I needed to get it stabilized and crowned to give it more strength and save the tooth.  I had thought of having is pulled, which I did with my last bad, back tooth, but I wanted to be able to chew on that side.

It has been 5 years since I have chewed any food on the left side of my mouth.  I was always afraid of that tooth breaking.  Tonight, I ate supper and chewed everything over on that side.  Now, with the crown, I will be able to eat a meal and not even think of selective chewing.

I got an e-mail from Bethie.  They think her son died of a pulmonary embolism.  Beth and her hubs are flyng over there next week for the funeral and then, later this summer, his wife will come here, bring his ashes and they will have a memorial service and he will be buried in Byron Cemetery.  

Bethie said, "I'm just like you, Judy.  I can't grieve or cry properly.  All I do is pace and shake.  I have warned my family, that weeks after it is all over--then I will have my break down."  I think that is just the way we were raised.

So stoic, strong for everyone around us.  We get through it all and then---six weeks later it hits us--reality--and we become immobilized with depression--anger--fear--weeping for days.

She will be all right.  I have so many people praying for her.  I fear for her husband though.  I hope he doesn't get bitter and angry--that sometimes happens.

===============

Tomorrow, I drive on up to Durand to have lunch with the high school gal pals.  I won't stop in to see my sister, as they aren't arriving home  until Friday, but I think I will drive out to visit a bit with Pammie and check out the damage in Byron.

I'm so tired tonight--probably from nerves--that I am going to bed early--well--11:00 anyway.

Love to all--Jude

Did you see that beautiful moon?  I stepped out on the porch and howled at it.

You Just Never Know

Today's high temperature was: 34 degrees

Snow--Sun--Snow--Sun--Snow--off and on all day

===========

When I got up at 8:00.

3"--not too bad.

The snow started again along about 9:00 and

...snowflakes and all this Red, Red Robin just kept on bobbin' along

 The snow stopped and the sun came out and then...

12:00 noon

Then the snow stopped and the sun came out and then...

2:15 

Sunny and bright at 3:00

Detroit set a record for the snowiest winter since 1880-1881, with a total this morning of, 94.8 inches of snow.  I believe we had more then that and by tonight, there will be a few more inches.  That is 7.9 FEET of snow, Dear Friends.  No wonder some of the snow piles were over 10 feet high.. 

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My heart today is with the people of Boston.  I watched the commemoration and cried.  I spent quite a bit of time in the city when Jennifer lived there, and have walked that very sidewalk where those insane brothers set off their bombs. My grand daughter Susanna and her husband, Derek will run Monday in the Patriot's Day marathon.  I have no fear for them being there.  Boston will be the safest place to be that day.
===================
Heart Broken!!!  Bethie called tonight to tell me their oldest son Todd, who lives in the Czech Republic, had died.  "Just dropped dead!" she said.

She wanted me to notify the rest of the "girls" to "pray for us.  Just pray for us."

She and her husband are trying to get a flight out.

Todd had been doing yard work last weekend and he had a lot of chest pain.  He thought it was sore muscles, but the pain did not go away and seemed worse, so he did go to hospital.

They did an EKG and other tests and told him his heart was just fine.

A day later, he just died.

Reminds me of Fred--they told him for six months that the pain in his chest from from his lungs.  Come to find out, he was having mini-heart attacks and by the time they found it, half his heart was destroyed.

Anyway--Todd probably had an aneurysm in back of his heart which wouldn't have been seen unless they had done a CAT scan or some more extensive testing.  He was only 52--in fact, he and my Karen had a date, way back in the day.

I am still in shock--reeling.  The hardest death one would ever go through--that of losing a child.

So--if you could, please say a prayer for Bethie?

Five Eleven In Flats and Crazy As A Bag Of Rats.

Today's high temperature: 71 degrees at 8:00 this morning.

Very windy--rain--cold front came through.

61 degrees by 2:00 p.m.

34 degrees now and spitting snow

================================

Something I heard on T.V. tonight that made me laugh.

"She's five eleven in flats

and crazy as a bag of rats."

==========================================

Okay--I have to admit, I have been worried for the last eight months about my low resting pulse rate.  My primary care doc wasn't a bit concerned, but....I don't exactly trust primary care docs anyway.  Back in the day, our family doctor delivered us, took out our tonsils, set our broken bones, operated on us--whatever--he knew how to do it.  Nowadays, primary care docs seem to be basically, prescription writers and referral machines.  SO--I wanted to hear that I was all right (or not) from an expert.

Thus, my trip to Fred's Cardiologist--I had seen him two years ago, a week after Fred died and he told me I'd live another twenty years.  So--let's see if he still feels that way.

"Oh, it is so good to see you," said his receptionist.  "I miss Fred so much.  I just loved him."

"Me too."

The nurse takes my vitals:  blood pressure; 124/62   weight; 161  height; still 5'11" (same as when I was 21).

Doc comes in, "How have you been the last two years.  You look great!"

"I'm good.  I got my other hip replaced and last summer, for the first time in five years, I was able to work in my gardens and walk all over and....drain and flush the water heater...paint my porch."

He laughs.  "Wonderful...how are you emotionally.  Fred was such a wonderful man...you must really miss him"

"Yes he was.  I do miss him.  I am doing well."

"Do you have tightness, heaviness or pain in your chest?"

"No."

"Any palpitations, or rapid heart rate?"

"No."

"Any shortness of breath?"

"No."

"Any dizziness or feeling faint?"

"Only when I take those water pills...that's why I quit taking them in January."

" Okay..the low pulse rate is nothing to worry about...in fact...it is good!  You've lost thirty pounds.  Your cholesterol is down, as is your blood pressure.  You are probably healthier now than the last time I saw you."

"Okay.  I just wanted to hear it from you...I trust you more than any other doctor I have ever known."

"Okay.  Let's get an EKG just to make sure."

"OKAY.  I really wanted one, but I didn't want to ask and sound like a hypochondriac or something."

"Well--you are in a heart clinic and...we do those things here."

The nurse came in...you know how long an EKG takes--about 10 seconds.  It takes her longer to slap on the leads than to take the test--"lay quietly, please"

Doctor comes back in, "No blockage--no abnormalities--perfect sinus rhythm.  Now..if your pulse rate gets down into the low forties, we might think of a pacemaker, but....you are really good."

Than he lays the Doppler sonogram thingie on both carotid arteries--"very good.  30% blockage--better than good for someone your age..most have 40-45%.  I want to get your thyroid checked and your potassium.  Just get your blood checked and....I will see you in twenty years.  No, wait.  Maybe you better come back in two years, just to make sure I am still alive."

He laughs.  I laugh.  He hugs me and I am outta there.

==========================

YES--I know I am healthy!  I haven't even had a slight cold in four years.  I have wonderful generics.  My ancestor's lived a very long life and died of natural causes when in their late 80's or 90's.  There has never been cancer, on either side of my family--never.  Yet...when I get a pain--a sharp pain--or a dull pain anywhere in my body...I just know that there is something wrong.  All this month, the pain that was in my left back, shoulder, arm and into my chest had me scared--although I have had that pain before and I know very well that that pain is caused by my neck and spine, I still think...."but what if it isn't caused by that this time."

I haven't had that pain for 9 days and I canceled the appointment at the Chiropractor next Monday.  The deep massage certainly isn't helping--well maybe in the long run--but it is not worth it to live with that horrid pain for two weeks!!!!!

So--I get worried and think there must be some deep underlying something that is wrong inside my body.  I totally discount the fact that I am fast approaching seventy-five--I have severe arthritis--I have stenosis of my spine, plus herniated discs, and on and on.  IN MY HEAD--I am still fifty and don't realize (or don't want to face it) that I am...old(er) and older people hurt a lot of the time.  It is very frustrating to me.

I very well may be a hypochondriac even though I rarely go to the doctor.  No--probably just a negative thinking, worrying, type of person.  "five-eleven in flats and crazy as a bag of rats."

=========================

I posted an apology on Face Book this afternoon.  The snow coming tonight is all my fault!  I made an appointment with the Cardiologist in January and the night before, we had six inches of snow.  I canceled the appointment.

I made another one in early February.  The night before we got four inches of snow.  I canceled the appointment.

I made another one in late February.  The night before we got eight inches of snow.  I canceled the appointment.

I finally got to the appointment today and we are predicted to get one to three inches of snow tonight.

ALL.  MY.  FAULT.

==========================

 Hard to see the little blueish purple flowers growing in my lawn.

Snow Glories--and tonight they will all be covered.

HEY--my grass is getting green!!!